Ghost of you

A/N: Thanks for reviews you guys! *gives cookies*

Here's the next, still nothing too exciting, but it will answer to more questions... And yes, the slash will come, don't you worry about that. It will come! ;)
If you're good, might come a little faster...

BETAD by: Teeta
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Chapter 3



Two weeks passed by quickly. Alexander did his work with the others but he mostly remained an outsider for them. The other men did not like to include him to their joking, their chatting and in all honesty, Alexander did not mind. He did his work, often lost in his thoughts and memories of him. Here, in this place he felt closer to him than he had in years. He missed his touch, more than anything; he missed his touch.

The day was exceedingly hot, most of the men took their rest often, but he worked hard, taking a drink of water every now and then so that the sun would not wear him out.

Once again he was lost in his memories and thoughts as he did his work; the way his voice sounded like, the touch of his hands, the letter, the last words, the last night. In his dreams they were often together, but a touch in a dream and a touch in reality could of course never be the same.

“It’s alright to take a rest you know, every now and then.” A woman’s voice said from behind him and he turned to look. He smiled to her.
“Don’t worry Mrs. Lund, I’ll take care of myself.”
“Please, do call me Emma already.”
“Alright, Emma.” He smiled again and knelt down to take more nails from the ground
“And here I thought that the Finnish men were hard workers, but I guess you’ve proved me wrong.” She spoke bemusedly gesturing the other men who were having a coffee break nearby. A few of the men looked in their direction, frowning as they saw her talking to him. Alexander noticed this.

“Well, I’d rather work now and finish a little earlier.”
“I see, but you do need to eat, would you have a lunch with me? I brought a picnic.”
“Oh, that’s very nice of you… I just…” He started, glancing towards the men. Emma saw his slightly worried look.
“Oh, do not mind them. You can have an innocent picnic with a friend, who just so happens to be a woman.” She said and placed the blanket on the ground nearby. She started placing the food on it, adjusting the hem of her skirt as she sat down.

“Well?” She asked with a smile. He did feel hungry, so he sat beside her.
“You do realize what this must look like? You and I, having a quiet picnic together…” He asked with a slight smile as he took a piece of bread.
“I do, but I’ve never really been the one to care about what other people might think of me. What matters is what I think of myself, what I know is true.”
He looked at her for a long time, a genuine smile on his face.

“After we’ve eaten, I’m planning on going upstairs and taking a look at his room, Aino said that there’s a box in there with letters to me.” She sipped her juice, once again a sad smile appearing on her lips, the same sad smile that was there, whenever she mentioned him.
“Oh?” He asked, as he thought of nothing else.
“Elias and I, we planned to get married, did you know?” She asked. He shook his head, but listened carefully. “We knew each others from infants, oh we were so young, just children really. The last time I saw him, I was twelve… It feels like a life time ago…” She gazed towards the sky.
“I know what you mean.” He said quietly, their eyes met. There was a long moment of silence.


“The thing that I find the hardest is that I have no idea what happened to him, what really happened. I know about the night that they took him, but I don’t know what really happened that night, where they took him, what they did to him. His body was never found and what I find strange is that they hardly took anything else from the house and if they killed him, why not do it close to the house? So… well, there are just so many maybe’s and what if’s.” Alexander suddenly lost his appetite.

“What you must understand is the reason why Aino is acting so cold around you. She… Well I think she might remember that night, she does not like to talk about it though… And well, they’ve had it hard, she and Olavi… First they lost their father at such a young age, then Russians came and took their brother right in front of their eyes, their mother died and then… They were six and four for goodness sake… I can’t even imagine how they made it, walking together, in that cold winter day… But they did, you know? It was a group of soldiers that found them and they took them into the hospital… Anyway, it seems, that Elias had told them, that if something ever happened to him, they needed to find a way to contact me. So she gave my name to them and my mother’s name. They contacted us and my mother and my stepfather agreed to take them in. Later, after the war had ended, they even adopted them. It was easier for Olavi to adjust, he does not remember so much of his former family, or what happened here… But both of them wanted to come with me, when I decided to return here.”

“I had no idea that…” Alexander started, lost with words. How could he tell them now? He should have told them right away. How much had the children really seen? How much did the girl remember? He did remember them telling that they had already raped him, but he had no idea that… He really felt ill.
“Is something wrong? You don’t look so good, maybe it’s the sun?” She asked with worry, touching his arm.
“I’m fine really.” He tried to reassure her.
“Now, I know that you’re lying, come, let’s go inside for a bit, get you away from the sun.”

He followed her in and sat down in front of the table.
“Lean your head down, are you dizzy? Here take some water.”
“I’m fine, I really am, I’ll go back to work.” He tried and was about to stand up, but she stopped him.
“No, stay where you are, and I forbid you to do any work today.” She glared at him firmly.
“Alright, alright, I’ve never been the one to argue with a lady.” He grinned, lifting his hands up as if surrendering.
“Good.” She smiled. “Now, I’ll run upstairs and when I come back, I expect to find you here where I left you.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He teased.

He heard the sound running coming from outside and suddenly the door opened, Olavi plunged in and closed the door behind him. The boy didn’t seem to notice him at first as he was too busy glancing outside from the window near the door. He breathed heavily.
“Oh shit.” He muttered and then quickly looked around him, jumping as he saw him.
“Oh gods you scared me, didn’t know anyone was in.” He said, still a bit out of breath.
“If she comes, tell her that I’m not here, alright? I trust you.” He smiled briefly and then disappeared in one of the rooms. Alexander looked after him a little puzzled of what was going on. Soon enough he heard a girls voice calling the boys name.

The door opened.
“Olavi? Are you here? You know you can’t run from me forever!” Alexander looked at the brown haired teen-age girl who had just stepped in. The girl looked around, blushed when she saw him and made a curtsy.
“Hello sir, I was looking for Olavi, is he here?” She asked.
“No, haven’t seen him.” He lied.
“Are you sure?” She asked, one eyebrow raised. “Because I could have sworn that I saw him running here.”
Alexander looked around himself.
“Really?… “ He looked back at her. “I saw no one.” He said then.
“Oh… okay then… Um… If you see him, tell him that Hanna asked for him.”
“I sure will.” He smiled.
“Thank you.” She smiled and left.

“Oh thank you so much! I could almost hug you for that!” Olavi exclaimed when he walked back into the room. Their eyes met. “But don’t worry, I won’t” He grinned then. “Though, I have heard that you Russians like to hug? Kiss on the cheek? Because if you want, I can.” Alexander stared at the serious face of the boy and blinked his eyes. Then the boy laughed. “I’m sorry.” He said then. “Ignore me, really, just ignore me.”
He shook his head and sat down opposite from him. “Seriously though, thank you.” He smiled.

“No problem, care to tell me what that was about?” Alexander asked with curiosity. The boy sighed.
“Oh, I guess she wants me to take her to this dance on Saturday, but I don’t know… I’d rather not go, I don’t care for dancing much and frankly I don’t care much about her, either.” He grinned.
“Why not just tell her that?”
“Are you out of your mind?! You don’t tell a girl like her that you don’t like her. I have enough problems as it is.” Olavi stared at him.
“Oh okay…”Alaxander glanced at the boy. Perhaps he was just getting too old to understand the youth of today?
“How old are you?” Olavi asked suddenly, as if reading his thoughts.
“I’m 33.” He said and suddenly felt very old indeed.
“And you’re not married?” Alexander shook his head. “You like Emma?” What was this? Twenty questions? He wondered. “Because I think she likes you.” Olavi explained.
“Oh?” It was all that he had time to say before they heard Emma returning downstairs.


She sat down with a box in her hands and looked at the two of them.
“It has my name on it.” She said quietly, took a deep breath and opened the box revealing a big pile of letters. She looked at them, touched them, taking one in her hands. Alexander quickly glanced at Olavi, who stared quietly at the letters and her.
“They’re from your brother.” Emma said out loud what the boy had already guessed.

“Can you… um… Could you read them out loud?” He asked. She simply nodded her head and cleared her throat.

“1st of January, 1943….” She started. ”Dear Emma… It is the first hour of the year 1943. I’m sitting upstairs in my room, with my coat on, it is as cold up here as it is outside, but at least the wind does not get to me. Normally the New Year always gives me hope, but tonight I feel different, weary and hopeless. I’ve grown tired Emma, I feel like crying because I am so tired. I guess it’s a part of the reason why I’m up here tonight. I do not want to scare them, I cannot let them see me this weak.

Mother is only getting worse, at nights she coughs, and there is blood, she’s so weak and she does not understand. Before, when she was better, I tried to ask her to let me go and get help from someone who could take us away, but she did not listen and now she is way too sick for me to even think of letting them stay by themselves while I would go to get help.

I’m scared Emma, I’m scared of dying, I think of it almost everyday and it does not make me any more ready for it. I want to live! I want for this war to end! I want to hold you again, I want to kiss your lips and just hold you. I want to take you to the lake, I want you to take the mud and draw lines on my face like you did when we were little. My crazy Emma; I miss you.

Sometimes I look at her, trying to ease her pain and I know she won’t make it through this winter. I’ve even found myself thinking, perhaps even hoping, that she’d die, so the pain would end for her and I could be free to leave this place with Aino and Olavi. Does this make me a horrible person? I think it does, I hate myself every time I think like that. She is my mother… I hate myself Emma… But I have a horrible feeling inside of me that tells me we are all doomed if we stay. Everyday I fear that they will come and I am not ready to die, I have yet to live!

Thinking of you, thinking of the future we’ve planned gives me hope, the dreams keep me warm. I want to marry you, I want to have children with you, I want a life with you. I can’t even send these letters to you anymore and yet I keep writing them, I am going to continue writing them and maybe someday when we’re wedded, I can give them to you and we can laugh at how desperate I sound in them. I love you Crazy E. Never change.

I’m too cold now, so I have to stop and return back down stairs where it’s warm.

Yours: Elias."

By the time when she was done, she was crying. Olavi stood up and without a word he left. Emma looked after him.
“Are you alright?” He asked her, not sure which of the two he should worry more and at the same time he felt afoul himself, too.
“Yes, I’ll go after him…” She said and stood up, leaving him alone. He was kind of glad she did. God, this truly was one messed up situation. He had come here for one reason and one reason only: to tell the truth and what had happened instead? Here he was, getting more involved and had not completed the one thing he had come here for. He had failed to save the life of Elias and now he was failing to complete his last wish. What was he to do?

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A/N: Alexander seems to be running a lot into the question of what he should and could do, huh? Oh well...
I hope this chapter didn't suck so badly...I fear that it did... It's hard sometimes...