Take Me From This Pain, Kevin's story

Kevin glared at Matt for a long moment trying to decide what to address first. His brother\'s emotional state was more precarious than he\'d thought. How this guy, the epitome of callousness, became Brian\'s savior was beyond Kevin\'s comprehension. Be pushed back his shaggy dark blonde hair and sighed.

\"How come YOU were the one who saved him?\" he finally asked. He made sure every ounce of acid was clear in his tone. He wanted Matt to know he wasn\'t fooling him with this false concern.

\"Right place, right time,\" Matt said warily. He knew Kevin wasn\'t going to be won over easily, if at all. Hey, who could blame the kid? The stakes were high and Brian needed help badly. Kevin had obviously just discovered just how badly.

\"What were you doing in our neighborhood?\"

\"Old neighborhood,\" Matt clarified. \"Neither of you live there anymore. I was visiting an old friend.\"

\"Old girlfriend, maybe?\" Kevin hazarded a guess. He felt a measure of satisfaction when Matt narrowed his eyes. \"Yeah, I know you and Sherry Glasser used to go out.\"

\"And?\" Matt shrugged.

\"Getting back together?\"

\"No,\" Matt was really becoming annoyed. He knew Kevin had a right not to like him, but he couldn\'t help feeling as if he was being cornered.

\"Why\'d you see her then?\" Kevin asked. \"I know she\'s not happy with you.\"

\"It\'s my business.\"

\"When you wind up here with MY brother,\" Kevin hissed in a lethal tone, \"it\'s MY business, too. She told you about Brian, didn\'t she?\"

\"Why would she?\"

\"I know she knew something was going on and she\'s the only one on our block that you knew.\"

\"Why does this matter?\"

\"Because if she told you anything about Brian, you\'ll probably use that against him in whatever scheme you\'ve cooked up now!\"

\"I\'m not scheming!\" Matt exploded.

\"Where are Brian\'s glasses, Matt?\" Kevin asked coldly. \"He can\'t read a thing without them and he only had the one pair.\"

Matt looked down guiltily and shook his head.

\"I see.\"

\"I\'m taking him to the mall vision place after school today,\" Matt replied. \"I know you don\'t think I have his best interests at heart here, but I do.\"

\"Do you?\"

\"Look, it scared the SHIT out of me to see Brian holding a blade to his wrist yesterday! It also scared me when he sliced his thigh this morning.\"

\"He\'s cutting again?\" a horrible shiver ran down Kevin\'s spine.

\"You knew?\" Matt tried to regulate his breathing back to normal. \"Why didn\'t you stop him?\"

\"I did!\" Kevin cried in exasperation. \"At least I thought I did. He promised me last summer he was stopping. I saw him through the blade away.\"

\"Long, thin, with a red and brown wooden handle?\" Matt asked. Kevin nodded sadly. \"He lied. I did lock it away in a drawer, though. When I can find a way to get rid of it without him seeing so he can\'t \'rescue it\' again, I\'m going to get it out of the house.\"

\"Why?\" Kevin asked. \"You were the one who told him his life didn\'t matter. You said that last week, Matt.\"

Matt felt the redness flood his face again. He remembered doing that after tripping Brian in the lunchroom and sending his food flying. He had laughed with his friend\'s because Brian had no more money on him to buy another lunch that day. Now he realized, especially after seeing how truly thin Brian was, that he probably hadn\'t eaten anything for the rest of that day or probably even most of the ensuing weekend, as that had been a Friday.

\"I know,\" Matt said softly. \"I know what an asshole I\'ve been.\"

\"But where did this miraculous change come from?\" Kevin asked, more calmly this time. \"Why should I entrust my brother, who\'s extremely vulnerable right now and tried to kill himself when I wasn\'t around to stop him, with a guy who was capable of so much cruelty?\"

Matt thought for a long time on what Kevin was asking him. He knew he had no right to demand that he be forgiven for the things he\'d done. He also knew that if he were in Kevin\'s position, he\'d probably kick the guy\'s ass. Of course, him being so much larger than Kevin made that option unattractive for the smaller man.

\"I can\'t say anything that will take it all away,\" Matt sighed. \"If I could do it all over, knowing what I know now, your stepfather would have been beaten into a coma and you and Brian would have been out of there way long ago. But I can\'t change the past.\"

Kevin watched Matt carefully, unsure of what to say or do. The larger boy looked sincere, but how could they be sure he wouldn\'t hurt Brian again?

\"He doesn\'t sleep, you know,\" he finally informed Matt. \"In the last two years, the only time he ever really slept was on the weekend when Gary worked. Most nights, he dozes on and off, waiting.\"

\"Waiting for the prick to come in and beat him again?\" Matt said with undisguised rage. \"Or come in drunk and violate him?\"

Kevin\'s eyes widened like saucers. How did Matt know about that? Brian must have told him. Why would he risk telling that to Matt Henshaw?\"

\"It was when he was trying to convince me to let him cut his wrists,\" Matt explained to Kevin\'s unvoiced query with unshed tears glistening in the corners of his eyes. \"He said told me he was dead inside and that his mom was waiting for him.\"

\"He always made sure Gary stayed away from me,\" Kevin cried, the tears coming easily to him. \"He said that was the important thing, that I not be touched. Why was I more important to him than himself, Matt?\"

Matt shook his head and touched Kevin\'s arm reassuringly. He\'d have held him but knew instinctively that Kevin wouldn\'t welcome the act.

\"I don\'t know why he\'s chosen to latch onto you,\" Kevin sniffled, his tears slowing now. \"But I won\'t force him to come with me.\"

Matt was relieved.

\"Yet,\" Kevin added. \"I know there\'s nothing I can threaten you with, Matt. So I\'m asking you. No I\'m begging you. Please don\'t hurt him anymore. If you want to humiliate someone, choose me.\"

Now it was Matt\'s turn to have widened eyes. \"I\'m not hurting anyone,\" he insisted. \"I want to help him. I want to help you both! If you want to be close to Brian, you can move in, too. I don\'t want to keep you apart. I just want to protect him. I owe him that after the shit I pulled.\"

Kevin studied him curiously. That was an undisguised display of raw emotion from the school bully. Matt wasn\'t lying. Brian would definitely be protected if he stayed with Matt. More so than if he came home with Jason, as the other wouldn\'t then have to try to keep two scared boys safe. The same would go for Matt if Kevin went home with him. This way, Brian would have someone\'s undivided attention. And Kevin could see Matt had no intention of taking his eye off Brian anytime soon.

\"Okay then,\" Kevin gave Matt a small smile. \"I\'ll trust you with him for now.\"

Matt nodded in relief. He knew Brian valued Kevin\'s opinion no matter how much he had protested before. This would make Matt\'s quest for Brian\'s trust a little easier. Coming to that silent understanding, they both nodded to each other and opened the bathroom door to see how Jason and Brian were doing.

\"We have to get Kevin off the West Coast!\"

\"Why?\" Matt asked curiously, Kevin standing right behind him.

\"Don\'t worry, Bri,\" Jason said, patting the smaller boy\'s shoulder. Matt wanted to hurt him again. \"You and Kevin talk in the bathroom for a few minutes while I confer with Matt.\"

Kevin looked uncertainly at Jason who smiled reassuringly. Matt looked at Brian and noticed he was being watched as well. Brian looked like a deer caught in the proverbial headlights.

\"It\'s okay, Bri,\" Matt said and touched Brian\'s arm. \"Jason and I aren\'t going to fight.\" He hoped. \"And you and Kevin need to talk.\"

Jason nodded in agreement. He knew that Matt was probably going to be thick at first, but that he would listen once Jason explained to him why he had to.

Brian walked hesitantly back into the bathroom and gave Matt one last sad look before closing the door. He knew he had to tell Kevin now and he didn\'t know if his brother would like what he was going to hear.

\"Tell me,\" Kevin said without preamble.

So Brian went through the story again about how Gary was just a little short of a month from finding out he only had about $20,000 left to support his drug habit with because Brian\'s share was locked away.

\"You did that for me?\" Kevin asked in wonder. His brother never failed to surprise him.

\"Yeah,\" Brian replied. \"And he can\'t sell the house without me. I even left that stipulation in my will.\"

\"What eighteen year old keeps a will?\" Kevin yelled. \"You\'d better stop planning to leave me! I won\'t stay behind alone.\"

\"You HAVE to go to school,\" Brian yelled back. \"You have to have a normal life.\"

\"You do TOO!\"

The brothers squared off furiously. Brian wanted his brother to see that this was the only way to exact revenge on Gary, for one of them to survive and thrive in the world. Kevin wanted Brian to see that they both could if he would just let them help him.

\"Look, it was all I could think of to do at the time,\" Brian said softly. \"The money\'s set to go into the account on my birthday. You need to be out of town before he finds out and tries to take you from Gina and Jason.\"

\"What about you?\" Kevin asked just as gently. \"If I leave, you\'ll try to kill yourself again.\"

\"I won\'t,\" Brian sighed. \"I promise I won\'t. Matt will watch me, just to be sure.\"

\"About Matt.\"

\"Don\'t start,\" Brian whined.

\"No, not that,\" Kevin said. \"I want you to stay with him.\"

Brian looked surprised.

\"Let\'s just say we had a good talk,\" Kevin smiled. \"You still always keep your word to me, right?\"

\"Always,\" Brian said eagerly.

\"Keep that promise, then,\" Kevin said. Brian nodded. \"And keep this one.\"

\"What?\"

\"Stay as close to Matt as you can and do what he tells you,\" Kevin said. \"I trust him to steer you right.\"

Brian nodded thoughtfully as the other two opened the door and came back in.