Memory of the Past

Out of breath, the man stood up and straightened his clothes from the vigorous exercise. He walked to the fridge and drained a whole bottle of Poland Spring. Time for a shower. He thought to himself.
The hot steaming water ran through the well-built body of the tall man and a moan escaped out of his mouth. The feeling of the soft caress made him immediately relax and he leaned into the water from the showerhead. He grabbed blindly at the bottles and felt the right one and poured some into his hands and began washing his hair, the sweet aroma of green apple immediately spread throughout the bathroom. It brought a smile onto the man’s face. Images of the boy in his bright uniform stimulated the smile though, not the fragrance of the shampoo. The boy’s smile was brilliant, like sunshine it seems to bring hope and joy. The innocence and beauty that can only induce positive feelings from a person. The energy radiated and made even him, the cold-hearted hermit, spare a slight smile. Just then knocks from the door disrupted his thought and annoyed him. He gladdened when the possibility of the boy standing at the door came to him. He quickly turned off the water and reached for the towel hanging on the outside. He wrapped it quickly around his lean abdomen and took another in hand to dry his hair, his messy brown hair that he never brushes.
He walked toward the door while drying his hair and smiled greatly at the thought of seeing the boy again. He hung the towel on his right shoulder and unlocked the door, and smiled even brighter at the sight of the boy.

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‘Ahhhhhh, he’s not dressed! He looks so hot, he didn’t appear like he is built with muscle the first time I saw him, he fainted the first time I saw him. Okay, gotta calm down. NOOOOO! Jeez, why do you have to get excited at a time like this?! It’s okay, it’s okay. He is waiting for me to say something, just be cool, but he is so hot!’
“Umh, hi, got some more flowers for you and umh, I’ll leave before you slam the door into my face again. I know when I am unwanted.” The boy handed the flower to the man and turned to leave when his gaze met the man’s and a blush surfaced on his face and his breath got caught. The man was smiling at him with such a welcoming face. ‘What to do?’
“Thanks again, and I just want to apologize for last night. I didn’t mean to close the door on you.” The older man replied while he felt guilty about last night’s event.
The young boy chuckle and said, “That’s okay, I guess.” He lowered his head while he scratched his head with a warm face now plainly tinted with rosy cheeks. But as he lowered his eyes, he caught the man in the towel and what’s behind there and he started to grow hard again just thinking about it. He closed his eyes and cursed his boiling hormones.
“Umm, well, … do you want to come in?” ‘Wait?! What am I doing? Did I just say that?’
‘Do I?! Of course yeah, I want to be inside that hot bod…No I mustn’t think that way!’
“Umh, sure.” The boy answered with a brilliant smile but stayed still as the man held the door and did not move. Hesitancy filled the man’s face, as he seemed to struggle internally.
“Did you just change your mind? If you got something to do, just say so, and I’ll leave.” The boy spoke with concern, looking into the glassy eyes of the older man who seemed to see nothing in front of him.
“I…I…Come on in.” The man said in a defeated voice, sounding disappointed. ‘What am I suppose to do? What now?’ He turned when he heard the door clicked and locked. The both looked at each other and smiled shyly before the boy quickly diffused his look to the room, not much different then when he last saw it. Very clean and orderly, definitely very different from his own room. Then the sudden thought occurred to him of what he is doing in this man’s apartment. He cannot possibly expect the man to have sex with him; the thought made him berate himself and looked back at the man.
“Do you have anymore deliveries? Because if you do, I won’t keep you. How about a drink?”
“Yeah.” The boy answered happily and took a seat at the high stool at the center kitchen counter. The man made a strange face and looked at the boy, which made the boy’s heart jump quicker.
“Is that an answer to the first question or the second?”
“What?… Oh yeah, umh, yours was the last delivery, and I do want a drink. Thanks.” The boy looked a little flustered with all the questions the man was asking. “So what do you do? Do you have a lover or something?” ‘He regretted it immediately because his chance would be gone if those flowers are from a lover, but the man also said he had no one close, of course he could be lying.’ The boy maintained his smile even when he thought that the man was already engaged in some relationship. He then looked quickly at the man’s left hand and found that there is no ring there, and then he remembered that he has never seen a woman around. His gaze stayed on the man’s body and made him feel excited again as he followed the defined contour of the man, especially around the man’s behind. ‘A delicious ass.’ Suddenly the man raised his head from the fridge and asked.
“Soda, juice, or milk? You don’t seem to be over 21, so I’ll refrain from giving you any alcohol. So what’s your choice?”
“Huh, oh, umh soda please, do you have Sprite?” The boy looked a little puzzled when the man didn’t answer his question. Two metallic thuds hit again the marble counter and made the boy wake from his confused mind and two glass clinks made him more aware of the man. Ice is added to the glass and the soda was poured, but before either of them took a drink, the man seemed to become aware of his nakedness and declared he will go put on some clothes. The younger man didn’t display his disappointment, but inside he was greatly saddened. He sat in silence and sipped his Sprite. He looked around the room more carefully this time to see that this room is decorated with great taste with interesting things and almost each wall is lined with bookshelves. The shelves are filled with books. The room is taller than a regular room and paintings adorned the brightly lighted walls. The furniture is modern and appeared comfortable. The kitchen connected with the living room/family room with a half wall. Small plants lie on the half wall and the kitchen is spotless. Just then the man returned.
“Have you read all these books?” The boy asked innocently.
“What if I have, would you look at me differently?”
“Very differently.” A grin came upon the boys face. “My name’s…”
“Zach, I know. You said that the first time you delivered flowers to me.”
“Oh, I don’t even remember giving you my name.” The boy smiled shyly back at the man. He looked at the man more questioningly when the man just drank the Sprite quickly and never attempted to state his name. “So what’s your name?” The boy asked.
“Why do you want to know?” The man suddenly became defensive and threw a serious glance at the younger man.
“Well, I gave you mine and out of propriety you should give yours, or are you some criminal that is being hunted down and must not reveal your renowned name.” The last part was said with an amused tone and giggles followed.
“You can call me Eddie.” The man finally replied with carefulness.
“So why did you invite me in? You said before that you haven’t seen another person for a long time, so how long since me?”
“Five years.” The man said briskly.
“Wow, are you socially inept or something because you seem to be doing fine with me, and if you can talk to me, then you can talk to most people. I am not easy to talk to.”
“I am in post-traumatic denial, and basically I just don’t want to go out because I hate everyone.”
“Why?”
“You don’t want to know and I am not going to tell you.”
“Oh come on, Eddie. You know you want to tell me.” Zach said in his most flirtatious voice and threw a seductive glance at the other man. The other man only stared at him with seriousness and answered.
“No.”
“Fine! Don’t tell me. I am your first friend in five years and you won’t tell me anything.” The man lowered his eyes and stared at the marble with an intensity that seemed to be burning a hole through. Zach realized that the man was hurt and immediately got off his stool and walked to the other side and reached for the other man’s shoulder, and the man jumped.
“Don’t touch me! Don’t you dare touch me, I will call the police!” Ed’s eyes looked up and gazed intently at the other man’s eyes and Zach stepped back with concern while he sees a tear drip down from the hazel eyes.
“I am sorry. I’ll go now, okay. I apologize again.” Zach walked toward the door and looked back through his shoulder and sees the man in the same stance. He opened the door and left.
‘Maybe he is bipolar, one second happy the next sad. He is really weird but HOT!’ Zach got into his car and tried to find out what he said wrong that made the man so jumpy and angry but he couldn’t find it. He didn’t know he was annoying, and if he were, the man wouldn’t have invited him in. ‘It’s got to be something I said, but what? I wasn’t being pushy with my comments. I was only trying to be funny and maybe he took it the wrong way.’ He drove onto the streets and busied himself into finding an answer.

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As Zach closed the door, Eddie collapsed onto the floor and memory flooded him. He tried to be strong in front of the boy but he failed miserably. He now held his knees with his hands and leaned back against the cabinets. Tears wetted his face and he stared into the opposing cabinets but not seeing it.
“You are going to be a good fuck, boy.”
“You are hot, boy, thanks.”
Eddie winced as if he is feeling the pain again, he whimpered lowly but no one heard him, just like that, no one heard him. He remembers that someone passed by the alley and he screamed but that person didn’t hear him, no one came to help. Even when he woke up, the face that greeted him was that cop, who could only offer so much comfort. He wished that there were someone in the world that cared about him, but such is not the case for an orphan like him. He was just a brat from the streets. Only one person seemed to care fro him, but even that person was taken from him, and he was all alone. He got up slowly from the floor and walked toward his bedroom. There he lies and drifts into sleep thinking what kind of apologies he can give to Zach when he comes.