Carnival without Lights
folder
Drama › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
14
Views:
2,671
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Drama › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult
Chapters:
14
Views:
2,671
Reviews:
10
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance of characters to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. The Author holds exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited.
Aftermath
Author’s Note: Okay, just to clear up a little bit of confusion since I kind of suffer from the “I know all of this stuff and forget that you don’t” syndrome and didn’t convey my info to its best extent.
Daniel - Jesse’s ex-lover. Met in high school and fit together because they were both introverts. Had an obsession with BDSM that Jesse went along with. Used to listen when Jesse said to stop but began pushing the envelope when it came to stopping and, on the “last time”, he eventually refused to stop.
Lesley – Rupert’s ex-lover who had been having an ongoing affair for the five years he remained with Rupert. (Not really an important character.)
Jesse – Stayed with Daniel despite not being attracted to BDSM because Daniel was “perfect” in most other aspects. Has a flare for “simulated rape” but because Rupert listens “too well”, he still can’t have that fantasy. Wonders if he were to return, would Daniel have learned his lesson. Loves Rupert, but Rupert (being a worrier) looses his attractiveness often in Jesse’s eyes leaving room for doubt. Despite that, he refuses to fuel an argument because he hates the drama of it.
Rupert – Thrown out by parents when he came out to them. After being cheated on by Lesley, his heart is wounded but he still enters a relationship with Jesse when it presents itself. He fears not being able to communicate because of what happened with Lesley, and also becomes pacifistic in arguments. Being overall pathetic and forgetting all of the bad things in life are Rupert’s defense strategies, but in times of harmony he is very sociable, easy-going, and cheerful.
I hope that clears some of the things up…
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Jesse sipped the water out of his glass soundlessly, keeping his eyes turned to the far wall while Rupert skulked back and forth across the room in front of him. Jesse was sitting on Rupert’s bed, still naked and not caring to redress whereas Rupert had every article of clothing aside from his shoes and jacket on. It was obvious that Rupert was in unrest, but Jesse didn’t care to talk about it so he did his best not to look at his conflicted lover. After all, what was he supposed to say? ‘No, Rupert, you weren’t hurting me. I was just thinking about someone else, that’s all.’ Yes, that would go over smoothly…
Bullshit.
So Jesse just sat and sipped at the glass of water that Rupert had given him after returning from the bathroom. There was always an empty, clean glass in the bathroom incase one of them got thirsty in the night. Jesse guessed that Rupert had never heard of paper cups because he sure as hell wasn’t eco-friendly.
Oh hell, he just couldn’t take it anymore! Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth—occasionally sighing, occasionally stumbling, occasionally trying to get Jesse to catch his glance.
“Alright!” Jesse exclaimed. Rupert froze and the look on his face made Jesse even angrier. Through all of that turmoil, he looked a little bit smug…or maybe he was imagining things. Daniel had always—no. He couldn’t think about Daniel right now. Daniel had got him into this mess, and it wasn’t like him to help him get back out. “That’s enough. Sit down.” Rupert obeyed. Of course he obeyed. Rupert may have been the dom, but he behaved more like a sub.
Jesse thought for a while about what he was to say. It was so much easier to think when Rupert wasn’t pacing like a clock’s pendulum in front of him. That just made him feel anxious, like Rupert was waiting for something to happen and so should he…But what to say? He couldn’t lie—well, he could, but it wouldn’t help the problem. What was the problem? Rupert was pushy and Daniel was…
“So…the last few nights I’ve been having this nightmare,” Jesse started, hating how corny it sounded. ‘Oh, Rupert, I had a nightmare! I’m so scared! I’m blatantly changing the topic, but maybe if I get you to hug me you won’t notice!’ Stupid. He sounded stupid. “Well, it’s not a nightmare it’s a—”
“It’s Daniel. You were thinking about Daniel.” /If you already know, why make me say it? Asshole…/ Jesse thought it, but he didn’t say it. He just pretended that Rupert didn’t speak the way that Rupert would later try to pretend that today never happened.
“I keep remembering—er—reliving that last time I was with him and…” Jesse looked back at the wall that had fixated him earlier and then at Rupert’s tightly laced fingers that rested between his knees. “And I…Like at lunch, you say things and I think about what you said and it leads to other thoughts and—”
“They go to Daniel.” Jesse wanted so badly to slap him. He knew that Rupert was listening, but would it kill him to just /Shut Up/ and listen?
Once again, Jesse pretended he hadn’t heard.
“And I remember Daniel and that day.” There, Rupert had nothing to say about that. Jesse, for the moment, was self-satisfied, and then he was livid. That was what Rupert wanted to talk about—that day. It was like some sick fantasy and Jesse wasn’t sure if he wanted to know so that he could play hero and make the hurt go away or if it gave him some sort of sexual satisfaction to hear a true tale of torment from the horse’s mouth.
“So why did you tell me to stop?” Rupert asked after a silence during which the tension tripled. “If I wasn’t hurting you.”
“Because I forgot where I was. I was thinking about Daniel. I already told you a long time ago—I asked him to stop and he didn’t and it bothers me to talk about it so quit pushing me.” Rupert flinched, but he didn’t force on a smile which made Jesse loosen up.
“I just want to know what he did so that…I don’t do it on accident.” Jesse snorted and almost felt sympathy for Rupert when he saw how pained his face became.
“Trust me,” Jesse said, gently pushing Rupert’s shoulder in a playful gesture. “You won’t.” Rupert looked at him for reassurance and must have found it because he started to smile genuinely. That was another one of the things that Jesse loved. Rupert would push, but only so far. Eventually, he ran out of steam and just gave up and went back to being his normal happy self.
“I love you,” Rupert said, leaning his head onto Jesse’s shoulder heavily, closing his eyes but maintaining his smile.
“I know you do,” Jesse responded, leaning his head onto Rupert’s and gazing down at the floor. Daniel never let things drop, especially not when Jesse was in the wrong. Rupert let anything go except for lying and cheating. ‘I don’t care to tell you I love you right now.’ ‘Okay, I can accept that. Just tell me later. Haha.’
Jesse found himself feeling fatigued, even though it was only the middle of the day. He started to let himself recline backwards, but thought of how Daniel would invade his mind once more and retell their final story again sent him back upright. It just wasn’t fair. He was finished with Daniel, he couldn’t go back because…because what?
What was stopping him? Rupert? Rupert couldn’t keep him from doing anything…fear?
Since he’d left Daniel he hadn’t spoken to him or seen him. He didn’t hear from any of their shared friends to find out if Daniel felt remorse or not. He probably did. Daniel always felt guilty about something, he just felt it too late for it to make any difference. ‘Remember, on your birthday two years ago, when I hit you for mouthing off to my brother? That was a dick thing to do. I’m sorry. He deserved that.’ Two years late and it had still meant so much.
But hitting wasn’t the same as /beating/…raping. Jesse shuddered and Rupert stood up.
“’Should put your clothes back on.” Jesse grunted and tried to focus on the present. Rupert just stopped worrying. It was best not to bring it back.
“You should put your clothes on.” Rupert laughed slightly and began walking around the room, picking up articles of clothing as he went. That used to be Jesse’s job with Daniel. ‘Hey, get me my shirt, please? My pants too? I need my shorts if I’m going to wear my pants, don’t I? How about my socks too, pet?’
“I’ve already got my clothes on,” Rupert said back, setting the pile of Jesse’s clothes on the bed beside him.
“You look naked without your jacket,” Jesse added, smiling and grabbing for his shirt. Rupert dressed so classily and he, what did he wear? An oversized T-shirt, blue jeans that sagged slightly, and socks with holes. (But they were small holes. He just hadn’t gotten around to replacing them yet.)
“I /feel/ naked without my jacket.”
“You’re such an exhibitionist, geeze. Get your jacket on, no one wants to see your tie hanging out like that.” Jesse stood up to step into his pants, but Rupert got in the way. He wrapped an arm around Jesse’s waist and then used the other hand to turn his head so their lips could meet. He slid his hand from Jesse’s jaw, down his chest and to the waist of his briefs which he tugged down slightly. Jesse groaned in neither omission nor commission and let Rupert have his way. There was something wholeheartedly arousing and satisfying about seeing a man kneel on the ground in four hundred dollar pants.
Daniel - Jesse’s ex-lover. Met in high school and fit together because they were both introverts. Had an obsession with BDSM that Jesse went along with. Used to listen when Jesse said to stop but began pushing the envelope when it came to stopping and, on the “last time”, he eventually refused to stop.
Lesley – Rupert’s ex-lover who had been having an ongoing affair for the five years he remained with Rupert. (Not really an important character.)
Jesse – Stayed with Daniel despite not being attracted to BDSM because Daniel was “perfect” in most other aspects. Has a flare for “simulated rape” but because Rupert listens “too well”, he still can’t have that fantasy. Wonders if he were to return, would Daniel have learned his lesson. Loves Rupert, but Rupert (being a worrier) looses his attractiveness often in Jesse’s eyes leaving room for doubt. Despite that, he refuses to fuel an argument because he hates the drama of it.
Rupert – Thrown out by parents when he came out to them. After being cheated on by Lesley, his heart is wounded but he still enters a relationship with Jesse when it presents itself. He fears not being able to communicate because of what happened with Lesley, and also becomes pacifistic in arguments. Being overall pathetic and forgetting all of the bad things in life are Rupert’s defense strategies, but in times of harmony he is very sociable, easy-going, and cheerful.
I hope that clears some of the things up…
000000000000000000000000000000000000
Jesse sipped the water out of his glass soundlessly, keeping his eyes turned to the far wall while Rupert skulked back and forth across the room in front of him. Jesse was sitting on Rupert’s bed, still naked and not caring to redress whereas Rupert had every article of clothing aside from his shoes and jacket on. It was obvious that Rupert was in unrest, but Jesse didn’t care to talk about it so he did his best not to look at his conflicted lover. After all, what was he supposed to say? ‘No, Rupert, you weren’t hurting me. I was just thinking about someone else, that’s all.’ Yes, that would go over smoothly…
Bullshit.
So Jesse just sat and sipped at the glass of water that Rupert had given him after returning from the bathroom. There was always an empty, clean glass in the bathroom incase one of them got thirsty in the night. Jesse guessed that Rupert had never heard of paper cups because he sure as hell wasn’t eco-friendly.
Oh hell, he just couldn’t take it anymore! Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth—occasionally sighing, occasionally stumbling, occasionally trying to get Jesse to catch his glance.
“Alright!” Jesse exclaimed. Rupert froze and the look on his face made Jesse even angrier. Through all of that turmoil, he looked a little bit smug…or maybe he was imagining things. Daniel had always—no. He couldn’t think about Daniel right now. Daniel had got him into this mess, and it wasn’t like him to help him get back out. “That’s enough. Sit down.” Rupert obeyed. Of course he obeyed. Rupert may have been the dom, but he behaved more like a sub.
Jesse thought for a while about what he was to say. It was so much easier to think when Rupert wasn’t pacing like a clock’s pendulum in front of him. That just made him feel anxious, like Rupert was waiting for something to happen and so should he…But what to say? He couldn’t lie—well, he could, but it wouldn’t help the problem. What was the problem? Rupert was pushy and Daniel was…
“So…the last few nights I’ve been having this nightmare,” Jesse started, hating how corny it sounded. ‘Oh, Rupert, I had a nightmare! I’m so scared! I’m blatantly changing the topic, but maybe if I get you to hug me you won’t notice!’ Stupid. He sounded stupid. “Well, it’s not a nightmare it’s a—”
“It’s Daniel. You were thinking about Daniel.” /If you already know, why make me say it? Asshole…/ Jesse thought it, but he didn’t say it. He just pretended that Rupert didn’t speak the way that Rupert would later try to pretend that today never happened.
“I keep remembering—er—reliving that last time I was with him and…” Jesse looked back at the wall that had fixated him earlier and then at Rupert’s tightly laced fingers that rested between his knees. “And I…Like at lunch, you say things and I think about what you said and it leads to other thoughts and—”
“They go to Daniel.” Jesse wanted so badly to slap him. He knew that Rupert was listening, but would it kill him to just /Shut Up/ and listen?
Once again, Jesse pretended he hadn’t heard.
“And I remember Daniel and that day.” There, Rupert had nothing to say about that. Jesse, for the moment, was self-satisfied, and then he was livid. That was what Rupert wanted to talk about—that day. It was like some sick fantasy and Jesse wasn’t sure if he wanted to know so that he could play hero and make the hurt go away or if it gave him some sort of sexual satisfaction to hear a true tale of torment from the horse’s mouth.
“So why did you tell me to stop?” Rupert asked after a silence during which the tension tripled. “If I wasn’t hurting you.”
“Because I forgot where I was. I was thinking about Daniel. I already told you a long time ago—I asked him to stop and he didn’t and it bothers me to talk about it so quit pushing me.” Rupert flinched, but he didn’t force on a smile which made Jesse loosen up.
“I just want to know what he did so that…I don’t do it on accident.” Jesse snorted and almost felt sympathy for Rupert when he saw how pained his face became.
“Trust me,” Jesse said, gently pushing Rupert’s shoulder in a playful gesture. “You won’t.” Rupert looked at him for reassurance and must have found it because he started to smile genuinely. That was another one of the things that Jesse loved. Rupert would push, but only so far. Eventually, he ran out of steam and just gave up and went back to being his normal happy self.
“I love you,” Rupert said, leaning his head onto Jesse’s shoulder heavily, closing his eyes but maintaining his smile.
“I know you do,” Jesse responded, leaning his head onto Rupert’s and gazing down at the floor. Daniel never let things drop, especially not when Jesse was in the wrong. Rupert let anything go except for lying and cheating. ‘I don’t care to tell you I love you right now.’ ‘Okay, I can accept that. Just tell me later. Haha.’
Jesse found himself feeling fatigued, even though it was only the middle of the day. He started to let himself recline backwards, but thought of how Daniel would invade his mind once more and retell their final story again sent him back upright. It just wasn’t fair. He was finished with Daniel, he couldn’t go back because…because what?
What was stopping him? Rupert? Rupert couldn’t keep him from doing anything…fear?
Since he’d left Daniel he hadn’t spoken to him or seen him. He didn’t hear from any of their shared friends to find out if Daniel felt remorse or not. He probably did. Daniel always felt guilty about something, he just felt it too late for it to make any difference. ‘Remember, on your birthday two years ago, when I hit you for mouthing off to my brother? That was a dick thing to do. I’m sorry. He deserved that.’ Two years late and it had still meant so much.
But hitting wasn’t the same as /beating/…raping. Jesse shuddered and Rupert stood up.
“’Should put your clothes back on.” Jesse grunted and tried to focus on the present. Rupert just stopped worrying. It was best not to bring it back.
“You should put your clothes on.” Rupert laughed slightly and began walking around the room, picking up articles of clothing as he went. That used to be Jesse’s job with Daniel. ‘Hey, get me my shirt, please? My pants too? I need my shorts if I’m going to wear my pants, don’t I? How about my socks too, pet?’
“I’ve already got my clothes on,” Rupert said back, setting the pile of Jesse’s clothes on the bed beside him.
“You look naked without your jacket,” Jesse added, smiling and grabbing for his shirt. Rupert dressed so classily and he, what did he wear? An oversized T-shirt, blue jeans that sagged slightly, and socks with holes. (But they were small holes. He just hadn’t gotten around to replacing them yet.)
“I /feel/ naked without my jacket.”
“You’re such an exhibitionist, geeze. Get your jacket on, no one wants to see your tie hanging out like that.” Jesse stood up to step into his pants, but Rupert got in the way. He wrapped an arm around Jesse’s waist and then used the other hand to turn his head so their lips could meet. He slid his hand from Jesse’s jaw, down his chest and to the waist of his briefs which he tugged down slightly. Jesse groaned in neither omission nor commission and let Rupert have his way. There was something wholeheartedly arousing and satisfying about seeing a man kneel on the ground in four hundred dollar pants.