Take Me From This Pain, Kevin's story
folder
Drama › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
40
Views:
4,306
Reviews:
39
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Drama › General
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
40
Views:
4,306
Reviews:
39
Recommended:
1
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Listen to me!
Chapter 39
“I think you’re overreacting,” Lee said again.
Kevin just kept folding his shirts quietly. He wanted to be gone before Jason came back and wasting time explaining himself over and over to Lee and Ryan wouldn’t help matters. In fact, he was beginning to suspect the two were trying to stall him but since he couldn’t be sure, he figured he wouldn’t call them on it right now. After all, he was dealing with enough stress at the moment.
“Kev,” Ryan sighed. “Please just listen to us.”
“I am listening,” the small blonde murmured as he set another stack of shirts aside. “I’m just working while I do it.”
Ryan and Lee seemed unsure of what to say, though Kevin was certain they were exchanging glances. But he refused to be deterred from the task he’d set out for himself. Jason said that he needed space and he wanted to give him what he wanted. He owed him that much after everything he’d done for Kevin and Brian. As he went over to the closet to retrieve his pants the front door opened and slammed shut, and the sound of pounding feet could be heard approaching the bedroom. Kevin’s heart plummeted again as Ryan and Lee both gave sighs of relief. The small blonde stopped what he was doing and sat rigidly on the end of the bed.
Finally Jason burst into the room panting from the race home. He looked at Kevin who met his eyes sadly, then to Lee and Ryan in a silent exchange. Ryan nodded and pulled Lee to the bedroom door.
“We’ll talk later, Kev,” he said to the small blonde as they left.
Kevin remained motionless. It would have been so much easier if Jason had stayed out just one more hour. But fate had never smiled upon the small blonde before, so he decided that he really shouldn’t be surprised now. He dropped his gaze to the floor and waited morosely for Jason to break the silence. And the tall dark haired boy didn’t disappoint.
“So, you were just going to leave me then?” he muttered darkly. “After everything we’ve been through?”
“Jay …”
“After you promised me you wouldn’t?!”
Kevin looked up sharply at that. Yes, he’d promised, he thought ruefully. Before he realized just how bothersome he really was to Jason, he’d made that vow. But he also knew that if he loved Jason, he should do everything in his power to make sure he was happy. Having to look after Kevin had become a chore for him and the small blonde was determined not to be a burden. He’d sworn to himself that he’d never abide by that again. Look at what happened to people when he became their burden? Pain. Suffering. Love was wonderful, but the pain was unbearable. He refused to let their relationship degenerate into bitterness. It was better to cut their losses now. He mentally steeled himself for the fight he would now have to endure. It was for Jason’s own benefit.
“It’s no good,” he quietly told Jason, attempting to assume a cool façade. It wasn’t working on the inside but he had to make Jason believe it. He deserved better than this. “I’m nothing but trouble and you know it. This is for the best.”
“WHOSE best?” Jason demanded, his rage growing. Fuck no, he wasn’t losing Kevin. “I don’t remember being a part of that decision.”
Kevin shrugged and looked away again as Jason seethed inside. If the blonde wanted a fight, he was about to get one. And he wasn’t prepared for it, Jason knew. No one could be prepared for Jason Brennan when he was fighting against losing the love of his life. This wasn’t going to be a fair fight by any means, but Jason wasn’t bothered by it. Kevin wasn’t leaving him. He was the only one who understood him, so by that fact alone, he had to stay.
“Are you going to say anything?”
“What’s there to say?” Kevin asked.
He probably thought he was being cool and unemotional enough to fool his way out of here, Jason decided. He wasn’t even close.
“You love me,” Jason challenged suddenly, putting every fiber of raw emotion into the words. “I know you do.”
Kevin scowled and crossed his arms.
“See?” Jay taunted, dropping down onto the bed beside the small boy. “I know you do.” He leaned in to whisper into Kevin’s ear. “I made damned sure of it, actually.”
Kevin’s eyes widened in surprise as he shot a wary look at Jason before jumping off the bed like he’d been burned. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Jason smirked as he got back up and moved to block the doorway. No, not a fair fight at all. But Jason had too much to lose to care. He closed the bedroom door and leaned against it. Since their room was on the second floor, Kevin had nowhere to run. And Jason would take full advantage of the fact.
“I mean,” he enunciated, “that once you decided to take our friendship to the next level, and I knew that I couldn’t live without you anymore, I made sure that you couldn’t live without me.”
Kevin was still staring at him timidly as he sauntered over to him. Before he could reach him, the small blonde skirted out of the way, but he couldn’t go far. Jason had him cornered.
“Relax,” Jason drawled. “You know I’d never force myself on you. At least I hope you know that.”
Kevin swallowed hard but nodded all the same. He knew damned well Jason would rather kill himself than hurt him. “W-why did you say that you made sure I loved you?”
Jason moved in a little more and finally pulled Kevin into his arms and back to the bed to sit down. The smaller boy was on his lap, trembling with a mixture of fear and anger.
“I did,” Jay said simply. “I made sure that your body responds only to me.”
“Oh, how the hell can you be sure of that?” Kevin groused, suddenly getting over most of the fear and giving in to the fury.
“Not that I want to test the theory,” Jason added, “but I’m willing to bet that the thought of leaving me makes you feel cold inside. Am I right?”
Kevin shrugged noncommittally.
“I know it does. It’s the same with me when I think about living without you.”
“But that doesn’t mean anything!” the small blonde hissed. “Love can fade!”
“Not for me, it can’t,” Jay said firmly as he hugged Kevin closer and pulled them both into a horizontal position, spooning his lover from behind. “And not for you either. Kevin, besides Brian, I know you better than anyone. You love me as much as I love you.”
“So, you think you’re so good in bed that I couldn’t leave you? That is so egotistical!”
“Yeah, I know,” Jason laughed. “But it wasn’t just physical. I was creating a bond with you.”
Kevin snorted.
“I was,” the taller boy insisted. “I know that, though you could very well leave me, you’d never be able to love anyone else again. And anyway, you told me so yourself.”
Kevin shrugged mutely, knowing he couldn’t argue that point. He wasn’t planning on replacing Jason, just saving him from a lifetime of aggravation.
“When I said I needed space, I meant I needed to calm down,” Jason whispered. “God, I never meant to make you feel you needed to leave! Please don’t leave me, baby. Please don’t ever leave me.”
Kevin remained unusually quiet, but the tears running down his cheeks seemed to convey his response. He sniffled for a while, regaining some semblance of composure before he spoke.
“But you’re mad at me,” he murmured.
“I said I was disappointed in what you chose to do,” Jason clarified.
“But I HAD to!”
“Kev …”
“No,” Kevin growled as he turned over to face Jason. “Now you’re going to listen to me! My point of view matters, Jay! If I’m staying with you, you’d better acknowledge that!”
Jason was the one stunned into silence now. He knew Kevin was no pushover, but he had no idea he felt this way. Had Jason made him feel like that? Thank God Matt called him when he did. This mess was more serious than he’d first thought. “Okay,” he finally replied.
“Better,” Kevin hissed. “Now, if we told the truth and Eric’s mother decided to press charges, who do you think would get into more trouble, you or him?”
“Huh?” Jason raised a sardonic eyebrow.
“Who would they believe?” Kevin taunted. “Two gay boys who most of the school tolerate at best and hate at worst, or the son of a woman who has been active on the PTA for years and goes to every Board meeting? A guy with an otherwise clean record.”
“Clean?” Jay scoffed. “Um, last fall?”
“The actual reason for his suspension was disturbing the peace, remember?” the small blonde pointed out. “Hanover wouldn’t put something like gay-bashing in school records. He may have been on our side to a certain degree, but he still works for the school board.”
“Gina would have fought it.”
“But why should she have to? Jay, you know as well as I do that society is still always on the side against us. Even if she could have successfully defended you against an assault charge, you never would have been able to get into a decent college. And if she couldn’t get you out of trouble, you might have gone to jail.”
Jason listened to the fright in Kevin’s voice as he choked a little on the explanation. He had to admit, the small blonde had considered the situation a lot more completely than he had.
“Oh, God, Kev. I never thought about that.”
“And then you would be taken away from me,” Kevin went on, crying. “I had to keep that from happening. Mark and Ken are typical rich kids. Their parents have as much, if not more, influence than Eric’s mother. I don’t care why they did it. I’ll take any opportunity to keep you out of trouble. Especially since I caused it.”
“Wait a second!” the taller boy hissed. “None of this was your fault!”
“But Eric was after me, and …”
“And what?! He’s a sick son of a bitch! You have no control over his actions!”
Kevin shrugged again and his tears kept flowing. Jason pulled him close to his chest and murmured sweet things in his ear. God, why had he been so stupid? He hadn’t even asked Kevin how he was after the attack.
“Please don’t leave me, Kevin,” he whispered. “Please don’t go. I love you. I can’t live without you. Please stay.”
Kevin’s sobs finally slowed to a few soft sniffles as he burrowed his way deeper into Jason’s side.
“I won’t,” he finally sighed. “Just don’t be mad at me anymore.”
“Shhh,” Jason replied. “I’m not mad. Go to sleep, baby. You must be exhausted.”
“Mmm.”
The dark haired boy held Kevin tightly as the smaller boy’s breathing evened out and he fell asleep. Jason knew very well that he’d dodged a bullet. And he had no intention of coming that close to losing Kevin again.
“I think you’re overreacting,” Lee said again.
Kevin just kept folding his shirts quietly. He wanted to be gone before Jason came back and wasting time explaining himself over and over to Lee and Ryan wouldn’t help matters. In fact, he was beginning to suspect the two were trying to stall him but since he couldn’t be sure, he figured he wouldn’t call them on it right now. After all, he was dealing with enough stress at the moment.
“Kev,” Ryan sighed. “Please just listen to us.”
“I am listening,” the small blonde murmured as he set another stack of shirts aside. “I’m just working while I do it.”
Ryan and Lee seemed unsure of what to say, though Kevin was certain they were exchanging glances. But he refused to be deterred from the task he’d set out for himself. Jason said that he needed space and he wanted to give him what he wanted. He owed him that much after everything he’d done for Kevin and Brian. As he went over to the closet to retrieve his pants the front door opened and slammed shut, and the sound of pounding feet could be heard approaching the bedroom. Kevin’s heart plummeted again as Ryan and Lee both gave sighs of relief. The small blonde stopped what he was doing and sat rigidly on the end of the bed.
Finally Jason burst into the room panting from the race home. He looked at Kevin who met his eyes sadly, then to Lee and Ryan in a silent exchange. Ryan nodded and pulled Lee to the bedroom door.
“We’ll talk later, Kev,” he said to the small blonde as they left.
Kevin remained motionless. It would have been so much easier if Jason had stayed out just one more hour. But fate had never smiled upon the small blonde before, so he decided that he really shouldn’t be surprised now. He dropped his gaze to the floor and waited morosely for Jason to break the silence. And the tall dark haired boy didn’t disappoint.
“So, you were just going to leave me then?” he muttered darkly. “After everything we’ve been through?”
“Jay …”
“After you promised me you wouldn’t?!”
Kevin looked up sharply at that. Yes, he’d promised, he thought ruefully. Before he realized just how bothersome he really was to Jason, he’d made that vow. But he also knew that if he loved Jason, he should do everything in his power to make sure he was happy. Having to look after Kevin had become a chore for him and the small blonde was determined not to be a burden. He’d sworn to himself that he’d never abide by that again. Look at what happened to people when he became their burden? Pain. Suffering. Love was wonderful, but the pain was unbearable. He refused to let their relationship degenerate into bitterness. It was better to cut their losses now. He mentally steeled himself for the fight he would now have to endure. It was for Jason’s own benefit.
“It’s no good,” he quietly told Jason, attempting to assume a cool façade. It wasn’t working on the inside but he had to make Jason believe it. He deserved better than this. “I’m nothing but trouble and you know it. This is for the best.”
“WHOSE best?” Jason demanded, his rage growing. Fuck no, he wasn’t losing Kevin. “I don’t remember being a part of that decision.”
Kevin shrugged and looked away again as Jason seethed inside. If the blonde wanted a fight, he was about to get one. And he wasn’t prepared for it, Jason knew. No one could be prepared for Jason Brennan when he was fighting against losing the love of his life. This wasn’t going to be a fair fight by any means, but Jason wasn’t bothered by it. Kevin wasn’t leaving him. He was the only one who understood him, so by that fact alone, he had to stay.
“Are you going to say anything?”
“What’s there to say?” Kevin asked.
He probably thought he was being cool and unemotional enough to fool his way out of here, Jason decided. He wasn’t even close.
“You love me,” Jason challenged suddenly, putting every fiber of raw emotion into the words. “I know you do.”
Kevin scowled and crossed his arms.
“See?” Jay taunted, dropping down onto the bed beside the small boy. “I know you do.” He leaned in to whisper into Kevin’s ear. “I made damned sure of it, actually.”
Kevin’s eyes widened in surprise as he shot a wary look at Jason before jumping off the bed like he’d been burned. “What the fuck do you mean?”
Jason smirked as he got back up and moved to block the doorway. No, not a fair fight at all. But Jason had too much to lose to care. He closed the bedroom door and leaned against it. Since their room was on the second floor, Kevin had nowhere to run. And Jason would take full advantage of the fact.
“I mean,” he enunciated, “that once you decided to take our friendship to the next level, and I knew that I couldn’t live without you anymore, I made sure that you couldn’t live without me.”
Kevin was still staring at him timidly as he sauntered over to him. Before he could reach him, the small blonde skirted out of the way, but he couldn’t go far. Jason had him cornered.
“Relax,” Jason drawled. “You know I’d never force myself on you. At least I hope you know that.”
Kevin swallowed hard but nodded all the same. He knew damned well Jason would rather kill himself than hurt him. “W-why did you say that you made sure I loved you?”
Jason moved in a little more and finally pulled Kevin into his arms and back to the bed to sit down. The smaller boy was on his lap, trembling with a mixture of fear and anger.
“I did,” Jay said simply. “I made sure that your body responds only to me.”
“Oh, how the hell can you be sure of that?” Kevin groused, suddenly getting over most of the fear and giving in to the fury.
“Not that I want to test the theory,” Jason added, “but I’m willing to bet that the thought of leaving me makes you feel cold inside. Am I right?”
Kevin shrugged noncommittally.
“I know it does. It’s the same with me when I think about living without you.”
“But that doesn’t mean anything!” the small blonde hissed. “Love can fade!”
“Not for me, it can’t,” Jay said firmly as he hugged Kevin closer and pulled them both into a horizontal position, spooning his lover from behind. “And not for you either. Kevin, besides Brian, I know you better than anyone. You love me as much as I love you.”
“So, you think you’re so good in bed that I couldn’t leave you? That is so egotistical!”
“Yeah, I know,” Jason laughed. “But it wasn’t just physical. I was creating a bond with you.”
Kevin snorted.
“I was,” the taller boy insisted. “I know that, though you could very well leave me, you’d never be able to love anyone else again. And anyway, you told me so yourself.”
Kevin shrugged mutely, knowing he couldn’t argue that point. He wasn’t planning on replacing Jason, just saving him from a lifetime of aggravation.
“When I said I needed space, I meant I needed to calm down,” Jason whispered. “God, I never meant to make you feel you needed to leave! Please don’t leave me, baby. Please don’t ever leave me.”
Kevin remained unusually quiet, but the tears running down his cheeks seemed to convey his response. He sniffled for a while, regaining some semblance of composure before he spoke.
“But you’re mad at me,” he murmured.
“I said I was disappointed in what you chose to do,” Jason clarified.
“But I HAD to!”
“Kev …”
“No,” Kevin growled as he turned over to face Jason. “Now you’re going to listen to me! My point of view matters, Jay! If I’m staying with you, you’d better acknowledge that!”
Jason was the one stunned into silence now. He knew Kevin was no pushover, but he had no idea he felt this way. Had Jason made him feel like that? Thank God Matt called him when he did. This mess was more serious than he’d first thought. “Okay,” he finally replied.
“Better,” Kevin hissed. “Now, if we told the truth and Eric’s mother decided to press charges, who do you think would get into more trouble, you or him?”
“Huh?” Jason raised a sardonic eyebrow.
“Who would they believe?” Kevin taunted. “Two gay boys who most of the school tolerate at best and hate at worst, or the son of a woman who has been active on the PTA for years and goes to every Board meeting? A guy with an otherwise clean record.”
“Clean?” Jay scoffed. “Um, last fall?”
“The actual reason for his suspension was disturbing the peace, remember?” the small blonde pointed out. “Hanover wouldn’t put something like gay-bashing in school records. He may have been on our side to a certain degree, but he still works for the school board.”
“Gina would have fought it.”
“But why should she have to? Jay, you know as well as I do that society is still always on the side against us. Even if she could have successfully defended you against an assault charge, you never would have been able to get into a decent college. And if she couldn’t get you out of trouble, you might have gone to jail.”
Jason listened to the fright in Kevin’s voice as he choked a little on the explanation. He had to admit, the small blonde had considered the situation a lot more completely than he had.
“Oh, God, Kev. I never thought about that.”
“And then you would be taken away from me,” Kevin went on, crying. “I had to keep that from happening. Mark and Ken are typical rich kids. Their parents have as much, if not more, influence than Eric’s mother. I don’t care why they did it. I’ll take any opportunity to keep you out of trouble. Especially since I caused it.”
“Wait a second!” the taller boy hissed. “None of this was your fault!”
“But Eric was after me, and …”
“And what?! He’s a sick son of a bitch! You have no control over his actions!”
Kevin shrugged again and his tears kept flowing. Jason pulled him close to his chest and murmured sweet things in his ear. God, why had he been so stupid? He hadn’t even asked Kevin how he was after the attack.
“Please don’t leave me, Kevin,” he whispered. “Please don’t go. I love you. I can’t live without you. Please stay.”
Kevin’s sobs finally slowed to a few soft sniffles as he burrowed his way deeper into Jason’s side.
“I won’t,” he finally sighed. “Just don’t be mad at me anymore.”
“Shhh,” Jason replied. “I’m not mad. Go to sleep, baby. You must be exhausted.”
“Mmm.”
The dark haired boy held Kevin tightly as the smaller boy’s breathing evened out and he fell asleep. Jason knew very well that he’d dodged a bullet. And he had no intention of coming that close to losing Kevin again.