Wannabe Sub

Chapter 3 – Want

If there was one thing Flynn was most definitely not used after the first month of living with Jason, it was touch. Not necessarily sexual touch, but the small, universal touches that most humans would deem normal. Jason would tap his shoulder to get his attention, ruffle his hair when he said something supposedly ‘cute,’ and sit so that their thighs grazed when they watched the television. Flynn had watched a great variety of movies in his life, so he knew that touches like this were common and considered the norm for most people. He wanted it, he craved the normalcy and humanity that came along with those touches, but then when Jason actually laid a finger on him, Flynn tensed up, or Flynn would flinch when he saw Jason’s hand coming through the air at him.

Jason didn’t once comment on it. But Flynn could see that his Master was bursting to.

As far as their sex life… it had not gone past kissing yet. The kisses were sometimes rough and passionate, but they were most certainly, at the most, kisses. Jason’s hand had lightly caressed Flynn’s butt after the three additional spankings he’d received in the first month, but that was more a comfort than a sexual grope. Flynn often wondered if Jason was trying to lull him into a false sense of security by pulling away before the kisses progressed into something much further than kisses. But soon, a month had gone by, and kisses were not doing the progressing that maybe a “normal” couple would have been doing.

But then, as they reached and surpassed the first month limit, Jason put his hand in a place that he had never put it before.

Flynn was not particularly surprised by the principle of it. He had been expecting Jason to push sex onto him on the first day, so he had known it was only a matter of time before it was eventually sprung on him. However, the fact that Jason had put his hand THERE was surprising in itself, whether Flynn was expecting it or not.

They had been watching a movie, cuddling comfortably with one another on the couch. Flynn, of course, was paranoid, wondering, “Do I smell bad? Do I have bad breath? What if he kisses me and vomits?!” Jason, on the other hand, appeared quite calm and collected.

His arm was wrapped around Flynn’s shoulder, fingers lightly toying with a flyaway strand of hair that Flynn needed to get cut. Then, all of a sudden, Jason stretched his arms upward, leaving Flynn’s shoulders behind. Flynn couldn’t deny that the absence of the arm was almost heartbreaking, but he wasn’t about to ask Jason to put it back. Flynn knew that submissives were not supposed to ask for what they wanted. In fact, Flynn himself just wasn’t supposed to ask for what he wanted. Flynn had been told by many better and more intelligent people than himself that he was being selfish whenever he asked for something that someone else had not decided him worthy of.

Jason set his hands down in his own lap, but then, almost immediately, surreptitiously inched his hands over to Flynn’s own loosely clenched fists. Flynn, out of habit, winced at the skin-on-skin contact. He then forced himself to relax and open his hand for Jason to take. That must have been what Jason wanted.

But Jason didn’t take Flynn’s hand to hold. Instead, Jason moved his hand to the leg that Flynn’s left fist was resting on.

Flynn really tensed up at that. He snuck a glance at his Master’s face, which appeared to be purely focused on the movie in front of them. He was almost about to start panicking, but he commanded his brain to relax and just let Jason put his hand wherever he fancied.

Then Jason’s hand started moving a bit. The hand was clenching and then relaxing very gently, almost as if someone were scratching behind a dog’s ears. It felt nice, Flynn had to admit.

But the hand was also moving up Flynn’s thigh with every unclenching, and Flynn was honestly starting to get a little bit worried. He won’t go… there… will he?

He went there.

Flynn’s alarm bells were going off at this point. He can’t be touching me there. He can’t touch me. No. No, I won’t let it happen, I won’t…

But Flynn made no effort to stop. He let it happen. He didn’t even try to force Jason’s hand off. Because he knew that there was no use. He wasn’t allowed to have a say. Jason was the Master; Jason dictated how far the relationship would go.

“What a slut. Dirty, smelly, slut. This is all you’re good for, you know?”

Flynn could not effectively stave the tears that were coming on. He tried, dear God he tried. To show that this was not what he wanted? He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t express that. It was something akin to a crime, for him to convey want.

“Flynn?”

The hand disappeared.

“Flynn, what’s wrong?”

Flynn shook his head. “I-I’m sorry,” he said, his voice cracked with tears. “Please don’t let me stop you…”

The movie was paused. “Flynn, I asked you a question. I expect an honest answer.” Jason was taking on his Dominant voice, and it scared Flynn.

“I’m sorry!” Flynn managed to cough out. He couldn’t say it. Not to Jason. Not to anyone.

“Why were you crying?” Jason sounded a little gentler, but the firmness was still prominent.

So Flynn did what he knew could only, be it directly or indirectly, lead to trouble. He lied. “You were just hurting me, that’s all… but I’ll be fine, it wasn’t really anything actually…”

“Flynn… I don’t think you get it yet.”

Flynn mumbled an apology.

“No, I don’t want you to be sorry! Our relationship is NOT a real slave and Master relationship. I don’t get off on hurting you, you know. Well, maybe I do, but not when it REALLY hurts you. I only like to hurt people when they want me to hurt them. And if what I was doing wasn’t what you wanted, I want you to tell me to stop. I want you to use your safeword. I assume you remember your safeword, Abercrombie… we are submissive and Dominant in the sense that we are both playing the roles with the same amount of consent. If the pain I inflicted was non-consensual, then that makes it rape – and I do not, in ANY way, shape, or form, condone rape. Does that make any sense?”

Flynn shrugged, and then immediately realized that this was against the rules. “I’m sorry!”

Jason sighed. “Can you, for one minute, hold a conversation with me without saying you’re sorry?” he asked with annoyance.

Flynn almost shrugged again, but then just muttered out that he didn’t know.

“What don’t you know?”

Flynn looked up with large doe eyes, honestly having no idea what to say. “I don’t know” was just a conditioned response to use whenever anyone took the time to speak to him. It wasn’t that he didn’t understand what Jason was saying, but the whole thing was just too unbelievable.

“I’m just confused,” Flynn finally replied, after working up his courage and figuring out what he’d say. “I understand what you said, and that makes sense, but I don’t get why you are bothering…”

Jason clasped Flynn’s hand for real this time. “Flynn. I don’t know what the Hell you’ve been through before, but obviously, you are under this false impression that your pain is not worth as much as everyone else’s. But you’re wrong. You are just as worthy, Flynn. You are worthy of equality, and worthy of luxuries. Worthy of asking for what you want.”

Flynn wondered what he’d ever done to be worthy of this amazing man sitting next to him.

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When Flynn reflected on the budding connection he had with Jason, he realized that this relationship was nothing like those he read about on the Internet. The Internet showed mainly the submissives living in their slave role, getting off on the pain and lower status. It showed the pets serving their Masters’ every need without even thinking about themselves.

However, Jason was not at all Viciously Sadistic as his screen name had implied. Jason actually seemed to spend more time doting on Flynn than Flynn doted on Jason! Sure, Jason often asked Flynn to get him cups of coffee, and had Flynn do the cleaning and such. When Flynn did something stupid, Jason took it upon himself to punish his idiotic pet, but it was never even painful. Flynn knew what pain was, and Jason’s light smackings were like pinpricks compared to the awful stab wounds Flynn had experienced during prior times of his life. But then when he was finished, he always comforted Flynn. Flynn had never read about that happening in any of the D/s relationships he’d researched. It was almost like… Flynn and Jason were boyfriends. Boyfriends who shared a couple kinky fetishes with each other, but were always, in essence, lovers.

Flynn found that the relationship with Jason was quite possibly better than anything he could have ever imagined. He’d imagined having a boyfriend before, but he’d never expected he’d have someone quite as caring as Jason. Especially since the whole basis of the relationship was supposed to be about the submissive serving the Dominant as best as possible without anticipating anything in return. Flynn was being taught to expect something back for all his hard work, which was not something he’d ever been told he was worthy of before. Flynn was serving his Master, but at the same time… his Master was serving him.

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While Jason was gone at work, Flynn stayed at the house and did a good share of the cleaning. Flynn did the laundry, washed the windows, swept the floors, loaded the dishwasher, made the beds, and many of the other annoying and mundane household chores that were never enjoyable or fun. Jason had commented that his house had never been so clean before Flynn came along. However, Flynn knew that cleaning would not make up for the financial toll that he was inflicting on Jason. Flynn decided it was time to get a job!

It was easy enough said. Flynn mentioned it to Jason as soon as the idea popped into his head. “Master, I think it’s time I start pulling my weight around here and find a job.” Flynn had never been so assertive before, and he prepared himself for if Jason decided to blow up on him.

But Flynn needn’t have worried. Jason thought it was an excellent idea, and he told Flynn so as soon as it was brought up. “In fact, there’s an opening at my work right now…” Jason worked at a company called Senior Services, which helped the elderly by bringing them meals, providing them housing, and other etcetera helpful things.

Jason then went on to tell Flynn that the opening involved running humdrum errands that no one else wanted to do for the higher up people, and Flynn’s eyes lit up. It was almost perfect! What better job could Flynn have? He was all about doing the work that needed to be done, but that no one else would step up and do.

So the very next day, Jason had Flynn set up for an interview with Lisa Cunningham, the lady in charge of hiring new workers at the company. She was a tall black woman, with long curly hair and a deep, inviting voice. She had a kind but determined looking face, and was wearing a smart looking violet blouse. Jason winked at her, and Flynn saw her give him a dirty look as he left her and Flynn to their interview.

“I swear, he got promoted to Assistant Financial Officer three months ago and his swollen ego still hasn’t deflated. He just flirts and flirts with every good-looking woman in this whole damn establishment, as if they’re falling all over him. Well… most of them are… but that isn’t the point.”

Flynn would have been jealous, except for the fact that Jason was obviously gay, meaning that any flirtatious conquests with girls meant absolutely nothing. “Does he flirt with any of the… guys?” Flynn decided to ask, just out of curiosity. It wasn’t as if he would be jealous if Jason were trying to inflate his ego through flirtatious conquests with GUYS… absolutely not…

Lisa gave Flynn the strangest look. “Why? Are you interested or something?”

Flynn choked on his spit and started sputtering. “T-that’s – that’s r-ridiculous… how could you say… rid-ridiculous… that’s… it…”

“Anyways, Flynn, sit, sit. We need to begin this interview. Now, I need your full name please, seeing as you haven’t filled out an application.”

“Flynn Anthony Garrett,” Flynn replied.

Lisa jotted it down, evidently for future reference, and then gave him another inquisitive look. “What an… interesting set of initials.”

Flynn blushed all the way to the tips of his ears. “Oh, that, I’m sorry…” This had been one of the many aspects of his being that induced endless torment back in his high school years.

“Hey, F.A.G., how many rugs did you munch last night?” “What a fag, his initials even say so!” “Yeah fag, there’s no denying it; it’s written in your name.”

Flynn drew in a deep, shuddering breath, hoping that Lisa would not discount him because of that terrible coincidence. Even though my dad told me he named me that on purpose… so I suppose it’s not really a terrible coincidence, but more of a terrible Fate…

“There’s no reason to be sorry, Mr. Garrett. Initials are not something that can be controlled…”

Flynn still felt the urge to apologize for it. “I’m really sorry, Ms. Cunningham!” Flynn leaned forward and apologized in earnest. “I promise it wouldn’t make me any less hard of a worker!”

“I didn’t think it would,” Lisa said with a grin and a wink. Flynn flushed. Jason had winked at him a couple of times, but prior to that, he’d never had someone wink at him. He’d had people scold him, snarl at him, complain to him and about him, but never had he had someone wink at him.

“Now, ever been convicted of a felony?”

Flynn shook his head in earnest. If there was one thing about himself that was good, it was the fact that he would NEVER commit a crime. “Absolutely not, Ms. Cunningham!”

Lisa appeared a bit put off at Flynn’s keenness; Flynn realized this immediately, and made a mental note not to be quite so energetic. He made his face somber instantly.

Lisa continued her “shortened oral application” by giving Flynn a piece of paper with some math problems on it. “Here, let’s see how good you are at math, Mr. Garrett.”

Flynn almost grinned triumphantly, but then remembered that he wasn’t supposed to be energetic. But math was like a second nature to him. The first problem was 947 – 679. Flynn did the mental math quicker than he ever had done before, coming up with the answer of “268!”

“You did that in your head, that quickly?”

Flynn ducked his head. She sounded astonished, and people generally weren’t happy when he surprised them. “Sorry…”

“Here, we can skip the rest of the math, I think you’re fine. Got any references?”

Flynn thought of his previous employer, Danny Coupman. Mr. Coupman had never been fond of him. In fact, Danny had hated Flynn since the moment Flynn had stepped through the red automatic Target doors; the hatred had only intensified, and then culminated to the inevitable firing. “Er… well, my old boss, except that he really didn’t like me… but I can give you his number, and, yeah…”

Lisa gave him a pad of paper. “Number, and please write his name down again, so that I don’t forget.”

Flynn scribbled down the information quickly, and then scrambled out of the room when Lisa told him to go wait outside. Too many thoughts were running through his head. And not one of them was good.

He needn’t have worried, had he heard how the conversation had gone.

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“Good morning, office of Danny Coupman. How may I help you?” the nasally voice of a female secretary rang out into Lisa’s ear.

“Yes, I’d like to speak to Mr. Coupman. I am looking for reference to one of his previous employees that I’m about to hire.”

“Hold on one moment please.”

Lisa’s ears were met with silence, but it was undeniably better than that squeaky bimbos voice had been.

“Danny Coupman, how may I help you?” A male’s voice this time.

“Good morning, Mr. Coupman, my name is Lisa Cunningham of Senior Services here in downtown. I am calling for reference on one of your previous employees.”

“My pleasure, my pleasure. Whom might we be speaking of?”

“His name is Flynn Garrett.”

There was an intake of breath on the other end of the phone. Lisa figured she knew what was coming next.

“Flynn Garrett, I regret to inform you, is quite possibly the most incompetent worker that I have ever had the misfortune to employ. He’s spacey, practically illiterate, terrible at the cash register – the boy is bad with numbers – rude to customers, rude to me and his higher-uppers, he never obeys orders, he’s selfish, wrapped up in himself, and doesn’t even have any class. Flynn Garrett is the single most ineffectual worker you could possibly hope to employ. His only redeeming quality is that he doesn’t take up nearly as much space as the rest of them.”

It was as if Danny had practiced that little speech for the longest time. “So I am to understand, Mr. Coupman, that even though Flynn did a triple-digit subtraction problem, in his head, in three seconds flat, he is bad with numbers?”

“Did you even check to see if he’d gotten it right?”

No. “Of course I did! How stupid of an employer do you think I am, Mr. Coupman?”

“I give that one to luck then. But I assure you, his mental capacity is just not fit to be working anywhere.” Danny sighed. “I feel sorry for him, but at the same time, I just can’t help but to dislike him. Do you know what I mean?”

“I have liked him since the moment he stepped into my office,” Lisa replied coolly.

“I assure you, you won’t like him soon enough, if you hire him.”

“He has been a most polite boy so far.”

“He’s a liar.”

“You never mentioned that before.”

“He did steal money from the cash register one time.”

Lisa could see through Mr. Coupman’s blatant lie. What a stupid person. “Well, this has certainly been a pleasant conversation, but I do believe I need to get back to hiring Flynn. It was actually not very nice talking to you, and I hope I never have the bad luck of speaking to you ever again.”

Then she hung up the phone.

She called back in a quivering Flynn Garrett, who appeared to be stressing over what he must have been sure was an inevitable rejection. “Have a seat, Mr. Garrett.”

Flynn sat shakily down in a chair and did not say anything.

“I had an… interesting conversation with Mr. Danny Coupman. He had not a single nice thing to say about you. He even called you short.”

Flynn blushed with utter humiliation. It was as if Flynn actually thought Lisa would believe someone as outright idiotic as Danny Coupman. “I’m sorry, Ms. Cunningham,” Flynn whispered.

“Why are you sorry?”

“For wasting your time like this, I’ll just go now, there’s no reason to-“

“Be quiet for a moment, please. I hadn’t quite finished. Now, I don’t have any reason to believe that I would have taken any of his words for the truth anyways – but he mentioned that you were bad with numbers, which I know is complete bullshit. Excuse my French, if you will. He also said that you were selfish, rude, wrapped in yourself, and that you never obey orders. Oh, and that you’re practically illiterate.”

“T-that’s not –“ Flynn cut himself off and ducked his head. It was a bad habit of his, Lisa had noticed. Why would he not stick up for himself? It was obvious that Flynn wanted to tell Lisa how wrong his old boss had been, but for some reason, he’d stopped himself.

“Do you agree with what he said?” Lisa prompted.

“I-I don’t agree, but it doesn’t matter what I think, since you’re the one hiring me,” Flynn mumbled.

“He said you stole money out of the cash registers.”

“I would NEVER!” Flynn exclaimed, snapping his head up instantaneously. “I am not a thief!”

Lisa smiled. “Alright then, good enough for me. You can go now.”

Flynn’s eyes widened for just one second, and then he lowered them in what looked like resignation. “I – okay, Ms. Cunningham. Thank you for wasting your time, I’m sorry that I had to be such a bother…”

Lisa rolled her eyes. “My God, you are a melodramatic one. You’re hired. I never even said you weren’t, and from the second you walked in, I knew I was going to hire you. All right? Be here tomorrow at the same time Jason gets in, and come straight to me for training.”

Flynn’s eyes went wide. “Are you serious? Thank you so much Ms. Cunningham! I promise, I will be the hardest working errand boy that’s ever worked here, I swear!”

Lisa shook her head fondly. “Alright, alright. I gettt itttt. See you tomorrow, okay?”

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I don’t know if anyone wants to possibly be my Beta Reader? I’ve never had one of those so I don’t really know how it works, but I know that Microsoft Word is a terrible editor. It’s telling me that this is written at a 6th grade level or something. Bullshit! Grr. But anyways, just tell me in a review if you want to. And tell me something good about yourself, because if I get more than one, I am going to have to choose between candidates… I strongly doubt I will get more than one person wanting to be a Beta Reader, (if any at all), but if I do, I want to make sure that I am choosing a good one! :]