Dandruff

Jacob twirled long strands of spaghetti around the fork’s tines, dragging them through the thick tomato sauce distractedly. He’d only had one mouthful of his dinner so far; he’d spent the other five minutes playing with his food while thinking of sexual euphemisms where ‘spaghetti’ could be used. So far he’d only come up with semen and even that was a far stretch.

Ha, a stretch. How witty.

His stomach knotted and he forced himself to relax. He never thought he’d spend his eighteenth birthday struggling to keep his food down because he was nervous. Russell had already moved into the apartment and most of Jacob’s things were there already, but today was the day he’d be moving in. It felt as though he was watching his life on television as opposed to being an active participant.

That day in April where Russell had asked him to move in with him seemed fresher than yesterday. A whole summer had gone by; most of it spent goofing off with his friends under the hot sun and snuggling on the roof deck beneath the stars with Russell. The other half was spent convincing Felicity that he knew what he was doing. She still had the silly, naive idea that he should finish school and go to college. All Phoenix had to say about the matter was, ‘You’re a fucking idiot.’

“You’re hardly eating, dude,” Trent commented, tearing Jacob out of his thoughts. They were having dinner in the Italian restaurant Garry’s father owned, a farewell meal or something of the sort. Claudia and Garry sat on the other side of the table, perusing the alcoholic beverages on the menu in the hopes that Mr. Cicione would allow them to order a few drinks.

“I know. I’m just not all here right now, you know? I’m gonna miss you guys,” Jacob said, feeling like the world’s biggest pussy for saying that. Oh how one softens with old age.

“Jesus Christ, don’t be such a chick about it. We’ll stay in touch,” Trent scoffed, smiling in spite of his words.

“Yeah, we can’t let you forget about us. Besides, I’ll definitely be crashing at your place; the chicks in Hollywood are fucking hot,” Garry smirked.

Claudia rolled her eyes. “They’re made of plastic, you desperate loser.”

“Don’t be bitter, Claudia; I’m sure your mom will let you have that nose job for your birthday,” Garry patted her shoulder patronisingly.

Claudia turned to Trent. “Aren’t you going to defend me? Someone has to now that Tori’s not here to put Mafia in his place.” She winced as soon as the words were out of her mouth. To say Tori didn’t take the news of Russell and Jacob’s relationship well would’ve been the understatement of the year. The words ‘backstabber’, ‘faggot’, ‘bitch’, and ‘cock-sucker’ were now shrieked in Tori’s voice whenever they crossed his mind…And probably everyone else’s mind who happened to be in that ice-cream parlour at the same time. They were politely asked to leave (read: thrown out), and she stormed off in the opposite direction, climbed into her car, and never spoke to him again.

“Don’t look so down; she was a bitch anyway,” Trent shrugged, stabbing his fork into one of Jacob’s meatballs and dropping it onto his own shrimp linguine.

“You know, it’d be a lot more comforting if you didn’t steal my food,” Jacob deadpanned.

“Hey, I’m paying for your food; I can have some if I want. Are you going to finish those bread sticks?”

Claudia folded her arms. “You’re paying for Jacob’s food? I’m your girlfriend, and you never pay for my food!”

“Then maybe you should go away, too then, dearest,” Trent sneered nastily.

“You’re being a real asshole today, Trent, honestly.”

“How’s that any different from usual?” Garry snickered, earning a glare from the bickering ‘couple’.

Jacob tapped his fork against his glass of Dr. Pepper, diverting everyone’s attention onto him. “Russell’s going to pick me up in two hours, so can we not waste time arguing over dumb shit? We’re supposed to be mourning the loss of the best thing that ever happened to you fuckers: me.”

There was a collective exasperated groan.

“Oh, fuck you guys.”

Claudia suddenly clapped her hands excitedly. “It’s time for presents!” She leaned over and scooped a shiny, silver gift bag from beneath her chair. “This one’s from me. I made it myself. Teen Vogue says homemade gifts are in this season.”

“Right, thanks,” Jacob said, snatching the bag away from her rather tactlessly and ripping it open. He tossed all the useless, flimsy paper onto the floor to get to the good shit. He held up a black and blue, knitted piece of fuckery with a perplexed expression. “What the fuck is this?”

“It’s a beanie… It didn’t come out that well; I never knit anything before… But it’s the thought that counts right?” she forced a big grin. “You don’t like it?”

“…It’s great, really,” he stared at it, confused about the fact that there was more than one opening in it. He moved as if he was resting it on his lap, but he’d actually thrown it under the table. The cleaning staff could keep that.

“That’s not all that’s in there,” Claudia urged him on, seemingly unaware of Trent and Garry’s amused expressions.

There was a bottle of some surely expensive cologne as well as a CD.

“Is that Iron Maiden?” he gushed excitedly as he pulled it out. His smile immediately slid off his face. “’Madonna; The Immaculate Collection’?”

“I found it at this vintage record store; it’s apparently been there since 1993. Don’t you just love it?”

“Claudia, you’ve seen me wearing metal band T-shirts for months… I don’t listen to Madonna!”

“Sure you do, you just don’t know it yet. You’re gay, sweetie.”

Before Jacob could reach for his knife, Garry handed him yet another gift bag, this one a dull blue. “I think this one should be a bit more useful… Alright, my mom picked it out. Shut up.”

It was a cookbook of Italian recipes. Jacob doubted he’d have much use for it, but at least it wasn’t a fucking Madonna CD.

“Time for the best gift of the evening,” Trent announced, reaching into his backpack. He produced an unusual, black box, shaped like one of those old Victorian caskets, complete with a little cross on it. “Goth Boy should enjoy the present, too.”

Jacob narrowed his eyes as he removed the lid. “You think you’re so funny—where the fuck did you find a bong shaped like a penis?”

Claudia didn’t look too pleased about the whole thing, but Garry was doubling over with laughter.

“I can’t believe you gave me a giant, glass cock in the middle of a restaurant.” Indeed, quite a few people were staring, and Jacob quickly put the lid back on.

“I’m sure you’ll find some unconventional use for it when the boyfriend’s away,” Trent smirked. “But look, I got you a Nirvana box set, too. Now you can get high while you listen… or fuck yourself while you listen.”

“That is so disgusting,” Claudia made a gagging noise.

“Well, I don’t want to think about you fucking yourself either!” Jacob retorted defensively, garnering more stares in their direction. A waiter sidled over to them, hinting at the fact that they should keep their voices down and keep phallic objects off the table.

They finished eating with light conversation, and afterward Claudia insisted they take pictures while they waited for dessert to be served. That was when none other than Tori entered the restaurant, her ridiculously long hair braided down her back and her scrawny legs on display in a pink, floral mini dress. Everyone at the table went quiet as she approached.

“What do you think you’re doing here?” Trent was the first to break the awkward silence.

Tori flipped him off, but otherwise ignored him. “Jacob, can I talk to you outside?”

“You haven’t talked to me all summer, why now?” Jacob folded his arms, unimpressed.

“Stop being such a drama queen. Are you gonna hear me out or not? It’s not like I’m the only one wrong here.”

He sighed and pushed his chair back. “Make it quick, alright?”

The sky was darkening and street lights were already on. The sidewalks were bustling with activity, populated by men and women on business dates and wealthy bastards wooing gold diggers in posh restaurants. Even the burlesque club across the street looked like it would break his wallet. He followed Tori to her Volkswagen Beetle, but she signalled for him to stand back when she unlocked the car and opened the passenger door, bending over to say something:

“Mom, can you leave for a minute? I need to talk to Jacob.”

Out came a woman who could be a dead ringer for Pamela Anderson, or any other generic bleach-blonde porn star. She sported long hair extensions, false eyelashes and a thick layer of makeup, her low-cut top revealing a disproportionate, surgically enhanced cleavage… a very bouncy, disproportionate, surgically enhanced cleavage.

“But what am I supposed to do in the meanwhile?” she pouted at her daughter. Was she pouting? He couldn’t really tell with all that collagen in her lips.

“Go inside the restaurant and buy something to eat then,” Tori sighed impatiently.

“Well, okay, do you want anything?”

“No, I’m fine.”

Tori’s mother clomped over to Jacob, high heels noisy on the pavement. She extended her hand, which he awkwardly accepted. No one had ever taught him the proper etiquette for conversing with a blow-up doll that happened to be your friend’s mother.

“I’m Kitty,” she smiled. “And you must be Jacob. Tori just goes on and on about you, none of it good, but obviously you two are about to make up, so I’m sure that’ll change.”

“Mom!” Tori whined, exasperated.

Kitty waved her off, and Jacob noticed she had her name tattooed on her inner wrist. “She’s always so shy. I have no idea where she got that from!”

“Mom, can you please go get the food now?”

Kitty shook her head, and her breasts, and rolled her eyes. “I know when I’m not wanted. I’ll get out of you kids’ hair.”

“Thank you, Mom,” drawled Tori sarcastically.

Kitty turned to Tori. “Don’t take too long, we have a gig to get to, remember? Jim won’t be happy if we’re late to another one of his shows, you know. He says he found a great band for us to promote.” Kitty returned her attention to Jacob. “Hardcore punk band, he says. Do you like that kind of music?”

“It’s okay,” Jacob said, eyes drifting down to her massive, round breasts. Jupiter’s really were real, because these things were certainly not. And yet, he was hypnotised.

“Jacob, stop perving at my mom! What the hell!”

Kitty laughed while Jacob glared over her shoulder at Tori. “Alright, I’m going, I’m going. I left condoms in the glove compartment, just in case but make it quick, yeah?” She winked and then she flounced over to a Greek restaurant, her thong straps riding over the top of her jeans.

“Don’t say a word,” Tori snarled through gritted teeth as she climbed into the car. “Get in.”

He went round to the passenger’s side and took a seat, closing the door behind him. Tori engaged the engine, the radio and air conditioning coming to life. She quickly silenced the Smashing Pumpkins CD.

He opened his mouth to speak, but Tori cut him off.

“No, my mom is not a porn star.”

He opened his mouth again, only to suffer the same fate.

“She’s not an escort, either.”

“I was actually going to ask if she’s just a plain old slut this time.”

“I don’t know why I bothered. It’s so hard to talk to you!”

“I don’t know why you bothered, either. You sure as hell made it seem like you’d said all you had to say to me.”

“I’m sorry I went off on you like that, okay?” she buried her fingers in her hair. “I shouldn’t have let so much time pass before I tried to make things right, but I was mad at you. I still am. I just don’t get how you could do that to me. You knew I liked him, and even if he came onto you or whatever, you could’ve told me. Instead, you just let me go on like an idiot while you were fucking him.”

He winced. He hadn’t really thought of it that way. He was instantly reminded of how he’d done the same to Felicity, only that was way worse, especially since his heart refused to get over Phoenix despite the lack of contact they’d had these past few months. If Phoenix ever wanted him again, all he had to do was whistle, and Jacob knew he’d throw himself at the man’s feet. Fucking hell, he didn’t want to know what natural justice karma had in store for him.

“I’m sorry. I know it doesn’t mean much, because I’m moving in with him and all that, but… I never meant to hurt you. It just happened, and I didn’t know how to tell you. When I finally did, I guess it was too late.”

“Yeah, I figured. I’d just liked him forever, you know?”

“You had no chance with him anyway. He doesn’t like you,” Jacob said comfortingly, patting her thigh.

“…And this is why I could’ve gone the rest of my life without talking to you.”

“On that note, how’d you know where to find us?”

“Claudia told me you guys were coming here. I couldn’t let things end like that. Emailing an apology would’ve been beyond lame. Oh that reminds me!” she opened the glove compartment. Condoms of all shapes and colours poured out of it, pooling around his feet. “Sorry about that; those are my mom’s…”

“Plain old slut it is.”

“Fuck off,” she grinned, handing him a red gift bag for his growing collection. “I had to get you something to remember me by.”

“A book? You know I hate reading.”

“Trust me, you’ll love it.”

And that was how he found himself with a hardcover copy of ‘The Gay Man’s Kama Sutra’.


==


“How did dinner go?” Felicity asked as Jacob entered the living room with his small army of gift bags and coffin.

“It was pretty good. Tori showed up; we’re cool again.”

She put her novel on the coffee table. “That’s good. It would’ve been a shame for you to go on such bad terms.”

“Yeah, I’m kinda glad that fixed itself. Anyway, I’m gonna go make sure I’ve got everything. Russell is gonna be here in no time.”

“Jacob—” she started.

“Yes, I’m still sure I want to do this.”

“I’m just saying you don’t have to rush into this.”

“Felicity, you wouldn’t understand, okay? We’re from different sides of the track. I don’t think about my future the same way you do. I know what I’m doing,” he didn’t know whether he was trying to convince Felicity or himself. Either way, he was tired of having this conversation. If she knew what he’d done to her, she’d be glad to throw him onto the streets. It was best for him to make a clean break when the opportunity presented itself.

“I didn’t mean to come across as condescending,” she frowned. “I’m just worried. I’ve really come to care about you. You’re so young; you can’t hold it against me for worrying about you being out on your own.”

Great, now he felt even shittier. “I appreciate it; really, but… just trust me on this one. If I ever need help, you’ll be the first person I call.”

“That’s all I ask,” she sounded truly relieved, a small smile on her face.

“God, I’ve never had a day like this in my life. It’s like one warped Hallmark moment.”

She suddenly looked serious again. “You need to stop bottling up your feelings like that. It’s not good for you. Expressing feelings like love doesn’t make you weak, you know.”

You wouldn’t say that if you knew I was in love with your husband.

His stomach churned unpleasantly with that acidic thought. This conversation made him feel uncomfortable and tense and he desperately needed to get away from it. “Trent gave me a glass cock!” he exclaimed without thinking.

“What?” Felicity blinked a few times.

“I’m gonna go pack now.” He turned and headed for the stairs, leaving Felicity extraordinarily confused.

There were just a few articles of clothing left in his closet; T-shirts, a pair of jeans, mismatched socks, and underwear. He crammed them all unceremoniously into a duffle bag, along with the gifts from tonight and his laptop. He looked around the room, making sure he wasn’t forgetting anything, and he was surprised at how Spartan it looked. It was as if he was never here. Phoenix would forget about him, just as the house had. He swallowed the lump in his throat.

The bedroom door closed with a click behind him and the last voice he needed to hear said, “So you’re actually going through with this?”

He spun, meeting Phoenix’s intense gaze with his heartbeat hammering in his ears. “Why shouldn’t I?” he shrugged nonchalantly even though his knees were threatening to buckle. He could feel a sick sort of optimism bubbling in his chest. He wanted Phoenix to touch him so badly. He’d certainly reached unparalleled levels of pathetic.

“You seriously think this is going to work out? Living with your little boyfriend when it’s my cock you’re still gagging for?” Phoenix took a step closer with each word.

Jacob stood his ground, determined to retain a little dignity by the end of this encounter. “I’ll get over you.”

“But I thought you loved me, Jacob,” his tone took a nasty edge.

“Are you seriously throwing that back in my face? That’s low, even for you. Why can’t you let me go without stirring shit up? You’ve been doing a damn good job ignoring me since I ended things.”

Phoenix chuckled, his eyes flashing positively maniacally. He stroked Jacob’s cheek, and Jacob hated himself for leaning into the touch. “Jacob, you didn’t end things with me. It’s not over until I say it is.”

“But you said—”

Phoenix pressed his index finger against Jacob’s lips. “Shh… I just wanted to give you something you’ve always wanted before you go. It’s your birthday, after all.”

Jacob watched with wide eyes as Phoenix sank to his knees and unzipped Jacob’s jeans. A shudder ran through him when the fabric of his boxers brushed his hardening cock as Phoenix pulled his pants down to mid-thigh.

“What are you d-doing?” Jacob stammered, making no effort whatsoever to move.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” Phoenix sucked one of Jacob’s balls into his mouth, and Jacob had to bite his bottom lip to stop himself from screaming his lungs out. He couldn’t believe this was happening. He’d wanked himself raw to the idea several times, but it was ACTUALLY FUCKING HAPPENING NOW. All thoughts of Russell and how wrong this was flew straight out of his head. Phoenix’s fingernails dug into his ass as the man swallowed his cock in one swift movement, his dark blue eyes never leaving Jacob’s wide ones. Christ, how was it even possible to smirk and suck dick at the same time?

He tangled his fingers in Phoenix’s hair, attempting to rock his hips forward and fuck the man’s warm, wet mouth, only to have Phoenix’s fingers steady his hips with enough pressure to bruise. Controlling bastard…

All thoughts of maiming were forgotten when Phoenix did something that should be illegal with his tongue. Jacob knew he wasn’t going to last much longer, not with the way Phoenix was expertly bringing him off. He hadn’t expected the man to be so good at this, and he couldn’t help the pang of jealousy that resulted in him wondering who Phoenix did this to.

He came with a breathy ‘Oh fuck!’ into Phoenix’s mouth, silently hoping the asshole choked on it. His cock slipped out of Phoenix’s mouth in a slow, slick slide, and the next thing he knew, Phoenix’s lips were on his and saliva and his own cum was being forced into his mouth. He made a disgusted noise and tried to pull away, but Phoenix’s grip refused to slacken until he swallowed every salty drop. He pressed his body flush against Phoenix’s when the kiss began to end, frighteningly desperate for to maintain this contact. He could feel Phoenix’s hard cock resting on his hip and he wanted it in him so much that it was all he could think about.

Apparently, Phoenix was thinking along those same lines, because he grabbed Jacob’s hand and brought it to the clothed, straining erection. Jacob felt more alive than he had in a long time. Phoenix’s hands were under his shirt, running down his sides and slipping down to cup his ass. Somehow, he was hard again.

“Fuck me,” he gasped, giving Phoenix’s cock a rather aggressive squeeze.

“Such a slut…What’s the matter, Jacob? Your little boyfriend can’t fuck you like I can?” Phoenix laughed, a smug smirk firmly in place.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he sounded whiny and pathetic even to his own ears.

“Because you let me.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it. Why can’t you just admit you’re jealous? I mean, why else would you suddenly want to do this again when I’m about to leave with someone else?” Jacob shoved him, and to his surprise, Phoenix actually staggered a few steps. He continued almost against his will, the need to vent overriding his senses, “I just don’t fucking understand you! Why do you do anything you do? You’ve got this…God Complex! You just think you can do whatever the fuck you want, and people have to lie down and take it. I’m done. I’m DONE. I can’t let you keep hurting me!”

He let out a hiss of pain when Phoenix grabbed his wrist with such intensity that Jacob feared his bones would snap and splinter. “Jacob, I could never be the kind of man you dream about in your stupid, little kid fantasies. There’s not a good man beneath a convenient façade; I am what I am. Stop thinking you’re the only fucked up person on earth.”

Jacob scoffed, “I know you’re fucked up. It’s glaringly obvious! I just don’t get you…”

“Then how could you be ‘in love’ with me?”

“You think I want to be in love with you? It obviously doesn’t matter how crazy you are. All I know is that I just want you more than I’ve ever wanted anything else.”

Confusion was the most unusual look Jacob had ever seen on Phoenix’s face. It was subtle, nothing more than a slight frown and a single crease between dark eyebrows, but it was there. Phoenix released his wrist as if it was scalding hot.

“I shouldn’t have led you on,” Phoenix said, almost more to himself than to Jacob.

“Then why did you? I sure as hell didn’t hold a gun to your head and make you suck me off—”

“Just enjoy the memory and have a nice life, Jacob,” Phoenix turned to leave.

“You have feelings for me,” Jacob declared, eyes narrowed.

“So what?” the man snapped, suddenly too close.

“What are you afraid of then?!”

“Jacob, having feelings for you doesn’t mean I’m going to through my life away for no fucking reason.”

That hurt. That hurt a lot. He didn’t know why some foolish part of him hoped for something else, nor did he know why he was kissing Phoenix again. He clutched at Phoenix’s shirt desperately, his knuckles whitened. Phoenix was tentatively kissing back, and it was different from any other kiss they’d ever shared. It was weird—slow; like they were learning each other all over again, and perfect for that very reason. And then the moment was over. Phoenix tugged his hair ruthlessly, angling his head so that the kiss was deeper and wetter and more like tongue-fucking than romance.

…And of course, that’s when the bedroom door flew open. They broke away immediately, staring at Felicity with kiss-swollen lips and wide eyes. Jacob’s heart was beating so fast that he was certain he’d go into cardiac arrest, and he knew it must’ve been the same for Phoenix. Felicity stood in the doorway, her brown eyes wide and glassy with shock, betrayal and resonating heartache.

Fuck.

“Felicity—” Phoenix started, walking toward her.

“No,” she rasped, her voice watery and weak. “No. No. NO.” And then she turned on her heel and all but ran down the hallway. Phoenix sent Jacob a look with such hatred that it nearly choked him, and then he ran after his wife, leaving Jacob to feel like nothing but a useless, home-wrecking whore of a monster.

It was as if he’d gone into shock. His feet were rooted to the ground. He couldn’t believe that’d just happened. He had virtually made a clean break, and everything came crashing around his feet like glass. It was so anti-climactic. How the fuck could that happen? He didn’t even know how much she’d seen. The sound of a plate breaking against a wall snapped him out of his stupor. He had to get the fuck out of here. This wasn’t good. It wasn’t good at all.

He grabbed the duffle bag and barrelled down the stairs, hearing Felicity’s raw hurt in her yells from the kitchen. He couldn’t make out a word, not over the blood rushing in his ears. The adrenaline coursing through him propelled him out into the night, his mind a scrambled, incoherent mess. He wasn’t even thinking as he ran down the sidewalk. He just kept running and running and fucking running until he collapsed in the park, earning himself a mouthful of grass and dirt and a bloodied lip.

His erratic breathing was all he could hear over the night-time quiet. The chilly air was unpleasant against his damp skin, but he just didn’t have the heart to move. He just lied there, trying not to think and doing the opposite. So much had happened in such a short space of time. And everything was ruined now. Just fucking ruined. Russell would be at the Scofield house at any minute, and he didn’t know what he’d find there. Poor fucking Russell. He fucked up everything he touched. He couldn’t go home with Russell. Not like this. Not after he knew Phoenix felt something for him. He just couldn’t. What he felt for Russell paled in comparison to the intensity he and Phoenix had. It was sweet and sugary and fucking fake on his part. He couldn’t use Russell that way, not when he was more in love with Phoenix than he previously thought. And then he remembered the disgusted look on Phoenix’s face before he went after Felicity.

…Felicity. She was one of the few people who’d ever given a shit about him. Well, that obviously met a fiery death.

His heart sank into bubbling stomach acid. Everything was ruined. And all of his shit was at Russell’s apartment. He sat up, bracing himself against a rough tree trunk as he dug into his pockets for his cell phone.

Danica answered on the first ring. “Jacob, are you alright?”

“No,” he croaked out, running his hand through his wet, tangled hair. “I fucked everything up.”

“What? What happened now?” she sounded both worried and exasperated. “Did you get arrested?”

“No! I’m on my cell phone… Look, I just want you to know that you may not hear from me for a few days.”

“Jacob, I’m going to be honest and say that this sounds very bad.”

“Yeah, I’m fucking homeless,” he laughed, his lungs feeling rusty and a sob rocking his body.

For a while, Danica said nothing. She just listened to his poorly-repressed crying, trying to stay strong for the both of them. “Jacob…” she sighed. “What happened?”

“I… can’t talk about it right now. It’s really bad.”

“Isn’t there anyone you could stay with?”

“I don’t know… They all live with their folks… Except one guy, but I don’t know if it’s a good idea to call…”

“You are not fucking sleeping on the streets! Call him, and if he can’t help you, call me back. If you won’t do it for yourself, do it for me.”

He sighed heavily, suddenly exhausted. “Alright, I’ll call.”

And then she hung up.

He bit his bottom lip as he scrolled through his contact list, wincing at the pain which shot through the cut, puffy skin.

It took three calls to get an answer, and when he finally picked up, Pilot didn’t sound too enthusiastic about being woken up. “Who the fuck is this? I just got off work; I’m tired as shit.”

Jacob tried to reply, but Pilot wasn’t done ranting yet.

“Haven’t you ever heard of leaving a fucking message? Don’t call back all the time like a fucking asshole!” he paused for a moment. “If this is a client, I am just leaving a disclaimer that it’s after business hours.”

“…It’s Jacob…”

“…Jacob who?”

“Jacob Reid. You know, curly hair, lives with Phoenix—”

“—has a nice ass. Yes, I know who it is now. You’ve never called before, so what is it that you want?”

For a moment, Jacob wanted to forget about the whole thing and spend the night on a bench, but he knew Danica would never forgive him for that. “I don’t have anywhere to go right now…Felicity knows.”

“No fucking way,” the smarminess radiated through the connection. “Alright, where are you?”

“I’m still in the neighbourhood, but I’ll walk to the front by the time you get here.”

“No problem. I’ll be there in a few.”

“Please don’t pick me up on a bike.”

“Beggars can’t be choosers.” At Jacob’s groan, he said, “Fine, have it your way. I’ll be driving a silver Audi TT. It’s a coupe, so keep your eyes peeled in case I don’t see you.”

Jacob swallowed audibly. “Thanks.”

“No problem. Keep yourself out of trouble until I get there.”


Neither of them spoke during the relatively short drive to Pilot’s apartment. Jacob’s phone rang constantly, Russell’s number popping up each time. Jacob didn’t answer; he couldn’t. After a while, he just turned the phone off. Pilot lugged the duffle bag through the lobby, Jacob trailing behind him with like a kicked and lost puppy. As soon as they entered the black-and-white themed living room, Pilot showed Jacob to the bathroom and told him to have a shower, where Jacob stayed until his skin turned an unhealthy shade of pink and his toes and fingers pruned. His reflection in the foggy mirror was the epitome of pathetic, his eyes were red, his face was splotchy, and his bottom lip was red and swollen. In short, he looked like a skinny, drowned mess. Sexy.
He wrapped a white towel around his waist, having no desire to put back on the clothes that stank of sweat and Phoenix.

Pilot was in his bedroom when Jacob found him, flipping through the pages of some car magazine and puffing on a cigarette. He’d taken his leather jacket off, and Jacob took the time to notice the intricate Eastern dragon wrapping itself around his muscular arm

“I left your bag in the bedroom across the hall if you’re looking for clothes,” Pilot said, his eyes not-very-subtly raking over Jacob’s body as he laid his magazine on the bed.

Jacob shrugged as he joined Pilot on the bed, plucking the cigarette from between Pilot’s lips and taking a slow drag off it, his eyes fluttering shut.

“Didn’t know you smoked cigarettes,” Pilot commented, reaching into the carton for another.

“I don’t; just stressed out right now.”

“Well, you can stay here as long as you need to. But we’ll talk about that in the morning, amongst other things. You should get some sleep.”

Jacob tilted his head as he blew a plume of smoke into Pilot’s face, loose curls falling into his face appealingly. “Can I sleep with you?”

Pilot muttered a fucking hell , and then took a deep breath. “As much as I’d really love to make you cum all over me, I’m not going to fuck you when you’re so depressed that I could be anyone right now.”

Jacob flinched, the momentary confidence he’d had instantly gone.

“Hey now, it’s not the end of the world. We’ll talk tomorrow, figure shit out, and if you still want to fuck, we can do that. All day, every position imaginable,” he kissed Jacob’s forehead. “Alright?”

Jacob nodded, suddenly feeling unbelievably tired. He crushed the cigarette butt in the ashtray by the bed and curled up next to Pilot, not caring that he wasn’t wearing anything but a towel or giving a fuck that this was Pilot’s room. He just didn’t want to be alone, not right now. Not when he had absolutely nothing. Seeming to understand, Pilot leaned over him and turned the lamp off, drenching the room in darkness.

“Everything will work out,” Pilot whispered as he wrapped his arm around Jacob’s bare shoulders.

Somehow, Jacob doubted that very much.

==
The Munez Feed:
I can’t believe this is the first update of 2010. It’s been a very hectic year, as those who’ve emailed me have heard. I updated a bit earlier than I promised in those emails; you made me feel very guilty! Hope everyone’s been well and will still enjoy this bedlam. Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews. The next update shouldn’t take so long. And I’ve been away so long that the site has changed…

EDIT: Apparently long author notes are lagging the system. So I removed the review responses. Feel free to email me if need be. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Munez

EDIT 2: I would really like to apologise for the long delay and I assure you there will be an update this month (November, 2010). Things have been very hectic this year and I've even moved to another country. It's been bedlam. For those of you who like a bit of silly fun, Jacob now has a formspring, so go annoy him with your burning questions. Yes, really.

h t t p: // f o r m s p r i n g . m e / jacobr91