Kingdom Born

Chapter 21: Words of a Seer

A brace of armed guards followed after us as we headed out of the hall. We walked in silence for a few corridors before Lady Margaret spoke with her soft voice that commanded volumes, "You come from a land far across the ocean...a land of women who can choose what they want to be. Some women would find that freedom something of a curse." She didn't look at me as she spoke, as if our conversation was an inconsequential thing. I felt as if my life depended on my answer.

"Most enjoy this freedom, Lady Margaret." I returned cautiously.

Lady Margaret continued walking leading us down torch bracketed walls away from the feasting hall. We continued on in mutual silence until we came out on a high balcony overlooking the inner gardens of the Stronghold. The splashing of falling water from the centre fountain rang out clear over the muted nights sounds. Birds cooed to each other in the natural silence of the night.
Softly she spoke, "You are so young to be worrying so much, Lady Longsword."

"Please, call me Phara."

"Phara, you care for your husband deeply." She glanced over to check my reaction, she smiled slightly at my lack of surprise, "Yes...you came in with Merric. She should have told you that the wife of a Thane must have the Gift of foresight. That is what makes us a cherished commodity."

"Merric told me that she envisioned me with long red hair."

"Merric is still a child. Her powers aren't as tested nor as strong as my bloodline. I saw you just as you are now. I knew you were coming...actually I knew Karlen was coming, you appeared in my dreams much later. A red haired warrior with a talent for steel and a code just as strong.'

'I sat in the upper balcony and watched you in the garden. I admire you for standing up to Mitchell. Few men have the inner strength to challenge him, and you are the only other woman to stand your ground. That makes you a potential ally, or a dangerous enemy." She glanced over at me, expecting a response.

"I am a guest within your household." I returned warily. There was a lot of thought going on behind her dark exotic eyes. About what, I didn't know.

"Ah, a diplomat as well as a warrior."

"I take it that you were the first to match Lord Sander?"

Lady Sander laughed aloud. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on the balcony, "You are a surprising mixture Phara. You would have to be to keep Karlen's attention. My sister had a short attention span unless you could catch her interest. He has grown into a fine looking man. Still, his straying is not a worry that bothers you."

"He has no reason to stray."

"Then there is something of Kaleb in him as well." Lady Sander's face took on a passive mask as she turned to me. The high sunlight sparkled the jewels woven into her hair. I consciously ran my hands over the back of my bare neck. "I have something to ask you, please do not take this the wrong way, but..do you love him enough to let him go?"

I didn't need to mask my puzzlement, "I don't understand what you're trying to tell me."

"The War Thane is getting old. King Halsem has commanded him to step down."

"Karl doesn't know arms." I returned as a sense of uneasiness gripped my lower intestines.

"What does Kaleb know of civilian life? He has been a warrior from the day he was born, he has learned those arts well and he has used them to better the lands...and now he has to be a land lord. He will destroy all he touches if he rules alone."

"Karl is just a school teacher."

"Who takes care of your household?"

"Pardon, Lady Margaret?"

"Back at home, who takes care of the household---sees that bills are paid, takes care of necessary repairs, mediates arguments. Karlen has already been doing what Kaleb will need assistance with.

'Phara, I am telling you this, not to be cruel but to prepare you. Kaleb buried his son fifteen years ago but he has never stopped grieving. And now that Karlen has returned, he won't let him go. He loves him too much. He needs him too much."

"That is not what Karl remembers."

"Don't judge Kaleb on the memories of a lonely boy. Right from the beginning Kaleb didn't know how to deal with Karl. Kaleb's father was a warrior and he raised his son as one. He learned arms before he noticed there were other things in life. When he tried to do the same to Karl it just didn't work. He was sending Karl to us to raise as an educated man when the ship was attacked. He grieved for his lost son. He will not be willing to let him go so easily now that he has returned from the dead. You can continue without Karl. Kaleb could not survive if he lost his only child again. Between both of you, you will rip Karl apart with your love. He feels obligation to both of you."

Anger filled every inch of my being but I clamped it down. "I did not ask for your advice, Lady Sander. This may be the way discussions are carried out in the Stronghold, but that is not in line with Sandshore customs."

"You are angry. That was not my intent."

"Then what were you intending to accomplish?"

"I am not an enemy, Phara. The Gift doesn't care about feelings or consequences; it only shows what will happen."

"What happens?"

"I'm not sure that you want to hear it."

"You cannot attack my marriage without justification. What did you see when you touched me?"

"You felt it? Maybe you have something of the Gift as well." I dismissed her remark of foresight ability. If I had the sight of the future, the Priestesses would have snatched me from Moko's side long before I was able to lift a sword with my puggy hands. I gestured for her to continue.

"You will not like it."

"Tell me, Lady Sander."

"Karl and his father will reconcile. Their old wounds will heal and both will be stronger because of it. Kaleb will be deathly sick, and will leave the overseeing of his territory to Karlen. Karlen will not leave the Stronghold with you; his sense of duty will keep him here...' Her words paused for a moment as if deciding whether or not to continue. "and you cannot stay. You, my dear, are carrying my son's daughter. If Matthais finds out, he will take the child from you to raise as his own. He is as faithful as a tomcat, which Merric should put a stop to, but he does not shirk his familial duties. In my seeing, you are out on the sea, alone. I see you in your mother's house with your son and mother raising your blonde haired daughter."

With each spoken word, the sense of truth hit me like a hammer. I gripped the balustrade with my hands until my knuckles turned white. I wanted to disbelieve her but...I knew her words were true. They struck a chord in my soul. "How can I be pregnant? We only got together once..."

"Sometimes that is all it takes."

"But Karl and I have been trying for years to have another baby..."

"Sander stock takes root well. Are you feeling well? You look pale." Genuine concern was on her face. She reached out and steadied me.

My voice was tinged with desperation, "Can your vision be changed?"

"Only by eliminating a strong factor. You could kill Kaleb Bezer. That would change the vision but it would also drive a wedge between you and Karl that would never be dissolved. You could get rid of the baby, which you would never do." She watched as I shielded my flat stomach protectively with my hands, "You could give Merric and Matthais the baby."

"That is not an option." I returned quickly, moving both hands to grip the railing again.

"You could give Karl your support and blessings and leave him with a clear conscience."

I shook my head negatively, "Have your visions ever been wrong?"

"Never." She was so matter of fact about it. What she had seen was set in stone. I let the thoughts that were fluttering half unformed in my head come rushing out of my mouth.

"If Karl has to remain here, I will stay with him. I'm out of the Guard at home, anyway. We could have my mother bring Kyle over. If she wanted to stay here with us she could give Karl helpful advice. She has been on the Council of Elders for years." My voice sounded desperate even to my own ears.

The gown of Lady Margaret russelled as she stepped forward. She laid a comforting hand on my shoulder. I could feel the kindness and sorrow issuing from her, "There was a time when I was younger that I was as wild. I struck terror into the hearts of my father's household. I did as I pleased, when I pleased and hell could have the consequences. Then Mitchell Sander decided to make me his wife. I didn't want to be a brood mare to any bloodline. He told me that I was searching for a husband who would be worthy of me and that he was it. Arrogance is one his strong points.'

'Men can stand alone for only so long and when they are ready, you know as well as I, that we have to protect them, sometimes from themselves. Phara, you have to leave. The line of Bezer has suffered so much in so short a time. You carry my granddaughter and I would love to see her birth but it cannot be. You are not supposed to be here."

I wanted to rake a blade across her throat, if only to end the pain she caused in me. "The Goddess brought us together! The Goddess doesn't give a woman happiness only to take it away!" I sounded like a bitter child told that his time to play was over.

"I hope for your sake that your Goddess has power over here in this land." Her hand tightened on my shoulder gently, "This was not meant to hurt you. This will come to pass. I will leave you to think on it. Excuse me please. I have to go and oversee this evening's banquet."

Lady Sander left me alone. I stared sightlessly down into the lush garden below. What was happening? Karl and I had had a lot of arguments but none of high consequence. Now, with every hardship we faced it came with the risk of losing everything we had---our home, our village and now, if I could trust Lady Margaret's word, our marriage. But deep down, I felt that I could save our marriage. I touched my stomach. I was carrying life again. A daughter. Elation, pride, guilt and sorrow swept over me and died, leaving me tumbling in a sea of insecurity. A baby. Sanderson's daughter. Lady Margaret was right about me not terminating this pregnancy. Not after wanting and wishing for so long. Still it wasn't Karl's. I would have to tell him, though. He deserved to know.

A veiled creature scurried across the garden path disappearing into the cool shadows leading to the women's quarters. Could I wear those dreadful Kingdom dresses and a veil just to stay with Karl? I had to. I would even learn to walk in those heeled shoes they wore. It would not be forever. When Karl's father was well again, then we could go home. It should only be till next spring. Banishment would be over then. My morning sickness would be gone, if the Goddess was willing. I could be a kingdom woman for six months.

"There you are. I was wondering where Aunt Margaret took you." Karl's arms stole around me from behind and drew me away from the railing. "You should have seen the face on that server you took the plate from. He was a rude bastard."

"Karl!" I broke from my brooding thoughts and smiled back at him. I relished his touch.

"I was wondering if you were going to do something about it."

"I would have thought that Lord Sander would have taken matters into his own hands. When it appeared he wasn't, I had to. Discourteousness only reflects badly on the entire household."

Karl pressed tight against my rump and whispered in my ear,"I've got this big bed and nobody in it."

I pushed aside all of my doubts and insecurities, "Do you have a candidate for filling it?"

"In my arms, if she's willing." Karl caught my earlobe in his teeth and gently tugged on it. "Are you willing?"

"If nobody was watching, I'd be willing to do it here." I returned twisting in his arms to look into his familiar face.

"Wanton." He returned gently, kissing my lips lightly.

"That's me." I leaned forward pressing myself fully against him. I wanted to remember every inch of him. I wanted to imprint his body to mine, "It's not even night and I miss you already."

"My father can't do anything but give us his blessing when he sees you." Karl kissed me again then gathered up my hand and began leading me through a maze of corridors to his rooms. I tried to ignore Lady Margaret's words but they beat at my head every time I looked at Karl.

Karl let me take the lead when we closed the door behind us. I dragged him to me and kissed him passionately. Our tongues duelled as our hand fumbled with each other's clothes. We came together fevered and rushed. I lowered myself on him and hurriedly pushed ourselves to completion. When I lay beside him, I caressed him until he was ready then straddled him again. We cried out in pleasure for a second time then collapsed. As we lay in the glow of our satiated desire, I absently trailed my hands on the crumbled sheets. It was sort of hypnotic.

Karl sat up, "What's bothering you, Sunny?"

"Just hold me, please." Karl gathered me in his arms, his eyes coloured with concern. I closed my eyes and began speaking, "You know I love you."

"I never had a doubt."

I squeezed my eyes shut. I should wait for confirmation from a healer. I should wait to see if my cycle came, but why? Lady Sander's words were true. I knew it. I didn't know how to broach the subject so I just spluttered out, "I'm pregnant."

Karl stiffened for a moment then squeezed me too tight. "Sunny, this is wonderful. How do you know? How long have you known?" His voice was eager and excited.

"A month...Karl..." I pulled his arms away and sat up, "It's Sanderson's."

"Do you know for sure?"

I couldn't bring Lady Margaret into the conversation; she didn't do anything but deliver the news. "I counted back. It is before we freed you." I turned around and looked into his shuttered eyes.
I don't know what I expected Karl to say. Yes I did. I wanted him to say that it didn't matter. It was ours. I wanted him to tell me he loved me. I wanted him to say something.

He released me, turned his back and hung his head in his hands. I tentatively reached out and touched his bare back. He flinched. Pain ripped through my chest. Slowly he dressed and left the room without a backward glance. I sat stunned for a few moments. I didn't want to think. As long as I sat still, I was numb. Loud footsteps of a passing servant outside the yawning door broke through to me. Karl walked away from me. He turned his back and walked away. Slowly as I gathered up my scattered clothes as dread feeling crept up on me that I had just set Lady Margaret's predictions into effect.

I stumbled back through the corridors. Somehow, I found my assigned quarters, locked the door and lay across the bed. Tears burned in the back of my eyes but none fell. My throat tightened almost to strangling but no sobs broke the heavy silence. If I had kept silent Karl would have known when she was born with blonde hair, Sanderson would know too... What was I doing? Ever since that raid back in Red Hollow I had been feeling sorry for myself in one way or the other. High emotion was not good for the baby. It wasn't good for myself either.

Karl was just shocked by the news. When he had time to think about it, when he knew that this baby was mine, not Sanderson's he would accept the situation. Now I had to prepare for the meeting with Karl's father, War Thane Kaleb Bezer. I had to find Merric and see about getting a Kingdom style dress that fit better than those ones I had been squeezed in. When Thane Bezer and I met, there would be no struggle for Karl's affection and there would be no tension between us if I were a simple Kingdom woman. The tightness of my throat eased and the burning behind my eyes ceased as I thought more about my plans. Lady Margaret might have the Gift but she had never met the determination of a Longsword woman.