Take Me From This Pain, Kevin's story

Chapter 38

Kevin was still trembling when he and Jason arrived home later that afternoon. Since there was no basketball practice that day Ryan hadn’t been there, and for once he sorely needed someone other than his boyfriend to talk to. Jason had been icily quiet for the rest of the day and now lay slumped haphazardly in a chair in front of the television. Kevin sat awkwardly on the couch staring blankly at the floor. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to say something though. Shouldn’t Jason be a little more concerned about him? Kevin pulled his knees up against his chest, his mind unwilling to contemplate yet unable to forget the revulsion he’d felt when Eric had tried to touch him.

“You shouldn’t have listened to Mark,” Jason finally hissed.

Kevin glanced over at him briefly before returning his gaze to the ground. He knew Jason was angry over the way they’d handled the matter, but what else was he supposed to do? Eric woke up ranting about the beating Jason had given him. Kevin was so worried that he would get the administration to believe him and that Jason wouldn’t just be facing suspension or expulsion, he’d be brought up on assault charges. But then Ken had interrupted Eric and slapped him on the head. He told Mr. Hanover that he’d been the one to pull Eric from Kevin and that he’d stopped a potential rape. That was all the vice principal had needed to hear. No one listened to Eric after Kevin nodded mutely to back up what Ken said. Just like Mark had predicted. But Jason seethed silently as the scene took place. And he’d been stewing ever since.

“Are you hearing me?” Jason asked.

Kevin stoically nodded at his boyfriend but refused to look up and meet his eyes.

“All he wants is this fucking basketball championship!” Jay raged on. “He doesn’t give a rat’s ass about you!”

I know, Kevin thought quietly. Nobody does. Nobody but you. Or at least you did. His thoughts swirled in his head while the dread slowly seeped into his bones. He’d become too complacent, he’d realized. He’d taken Jason’s love for granted. Now he could see just how tenuous the connection really was. Jason was pissed and showed no signs of calming. That didn’t bode well. Not at all. He knew that he was just one problem after another for the dark haired boy he loved. And he hated it.

Now what would he do? He knew that if worse came to worst, he could always move in with Brian and Matt. But the thought of leaving Jason sliced at his heart. What would he do without him?

“I'm really disappointed in you,” Jason sighed as he grabbed his keys and headed to the door. “I need some space.”

Space? Kevin’s heart sunk. He knew what that meant. As the door slammed shut a tear rolled down Kevin’s cheek.

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Lee was humming to himself as he folded his laundry. He’d been having a productive day since classes let out. Ryan smiled from the bed he lay on as he studied for a final. The day was quiet and peaceful. Lee liked days like that. Serene and calm days he could share with his boyfriend. Boyfriend. He giggled inwardly at that, still in awe over just how far his relationship had progressed. Ryan had been telling him he loved him every day since their talk, and had been proving it, too. Lee found himself more and more relaxed in the relationship than he’d ever hoped to be and it made him glad.

They were making plans, too. They were planning a trip to California when school let out so that Ryan could introduce him to his family. Lee was a little wary of Ryan’s brothers, from the little his boyfriend had told him, they sounded like ‘phobes. But he trusted that Ryan would protect him. Then they would visit Ryan’s best friend in Boston, since they hadn’t seen each other in ages. Lee knew he was probably going to love Matt’s boyfriend Brian as much as he adored Kevin, his brother. He felt like he knew him already. And Ryan would also go with Lee to see his family over the summer break. With any luck, they wouldn’t run into Danny. Lee looked over at Ryan with a small smile. Or, better yet, with any luck, they would. The phone rang, jarring Lee from his thoughts. Ryan frowned at it briefly before picking it up.

“Hello?” he said in his rich and, to Lee, very sexy voice. “Kev? What’s wrong?”

As Ryan listened, Lee could see his frown deepen and eventually become a prominent scowl.

“Eric WHAT?!”

Lee became alarmed and dropped the pants he was folding back onto the couch, rushing to sit next to Ryan on the bed and find out what had happened.

“Okay, just stay right there. We’re coming over,” Ryan said. He listened for a minute or so longer. “No. I don’t think Jason meant that at all. Don’t do anything rash.” More silence. “Kevin, don’t pack a bag. I’m sure Jason will be back soon. In the meantime, we’re coming.”

He hung up the phone and looked at Lee questioningly.

“Of course!” Lee replied to the unasked question and immediately got up to head for the door.

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Ryan spoke into his cell before he started the car. He knew of only one other person who could reach Jason now. Matt. He had already explained what had taken place, at least what Kevin had said, and he knew that Brian was already on his own cell phone with his brother.

“Look, he’s really pissed and I think Kevin took it to mean he wants him to leave.”

“What?!” Matt hissed into the phone. “He wouldn’t do that!”

“Yeah, but you and I both know the Canton brothers well. Kevin’s just a more impulsive version of Brian,” Ryan sighed. “And you know how little Brian thinks of himself, even now.”

“Don’t remind me,” Matt groused. “It’s like moving a freaking mountain to get him to see things differently.”

“Yeah, well, what surprises me is that Jason has always been like a rock with an endless amount of patience … until now. I think Kevin feels he’s overstayed his welcome in Jay’s life.”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“I agree. The problem is how do we calm Jason down enough to see that before Kevin packs his shit and runs off to his brother. Because no matter what I tell him, I guarantee you that’s what he’s doing right now.”

“I’m on it.”

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Jason kicked at the rocks on the gravel pathway with the toe of his sneaker. How the fuck could Kevin trust that asshole Mark over him? He told him he wanted to handle things. He wanted to tell the truth, too. Why should he worry about his permanent record anyway? Didn’t Kevin understand that the truth was always more important? He shouldn’t have silently stood there and let Mark, Ken and Kevin tell Hanover their story. He should have said he’d done it right there. But Kevin’s quick decision to agree with Mark had stung him. He knew he was harsh as he’d left the house, but if he’d stayed, he would have said something he’d regret later.

And Kevin was definitely not up for a fight. He’d looked so beaten down when he drew his knees up like that. Jason didn’t want to argue with him in that condition, so he’d taken off instead. He knew that Kevin was just going to hurt more, but he didn’t want to cause any more pain for the boy. He loved him so much. Why did Kevin have to side with Mark? His phone vibrated and he looked at the caller ID. Matt? What did he want?

“What?” Jason demanded without preamble.

“Nice, asshole,” Matt growled back. “Real fucking nice.”

“What’s up your ass?”

“Ryan called me,” Matt replied. “Kevin told him what happened.”

“Yeah, so?”

“So get your ass back to the house.”

“I’m cooling down.”

“Really?” Matt asked deceptively softly. “Cooling down?” A few seconds ticked by. “Mind telling me exactly what you said to Kevin before you left to cool down?”

Jason’s face screwed up into a frown as he wondered why Matt was so pissed at him.

“I don’t remember!”

“Don’t remember,” Matt taunted.

Jason was getting even madder now. Matt seemed to be regressing back into that asshole he was when they’d first met.

“That’s what I said.”

“Did you mention something about needing some space, perhaps?”

The memory vaguely sounded familiar to Jason. So what?

“Maybe. I don’t know. I guess.”

“I see,” Matt sighed. “So that’s why Kevin thinks you want him to leave.”

“WHAT?!”

“You heard me, dumbass!”

Jason’s spine suddenly went cold. Kevin couldn’t leave him. No! He’d said he never would. Did he lie? Why would he do that? Matt, it seemed, had mysteriously morphed into a mind reader.

“He does love you,” he said nonchalantly. “You made him feel like a burden, so he’s leaving before you ask him to.”

“I’d NEVER ask him to!”

“See, here’s the thing about Kevin,” Matt said patiently, like he was speaking to a five-year-old. “He’s not so different from Brian. The both of them hate to feel like they’re causing trouble. And they’ll remove themselves from a situation rather than explain that to you.”

Jason sighed audibly into the phone as he rubbed his head with his free hand. “Shit!”

“Yeah,” Matt agreed. “Look, I’m going to give you a piece of advice that I assumed you’d have worked out way before me, but I guess not. You ready?”

“Yeah.”

“When you talk to Kevin, even when you’re pissed – in fact, especially when you’re pissed – choose your words very carefully. You’re dealing with someone of a very sensitive temperament.”

“No kidding,” Jason muttered sarcastically.

“Hey, one would have thought you’d be telling ME this,” Matt pointed out. “Now, get your ass home before you lose him, Jay.”

“Yeah.”

“And don’t you dare blame him for trying to leave you,” Matt added, confirming Jason’s suspicions about him reading minds. “He thinks he’s doing you a favor.”

“Yeah,” Jason muttered again before he clicked off his phone and ran back to his car.