Dandruff

While Jacob’s expression seemed innocent and harmless, he was actually willing himself not to smirk when he sneakily took a quick look at Phoenix. A vein had suddenly become prominent on the man’s forehead and his fists clenched and unclenched at his sides. Jacob felt a bit guilty about using Felicity to piss her husband off, but it was so worth it. Felicity was blushing profusely but she tried her best to maintain her composure.

“Excuse me?” she continued to use that polite tone, although it sounded strained now.

“God, I’m sorry!” Jacob stuttered. “I always mess up when I get nervous. It’s just that Phoenix told me so much about you and I wanted to make a good impression! I didn’t mean to say that!”
Phoenix’s eyes bugged out of his head at that. Where the hell was this bullshit coming from? Jacob didn’t get nervous; he got obnoxious. He ground his teeth in irritation. That little shit was up to something.

On the other hand, Felicity seemed very flattered. She gazed lovingly at Phoenix before offering Jacob a genuinely sympathetic smile. “It’s okay, Jacob, really—”

“They don’t honestly look fake! I mean, they’re too small to be implants. Well, I mean I guess a really flat girl could get implants that size but I don’t think that’d make much sense for such an expensive procedure…”

“…It’s fine, Jacob. Drop it,” Felicity grounded out, the smile still there but her eyes narrowed warningly.

“Point taken,” the boy grinned wryly.

Felicity couldn’t believe this was ‘El Diablo’. She found him strangely adorable with his (slightly offensive) nervous ramblings. His angelic face and anxious fidgeting made him appear completely harmless. But she still had her reservations; she doubted Phoenix’s story about his miraculous personality change.

“We should go inside and get you settled in,” she said as she went back inside. Jacob was about to follow when his arm was grabbed and he was yanked back into his previous position. He turned to glare at the lawyer.

“What gives?” he demanded.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to pull, but you’re going to stop it NOW,” Phoenix stated authoritatively in a hushed tone.

“Huh? I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“You just fucking insulted my wife.”

“I didn’t mean to! I was nervous!”

“Am I really supposed to buy that shit? Pretending to have endearing qualities doesn’t become you. Stop acting like you don’t know exactly what you’re doing. Knock the act off.”

“But, Phoenix, I didn’t say anything bad! Small breasts must be revered in some culture in the world! Other than paedophiles and closet homosexuals, I mean.”

A pained, surprised gasp filled the air as Phoenix pulled hard on Jacob’s hair, causing his neck to snap painfully back. He was now staring directly into the older man’s eyes. The porch light wasn’t on, so the only source of light was what escaped through the door. Shadows fell across Phoenix’s chiselled face. He looked like a handsome villain, a menacing gleam in his cobalt eyes. He revelled in the scared expression on the teenager’s face. Green eyes were open wide and full lips parted ever so slightly. Having the power to wipe that smarmy sneer off was intoxicating.

“I wasn’t playing with you earlier. Don’t make me angry, Jacob,” he tugged even harder on the clump of curls wrapped around his fingers.

“Aye, aye, captain,” was the sarcastic reply, an eyebrow arched defiantly. Jacob couldn’t help but wonder if he had suicidal tendencies. Perhaps the survival mechanisms in his body were out of funk. He almost toppled to the ground when Phoenix let him go with a shove and went inside. He absentmindedly rubbed the sore spot on his scalp, making sure he didn’t lose any huge chunks of hair. What a fucking humourless twat Phoenix was! And so violent, too…

Stepping onto the hardwood floor of the foyer was like stepping right into another dimension. The foyer was painted a pale shade of green, matching the two Victorian parlour chairs next to a marble-top table. Next to the chairs was a coat hanger. Opulent furniture sat in the living room; modern, white, leather chairs and black throw cushions, an Asian coffee table, and a gigantic HD television mounted on the wall above the fireplace. Fucking hell. Jacob thought he was going to go into shock. He just stood there, taking it all in with a fairly stupid expression. Across from the living room was the dining room. The dining table and chairs were made of dark wood, cream cushions forming the seats. A large, black cabinet sat in the corner, china gleaming through the spotless glass. Between the two rooms was the wrought iron staircase. It was obvious that an interior decorator played a great part in this; it looked like it was straight from the pages of Rich Fucks Magazine.

“I’ll show you your room,” Phoenix’s voice startled Jacob. He pivoted quickly to glare at the man.

“Where were you? You’re an awful host,” he complained.

“I thought you were following me but apparently you’re still going through a culture shock.”

“Yes, well, where’s Felicity? I like her better; she’s nice.”

“She’s in the kitchen. The maid couldn’t come today so she’s making dinner.”

“You have a maid?! Jesus Christ!”

“We’re busy people.”

“Oh yes, I forgot about your late nights at the office…”

“…You really must want to die tonight.”

“I was talking about work! Unless you’re guilty of someth—”

Before the urge to kill became stronger, Phoenix grabbed the boy’s bony arm and dragged him up the stairs, ignoring the indignant protests. He knew Jacob was going to make this arrangement as difficult as possible, but he didn’t think he would be this infuriating. The kid was only there for a few minutes and Phoenix was already contemplating murder.

The guest bedroom was down the hall from the master bedroom and right next to the study. It made Jacob’s old room look like nothing more than a crack in the wall. A ceiling fan hung over the queen-sized bed which was situated in the middle of the angular room, covered by a blue comforter and two matching pillows. An HD television peered down from its place on a floating shelf on the wall directly in front of the bed. A desk and a metallic floor lamp were adjacent to the bed. An empty, walk-in closet was next to the desk. As if he had enough clothes to fit in there… His old room was probably the size of the fucking closet! There was a solitary, bay window which it had its own seat. It provided a good view of the backyard. Jacob shrugged his bags off and walked over to the window to have a closer look. He could see a light scattering of tall trees and… the biggest swimming pool he’d ever seen. It was designed to look like a grotto; rocks and the whole nine yards. It had a smaller pool in it, which was actually a hot tub. He crawled onto the seat and smashed his face against the glass, distorting and flattening his features into something grotesque. As he tried to stop himself from hyperventilating, Phoenix was losing an uphill battle; trying to keep his eyes off Jacob’s ass. The baggy jeans were now pressed flushed against the round globes thanks to his kneeling position, leaving a lot less to the imagination.

“I think we should go downstairs now. Dinner’s probably ready…” Phoenix cleared his throat.

“But I’m still looking at the pool,” Jacob answered, not moving an inch.

“You can look at the pool later. It’s not going anywhere.”

Jacob looked over his shoulder, prepared to argue but becoming distracted when he saw Phoenix’s eyes drifting up from their focus on his ass. “Hey, stop checking me out, you pervert!”

“Don’t flatter yourself. You’re repulsive,” Phoenix deadpanned as he walked out of the room. Jacob winced. What the hell crawled up his ass and died?


Dinner was surprisingly enjoyable. Felicity made a mean lasagne. She and Jacob were getting along swimmingly, chatting forever about everything and nothing. Phoenix was annoyed at the way the two were prattling on like old friends. Not only was he excluded from the conversation (Felicity even scolded him for calling Jacob a ‘jackass’ for his opinionated and extremely incorrect view of the war in Iraq) but it meant that there was no chance of getting rid of him yet. Jacob wasn’t being half as insufferable as he usually was and Felicity had the audacity to giggle at his raunchy language. How could something like this happen? He wanted Felicity to be alright with the arrangement, not become president of the Jacob Reid Fan Club! He rolled his eyes as the two cackled particularly boisterously. Jacob turned his wife into a fucking idiot over the course of an hour… He shouldn’t have allowed them to drink that damn red wine. He glowered at the almost-empty bottle. This had to be karma working against him. But what had he ever done wrong besides that hit-and-run and cheating on his wife? Okay, those were both pretty bad. And the latter was directly related to this mess. Alright, so karma probably played a big part in this. Fantastic. He eventually excused himself from his half-eaten dinner and stomped off to bury his frustration in work.

“What’s his problem?” Jacob slurred. He wasn’t used to alcohol; the room was spinning and he was giggly. He’d sipped his mother’s whisky when he was six and the vile burning scared him away from anything remotely alcoholic. But he’d been curious and Felicity said it would be fine for him to try it. The wine didn’t taste nearly as bad as the whisky did, which led to him pouring glass after glass. No one stopped him; Phoenix hoped he got alcohol poisoning and Felicity’s judgement was shot to hell—she was tipsy from her first glass. She was almost as much of a lightweight as Jacob was!

“He must be tired or something,” Felicity shrugged.

“Well, now that he’s gone, let’s talk bad about him behind his back!”

Felicity’s thin frame trembled with laughter. “You’re so bad! I have no idea why Phoenix didn’t like you!”

“Because he’s an asshole and he has no sense of humour,” Jacob supplied, downing the last of the wine straight from the bottle. For some reason it bothered him that Phoenix didn’t like him. Sure, he hated the bastard… But Phoenix wasn’t allowed to hate him back! That didn’t make any sense. He chuckled at his harebrained thoughts. Was this what being drunk felt like? If so, it was wonderful! No wonder his mother was a lush!

“He’s not so bad. You two just need to get to know each other better!”

“You’d say that; he fucks you every night!” Jacob wasn’t even remotely aware of the fact that he was speaking at the top of his lungs.

Felicity looked shocked at first. Her alcohol-induced blush darkened. And then she started laughing again. “God, you have no shame! Everyone always walks on eggshells around me!”

“I don’t believe in ass-kissing outside of the bedroom …” Jacob felt like he’d said something incredibly wise just then. If he remembered that in the morning, he’d probably still think it was wise.

Felicity just snickered in reply. She apparently thought it was brilliant, as well.

“You could do so much better than Phoenix! You’re actually fun to talk to. I thought you would be a stuck-up bitch!”

“Phoenix is pretty funny when he wants to be…” she said thoughtfully.

“He must be brainwashing you. He’s that good in bed, eh?”

“Jacob!” she exclaimed.

“It’s the only obvious reason, other than his money!”

“…That’s not true. But… since you asked, he’s amazing! He can do this thing where he like, drills really fast…” her eyes snapped open when she realised what she was saying. “God, what am I doing? You’re a kid! Erase those impure thoughts from your mind! You’ve only been here for a little while and I’m already corrupting you!”

“Nah, you’re not corrupting me—” he was cut off by her sudden wailing.

“…This must be why I can’t have children! I’d be a bad mother!”

Well, that was unexpected. It took Jacob’s sluggish mind a couple moments to realise that the atmosphere shifted dramatically. Felicity went from a happy drunk to a bitter, depressed drunk in a matter of seconds. She’d buried her face in her palms, sobbing loudly. Jacob had no idea what he was supposed to do now. He awkwardly stroked her back and started singing a very off-key version of some Celine Dion song as she continued to weep and hiccup. Women liked Celine Dion’s sappy songs, didn’t they? Songs about heartache and menstruation? What were those songs about anyway? These thoughts caused him to forget the lyrics; it was now next to impossible for him to think about more than one thing at a time. So he just started to sing Kumbaya.

…And this was the scene Phoenix descended the stairs to walk into.

What…

…the…

…Fuck?

“What did you do to her?!” he hissed angrily. She was fucking crying! What could possibly have made her mood shift like that? His heart stopped dead in its tracks. Could Jacob have told her about his affairs?

“You have ten seconds to explain this,” Phoenix walked over to Felicity, who immediately got up and snuggled against him, still sobbing into the crook of his neck.

“I dunno what happened!” Jacob flailed his arms dramatically, almost knocking over the empty wine bottle. “We were talking about that drill thing you do with your dick and then she started crying about not being able to have children!”

No matter how many ways Phoenix thought about that explanation, the fact that they were talking about his dick refused to remain insignificant. Obviously, Felicity and Jacob were not meant to be left alone together.

“Okay, you know what? Forget I asked,” Phoenix said as he scooped Felicity up bridal-style and turned to take her to their bedroom. If every day was going to be like this from now on, he was going to need to find a psychiatrist.

“Good night, you unmannerly prick!” Jacob called out.

His response was the click of the dining room chandelier being switched off, drenching the room in darkness.

==

Jacob had to force himself out of bed the next morning. He’d never slept on such a comfortable bed. It was heavenly. Too bad he couldn’t fully enjoy it because of the slight headache he’d woken up with. The glare of sunlight only intensified the throbbing in his head. He pulled the thick comforter off reluctantly, exposing himself to the chilly, morning air. The clock on the table next to the bed told him it was 10:34AM. He pulled fresh clothes out of his bags which were carelessly tossed into the closet.

“My first hangover, what a momentous occasion,” he sighed as he trudged lethargically to the guest bathroom. He blanched at his reflection. There were dark circles under his eyes and his skin was even pastier than usual, causing the few freckles he had to stand out. His hair was sweaty and it stuck to his head. It looked like a greasy rat’s nest. Gross. He quickly disrobed and stepped into the shower stall where he spent half an hour scrubbing his skin raw.


He headed down to the kitchen after cleaning up, feeling and looking refreshed. So far he hadn’t seen head or hide of Felicity or Phoenix. Not that he really wanted to; he was slightly embarrassed by last night’s events. He was fucking singing a Celine Dion song! He didn’t even know how or why he knew the words to it…

“Good morning,” the maid greeted him as he strolled into the kitchen. She was a plump, middle-aged, Hispanic woman. Her dark hair was cut short and mostly hidden by a scarf. Felicity probably went for the kind of maid Phoenix wouldn’t cheat with. At least she didn’t get a butler; Phoenix would’ve probably been all over him. He found that thought pretty funny. He smiled a bit at his inside-joke.

“Morning,” Jacob yawned, taking a seat at the table.

“You must be Jacob. Mrs. Scofield talked a lot about you before she headed off to work. She really seems to like you,” the maid said as she placed a steaming cup of coffee in front of him. “I heard you were drinking last night, and by the look of things, you need this. I’m Juanita, by the way.”

“Thanks for the coffee,” Jacob smiled before taking a sip. He didn’t usually get along with old people, but Juanita seemed pretty cool. He liked her already.

“Is there anything I can make you for breakfast?”

Jacob didn’t really want Juanita to make anything for him. He never had anyone around to do things he was perfectly capable of doing on his own. But he didn’t want to insult her…

“Scrambled eggs?” she prodded when he didn’t say anything. He nodded.

“Do you want bacon with that?” she was already retrieving the necessary ingredients from the fridge. She was like a robot from one of those sci-fi movies with the efficient manner in which she did things.

“Yeah, that’ll be good.”

“The pool boy’s here. You can go talk to someone young while I get your breakfast ready.”
Jacob shrugged. He wasn’t really that social when it came to people his age… But the look Juanita was giving him screamed ‘shoo!’ so he quickly finished up his coffee and headed out the backdoor. He cursed the size of the house; walking around its perimeter to the pool was torture for his tired legs. He didn’t even want to talk to anyone… This pain wasn’t worth it!

However, the cramping in his legs was quickly forgotten when his eyes landed on the pool boy. Everything seemed to move in slow motion. The pool boy was leaning over the swimming pool, sifting through the water with his net. How come no one looked like that in his old neighbourhood?! The other boy suddenly threw the net to the ground and peeled his T-shirt off. A tanned, well-muscled back was revealed bit by bit. His shorts hung low on his hips and Jacob couldn’t help but wonder if he was that tanned everywhere. Sunlight reflected off his sandy hair like he was some kind of angel… a really, really sexy angel. He turned around to toss his shirt somewhere when his cerulean eyes landed on Jacob. Jacob’s heart was beating so hard against his ribcage that he was sure it would break free eventually. He swallowed, but it made no difference; his throat had gone dry. He had to resist the urge to swoon like a Catholic school girl when the boy’s full lips quirked into a smile.

“I’ve never seen you here before,” the deep, raspy voice was like sin itself.

He was going to have to thank Juanita for this. Now, if only he could get his vocal cords to function…

==


The Munez Feed:

I’ll have to edit this in the morning. I’m much too tired to read through it at the moment.
Once again, I want to thank everyone for the reviews and votes.

I’m fairly amused by Jacob’s attraction to the pool boy. Jacob is such a desperate housewife.

Munez