Serenity

Disclaimer: Still Mine.

Starfyre


Enjoy!

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“Mother?” Serenity stood on the bottom step. Her right hand was trembling as she held on to the railing. “What are you doing outside so late? In the cold no less...” Her paled skin gave away that her night had not been so easy either. Dreams haunted her. She could not even find solace in her sleep.

“Serenity...” Sarai gasped. She had not expected her daughter to be awake. “Y...you look very pale. Are you okay?” She was going to try the ‘subject change tactic’. She had no desire to tell her daughter that she had been there, crying her self sick because of her.

“I’m fine. Why are you trying to change the subject?”

“I…” She was caught. Sarai sighed and shook her head. “Serenity, firstly, are you okay?” She walked over and placed a hand gently over her daughters. Her daughter felt cold and clammy.

“Just a bad dream.” Serenity whispered. “Nothing to worry about.” It was far from it. She had a lot of things on her mind but she wasn’t going to bother her mother with those.
“Let’s go get you some warm tea. Come on, hun”

Her mother pulled her hand gently to guide her. Serenity tried to pull away at first but her mother was not about to let this happen. It was a rare thing to even catch a moment’s time with her daughter these days. She was always too involved in one of her games or making a character sheet for something or the other.

“Mother, please. I am eighteen years old. I’m not a baby I can handle my own problems.”

“You are not eighteen. You are seventeen. Still...I don’t care if your birthday is only a week away. You will always be my baby and I will always love you, Serenity.” Sarai’s eyes had tears in them. Her baby was growing up on her more and more every day. “I...” She looked away. “I’m sorry.” She wasn’t able to hold her daughter’s gaze, not with the hurt expression that was in them.

There were no words. What could they possibly say to one another? Serenity knew her mother worried for her. Sarai knew she worried for her daughter but neither wanted to press the issue. Serenity thought she could handle it. Sarai felt that her daughter was sinking into a void, only to be lost to her. Both held such differing opinions and yet, both wanted to reach out to the other. They just did not know how. After nearly eighteen years of being around one another they were still perfect strangers.

“I’m...” It was Serenity’s turn to look away. “I think I’ll go back to my room.”

“No!” Her mother reached for her and gently grasped her wrist. Sarai couldn’t let this end badly again. “I would really like to just sit and talk. Please, Serenity. Let’s just go get some tea or hot chocolate and talk. It doesn’t have to be about anything specific. I just want to talk.” She was getting desperate now.

“I guess…” Serenity sighed. “You can let go of me. I won’t walk away.“

“Alright.”

The two regarded one another. This communication between them felt very odd. It was almost as if they were meeting for the first time, at least, that’s how a stranger might perceive it. They were strangers to each other in many ways. Serenity had no idea what her mother did for work half the time. Sarai had no clue if her daughter stayed home or even went to school anymore. She wouldn’t stop her either way. She believed if she tried to even step up and interfere, Serenity would slip farther away from her and dive deeper into the private world she’d made.

Sarai placed two cups of hot coco on the table. The winter nights were cold. There was a fireplace in the house but it was in the living room. It usually heated the house pretty well but tonight just seemed extra cold. Sarai slid the glass over and cupped it in her hands. She searched her mind for anything to talk about. Her mother did the same as she sat. If she knew her daughter better, then maybe she would have something to talk about with her. At the moment, however, all she had were the things that worried her. Mentioning those ran a risk of upsetting Serenity and pushing her away emotionally.

“Listen, Serenity.” Sarai finally decided to break the uncomfortable silence that had formed between them. “I’m sorry for yelling at you earlier. I really am. Its just, I...” she paused to look at the steam rising from her cup of coco. Sarai was fighting back tears that threatened to fall. “It’s hard for me to see you growing up like this, especially when I feel as if I hardly know you.”

“Mom” Serenity stood. She sighed and started to step away. “If you’re going to pull the ‘I hardly know you’ guilt trip on me, I’m leaving. There is nothing to discuss.”

“Serenity!” Her mother stood and moved around to face her. “I’m trying to talk to you and get to know you. You’re an adult. Please act like one. We need to talk and this is the only time you have come out of that room of yours.” Her eyes met Serenity’s and they pleaded to her daughter silently.

“Fine.”

“Please don’t be like that, Serenity. I am being serious here.”

“What do you want me to do? Break down in tears and hug you? What? You want me to just all of the sudden start crying that I have no friends and feel alone or something!” Serenity couldn’t help it. Her insides were screaming for her burst and lash out. “I can’t be like that! I’m fine!” She was physically shaking now. “I’m fine, really!” she spoke it again. Was she trying to convince herself?

“Serenity...” Sarai pulled her daughter into a hug. “It’s okay, baby.”

“N…no!” Serenity tried to pull away but she couldn’t. She felt weakened for some reason. The cascading tears that had burst from her in an emotional fit had left her feeling drained. “Let me go! I want to go to my room.”

“No. I will never let you go, Serenity Renwal. I love you and I want you safe. I want you to feel happy and secure with me. I am your mother and this is what I am supposed to be here for.”

Serenity whimpered. She could feel her insides starting to churn and her emotions were starting to fly. Her tears were falling faster. Finally she gave in and hugged her mother. She held her tightly and burrowed her face into the crook of her mom’s shoulder. Sarai cried along with her. Both her arms wrapped more securely around her daughter. The girls were occupied in an emotional outburst as neither had realized how much they needed one another nor did they want to push the limits of what they thought the other could handle.

The two were strangers in a dark sea of insanity and having an icy world around them didn’t help. The judgmental eyes of neighbors and ‘supposed friends’ did not ease their minds. The fear of the future tomorrows loomed over them. They needed help but there wasn’t anyone around who could offer them any. They were all each other had.

“I’m sorry, mom.” Serenity pulled away slightly. “I just…I can’t explain how I feel. It’s hard. I feel so much inside and…it just feels like I am sinking steadily. I don’t mean to make you worry and cry for me. I really don’t. I don’t want you to worry and cry for me like that.“

“No honey. That’s what I’m supposed to do. I am your mother. Didn’t you hear me? I want to be here for you. I want to cry for you and take your pains and worries away. I want to be the one that hurts instead of you. I just can’t do these things unless I know what’s bothering you so much. I want to help you.”

“Mom” Serenity bit her lip. “I want to tell you. I just can’t. Every time I think about it I remember that fight you and…” Serenity nearly choked on her words. Tears fell quickly over her paled features, as she continued, “…you and dad...had and then he left us forever. How was I supposed to handle that? I was only a little girl and my daddy left. He took everything with him. The town hated us after that. None of my friends were allowed to play with me, either. Everything was gone. I remember begging you to leave this place and yet you refused. You said he might come back to us. We could have had a better life somewhere else!“

“Oh, Serenity! I’m...” This was a sore spot for her mother too. Sarai brought up a napkin and wiped the tears away from Serenity’s cheeks. She ignored her own that fell. “I am sorry for all of that. If I could have been a better wife or if I had known what he wanted, he might have stayed with us. I felt my world ripped away too, baby girl. He tore my heart from my chest and trampled it. I only wanted to stay here because it was the only thing we both had as a reminder of days when we were happy.”

“Don’t say that, Mom. You were a good wife and are a good mother.” Serenity was the one who wiped tears from her mother’s cheeks this time “I know it wasn’t your fault. It’s just hard to accept. I do not blame you. I just wish that we could have something better. That’s why I play my games. In my world we’re both loved. You’re a grand queen, loved by the land and your husband and king, Tamin Demetrious.” Serenity’s spirit was full of vibrant life when talking about her world.” I…have my own Princely knight who loves me as well! Nothing can harm us there. In my world, I wanted to give you everything daddy never would or could. I lose myself in it. I dream of things better than what we have now.“

“Thank you, Serenity”. Sarai whispered as she hugged her daughter. “We will get through this some how. We will get through all of this and we will do it together.” The two girls could only sit, hold each other, and cry now. It had been a very emotionally driven conversation between them.

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A/N: Yeah, that’s soooo sweet! I actually cried a little when writing this one. Maybe I wished my mom were like this. Lol, oh well!


Starfyre