Take Me Away

Summary: Shandaar has decided to spend one more night with Kieran before his wedding, which takes place the next morning.

Author’s Notes: This is the actual last chapter of the story. The next two, unless I decide to sum it all up into one, will be the epilogue. I’ll have to see if I have enough material for two ^^;.

Take Me Away
Chapter 23 – Sacrifices

It was hard to believe, and so hard to take. Shandaar had never wanted to be married. And on his birthday at that.

The youth sat on his bed, staring at his naked legs as he kicked them slowly. He was nervous once again. Over the weeks, his attempts at going back to a normal sexual life had more or less given results; but tonight, he wanted to make it special. Very special. It was the last night he would be with Kieran as his only partner… good-bye monogamy, welcome polygamy. It scared him. It caused a constant inner conflict. Either he would only be with Kieran and ruin everyone’s life, or be with two persons and ruin his own.

Some said royalty had it easy… as if it was easy to deal with rape and torture. As if it was easy to love a man in secret and marry someone he didn't love. Giving up a life in order to preserve millions of others. If people would be more open-minded, he would have never had to make such a decision. He would have never been in this position, would have never ran away, and he would be ten times happier. Why was it so hard to accept humans the way they are? Who gave all those men and women the right to judge one based on their sexual orientation? ‘I hate religion’ he mentally grumbled, shaking his head.

Shandaar was slightly startled when Kieran crouched before him. The older man smiled as he looked at his equally naked lover, then rose before sitting beside him. Wrapping his arm around the prince’s shoulders, he brought him closer and leaned on the body. They stayed silent for a few minutes, enjoying each other’s presence for what seemed to be the last time.

“I’m scared” the prince said, looking down on at his legs again. He didn’t feel comfortable at all with the idea of being with two persons. He felt like using her to be at the head of the country, to save his own life. “I’m scared that everything will go wrong; that she’ll be unhappy here, that I’m not going to have children… I mean, how will I be intimate with her? I’m not even remotely attracter to her.” She didn’t trigger the same feeling of well-being and unity he had when he was with Kieran. He knew it’ll never be like their relationship. “I can fake it, but how long before people notice?”

The raven-haired man shook his head again. Really, Shandaar kept it so complicated. “Listen Shan… you’re thinking too much. I’ve been telling you a hundred times. If she knows she can count on you and you are there for her like a husband to her wife, she’ll be happy Or… fake it. As I can see, some women are surprisingly independent. Take a look at the Queen.”

The younger male agreed with a nod. What Kieran had told him was true. He thought things over too much, going as far as saying he’d probably get killed if people ever came to know he was gay.

“I know you can do it. After all, you’ve walked out of that caravan with your head high, you dealt with everything that happened to you like a true king. You’re willing to move on. At the same time, I know there’s a lot of pressure on you, if not too much for a nineteen-year-old. But I’ll be by your side and I won’t let you down.” Kieran took a pale hand into his, squeezing it firmly. He wouldn’t repeat the mistakes he did before. He felt the grip tighten on his hand… “Shan… you’re crushing my fingers” he added with a chuckle, cringing at the pain running through his limb. “You’re too nervous. Want a massage?”

“You’re too kind. Go ahead.”

The bodyguard moved further on the bed, stopping his lover from moving. “Stay there unless you want to lie down… it’s more intimate this way.” What a nice way to get back to a normal sex life. He smiled softly as his hands moved to the silver hair and pushing it out of his way. Such soft hair… it made him look so good. Too bad he couldn’t see Shandaar’s eyes from his current position.

Slowly, the fingers worked on the smooth skin, putting the right amount of pressure on the muscles. He could feel him begin to relax under the touch, his breathing slowing down to long sighs of content. “You feel better, no?” he inquired, moving the digits in circles on what he guessed was a knot. The man tensed again for a very short time before relaxing once more.

In the silence, the prince couldn’t help but think more. This time, however, was about something brighter, happier than the bleak visions of him getting killed. It seemed as finally, the words Kieran had stated a while ago were registering in his head. ‘Everything’s gonna be okay…. … I won’t let you down….’ And what if it was all true? What if he was scared for nothing? He felt foolish for shedding all those tears and letting his nightmares drive his life.

He hoped so. He sure hoped so.

The hands moved to his lower back, Shandaar moved his shoulders a few times to adjust to the change of position emitting soft groans as he did. He enjoyed it. It was intimate, but clearly defined boundaries. He knew that without his consent, Kieran wouldn’t go further than the actual massage. But he wanted to feel his whole body again, wanted to feel what it was like to be penetrated by him. Deep inside, he longed for it. It was a difficult thing to deal with. However, if he wished for it enough, he could eventually reach is goal. And he would.

He reached for one of the hands on his back and brought it to his chest, hugging it. Memories of his first time floated back to his mind. He pictured himself lying on the bed and his dear Kieran on top, thrusting inside of him. It had been divine back then, much better than how they made it sound in books. What was the best in all of it wass that his lust for the black-haired man had never lessened. He still found him as attractive, sexy, amazing and interesting as he had when they first were together. He had wanted this to be his only relationship ever, and even though it wasn’t headed in that direction anymore, he could at least say it was his first one… and best one.

Shandaar brought the hand up until it reached his lips, kissed it and then reached for the second one, wrapping it around his own waist. He wanted to feel it all again, wanted to make sure nothing had changed. He turned his head as much as he could, expecting the same out of the other man, and brushed his lips against Kieran’s.

The latter made no move to stop him, nor pushed him to go further. He figured out that it was better if his boyfriend went at his own pace, for he probably knew what he was doing. He could let him lead for once; plus it would stop Kieran from making another stupid move as he had pulled a few days ago. Reaching straight for the other man’s cock wasn’t the smartest move he ever done. Thankfully, he didn’t cause another break down.

Kieran’s large hands were moved above the belly, and Shandaar was now the one to lean on the other body, his head resting on the powerful shoulder. “Can we stay like that forever?” he asked, sighing happily. It was so good to feel someone close like this. It drove his mind away from his wedding, and he needed this.

So in another attempt at intimacy, the prince directed his lover’s fingers to his member. A sign he wanted something to happen.

The bodyguard was surprised at the actual move and hoped his lover wasn’t forcing himself into it. So far, he had dealt with the lack of sex, but their relationship hadn’t suffered from it. In fact, Shandaar was the one who seemed to want this. For someone who had recently started to sleep naked and snuggle after being raped… Kieran found it amazing.

Thinking it was all alright, the taller man began to glide his hand on the length, smirking deviously. Kieran was glad to see the sex beast back, even though he doubted he’d have a full intercourse with him right now. If the prince was willing to try it out, he would as well. It didn’t take too long for the member to be fully erected.

“Relax” Kieran whispered, continuing the pumping motion. “I remember when you couldn’t get enough… all those mornings where I’d wake up and you’d already be humping me… or that night you snuck out of the castle and went to my house. Those nights I should say.” Once he got Shandaar to lean further on his chest, he lowered his other hand. He had missed this so much that he was afraid of not being able to stop if the other wanted so. “I’ll be serious for a moment… if I go too far and don’t stop, punch me, knock me out, whatever.”

The youth nodded and moaned slightly, lulled by the touch. He knew he loved this normally, that he had done a lot just to be in his boyfriend’s arms. But things had changed. If he allowed Kieran to play with him, it was because he felt as he had to, rather than wanting to. He knew the raven-haired man would be happy of the turn of events. All of this, he would do for Kieran. Physically, he couldn’t deny the pleasure. It was in his head that he had a trouble with it. Images of Kordell Bordin and Radwan Jayser floated back in his mind. He could feel their hands on his body. The large, cold hands…

Wet fingers went down his backside, drawing a shudder out of the silver-haired youth. If a little masturbation session didn’t hurt, anal sex was another story. He remembered the digits entering and exiting his opening – they weren’t gentle. It had hurt him so much, and not just physically. Mentally, it was hell. He associated anal sex and rape… and he didn’t want to be raped again. The moans were now whimpers; his arms and head were heavy because of the stress and anticipation. All along, he couldn’t ask for the other man to stop.

Noticing his lover’s reactions, Kieran withdrew the digits and the hand. He thought he had put Shandaar through enough, wrapped his arms around his shoulders. “I’m sorry” he uttered, feeling awful for what he had done. How in hell could he take advantage of his partner? “So sorry…”

-

It was around four in the morning when Shandaar woke up. Even though he didn’t want to get out of his bed, he forced himself to. Slowly, he pushed the powerful arms wrapped around him and sat on the edge of the bed, sighing. If the bad sleep hadn’t killed him, the stress sure would. He sank his teeth in his lower lip as he felt a headache coming. Soon, his arms would hurt and his legs wouldn’t support him anymore. ‘Better stay here for a moment…’

The prince raised his head, his sky blue eyes directed at his wardrobe. He would be wearing a white leather and silk outfit with silver trimming. ‘And they chose it because it symbolizes purity.’ This thought brought a grin on his pale face. If they knew… they would not only reconsider his wedding, but they would reconsider having him as a prince and as a king. He couldn’t let it happen, however. So he finally got up and walked to the wardrobe, sighing quietly. Such moments made him regret he was born in a royal family. He had never asked for this, never wished for this. All he wanted was spending the rest of his life with Kieran, and Kieran only. For once, he wanted to be happy.

He opened the door and took a look at the whole outfit: a long-sleeved silk shirt, a sleeveless leather emperor-style vest, leather pants and leather boots. Two capes had also been provided. The longest one was white and bore a silver dragon – the family emblem – while the other was silver. He had to agree it was really nice. The style suited him. Still, it was light, and he was thankful the ceremony would be held inside the temple. He hated cold; it brought bad memories back, memories he wanted to forget.

Shandaar sighed again and reached for the clothes, slowly putting them. He loved the feeling of silk on his chest and arms; very comfortable and light, almost soothing. The leather pants were put and the shirt tucked in, followed by the leather shirt. It was a bit tight, but he’d deal with it. It was just for a few hours. Plus… it made him look even better. Too bad it was for his wedding… he would have loved wearing this for Kieran.

Once he was fully dressed, he turned around to face the bed. Kieran was now awake, and was looking at him with a grin. “Well if I was getting married to someone as hot as you, I’d get pretty grabby.”

But the face the silver-haired man was far from being happy. He tensed up, biting his lower lip, looking away and blinking fast – he was about to cry. He didn’t want this at all. He had been able to forget about it for an instant, but no… Kieran had to remind him that fact, even though he knew he hadn’t meant it.

“Shan… I didn’t want to…” the raven-haired said in a sad sigh as he got up from the bed, walking in the younger man’s direction. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He wrapped his arms around the smaller frame. Shandaar clung to him, his body shaken by sobs. He could feel the cold tears on his naked shoulder as the prince wept. How he wanted to make this better… how he wish he’d have such powers. He hated to see his boyfriend cry. The most he could do was stay there for him as long as he needed it, his arms around the other’s shoulders and tenderly kissed his head. “I’ll be with you all the time… the only thing that’s gonna change is that you’re gonna have a wife…”

Before he could even say another sentence, there was a knock on the prince’s door. Quickly, Shandaar pulled away from Kieran – who ran to the bathroom and locked himself there – then strode casually to the door. “Yes?” he simply inquired as he opened it wide. Behind it, stood a short man with brown hair. ‘At least, once I a wife, Master Arkyll will stop pressuring me into it…’ he thought as he looked at the man.

Master Arykll bowed politely, a wide smile on his face. Finally, the prince would have a wife. “The ceremony will take place in thirty minutes. We suggest that you finish your preparations and come down right after. The head priestess, along with the other priests, will be here at any minute.” He bowed once again before closing the door. Shandaar doubted he had been alone all along, as he heard a muffled question. “Where the hell is the Prince’s bodyguard?”

The silver-haired man peeked outside – only his head could be seen. “Oh do not worry for Sir Surkhang, for I asked him to spend the night in my room and watch over me. He was in the shower before you came in, Master Arkyll. We will come and join you in a moment. Thank you.”

Shandaar closed the door and leaned on it, relieved. It seemed that they didn’t suspect anything, thankfully. He waited until the “intruders” were gone, then walked up to the bathroom door. “They’re gone. The ceremony’s gonna be held in half an hour, and I don’t wanna go alone.”

“I’ve got enough time to get ready. I’ll head to my room to get dressed and I’ll come to get you. Is that okay?” Kieran asked, grabbing his clothes from a nearby chair – hopefully, the council dude hadn’t seen them.

The prince nodded and sat back on the bed as his lover headed outside the room. All of a sudden, everything became clear. Could his fears, all along, haven’t been justified? What if Kieran would indeed spend his life with him even though he was married to a woman? Maybe Hawa herself desired another man... or even a woman for all he knew. Maybe he could compromise with her, and let her have a side lover. After all, it was only fair; she deserved to be happy. It felt as he had a newfound strength, something to look forward to.

When Kieran came back, Shandaar felt better already. He couldn’t spend his life looking back at this and not getting anything good out of it. He wouldn’t let such a thing happen to him and hurt him forever. He had to be a man – take whatever was going to happen and see the bright side of it. With his new outlook, more positive than before, he got up and walked to the door, locking his arm with his black-haired childhood friend. “Shall we get going?”

“I knew someday you’d wake up” the bodyguard added, shaking his head, a slight grin on his face. “Come on, beauty. Let’s get this done so you can be mine again after.” This got a smile on the prince’s pale face, and Kieran couldn’t help a chuckle past his lips. “See this as a play. You love plays. Tell yourself you’re acting in one of those… as a prince that marries a woman and enjoys it. And don’t forget that backstage is totally another world, and that this man could be gay… if you know what I mean.”

The younger man stopped and looked at the other with a smile, taking him into a tight hug. “What would I ever do without you…?”

“Hush…” Kieran gently put a finger over his boyfriend’s lips. “Don’t ask that question. I’m here and that’s all that matters.”

-

Thousands of men and women stood along the path, from the castle up to the temple. They wanted to see it all, but most of them would never even get remotely close to the Prince. At some point, Shandaar wondered if he was thought of a god by the commoners. Maybe they were right, maybe they were wrong. He had always considered himself as a simple mortal, but after everything that happened in the past months, could he really be a “simple mortal” anymore? The dragon, the self-healing… no, he wasn’t simple. But he’d pretend to be.

He followed the path, scanning the area for familiar faces. It was sad not to see Dagmar and Raya in the crowd, but he indeed spotted some giants – they were hard to miss. The little family seemed to be happy nonetheless. Kieran’s family was also present; his mother, a strong-looking woman with dark hair and a bright smile was waving at her son and then turned to a man standing by her. “See this man with the shining armor? That’s my son! He’s the Prince’s personal bodyguard! I’m so proud of him!” His father – of which Kieran was more or less a replica, except the height and haircut – waved and shouted merrily.

For the first time, Shandaar felt truly happy. Seeing all of the faces around him, bearing bright smiles and happily chattering took a weight off his shoulders. With Kieran by his side, he knew he could do everything, but the people present to the ceremony added to it. For all of those men and women present, whose lives were way harder than his, it was a moment where they could forget about their daily problems. They would talk about it for weeks with the same intensity and joy they had before. “The Prince was amazing!” “I want to wear a dress like the Princess at least once in my life; she was SO beautiful in it!” “I’m happy he found someone that he truly loves!” All those comments made him feel proud; proud of being a prince, proud to make them happy for a few moments.

They were absolutely right – they just had the wrong person in mind when they referred to the Prince’s lover. That simple thought made Shandaar’s smile grow.

Princess Hawa waited at the temple. She wore white as well; a long silk dress with a ton of frills and a silver tiara in her blue hair. She knew she would have a better life here than in her motherland. She hope her new family wouldn’t stuff her in the castle all the time, and she’d be allowed to travel and receive friends, that her husband would take care of her yet not being too protective… everything a young woman hopes for when she commits to a man.

When the silver-haired youth reached the temple, everyone inside rose to their feet and stood completely silent, their eyes travelling back and forth between the newlyweds. White petals and flowers covered the central row – as if the path to the bride wasn’t clear enough. Shandaar mentally quirked a brow. He had never attended a wedding in his life and wasn’t even aware of what he had to say or do… even the smallest details, such as the petals and flowers, were enough to make him wonder how it would all happen.

He walked to the altar, trying not to look around as he made his way up there. He could see the head priestess – an elderly woman with long grey hair – along with the other priests, all dressed in green. Being under the look of so many people was somewhat stressful, and any commoner would probably bail out on the double. But not Shandaar; anyways, not anymore.

The prince placed himself in front of his bride and forced a smile, now feeling uncomfortable. They expected so much of him… how was he supposed to deal with all of this? He didn’t even see Hawa taking his moist hands into hers. He suppressed a frown. ‘Why are they making a big deal out of this? I don’t even love her; all I want is Kieran in her place…’

As the head priestess spoke, he barely listened. He caught a few words here and there, something about a “magical morning in the kingdom”, “making her the happiest woman in the world”, and how a wedding should be based on love. The silver-haired male once thought about interrupting her, but it wasn’t safe at all. Instead he looked at Kieran, who was a few feet away from him. He could see him smile encouragingly… the total opposite of Hawa’s bodyguard facial expression. She kept a cold face, avoiding eye contact with anyone in her range except the princess. For someone who had been deemed so nice and comprehensive, she gave the opposite impression.

“Oh gods!” One of the priests’ voice boomed, getting Shandaar out of his daydreaming. “Please give this royal couple the strength to stay in the right path and become great rulers for our country. Keep them in health! Keep them in love!” As he pronounced the words, a hundred doves were released outside of the temple, followed by the sound of the thousand people applauding and screaming.

Did that mean the ceremony was over or just began? It was apparently over, as everyone kept applauding. The high priestess walked toward the newlyweds and lifted their joined hands up in the air, claiming that tonight they would unite for the first time.

Shandaar had a hard time registering the information and sent nervous glances toward the audience; it seemed Hawa was taking this much better than he did. And when she turned to him, looking in the sky blue eyes… he knew what he had to do. He had to kiss her. Taking his courage with both hands, he finally leaned forward and placed his lips on Hawa’s. The gesture struck him as he backed away. He had kissed a girl. He had kissed someone else than Kieran. Instead of letting tears fall, he smiled widely and turned to the audience, bringing Hawa closer to him.

‘See this as a play, Shan… a play. It’s for appearances. It’s not for real. It’s just a game that you have to win.’

-

After the wedding, a banquet had taken place. Shandaar had been told that the cooks had spent days on the food presented. Even though he was graceful for everything, there was one thing he didn’t have – Kieran. Sure the man had stood by him all the time and even hugged him to congratulate him, smiling happily. What if everything he did was a “play” as well? While his new wife was emotively talking about the event, he sent a look at Kieran. Under the table, he felt a hand on his lap, gently patting him. He grabbed the hand and squeezed it out stress, as he often did, thus crunching the other man’s fingers once again. The raven-haired man didn’t budge yet gave a semi-amused look at his boyfriend, who almost doubled over. To take his mind on something else, he touched Hawa’s shoulder and began asking her short questions about what she liked in the country so far, her favourite plays and books…

The afternoon was spent dancing and meeting new faces. Delegations of other countries that supported Kadessa came in and offered presents to the couple, taking some time to talk about how things went in their respective areas. Person after person after person – this had lasted until supper time.

Another huge banquet had taken place for supper, where guests drank and ate for hours, getting more familiar with others. There was music, more dance, and even games this time. When someone won when Shandaar was supposed to, there had been a fight between a soldier accompanying the prince and the winner. It took the silver-haired youth to separate them – he didn’t care much if he won or not. All he wanted was fun, and fun he had…

… Until he went to bed.

He had barely been able to say “goodnight” to Kieran, as Hawa had tagged along. They were supposed to share a bed for tonight only, then they would go back in their respective quarters, unless they wanted it another way.

Lying in bed, Shandaar looked at the white marble ceiling. The lights had been put off and he was now waiting for his wife to come and join him. He couldn’t stop thinking on how it felt so weird of being there without Kieran, without even having kissed him before. What would the other man do during then? Wouldn’t he feel bad about leaving them alone? About letting them have sex? He knew he had to keep up appearances, but how far would he be willing to go?

-

The blue-haired women came out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a very revealing satin gown. Most men would have killed to see such a thing, but Shandaar wasn’t very impressed by the sight. She smiled shyly, almost afraid of letting him see her body. “I have to admit a few things… first of all, I’m a virgin” she mentioned, sitting on the edge of the bed. / “Yet… not really.”

Not really a virgin? What did she mean by that? Maybe she had experiences with other men that didn’t go as far as a complete sexual intercourse.

“Care to explain?” he said, making sure he didn’t sound either pressuring or mad, for he wasn’t. Shandaar was simply curious. He wasn’t a virgin so to speak since he had been with a man – and still was with him – for four years now. Four years today and he couldn’t even do a single thing with him. ‘Tomorrow’ he promised himself.

“I’ll be totally honest. I’ve had a lover before… a female lover. But I’m attracted to men also… I’ve just never was intimate with them” she added, looking away. She couldn’t believe she was saying such a thing to her husband. She could get killed. “My bodyguard. It’s been around six months.”

“And to be totally honest too, I’ve been with someone too… for the past four years.” Shandaar couldn’t help a smile at what he was going to say. His case was so similar to his wife. “My bodyguard as well.”

What a relief! The woman laughed and lied down beside the prince, smiling. “But I’ll do what a wife does. I’ll be by your side when you want, and I expect you to do the same, as my husband. I’m willing to have kids too… you know, to keep up appearances.”

Keeping up appearances. To the four implied people, it seemed keeping those appearances up would be either the success or the downfall of their relationships… and their country.

~ TBC ~