Nymphaea

Chapter 27: Through green eyes II

They met every few months to discuss the progress of their diplomatic engagements. They had agreed that they’d wait until Pheus had officially been made his brother’s successor before he’d seek contact with any human government but that Seya, that person who had urged Ayve to undertake measures to ensure the future of his people, should advance already to sound out the situation.

Though they had not gotten any closer, Ayve retained that slightly more relaxed attitude around Pheus. Which naturally was much to Pheus’ liking. They actually had a few very nice meals together, talking about the families of their siblings or similarly harmless matters. He’d seen Ayve smile. Pheus couldn’t remember when that last had happened.

Ayve completed a small bonding ceremony with Alannah after two years. He also did her the favour of meeting her family. Afterwards they established a pattern of shared time. Ayve contacted Alannah in regular intervals and informed her when he wouldn’t be around. Once or twice Pheus joined them when they visited a museum or the theatre although it was plain to see that Alannah did not know what to make of him. And since he knew that he was not the least interested in her, Pheus didn’t endeavour to make a good impression either. He just stayed himself.

On the other hand it did not bother him to see her with Ayve like that. Clingy. Granted, he’d have preferred to have Ayve in his arms instead of seeing him put his arm around the shoulders of that redhead but he did not regard her as competition. She was Ayve’s pet, a harmless little thing. Should he bury himself in her when the time was ripe to sire his child. That had nothing to do with what he could offer Ayve – if Ayve were willing. Pheus knew that Ayve was not passionate about Alannah. He liked her; he had tender affections for her. But he didn’t shiver under her touch as he had under Pheus’.

That blondie had been more of a threat to Pheus. Ayve’s relationship with him had been much more physical, much more intense. And there were two things that especially bothered Pheus: that boy had a cock and he was human. The thought that Ayve had abased himself by actually sucking that scumbag into heaven was… it had taken a lot out of Pheus to keep from doing something he’d – no, not truly regret… pay for later on.

It was over. That was what counted. Ayve had admitted to his stupidity. Had acknowledged that caring for a human was dumb. Although Pheus wasn’t sure that this awareness would last. He had a time window now that he intended to use to establish his position as the male in Ayve’s life but he was aware that if he didn’t succeed soon, Ayve was likely to seek a substitute lover. A thought that made his insides cringe.

But Ayve’s bond-mate was similarly weak-hearted: despite her knowledge of Ayve’s true passion she had blindly fallen for him. She adored him. Ayve had not had to move a finger to have her at his feet, she just was the kind of woman to lose her head lightly. And even more absurd: Ayve in his softness, his good manners, in turn felt responsible for her. Feared to hurt her in case he put up with another man. The poor blighter constantly felt guilty about something. As if he carried the weight of the world. Oh would he only accept the offer Pheus had made him so long ago! He’d be free of all those troubles…

The day before Ayve was going to meet with a few people from the British government in England one summer, Pheus finally pushed his luck and tried to kiss Ayve.

They’d spent several hours in each other’s company, walking along the shore in front of Pheus’ house, dining together, listening to music.

Now they sat together on cushions on the floor, listening to the voices of a choir. Or more correctly: Ayve listened with closed eyes, leaning against the wall, breathing evenly. Pheus eyed him. His lean body, his long, slender hands, the small bulge in his trousers that hid Ayve’s sex, those full lips… Pheus couldn’t keep from putting his fingers lightly on Ayve’s cheek to press his thumb on his enticing mouth. That of course caused Ayve to open his eyes in wonder. Pheus tightened his grip and slowly came closer to Ayve.

But Ayve backed off and shook his head. No, Pheus. That was all he could say. Once more Ayve’s mind was blank as he jumped up to enlarge the distance between them.

“Why not?” Pheus demanded to know.

Ayve shook his head, lowered it and left the room.

A day later Pheus had to watch this boy pluck Ayve like a ripe plum. Invade Ayve’s mouth and offer his arse up to him twice. How very clever. Who could resist that? It filled Pheus with sickness and blind rage to see how Ayve treated this creep with so much affection, how he climaxed inside him.

No matter how often Ayve said that it was over between him and that boy, Pheus knew it wasn’t. And he’d go to hell if he stood by and watched this. It took several days until he finally caught blondie on his own. He was so focused on his prey that he did not even notice that Ayve had returned from his stay with Alannah a day early and was just a few blocks away.

It was a strain for Pheus not to strike out at Ayve when he pulled him away from his golden boy. They glared at each other for a few moments before Pheus withdrew and left Ayve to pick blondie’s remains from the pavement.

It took Ayve four weeks before he approached Pheus to talk about what had happened. By then Pheus had grudgingly noted that this boy had had the impertinence to cling to life as much as he clang to Ayve. The first stickiness probably resulted of the second. And now he was stickier than ever. And there was nothing Pheus could do about him unless he truly wanted to piss Ayve off.

Ayve came up to him as he sat outside, once more staring at the sea as if it would eagerly swallow all his sorrows. He slumped down into the sand two metres away from Pheus and sat there in silence.

You know you need to stop that. This leads to nothing. And definitely not to me landing in bed with you, Ayve bluntly said. Pheus gritted his teeth and looked away.

After a while Pheus once more took the initiative. “Why him, why not me?”

Ayve smirked. It’s not about him. It could be anybody else.

“Well then again: why not me?”

Ayve buried his head between his legs, rummaging in his hair. Because I need to retain a clear mind. I have responsibilities that need all the attention I can give them. Giving in to you would mean giving up myself. You want too much.

“But don’t you want that, too?” Pheus asked, remembering all those longing looks.

One can’t always have what one wants, Ayve retorted. Yes, I want to go back to past times of happiness. Rare as they were even then. But that is an illusion. Perhaps we could spend a few passionate nights, years. And then? I don’t see what future could hold for us… Ayve had gotten up and taken a few steps towards the water. I need something fresh in my life. Something that will quicken me once more. Something to make me blossom. Not something to dissolve in, Pheus.

Ayve turned around and looked at him.

I love you. Always have. Always will. With all my heart. Obsessively. And I am deeply grateful for everything you have done for me and that you still want me and watch over me. I am.

Ayve went over to Pheus and knelt down in the sand before him.

Pheus was brooding, boiling, fighting with himself not to burst out. Make Ayve his.

Ayve put a hand on his shoulder nonetheless. Held his gaze.

Pheus, you are without any doubt the most important person in my life. And you’ll always have a prominent place in my mind. But I cannot let my obsession with you rule my mind.

He shook his head.

I wish there was another way. A solution that didn’t feel like ripping your heart out. And mine. I’ll go to hell before I give you up completely. But we need to find a way to interact with each other in a nonsexual way. Even though you loath that thought. I know this is not what you want. But it’s what I need. Pheus. Please.

Ayve dropped his head, fighting against tears. A pair of them dropped on Pheus’ lap. Then Ayve’s eyes went dry again.

He got up and went behind Pheus, lowering himself down there, embracing Pheus from behind, burying his face in his neck. They sat like that for what felt like an eternity, Pheus unable to utter a word, having clenched his teeth in the attempt to control his temper and savouring the warmth that emanated from Ayve’s body.

When he thought his anger had ebbed away enough for him to move properly, he seized Ayve’s arm as gently as he managed and removed it from his chest. He placed his lips on Ayve’s hand for a moment, and then he got up and moved away without another glance. That would have been too much to bear.

*

Ayve had wandered for hours afterwards along the coast until finally he had climbed a tongue of rocks that reached far into the sea, several miles away from Pheus’ house.


*

When Ayve arrived a couple of days later and Pheus caught that scent on him, he couldn’t help but question Ayve’s reason once more. After cooling down outside, he managed to fix them dinner and hand Ayve a ring.

“He has been generous and gave them to me in advance.”

The rings were an outer sign of the ranking order and the original agreement had been that they’d be handed out after the child had been sired. Ayve and Pheus had agreed that Ayve should at least be the second successor in the ranking in the case that Pheus was prevented for any reason, so their line in politics would still be followed, even if Ayve loathed the thought of carrying that additional responsibility.

***