To Become

Things were different come Wednesday morning. Ryan let Kylie shower by herself, but he sat in the bathroom with her, and they talked. Kylie was starting to remember bits and pieces, but usually not the good parts. She still had not remembered her suicide attempt, but she was beginning to remember what Ryan had her and Sara do with each other. She had asked Ryan if it was okay for two girls to get close, closer than just close. He had told her that it was not a bad thing. She just nodded.

When she was out of the shower, she dressed in what Ryan had brought her to wear, a pair of ultra light, skinny jeans and a light yellow tank. He brushed her hair with the brush she had been given for her sixteenth birthday and put it into a low, off the side ponytail. Smiling shyly, she turned to him and hugged him.

He was beginning to think that Kylie’s suicide attempt had actually changed her. He knew that after major events, people’s attitudes would sometimes change. His own grandfather was an example of that after his heart attack. His grandfather used to be distant, but after the bypass, he became more involved in everyone’s life.

Ryan served Kylie her breakfast, French toast and a glass of milk. He sat and ate with her. She still took her time with eating every bite like she had when he got her to start eating again after the first visit to the hospital. He was patient with her. He definitely liked the obedient girl rather than the stubborn one who always seemed to bring out the worst in him.

Watching her as she ate, Ryan could not help but to smile at the girl. She seemed happy enough to him, but whether she was disguising what she really felt or not, he did not know. He wanted to ask her, but he figured she would not tell him. He could order her to, but that still did not mean that she would. “Kyles?”

“Yeah?” Kylie asked looking up at him.

“Are you okay?”

She nodded. “I’m fine. Why?”

“You just seem different,” Ryan told her.

“How so?”

“You’re not arguing with me about everything.”

“Do you want me to?”

Ryan laughed. “I’d rather you not. It’s much better when you’re like this, when we can both be calm and talk without raising voices.”

She laughed lightly with him. “I guess so.” She paused before she asked him a question that had once again came to mind. “Ryan, can I ask you something?”

“What is it?”

Taking a breath, she said quietly, “Are you happy with me?”

“Why do you ask?” His forehead wrinkled slightly in thought.

“I remember thinking that you were always disappointed in me. I want to make you happy with me. I want you to be proud of me.”

“I am,” Ryan said sincerely. “I just worry about you.”

“But why? All I’m here for is to make money for you.” She looked down at her now finished plate.

“It might have started out like that, but, Kyles, you’re just different somehow. I don’t know what it is that makes me feel this way about you, and I used to hate it. I try lying to myself to hide it, but it’s not working.” He shook his head gently. “Why do you remind me so much of her?”

“Your sister?”

Nodding, he said, “Yes, and not to mention the fact that I could picture her looking like you closely when she reached your age. She might have been only six, but I can see the similarities, hair, eyes…”

“Oh. Why don’t you just dye my hair then,” Kylie suggested.

“It’s because I like your hair the way it is.” Ryan stood and grabbed Kylie’s plate and glass and put them in the sink. “It’s almost time to start work.”

She stood as well and followed him to the basement door and down the steps. Nicole was just getting out of the shower and waved to her. Kylie waved back and smiled at her. Next, she was tackled by Sara. The two girls giggled with each other, and Ryan went over to where Jason and Greg were standing. Brad had left the night before to take care of some business.

No one came in for the first few hours, but eventually around eleven some showed up. Kylie sat on the cot with Sara playing guessing games on items around the basement when Ryan came over for Sara. She had a customer. Frowning at Kylie and saying, “We’ll play later,” she followed Ryan out of the cell and into the hall with the man she was to serve.

Without saying a word to Kylie, Ryan locked the cell back up and walked off. She lied on Sara’s cot and shut her eyes trying to sort her situation out. She thought about what happened between her and Sara and about what happened with her and Ryan. She also thought about Ryne and Katie. They would hate her and think her absolutely terrible for what she did. She had no idea what she was going to do.

Around five that evening, Ryan took both Sara and Kylie into the back room, the room with not so good memories for Sara or Kylie with what she was told happened in there and with what she was starting to remember about it. He had the girls sit on the floor but not undressed. They did as they were told and Ryan grabbed a chair and sat in it. The two stared at him and waited for him to tell them what they were going to do. As quickly as he had sat down in the chair he said, “I want you two to kiss each other.”

The girls looked at each other and then at Ryan, but no nervousness showed in their body language. He thought that they looked pretty comfortable with what he told them to do. Sara and Kylie leaned in and kissed how they were taught to and then pulled apart. Ryan quirked an eyebrow. Kylie turned to him. “What?”

“You both didn’t seem to have a problem with that,” he answered.

Shrugging, Kylie replied, “Why should we have a problem with it?”

He finally understood why Kylie was asking the questions she was earlier about if it was okay to like another girl. “Alright, what’s going on between you two? I get asked strange questions and now this. How far have you went?”

Sara’s face turned a slight pink but barely noticeable and Kylie bit her lip. “Why do you want to know?”

“If you two are messing around with each other, I’d like to know about it considering I’m the one in charge of you both. Whatever goes on, I want to be informed.”

“You just want to watch,” Kylie told him.

Laughing he agreed. “That is one reason, yes. Besides, if you don’t know what you’re doing, then what’s the point of doing it? Now how far?”

“We’ve only kissed,” Sara admitted reluctantly. “I don’t know why. We’re bad for it, aren’t we?”

“No,” Ryan told her shaking his head. “You two are close and always together for the most part. It was bound to happen eventually.”

“But none of the other girls are like that.”

“I can tell you right now that that’s not true. Megan and Haley have gone further than you two.”

Kylie and Sara were both slightly shocked, and Kylie said, “I suppose that makes sense with the way they act.”

Ryan nodded. “Let’s play a video a game.” Once again, the girl’s looked at each other but they questioned his motive. He noticed and added that there was no catch.

Sara and Kylie shrugged and agreed.

That night after Sara had gone to bed and Kylie and Ryan had gone upstairs, Kylie asked Ryan a question. He certainly was not expecting what she asked. She did not even understand herself why she had asked. “Can we do what we did the other night?”

Ryan had stopped what he was doing and turned to her. “What do you mean?” He knew what she meant, but he just wanted to make absolutely sure he heard her correctly. She told him, and he shook his head. “Not tonight.”

“But why? I want to. Don’t you want to?”

Sitting down on his bed, he gestured for Kylie to come over to him, and he picked her up and held her. “Listen. I may have had sex with you plenty of times and the few times with Sara while she was still learning, but I’m not one who is into young girls alright? When I get angry, I don’t always think about what I’m doing. You just turned sixteen not too long ago. I’m fourteen years older than you Kyles. If you were older it would be different.”

“You mean if I was at least eighteen…”

“No, not even eighteen. Maybe when you turn twenty-three.”

“Why twenty-three?” Kylie asked him.

“It just seems a good age. You would be old enough to really understand the concept,” Ryan answered.

“I am too old enough to understand!”

He just smiled at her and shook his head. “Not yet.” He gently pushed her off of his lap and stood up. “What do you think about biscuits and gravy tomorrow for breakfast?”

Not liking the change in subject, Kylie ignored the question. “Do you have a girlfriend?”

“I don’t think that’s really any of your business Kylienna,” Ryan said with a stern look on his face.

“It’s just a question. I’m curious.”

“And why the sudden curiosity?”

Shrugging, she said, “I don’t know. You just seem like you would. I mean, you’re cute enough.”

Ryan quickly picked the girl up and laid her in his bed and covered her up. “Alright, it’s time for you to sleep.”

“What did I do?”

“You’re talking strange.”

“How?”

“Go to sleep.” With that, Ryan left the room stunned. “She has to be possessed.”

After Ryan left, Kylie laid in the bed with her eyes open. She sighed. “Why do I feel like this? Am I attracted to him or something? I shouldn’t be acting like this, but I can’t help it. He really has been nice since I’ve been back here.” Looking up to the ceiling, she frowned. “I’m so confused Casey. What should I do?”

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A/N:
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