Another grain

My mum is lunatic.
I don't know why I'm telling you about it, but I guess it's just because she really freaks me out today.
She got that pregangcy thing going on. Which means that she's amazingly bitchy.
Whatever I do, I don't do it right.
She looks at me in that strange way and I wonder if I have done something to upset her.
Can't think of anything though.
Should tell her that Oliver is gone, 'cause she's usually all over him, loving him like a second son, she says. If I tell her she would certainly pity me and not be so harsh, but then she would also go back to cooing over me, as if I'm a seven year old. It's what she had done after the police had told her about the thing we were involved in. She was all over me, trying to give me the mental stability I appearently needed. Which was ridiculus, because the only thing I needed and ever will is Oliver, but we were seperated the moment the police arrived.
Therefore I think they are bastards.
Another reason for that opinion was Oliver's pale face after they had let him go. As if they had done the same thing to him like those boys. But he had stopped shaking and even looked at me.
When we had left the police station I had murmered a quick "It's over?!"
And I wasn't sure if I was asking or remarking, but he smiled at me and nodded.
It was the single most beautyful thing I had ever seen.
It was back then that I believed his heart would heal.
I was wrong.
It doesn't seem like Oliver would heal anytime soon and if I wouldn't be there to share the moment.
That was why I had to go to find out, if my heart would be able to heal.
So now I was sneaking down the stairs, it was late evening, with my mum and dad sitting in the living room, watching TV and her complaining about all sorts of stuff. That she wanted chocolate. That she didn't like the hair of one of the actresses on the movie. That she was feeling uncomfortable. The last one is really a handful, considered that she was 9 months pregnant with a kicking thing in her womb.
The thing that bothered me about it was the possibility of my Dad actually getting up to get her her chocolate, for I was just heading towards the backdoor in the kitchen, knowing that the frontdoor would just be far to noisy to leave from.
And honestly: if my parents caugth me sneaking out of the house with a backpack full of food, clothes, a tent and their complete savings for the babystuff they would need soon, they would just kill me.
Not that I would mind being dead. It had always been one of my better options.
Just that I want to go and find Oliver first.
What for I don't know.
I guess it's not a matter of choice either.
Since I can't live without him, I need to go.
As easy as that.
What are 200 miles, really?
I can hitchhike.
As a fifteen year old I'm harmless enough for all sorts of people to trust me.
I can smile.
And be quite charming, if I want.
I had actually spend most of the day to make up a story of why I was traveling to xxx-state, that and to pack the stuff, kidnap the food from the kitchen and shave my hair completly.
Needless to say that my mum started crying when she found my blond locks gone.
But what else was to be exspected from a pregant woman.
My Dad was a big help, though, defending me and saying that I was old enough to decide and that a change would always be nice.
Well, thank you Dad. That's really helpful.
What is not, is the fact that you're on the way to the kitchen now to get sweets for your fat wife.
Yeah, right. My Dad was nearing and it very much seemed like my plan would be ruined now.
I can see the doorhandle moving, my fingers are crammed around the key that opens the backdoor, but then a yell comes from the living room.
"Richard!", my mum screams.
I suck my breath in, because I can hear panic in her voice.
"Rich, my water burst!", her voice tells me and I stand stock still,
The idea of the baby coming here is simply to...disgusting.
All that blood and so on.
So I try to run, marching over to the door, when I hear my Das call me.
"Nila?!!!", he sounds nervous as well and I contemplate whether to leave or oblige, but do the last one in the end.
Why, I couldn't tell.
When I enter the livingroom I see my mum sitting on the couch, breathing heavily, looking pale as hell.
"Nila", she moans and tries to smile.
I look at her round face, her blond hair glued to her sweaty forehead, her dress clinging to her belly.
"Nila, it's coming", she tells me and I nearly sneer an ironic "oh, really", 'cause it's just so fucking obvious.
"Your Dad's gonna take me to the hospital. You're gonna stay here?"
I nod slowly, thinking that I would never, ever come along, because I hate hospitals.
Dad puts a hand onto my shoulder and squeezes it.
"I'm just gonna go and get the car out. You stay with your mum."
Well, it's not like I have a choice and he's gone before I can answer, so I stay, but try to avoid the damp spot on the floor where my little siblings environment had lost it's link to mum's body.
Luckily, after a minute Dad is back and lifts mum of the couch, carrying her to the car.
I sigh and think they're gone, but my dad comes back and looks around a bit dumb.
"Nila, have you seen", he turns to me, put stops in tracks and sends me a smile.
"Ah, there it is", he laughs and pulls the bag from my shoulders.
"Thanks, son" he praises me and hurrys out of the door.
It takes me second to realise what is going on.
I took the bag they had packed for the hospital.
The one with the babyclothes and toiletries for mum.
And yeah, that's stupid, but so?!
It was the biggest bag we got.
And now it's gone.
With all it's contents.
And some, like the tent and the money, are not replacable.
I swear loudly as the engine sounds and the car drives away.


yes, people, I realise, that this chapter is not really satisfactory.....I apologize
hope to hear from you anway and see you in the next one, right??????