To Become

12:59am - Ramblings

So yesterday, I was taking a shower, and Ryan just all of a sudden opens the curtain silently and grabs me from behind and pushes himself in there making me hit the wall. All I could say was ow. "Hey beautiful." You're going to get your clothes wet. "They already are." Then he took off his shirt. Okay, maybe he's the man I'm scared of and forcing me into all this sexual stuff, but I'm still a girl. And his abs were amazing. I've seen him without a shirt on before of course but in the shower? I shouldn't be thinking like this.

He turned me around and pressed me against the wall, and I closed my eyes to keep from staring at him. "Open your eyes Kyles." I did slowly and looked up into his. "You're cute when you're all flustered." My eyes widened. Shut up. He chuckled. Then he decided that he was going to wash me. I told him that he didn't need to, but he said that he wanted to. I just sighed and let him do it. If it keeps me from getting into trouble, then why not?

I'm still angry with him. You know journal, I cut again after it happened. One long cut down my left arm and 4 short ones across that. I know it was wrong, and Ryan yelled at me for about an hour about it, but other than that, he didn't punish me or anything. Just had Greg clean it and everything. Told me to stop doing that. He said if I did it again that he wouldn't let me shave by myself anymore. Ryan said he would watch. It's kind of a personal thing, so I don't want that.

Today is going to be fun! Ryan promised that he would let me run today. He said that he thought it would be good to get some of my anger out. Like I have issues or something. There isn't enough room to run in the yard though, so he's going to let me run out in the woods a bit, but I have to stay in his sight. He'll probably have his stupid gun out ready to knock me down if I try anything. I asked if I could touch it one time and he said no. It was very cool looking. I don't even know what type it is! Besides what am I going to do, hit him over the head with it? He's too quick for that, and he knows it! I can't wait until 3 this afternoon!

Ryan and Jason are still downstairs on the laptop and once again I wonder what they are doing. Perhaps I'll go find out. Well at least get up and peer out the stupid bars. I could even say in my sweetest voice, Ryan, can I come out and you hold me for a while. Please? All you have to do is flirt a little and it works. At least with the clients. Megan does it and always gets what she wants it seems. I think I'm going to start trying it. Ryan always said that a girl can use her body to her advantage. In other words, turn the guy on so he gets more money.

He's coming over here, and I just smiled at him. He shook his head. Got to go!

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6:10am - Early

It is way too early to wake up! It's Sunday! Let me go back to sleep for just a little longer. The guys won't even be down here for another two hours probably.

I'll lay back down and shut my eyes. Perhaps I'll sleep again.

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5:58pm - Run

I just got back from running! It was so exciting, and it felt great! I was right of course about the gun. He literally shoved it in my face, I had to back up. I said, "Okay okay! I got it." He smiled.

He ran with me for a little while, and it was nice. We were laughing together. I guess I started pushing myself too hard because I fell on my knees once. He came over to me and asked if I was okay. I nodded and said that I was fine. Just needed to rest. Instead he says, "Hop on my back." That shocked me. I was like, what? But I did so, and we walked around for just a little while before going back inside.

We're in the backyard now. Ryan is playing with my hair again using the brush the guys got me. It feels nice. I'm still angry, but it's hard to show it. He just makes me so happy. When he wants to at least. He also said that we'll play a game together. Just us two and Sara. He said he would bring some games upstairs and we could play in the kitchen. I can't wait for that. We'll have so much fun. I hope the others don't interrupt us though. I want it just to be Ryan, Sara and me.

Ryan just put a knot in my hair! Now I have to help him get it out. I'll write later.

Stupid boys.

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8:06pm - Game

Upstairs with Sara and Ryan. Ryan is setting up the game right now, and Sara is talking to me, but I'm not really listening. She's telling me something that Mallory said about me while I was in the hospital. I don't really care what she said.

Ryan has his shirt off again. I can't keep thinking this way! He's the enemy! He's only being nice to me because...well I don't know why exactly. Just because he can perhaps so he can crush everything on me at once. He's done that before. I'll be prepared for it next time.

We're playing this game called Pictionary. Ryan said that Jason had bought a new game the other day that we would have to play sometime. He had an evil look on his face when he said that though. I'm not sure if I like that or not, and I swear if it's that card game he was talking about, I will refuse to take part. It's called Sex! Card Game. Perverted minds. All I know of it is that you draw cards and then you make a "fantasy" out of it and then you have to act it out with someone. Not happening.

Game is ready!

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A/N:
I posted a new chapter of A Lost Life just so you all know, so go check it out and remember to R&R.