I'll Kill You If You Call Me Alice

Authors Little Section Thing-
Hey guys!
I'm so happy for the out come! I GOT REVIEWS!
-swoons-
I'm so happy you guys liked it, I mean... this is my first story that I've ever actually let people see >.<
Like... ever.

To riokali-Thanks! You are my first Reviwer, and I love you for that. I fixed that spacing problem, and here is another chapter... this one, MUCH larger then the prologue(which is what I assume you were commenting on)

To Munez- You are so sweet! And I agree, it is the VERY best! And you got your wish, here is the Cheshire Cat. He's actually going to play a rather large role in this, as he is the guide. And hows this for soon, pretty snappy, eh?

To bittsweetmis- I'm glad you're hooked! Me? Cheesy Highschool fic?! -Flutters eyelashes- never! I'm so happy you like it!

To Mirage- You didn't like the original? Well, to each his own I'm afraid. I hope you like the rest, it's going to be a bumpy ride for poor Alice and his friends. He's stuck with such a daunting task, but I'll be kind to him... well, mostly >=3




Oh my god, I must be insane.

You know when, in books, people have that euphoric moment when they first wake up, forgetting that they're in a strange country/land/island/desert/swamp/etc?

Bull shit. I wasn't given that courtesy. I knew exactly where I was, when, and how. Which sucked major ass.

I groaned, throwing all my energy into trying to open up my eyes. They were dry and scratchy, as was my throat. I wanted a shower. And a big cup of coffee. A very big cup of black coffee.

Groaning, I rolled out of the bed, my stretching my sore muscles, my back popping.

“That is a very disgusting sound.” Leo. He leaned in the door way, his crazy, two-colored eyes boring holes into me. He wore different clothes, much less decorated. His hat was perched precariously on his head, as I suspected it always was. He couldn't be a hatter without a hat, now could he?

“What are you smiling about Stupid? Let's go.” He waved a vague hand at me, and I stiffened. What a prick! Jesus Christ I could kill that piece of monochromatic shit.

I slapped him. Hard.

“So not in the mood for your shit Leo.” I growled, letting my sleepiness fuel my rage. He looked surprised, his sneering mask slipping into a frown..

“That... was unkind.” He suddenly turned, and I saw that he wore those soundless bells still. They glittered in the half-light.

“I was going to offer you some sustenance, but you're much to ungrateful. You shall have to apologize.” He held out his hand as if waiting for me to give him something, leering at me with his shrouded red eye. I shivered, from what, then I truly didn't know.

“They say arrogance is an unseemly trait. I can see now that first hand it is more so then I previously thought.” I snarled, pushing past him into the dimly lit hallway.


~Don't You Dare Call Me Alice, Line Break Thing~


Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! I couldn't be lost!

Knees buckling, I fell. And I cried. I hated crying, it made my already androgynous features look small and pale and frightened. I had already cried enough in my life. I was surprised I had any tears left at all.

“And who might you be, my dear?” I sniffed, looking around for the source of the sprightly voice. My eyes fell on a cat, perched on a lamp post. Why there was a lamp post in the hallway, you can attribute that to the dumb ass architect.

“I am Alice. Who are you?” I said, my voice not coming out as strong as I wanted. In truth, it was downright pathetic.

“Unlike you humans I don't relay on names. I know myself. But you may call me...” Suddenly he grinned.

“The Cheshire cat!” I grinned back. My favorite Character of Gran's story, brought to life in front of my very eyes!

“Well, yes. Hmm I'm surprised little Alice had the guts to move on.” He smiled again, revealing row after row of sharp, smooth teeth. It was a strangely malice-free grin, for all the terrifying dental prowess.

“Yes, Gran found Grandfather. She was forced to move on.” I said, my voice strangely thick. I hadn't missed anyone so much since mother died. I hadn't cried so much either, because I could now see the tears dotting the stone floor I was kneeling on.

“Ah, you seem as sane as Alice was when she first came. Humph.”

Sometime in the last few minutes we had started to walk, me following closely new feline friend. He walked slowly, a measured, even gait I could not hope to accomplish on my long, awkward legs.

Cheshire was good company, and I was glad for the comfortable silence. After some time, I started to hear a curious scuttling noise,

“Ah, Cheshire, I see you've found it fit to grace us with your presence.” I turned, almost smacking into Hermes. He held a large cup of tea floral, now that I think about it, it must have been Jasmine.

“Hermes!” I said, happy to see the strange rabbit. He smiled, his large honest eyes squinting at the effort.

“Alice! Oh dear, Leo was devastated that when he couldn't find you. He really is a nice boy if you give him the chance... he's just a little skeptical, and more then a little shy. I mean, he never thought he was gay after all.”

Hermes had handed me the tea, and I was in the middle of a large sip when he had said that, resulting in me spitting it all out, narrowly missing the Cheshire Cat, who sat there on the post looking fairly amused.

“He's gay?” It's not that I hated gay people, mind you, I just had never met one before then. I guess I had never thought about it. I would find out later the implications of Hermes discreet smile and the Cheshire's amused grin, but it would take me a while to figure it all out.

“Yes, does that bother you at all?”

“No, I was just a little flustered. I really don't mind it.” I blushed, and the Hare grinned a little more forcefully then was truly necessary. We had continued walking, and I found that we were steadily going up, and the faint waft of flowers and fragrant air was getting stronger the more we walked. Suddenly, the corridor took a sharp turn and widened, revealing the most amazing garden I had ever seen.

There were towering hedges of roses, wisteria climbing the steep, old stone walls, jasmine and thyme and delicate orchids everywhere. I could name almost none of them, as my senses were bombarded by the sheer beauty of it all. I felt shabby, with my tangled hair and dirty face. I had never showered after going gathering, so I was more then a little dirty.

“Hermes, Cheshire... Alice.” It was Leo, and he said my name in a cold, expressionless tone. For some reason, it hurt, a dull throb right next to my heart.

“Hello Leo, I see you've met Alice. Surprised, weren't you? To find that your Sjel is not as you first thought.” The Cat laughed high, giddy laugh. He was grinning, his wide mouth and sharp teeth seeming to frighten me for the first time.

“Cheshire, this is not the time nor place to be speaking of such matters. It is tea time, as it always is and always shall be, somewhere. We must enjoy ourselves, and we wouldn't want Leo to brood. It may make him get wrinkles prematurely.

“Yes, we wouldn't want Leo to damage his pretty face.” I sneered. Strike one for the Outsider!

“Ha ha, look whose talking. At least I can worry about my face. With a face like yours, wrinkles couldn't make it any worse!” Fuck, one to the Jerk. But that did remind me,

“Hermes, after breakfast, is there anywhere I can take a shower, and possibly a change of clothes?” Looking at my jeans, I could see there was no hope.

“Yes, of course!” he grabbed my arm, towing me away from the delicious breakfast. Leo looked pissed, and the Cheshire cat... well he just looked like he knew something I had no hope of figuring out.


~Don't You Dare Call Me Alice Line Break Thing~


“Here, let me get your back. You really are very pretty, by human standards at least.” Hermes methodically scrubbed my back, his strokes long and comforting.

“I remember,” he said, “When I used to do this for my children. They loved being taken care of in the bath. You really remind me of Alistair, my youngest son. Both of you seem to have a tendency of acting on a whim. Impulsive your kind are, but fiercely loving and kind.” He sighed, and I thought at that moment that Hermes is probably the closest thing I have ever had to a best friend.

“What happened to them?” I asked gently, not wanting to pry.

“The Red Queen happened. They were all killed in a fire she started to get rid of traitors in our woods. They had no hope. That's when I became part of the resistance, to get her out of our kingdom, and back to the barbaric lands from whence she came.” His paws fisted and his eyes closed, but I could see the tears at the end of his long, rabbity eyelashes.

“My parents died in a fire too. Terrifying, the flames. I still don't know how I could have survived them. I moved from foster house to foster house until I was fifteen. That's when they found Grandma. My life got a lot better after that I guess. I am sorry about your children. A parent should never have to bury there child.” I took his big, furry mitts in my own. He smiled at me weakly.

“Alice, you truly are a wonderful person, I cannot see how Leo rejects you so fiercely. But I suppose one can only reject his soul for so long.”

...

Wait, soul?!