Internal Affair

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Internal Affair
Chapter Three: Grassy Field


I opened my eyes and found myself staring up at the near-translucent clouds splotched over the powder-blue sky. I moved one arm out from underneath my head and looked at something that was on the corner of my mouth. It turns out I had a long blade of beach grass clamped between my teeth like some sort of farmhand. With a shrug, I put it back between my teeth, chewing it thoughtfully, and placed my arm back in its place with the other, pillowing my head.

A gentle breeze whistled by, and I just closed my eyes and sighed contentedly, enjoying the sense of peace I got just lying there.

“I was beginning to think you’d never show up,” she said to me.

I grinned. I wasn’t surprised anymore, even though it was only the third time I’ve dreamt of her.

“Well, I was enjoying the scenery,” I said, rolling the beach grass towards the middle of my mouth. I pouted my lips as if I were lifting it to the breeze then moved it back to the corner of my mouth with my hand. “This is my dream. I can do that, can’t I?”

I heard her laugh gently as she sat down to my right. “It’s nice. I wish I was as creative as you are.”

I laughed at that. “Oh, please. This isn’t creative, it’s just a grassy field.” I leaned on my arms. “You’re just saying that to placate me.”

She snorted, but I could tell she wasn’t mad. “Think what you like. I like this, though.”

“That’s okay,” I said with a shrug, still not looking at her. “Did you really mean those things you said to me the other day?”

I suddenly felt a tension between us.

“I did,” she said. “I meant every word, even the ones about you.”

“Do you really think I’m hiding behind her?” I looked at her now, and she was looking out at the horizon.

“I do,” she replied.

“I’ve been with her for six years, and those have been the best years of my life,” I said, following her gaze. “I don’t want to mess up a good thing, even if it’s with a dream girl.”

She was silent for a moment. “What about you?”

“Hmm?”

“Did you mean the things you said?”

“About me being faithful? Yes. Did I mean what I said about not wanting to see you anymore? Yes.”

“But I’m still here, aren’t I?”

I shivered. I didn’t like where this conversation was going.

“Some part of you still wants to see me,” she corrected me. “Though you’re loath to admit it, you did enjoy the resort.”

I lay back down and chewed on the blade of beach grass in my mouth.

“Oh, don’t be so uptight,” she said to me. “I’m not faulting you for it.”

“No, I am.”

She shook her head. “Look, there’s no need to feel bad about it. Your body craved it, needed it. And you know that…”

“I know what you’re going to say, so don’t say it,” I interrupted. “My fiancée pleases me well enough, and I’m eager to be with her when she’s in the mood.”

“Yeah, but how frequent is that?”

“I’m not answering that,” I said. “Stop trying to make her out to be some ice queen.”

“I’m not,” she said defensively. “But you need to stop revolving your sexual schedule around her and start thinking about you.”

I huffed. “I gratify myself when I’m in the mood, thank you.”

“Yeah, but you know you want more than that.”

I leaned on my arms again. “Are you trying to make me admit that dreaming about you, or even considering an affair, no matter the venue, is justified?”

“No.”

I scoffed. “It sure sounds like it.”

“Will you just get your head out of your ass and pay attention to yourself for once?”

The sudden raising of her voice caught me off guard and I sat up.

“If you were sexually content, would we even be here?”

The question hit me like a speeding car as she turned away from me.

“If that were the case, you’d be reminiscing about your fiancée and the sex you’ve had.”

“I am sexually content with her, thank you.”

“When was the last time you had sex with her?”

“Between two weeks and a month,” I answered honestly. “What difference does it make?”

“It’s not enough for you, though, isn’t it?”

“That’s not the point…”

“It is the point!” She stood up. “We’re here because we’re both sexually frustrated, and our bodies are desperately craving that kind of contact.”

I stood up. “I’ve always been perfectly willing to wait, Josie. I waited a year before my fiancée and I even laid in the same bed together naked because I wanted her to trust me, not see me as some guy that wanted a quick lay and be gone the next day. I wanted her to know that I wasn’t just with her so I could have sex with her.”

“Fair enough, but after that first time, you two found any opportunity you could, didn’t you?”

“So?”

“Did things change after you moved in with her?”

“So we didn’t play around as often…”

“You pretty much have sex once or twice a month now, don’t you?”

“And if that’s the case?”

“That’s why I’m here!” She turned around. “You love her, and yet your body wants what she only offers when she wants it and the opportunity is right.” She sighed.

I hated to admit it, but once more, she had me at a loss for words. I wasn’t trying to justify anything, but she did have a point. One of the reasons I hate being born a male is because sex is one of the biggest things we think about. I hate myself sometimes because of it.

“So you see now why I won’t take no for an answer?”

“This isn’t making me feel any easier, Josie,” I replied. “You’re in my dream. Shouldn’t my fiancée be the one haunting my dreams and fantasies?”

“Maybe you should ask her yourself, hmm?” She looked at me with a pained expression. “Maybe when you’re sleeping on the couch, I’ll finally feel appreciated by you.”

I suddenly felt sick to my stomach. She really knew how to hit below the belt.

“We’re both here because we need each other,” she said, her voice calm. “I don’t know who you are, and you don’t know who I am. I don’t need to love you, and you don’t need to love me. What matters is that we’re both here, and we both have needs the other can fulfill.” She looked down at her sandaled feet. “And, after our last encounter, I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”

“What?”

“You felt so good inside me. I haven’t had an orgasm like that in a while.”

“Are you just saying that to feed my ego, or to make me feel better?”

“Stop trying to find ulterior motives,” she replied. “I loved the way you made love to me, and the way you just pushed yourself over me, I’ve never felt anything so…thrilling.”

I had to laugh. “Is it just me, or are we doomed to argue first, have sex later?”

She thought about it for a moment and smiled. “I never really thought about it, but I guess so.”

“It really makes me wonder if your claims that we’re really sharing a dream are real,” I said. “Most fantasies don’t argue with you.”

“And most don’t have a fiancée that they care about so much,” she quipped. She stepped lightly towards me. “I wish I had someone like you outside of my dreams, to make me feel wanted.”

I shrugged. “You’ll find someone.”

“For now, I think I have.”

I was going to say something when she pressed her lips against mine. My arms wrapped around her waist as I pressed her close to me. I was surprised when she didn’t invade my mouth with her tongue immediately. The way she kissed me, I felt something different than the other times we met. I actually felt a need coming from her. She wanted to give herself to me completely.

“Like I said last time,” she whispered as I broke our kiss. “What goes on now is between us…”

“…And us alone,” I found myself saying. Though I felt guilty inside, I couldn’t help but enjoy the attention she craved from me.

“Kiss me again,” she whispered. I indulged her, this time taking the initiative and teasing her lips with my tongue. She yelped into my mouth in surprise, but she didn’t pull away, even as I slipped one strap of her dress off her shoulder. I was surprised that she didn’t have a bra.

“Go on,” she whispered against my lips.

My lips left hers to kiss her along her jaw, the crook of her neck and down her throat. The smell of lavender and cinnamon was nearly overpowering as I kissed her collar and teased her with a few playful licks to the base of her neck. She giggled and moaned in reply.

My hands traveled down her sides, past her hips and started to bunch her one-piece dress, white with large red flowers all over it, at her thighs. They were rewarded with the end a few seconds later, and I felt her skin against my fingertips, cool and warm at the same time. I slipped my hands underneath the dress and slowly moved up, enjoying the smoothness of her legs.

I heard her moan as I kissed her chest just over one partially hidden breast. I felt her hands roam over my head, keeping my face close to her body. I nudged the rest of her dress down with my chin and gently kissed her skin, blowing lightly on her now-exposed nipple. She moaned in reply and her skin was covered in goosebumps from my actions at the same time I reached her hips from underneath her dress and moved my hands to her front, following the lacy edge of her panties. I heard her suck in air through her teeth and I felt her knees buckle ever so slightly. I straightened up and pressed a hand against the small of her back and kissed her lips deeply, pushing myself forward and catching her as she fell back. I laid her gently on the grass, not breaking our kiss. She moaned into my mouth and squirmed underneath me as I snuck my fingers beneath her panties and teased her folds, rubbing lightly on her sensitive spot.

She broke our kiss and looked up at me, her eyes slightly glazed over. “Don’t stop,” she whispered, and she closed her eyes and arched her back as I easily slipped two fingers into her. I shuffled down a little so I could kiss the hollow of her neck, down her chest and into the valley between her breasts. She slipped the other strap of her dress off her other shoulder and moved it down so that it bunched up around her flat stomach.

I kissed one of her breasts, lavishing as much attention to it as I could before I moved to the other one, focusing only on her nipple, licking around it and teasing it with my teeth, all the while continuing to slip two fingers into her eager and dripping sex and thumbing her most sensitive spot when my fingers were all the way into her. Her entire body shook and she thrashed her head lightly. I often bragged to my buddies that I knew how to please a woman, and a part of me was glad to know that, even in a dream-slash-fantasy that I started to consider an illicit affair, I hadn’t lost my touch.

“Stop,” she panted. Surprised, I stopped immediately and looked at her, wondering if I did something wrong and I had to retract my own self-assertion. She proved me wrong as she forced me to lie down and slipped my pants and underwear off me. As I slipped my sweatshirt off and tossed it aside, I looked at her as she let her dress fall to a pile on the ground and kicked it away.

She looked good. That was the only way I could describe her; anything else would sound melodramatic. She had curves to her, and she was fit. She had a swimmer’s build and C-cup size breasts. She was someone I’ve never even tried to create in my dreams, and yet there was a natural beauty to her that drew me in.

“I want to try this,” she said. She straddled my hips carefully and slowly eased herself on my aching erection. She threw her head back as she reached the base of my shaft, and she leaned forward, placing her arms on my chest and holding herself up.

“You move,” I whispered, afraid to say anything else. She nodded and, still leaning forward, lifted her hips slowly and lowered again over me, sucking in air through her teeth. Easily finding a rhythm, she started to ride me slowly, her entire body moving over me.

I reached up and cupped one of her breasts, and she replied with a bewildered look. I massaged her flesh gently while my other hand fell to her hip, keeping a firm hold on her body. At that point, as she fell in her rhythm, I pushed my hips upward slightly, pressing deeper into her.

“Oh God!” She threw her head back and groaned loudly.

I stopped her just long enough so that I could sit up while still inside her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck and started to move again.

“It’s so…so deep,” she managed between ragged gasps of breath. “Don’t stop. I’m going to come! I’m going to…”

“I can’t…” I managed before my own climax overtook me. As I shot my load into her, she reached her peak and she dug her nails into my back, screaming into my shoulder and quivering as another wave of her climax rocked her body.

She held onto my body as I lay back down on the grass. Her breathing had slowed down and I could feel her heart slowing as well. She looked down at me, and I could tell that she was exhausted but content. She gave me the warmest smile and yet it sent the coldest chills down my back.

“Remember what I said, and what we agreed on,” she whispered.

I didn’t want to ruin the moment, though I felt I already did when I saw her smile.

“Did we agree on anything?” I asked back in a low voice.

She nodded. “Don’t think about her when you and I are like this.” Her voice started to sound faint, and everything was suddenly engulfed in a white light. “I don’t want her in your thoughts when I tell you that I love you…”


* * * * *


I awoke with a start, her last words echoing through my mind like a death knell. My heart was racing furiously, and my forehead was covered in a thin sheen of sweat.

I realized that I was the only one in bed, but I heard my fiancée laughing downstairs at something that her brother said. With a loud sigh, I lay back and stared up at the ceiling, wondering what I had done to deserve getting hung up over a fantasy, and why I was so disturbed when she told me that she loved me…

=[ End of Chapter Three ]=

A/N: Please be kind and leave a review. Constructive criticisms are welcome.