You Always Remember...

AN: exams are finally over and done with for this semester! You have no idea how relieved I am about this. In fact, my happiness allowed me to write another five pages for you to read. However, I have no clue when the next chapter will be up, but this is flowing extremely well right now for me so it shouldn’t be long.
And thank you everyone who read and reviewed. They mean so much to me.
So, review, please, to tell me what you think. Do you like it? Don’t you? Anything would be great and any input you have will be taken into consideration!
Yours truly,
cope





Chapter Three


So, the next week, there I was, sitting in my apartment watching Matt’s mother go through his belongings in order to make room for whatever Oliver was bringing with him later that afternoon. She was asking what I wanted to keep and what was fit to be thrown away or given to charity. She had already gone through and decided upon what she wanted to keep and out back in his room at home. Mostly, those were pictures, statues and some clothing. The furniture was to stay where it was in order for Oliver to use it. I kept Matt’s CD collection, his books and the clothing of his that I always ended up stealing anyways.

It was hard, though, to witness the last of Matt being packed up and sent away in boxes and bags. His smell was slowly starting to fade from the curtains in his bedroom and the bathroom. I was even missing his dirty socks that never quite made it into the dirty clothes hamper in the bathroom and the cap being left off the toothpaste every morning.

“You ok?” Came a voice from behind me. Oliver has been able to walk up to me until he was so close I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I hadn’t even noticed. He had been asking me that question a lot lately. I think it’s because Matt’s death hit me harder in many ways.

“No.” I answered truthfully, “But I’ll live. It’s just that he’s fading.” I knew I wouldn’t have to explain. Oliver knew what I meant.

Oliver stepped closer and drew me into a hug. It was brotherly, just like the ones that Matt used to give me, especially when I was mad at him. I reciprocated the motion. Hugging me had become something that Oliver was doing more often as well. We both needed the comfort.

However, as I started to pull back, I stopped when I looked Oliver in the eye. There was something there, a look that almost read like protection. There was sadness, too, of course, but the something was slowly becoming bigger than that. It kept intensifying as the seconds passed.

Looking Oliver in the eye, I never even realized that we were slowly bringing our heads closer to each other. We stopped within a whisper of having our lips touch, then all of a sudden, the look flickered and Oliver just pulled me in for another hug. There was a battle taking place in his mind, I only wished I knew what it was.

Gladys decided on that moment to walk back into the room. I noticed that she did a sort of double take and I extracted myself from Oliver’s strong hold.

“Well, honey, I think that’ll be about it. The rest I’ll come back for and take to the Salvation Army at a later date. I just don’t have to room for it in the truck right now. If you wanted to, though, you two could take it for me. Now there’s a thought, why don’t you do that? It’ll save your father and I a trip in later Ollie.”

“Mom, don’t call me Ollie? You know I hate that nickname.”

Gladys pretended not to hear him and instead gave us both a kiss and left. We were alone for the first time in the apartment together. Now what?

“So, Ollie eh?” I giggled. I had never heard his mother call him that before and Oliver’s cheeks turned a lovely shade of pink.

“She’s called me that ever since I was little. She says now that it was because I was too cute to have a hard name like Oliver. Of course, she still insists on calling me that every now and then some twenty-odd years later. I think she does it only to embarrass me.”

“I think it’s sweet. Maybe I’ll call you that from now on, Ollie.”

“You do that and I will have to kill you.” Oliver started to laugh and then stopped short when he saw the look on my face.

It was pain, pure and simple. Matt had been killed and the thought of it happening to me or anyone else close to me was enough to make me scared and hurt. Plus, now I know what death does to a family and I would never want mine to go through that with me. Matt had died too young, had been killed before he was even twenty-one.

Oliver immediately rushed to apologize but the damage had been done. I wouldn’t say anything to him either for fear of starting to cry in front of him again and only making him feel worse that he already was. I just wished that he would leave me alone for a while to sort myself out.

Quiet filled the room. I couldn’t even hear the cars passing by on the street below, or the neighbor upstairs singing as he made dinner.

“I’m going to go to bed. I’ll see you in the morning Merry.”

I really hate it when he knows what I’m thinking. But I was thankful to not have the tense silence any more. Matt used to be the same way. Maybe it runs in the family. Well, at least with Oliver safely in his room I could go to mine and maybe bring up enough courage to read the rest of Matt’s letter. Maybe.

I had carried that letter with me everywhere ever since I first found it. It felt as though those cool pieces of folded paper were my last true link to Matt. It was starting to show wear too, even though I had had it in my possession for a short while. I kept taking it out of my pocket and look at it, running my hands over the paper as if trying to feel what was written without actually reading the words. It didn’t work.

I sat at the window seat, the same place where I got the news about Matt. They said then that it had been an accident, that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Gang wars had never been big in the city, or at least never talked about much. The police told me that Matt had been walking to the bus stop he always got on at near where he worked at the museum as a researcher. He had loved his job there and had a crush on one or the tour guides. Anyways, a passer-by saw the whole thing. He had been sitting across the street in a little café watching the people who were walking by the window, when he heard the sounds of screeching tires and a gunshot. He then saw Matt fall down on the street, a shocked expression on his face as if he wasn’t sure if what had happened had really happened. Before anyone could get to him, he was gone. The guy said that he saw the car; it had been a green Grand Am with bumper stickers on the back window. Of course, the information was too vague to track down the exact car. Still, he had seen more than most people. It happened all so fast. But death is like that.

Glancing out the window, I could see all the lights of the city starting to twinkle like stars in the sky. You could never see the real stars, of course, because the smog was always too heavy. But it was a nice substitute.

“Give me courage Matt.” I whispered to the window. I needed all the help I could get.

I carefully unfolded the letter, paying close attention to not rip it, and started to read Matt’s words once more.

Esma,
If you are reading this, you opened the capsule before you were supposed to. I’m sure that it was for a good reason; of course the only one that I can think of is my being dead.
Anyways, you’re probably wondering why I added this in after so many years. Well, to tell the truth, it is in case that something does happen to me before the appointed time of our opening this together. If nothing happens, you will never read this because I would have taken it out before anything happens.
I know, I know, I’ll get to the point. I’m writing this to tell you just how much I love you Esma. Never doubt that.
You have always been my best friend, through thick and thin, every day of my life. I know that we shared experiences that transferred us over from friends to more that just friends, but it only made our bond stronger. I will never regret the time spent with you in those moments.
You were the shoulder that I cried on whenever I was upset, and you were always the one who shoved me towards achieving my dreams. Without you I would have been nothing but a shell of a person. That, or a really big jerk like my brother can be.
Speaking of which, should anything happen, I want you to be with him. No you perv, get your mind out of the gutter, not in that way. I mean that I want you to be there for him, and him there for you. He will be the only person who will ever come close to being a substitute me. Of course, remember, that I’m smarter and handsomer. Not to mention younger and with better hair. You can, by the way, show this to him if you want when you’re done reading this. And I know that when he reads that last bit he’ll deny it all.
Now, where was I? Of yes…of course. There’s something that I want you to do for me. I want you to live life, starting right after you finish reading my lovely letter. I want you to live life to the fullest and do it double for both of us. And, if I am in a current vegetable state, pull the plug. This is me giving my consent to do so.
I don’t want you to grieve for the rest of your life. I you must, have sex with Oliver and then move on to bigger and better things. And do I mean bigger. Ha! I can finally say that without fear of being hit by that big lug. I do need to confess something to you though about Oliver. He would be a good guy for you and to you. I know that I may not have always liked him, but I always loved him and I know that he would match you perfectly. He also had a wicked crush on you when we were in high school. Remember that guy you were dating…Tommy I think his name was…who kept telling people that you slept with him? Well, it wasn’t me who gave him that black eye and split lip. Although, the time needed in the hospital was all my doing. You know what I mean.
I am being serious though. If your heart tells you to go for it, don’t let me get in the way. I want you to be happy.
Which brings me to my next point. If I am reincarnated, or come back as a ghost, or something, I don’t want to see you hurting yourself because of the pain and sadness. It is one thing to hurt; it’s another to hurt yourself. I can see you thinking right now too you know. I know that you would never dream of doing anything of the sort, but dreams can turn into nightmares, which can turn into reality.
Well, I suppose that I have gone on long enough with this letter to you, especially since I don’t even know if you are ever going to read it. And I know that right now you are crying and it’s getting hard to make out my messy writing.
Just remember that I love you. Nothing will ever make me stop loving you. Not death, sickness, or you marrying my older brother.
Love always,
Matt

PS: I meant it about Oliver. If you need to, use him for sex and then throw him away. I also meant what I said about showing this to him.
I love you Esma.

God, I hated him so much when I was done reading his letter. I had had to stop several times to wipe my eyes and blow my nose. I just couldn’t believe the audacity that he had. As if I would ever sleep with Oliver and throw him away like yesterday’s garbage. I wasn’t that type of girl.

I blew my nose one last time and got up from the window. I knew that Matt was right about one thing, I had to show this to Oliver.

I walked out from my room and went to his. There was a faint flow of music coming from within so I knew he was still moderately awake. I knocked softly, wondering if he had even heard it, and was about to raise my hand to knock again when he opened the door.

He was wearing nothing but a pair of low-slung pajama pants and a white t-shirt. His hair was mussed as if he had been running his fingers through it in frustration and he looked surprised to see me standing there. Like there was another person living in our apartment who would have knocked.

“I’m sorry.” He blurted out as soon as he saw that I had been crying. Of course with my eyes being permanently blood-shot ever since Matt died, it was a wonder he could even tell.

I wasn’t sure what to say to him to make him feel better. So I just said the first thing that came to mind. “Matt wanted you to read this.”

Surprise couldn’t even describe the look that stamped itself onto his face. There was disbelief as well, but that faded as soon as he took the paper from me and saw the handwriting.

I could see his eyes running over the words as if they were air to breathe. He smiled at some parts and snorted at others. And when he was done I wasn’t sure what he was going to do.

I think that’s why I was so surprised when he cupped my face in his hands and kissed me.