Black Sheep

I feel blocked, drowsy and tired, but I'm not gonna skip school today. I'm much to anxious to see Jack again. I sit at the dining table picking at my toast but not feeling like eating. I space out and feel my hand sliding from my face as I try to stay awake.
“If you're not gonna eat anything I won't drop you off at school,” Anne says as she walks into the kitchen while sorting out the mail.
“Then I'll just take my bike to school. It's not like I need you to drive me,” I look up at her and cross my arms in front of my chest.
“If Anne is not going to take you then you'll have to skip school today. You're not able to ride your bike in the state you're in now. Anne drops you off at school or you're not going at all,” I look at mum, who is making a pancake for my little sister, and scowl. “Why is it so much of a big deal? Normally you just stay home one day.”
“Maybe because Jack had a full make-over during the holidays. They were eying each other all day yesterday,” Chris bounces into the kitchen while grabbing the plate with the pancake and sits next to me at the table.
“Really, can you stay out of my life? I can take care of myself,” I nibble on my toast and look at her. She only sticks out her tongue and when I'm done glaring at her I just catch a flash of the worried look my mum gives me. I try to eat more but just crumble it in little pieces.
“If you're not feeling right you call and come home okay?” mum says and ruffles my hair.
“Yeah, yeah, I'm not a little kid. Stop treating me like one,” I stomp out of the kitchen, grab my bag and go and sit in the car. Somewhere along this I've dropped my toast and I don't even care about it. I know they are worried but sometimes it's just suffocating.

-

I lift my bag off the table but feel it slip from my shoulder back onto the table. I close my eyes, grumbling while I fight my tears back. I won't give up! I'm just like everybody else, there is nothing wrong with me! I'm not going home! I'm gonna stay at school and finish the day. As I open my eyes I see Jack standing in the doorway with my bag and Marie looking up at me worried. “Sorry,” I whisper.
“Come on, just one class and then it's time for lunch,” Marie puts her arm around me and for once I don't complain about it. We walk through the halls and I see Jack looking back at us worried. As we are about to enter the class Jack stops me.
“Maybe you should go home. You really don't look well. I'll bring you the homework after school,” his hand feels warm on mine, but I shake my head.
“I need to stay. I need to show them I can do this,” I walk into the classroom and take my regular seat at the back. I slump down into the chair and put my head on my arms on the table. I feel the drowsiness of the medication nibble at the edges of my mind.
“Show who?” I hear Jack murmur as he sits next to me and tries to focus on the class but I can see him looking at me every few minutes. How I wish I was normal right now. How I wish I could deserve him. How I wish my life didn't go the way it was. But there is no use in thinking about stuff like that.

--

“He might have some brain damage. We can't be sure, only time will tell. But he needs to stay hospitalized. Right now it is not safe to let him walk around like this,”' The doctor looked at me. I heard what he was saying but I didn't understand a thing he said.
“Does he really need to stay? Can't it be done some other way?” I heard my mother beg the doctor. “We don't want to lose him again. We want to stay close to him. Is there really no other way?”
“We're sorry, but it's his own doing. He got himself in this situation,” I felt my mind drifting away again. I hated it to have other people worry about me so much. Why couldn't they just let me alone? Why did I feel so drowsy?

--

“Vic! Vic!” I feel Jack shaking me as I slowly open my eyes. ”Damn, you just slept through a whole class. It's time for lunch.” He grabs my bag again and smiles a cute half smile at me. I feel butterfly's in my stomach and shake a bit of the drowsiness off me.
“Victor, can I see you for a moment?” the teacher asks from his desk.
“I'll see you at our table,” Jack pats my shoulder and leaves the room. I pull myself up and lean on the teacher's desk.
“You have been sleeping through my class. If you don't like it you shouldn't have chosen it in the first place.'”
“Sorry, sir. I had trouble with my illness yesterday and I don't feel that well today. I'm sorry I slept through your class, sir,”' I bow my head and tears sting my eyes again “It won't happen again, sir.”
“It's okay. You can leave now. Just try to stay awake next time.”
“Thank you sir,” I drag myself to the cafeteria and fall into my seat. ”I hate that guy. He just had to call me back.” As I look up I see my friends worried faces. ”What?”
”We think you should go home,” Marie says and she looks at the other girls for help. Oh great, not them too.
“Shut up. Why can't everybody just leave me alone? Why does everybody want to control my life?” I snap and walk out of the cafetaria to the front of the school. My head hanging down as I slump onto a bench in front of the school. Tears sting in my eyes and I'm no longer able to keep them back.
“Vic?” Chris puts her hand on my shoulder “Anne is coming to get you.”
”What part of 'leave me alone' do you not get?” I snap at her while rubbing away my tears, but they keep flowing down my cheeks.
“The part where you are ill and drowsy from the medication. Don't make any trouble please,” Chris hugs me from behind. I hear footsteps approaching us but don't pay attention to them. This has been the worst day of my life in a long time.
“Is he going to be okay?” I can hear in his voice that he is nervous and it softens my mood immediately.
“I'm okay, I'm just very tired. I'll be okay tomorrow. Anne is coming to get me. You finally get what you want.” I close my eyes and sigh. I hear Jack walk around me and kneel in front of me.
“I don't want you to leave. But you really don't look well.” As I open my eyes I see that Jack is dangerously close, I can almost kiss him if I would lean a bit over. But before I can say or do anything, Anne is already there. “I'll see you tomorrow. Take care.” His hand brushes against mine as he walks towards the school again. I stand up and slump into the car, not saying a word to either Anne or Chris. It's their fault! They made me leave school! Now I have to miss the rest of the day with Jack. Anne gets in the car and drives off for home.
It's all my own fault. I am the one that got myself into this in the first place. I am the one I should blame.