The Shadow I'm In

A/N: Sorry for the long wait! It took me forever to decided what was going to happen and how to write it. Lol. I'm still not very happy with it though. It just seems really forced compared to the other chapters. And then it like went down for a like a week or so after I finally got it written. -.- But its up now! Yay! Lol.

Thanks for all those that reviewed! Lol. Its just keeps me going when times are hard. Makes me feel like I'm doing something constructive. So like, the more that I get the faster I write. Lol. Just my thing, when someone is happy it makes me happy so I write faster. Unlike in English class when I -have- to write something because someone tells me too. -.- That's not too fun, but anyway, I've talked enough! Enjoy the chapter!

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Everything was moving so slowly. The time just seemed to crawl by. The voices of the people inside our house traveling through my door now as more and more people moved inside from the backyard. My blankets were pulled over my form now, the fabric of my pants and boxers laying on the floor next to my bed where I had dropped them after pulling them off with pain running through my body at every move.

No one came to look for me during this whole time. They were too busy with him.

A knock sounded on my door.

“Basil! Get out here! The party’s over. And since you didn’t even show up to give your brother a present or anything the least you can do is help clean up!” My mother’s voice called to me through the door. Was it really that late? The knob twisted open letting the door swing open and allowed the form of my mother to walk through. Her nose wrinkled in disgusted at the state of my room. “God Basil! You need to pick up in here!” Her stormy eyes came to my covered up form, anger then showing on her face. “Your just laying in bed! What is wrong with you! You’re brother has hit a mile stone in his life and all you can do is sleep!” She gave an aggravated growl as I shut my eyes tightly. I didn’t need this!

“Go away.” I whispered out softly, not even sure that my voice would be heard. She kept going on and on how I was such a bad brother, how I didn’t care for him at all. I was shaking my head. No! I cared for him! I really do! I love him!

“Mrs. Aden, I don’t mind to hang around afterward and help clean up!” Ken. I curled myself more into a ball at the sound of his voice. So he knew he was here. Ken had stayed at the party and my family welcomed him with open arms. He didn’t even come and check on me when he found out he was here.

“Well thank you Ken. Such a nice boy.” My mother had no idea what that ‘nice boy’ did to me as she patted him on the back. “Basil, try to straighten up. Be more like your brother or Ken.” And with those final words mom left the room a smile on her face.

“Yeah Basil. You should be more like me. And Scott.” My eyes watched as Ken leaned against my doorframe, his head turned to look down the hallway, then turning a smirk at me. “He welcomed me, you know. When he found out I was here.” He turned to leave me alone again. “Oh, and mention what happened to anyone and I swear I’ll do something much worse.”

Be more like Ken? Be more like his best friend who wasn’t even supposed to be here? Or be more like him. He who didn’t even come to check on me when Ken just appeared. Or maybe Ken was lying the whole time, maybe he really knew the his best friend was here and he said go at it? But why then did he not want me to say anything to anyone? And what could be worse than this? This feeling of weakness, of dirtiness.

Hours later I finally made myself move from my soiled bed. My body screamed in pain as I moved. My shoulder, that had stopped throbbing came back full force as I moved to open my dresser to pull clothes out to change into after my long awaited shower or bath, depending on how I felt when I made it to the bathroom.

I hadn’t heard anyone for a while in it was into the late hours of the night. I think the glowing numbers on my digital clock said 4:19am when I pulled on a loose pair of sweatpants to walk through the hall in.

My form was trembling as I opened my door and took a fearful step outside of my room. My eyes looking both ways before my feet started with slow steps of the bathroom, I could feel my face muscles trying to wince as I took each step. My hand finally rested against the wall of a moment, helping to support my pain ridden body.

I was only a few more feet from the bathroom. Just a few more feet till I could wash myself of the grime that had come to my form. My feet started moving again, with my hand pressed against the wall for balance.

As soon as my hand gripped the handle to the bathroom door, I fell. I didn’t even realize it till I opened my eyes and I was on the floor. I closed my eyes again hoping that no one had heard and came to my rescue. I snorted to myself after a minutes of listening to the silence. Like anyone would come to my rescue, they already proved me wrong on that this afternoon.

Bath, I decided as I lifted myself up with the help of the sink. I had blocked out the throbbing in my shoulder by now. I shut the door behind me, making sure no one could see the dirtiness that covered my body as I let the sweatpants pool around my feet. I stepped out of them, my shirt soon meeting the same cold floor as I kneeled next to our porcelain tub. My hand twisted the cold metal knob, letting the water rush free into the bowl like structure. The plug was closed and the water kept rushing in. I sat by the side just watching the clear liquid pool in the basin.

The water splashed as I set myself down into the tub, but as soon as my bottom came into contact with the floor I wished that it hadn’t. Pain shot up my spine and my back making me wince. But there was no going back now as the water started to color pink.

I settled myself down on my lower back so that my body was bent in half almost. My knees bent and my legs spread out in front of me, my shoulders leaning against the side of the tube. This was the easiest way I could think of to get down there clean. I reached for the washcloth that I had set beside the tub before I had submerged myself below the water. I used both of my hands to soap up the cloth with the bar of soap that was designated as mine. Mom and Dad made each of us have our own bathing supplies, even if we used the same kind, different bottles of shampoo and conditioner and body wash, and different bars of soap. Everything had to be different.

When I deemed the cloth soapy enough, which it probably a few minutes before hand, I dripped it under the water between my legs. I washed up and down my thighs first, watching as the water became picker by the minute, yet I still felt as dirty as I had before.

I reached down to touch my abused opening and gasped softly. It hurt! I quickly pulled my hand away. The flesh was raw and scraped and bruised. It hurt so much! But I had to clean there. That was were I felt the dirtiest. I reached down again and touched the soar place with the rough surface of the washcloth and again quickly pulled it away. The hand that wasn’t holding the cloth was clutching at the side of the tub as I bit my lower lip. How was I going to do with?

I brought my hand out of the water and laid the cloth along the edge of the tub, deciding that it was too rough to touch that place at the moment. My hand was the only thing that went back under the water. My finger tips slowly traced down my thigh, not yet wanting to touch the placed that they needed to be. I was biting my lip harder then almost to the point of making it bleed.

Why was I so freaked out about touching there? I had be used and violated by the one person he thought he could trust and I didn’t even scream for help. Maybe it was just so surreal that I didn’t even know what to do. But now as I have to clean up after it, maybe its becoming more real? Like if I didn’t do this, it would be like Ken never came into my room at all? No, it did happen and nothing can change that and make it go away.

With that final notion I let my finger tips touch the torn passage, letting out a gasp as I did so. I rubbed softly, around the tender area getting the dried cum and blood off. I shook my head from side to side. I didn’t want to think of it that way, but there wasn’t any other way to think about it. I touched the quivering muscles of my anus, them tightening as soon as I reached for the opening. I had to get inside as well.

I told myself to relax, taking deep breaths into my chest, as I shut my eyes. My finger tip pushed gently against the ring of muscle, letting just a bit into my body. I was biting my lip again. It hurt! My free hand quickly placed itself over my mouth to keep the sounds that I made from reaching the hall and the house around me. I eased my finger further into me, feeling crusty cum that had not dripped out of me on my bed. It hurt as I rubbed softly inside of myself. But it had to come out! The water making its way into my opening felt weird. It wasn’t like what it had felt like when Ken had released his cum into me. It was different. Soothing almost.

The sound of the door didn’t reach my ears as I eased my finger from my opening, my eyes opening with the burning of tears threatening to fall again. My breath was coming in pants because without my knowledge I had held my breath while I fingered inside of my body.

The cold plastic chair of my classroom was torture. My arms were crossed over the hard desk in front of me and my head lay upon them. I went to the nurse that morning when I came to school and she had someone do something about my shoulder, snapping it back into place. I had to come up with something to tell her how it happened, told her I fell down and grabbed a hold of thing and it came out. I don’t think she believed me but I didn’t care. She didn’t say anything. She came me a few aspirin and sent me on my way.

“Basil.” My eyes looked over at the girl sitting beside me. She was new, just started today. For some reason she had attached herself to me. No one else ever had before. I was just his kid brother, not worth mentioning. But Ken.. “What is there to do around this town? It’s a lot smaller then what I’m used to. I mean I could walk a block from the school and there was like a bar or something.” Her nose wrinkled a bit. “And not everyone was all about sports.” She fake gagged for a moment. “Sports are completely pointless. I don’t know why mom and dad wanted to move here.” She kept going on and on, and I just watched her. My social skills weren’t really up to par with hers over anyone else’s for that matter. This girl was different. She wore black all over, t-shirt, pants, boots, all were black. Her short blonde hair was dyed pink in some places and blue in others. Her makeup wasn’t the kind that the other girls in our school, it was bright yet dark at the same time. It was only a little after lunch and already rumors were flying around the school about her.

“Basil, are you listening to me? You’re just kind of sitting there was a ‘duh’ look on your face.” The girl, Crimson, stated. Blood filled my cheeks as her gray blue eyes settled right on me.

“Sorry. I’m distracted.” I stated turning my head the opposite way on my arms so that my head faced away from her. She snorted beside me.

“Sorry. I just got here and I’m already boring you and getting on your nerves.” She was so blunt. Not like everyone else that just tiptoed around things. “So who is he?” She asked next, making my brow frown slightly.

“What?” I asked still facing away from her.

“You’ve been limping around all day and haven’t looked anyone in the eye. You avoid contact with everyone on a physical and a little bit on a verbal level too. Who is the guy that is overly protective and is obsessed with you that you can’t get near to other people?”

“Huh?” I turned my head around again.

“Look, I’ve had enough gay friends back home to know the signs of someone in an abusive relationship and someone who got laid the night before. Who. Is. He?” I felt my heart speed up in my chest. Someone knows. If she knows, wouldn’t the whole school? She just got here. And she knows! I felt my mind falling apart. The whole school knows what Ken did. They’re keeping it to themselves. Laughing about it behind my back. He knows. He probably told Ken to do it.

Everyone knows.