The Sea Noose

The Sea Noose


I was breathing harshly, my throat closing up, not wanting to let air pass through and into my lungs. My legs pumped hard and fast, my muscles screaming with the effort to maintain my speed as my feet pounded into the sand. The sand seemed to be sucking at my feet, coaxing my feet to slow and stay in one spot. I pushed forward, my breath becoming shorter as I kept going. I blinked angrily, willing the tears to stop pooling into my eyes as I continued to run down the shore line, cursing at myself mentally.

Last night, after we had finished our dinner and had taken care of Vitas, we had went into my room. Once we stepped foot into the room, for some reason, everything felt tense and awkward. Nothing felt normal. My stomach was twisted in knots and my tongue tied like it was in knots. Cian tried to make everything calm and smooth again by just slipping underneath the covers and telling me to just go to bed, we've had a long day, let's just get some sleep. I tried.

He fell asleep within a few minutes, but I couldn't. My mind was racing. I was questioning myself over every thing. Over every thing I had said to him, done with him, done to him... I was beginning to question whether or not I deserved this. Whether he deserved me or not. I stayed up the whole night, sitting there in bed against the head board, watching him sleep peacefully. Near dawn when the sun had broken over the horizon I had slowly gotten out of bed and changed into a pair of snug cotton pants that hung from my hips and a loose dark blue tank top.

I closed the door behind me and walked down the stone path and stood at the edge of the golden grass, looking out across the shore. The sun shore in my face like a dusty mist. I looked back at the house, my throat tightening painfully. I took a deep breath and just ran. I ran down the small hill of sand and down the shore line, my feet pounding against the sand.

My heart was beating in time with the pounding of my feet. I took gasping breaths and fell onto the sand, my body shaking with the impact. My legs were bent underneath me, my arms above my head and my forehead was pressed against the sand. My chest was heaving, my eyes were stinging and my legs were aching. I closed my eyes tightly, a few tears dripping from the corner of my eyes and onto the sand, creating tiny pools of water. I slowly sat up, my back protesting with shooting spikes of pain up and down my spine.

I looked around me, seeing only the ocean, the sandy shore, and rocky hills surrounding me. I looked up at the sky, seeing it covered with gray clouds and a thick fog, not uncommon for the middle of October. I closed my eyes and let myself fall backwards against the sand, the small grains moving aside easily and conforming to the curves of my body. I took a deep breath, my throat dry and hurting as I inhaled. I coughed softly, covering my mouth and I wiped my watering eyes.

I pulled my legs out from underneath me, pulling them to my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I rested my chin on my knees and looked out at the rolling waves, almost completely hidden beneath the thick fog. I sniffled softly and closed my eyes, letting the sound of the crashing waves breaking against the sand surround me and hang about me. I took a deep breath and felt my throat loosening slightly, making it easier for me to breath again.

I opened my eyes and looked through the fog, staring at nothing. I didn't know why I had run from the house in the first place, now that I was thinking about it. Cian had never given me reason to think that he didn't want to be with me. He's always been with me, once we started talking again after his aunt died and we met at the funeral. He hasn't been seeing anyone, hell, I think I'm the first girlfriend like person he's had since high school. He always talked to me, made me feel like I was worth something.

He made me smile, laugh... he even inspired me to start painting again. I hadn't been able to paint anything before the funeral, but once I met with him again, I found myself painting again. It made me happy that I was painting again, expressing myself once more and letting others have a piece of me that I had always kept hidden.

He also told me that he loved me, but that shouldn't have made me run. I have strong feelings for him, but I can't bring myself to say them back to him. He deserves to hear them back, he does. But that shouldn't have made me run. I sighed and flopped back onto the ground, my arms sprawling over my head. My thoughts were so scattered. I wanted to be with him, but I didn't think he deserved me. He wants to me with me, but I think he can do better. That he could find a nice girl that hadn't had a father who touched her. I thought he could find someone better.

I groaned and put an arm over my eyes, sighing again. I wish I could understand why I ran. I don't know how long I've been out here... Cian might be up by now. He might be worried about me. I sat up quickly. He might be thinking that I left him. I stood on shaky legs and started running back to the house, following the vague path I had made.

My feet pounded against the sand strongly, my lungs sucking in the ocean air as fast as they could. I was panting harshly, my stomach aching painfully, a growing stitch in my side continued to grow as I continued to keep running back. I gripped my side painfully as I staggered up the steep hill, my feet slamming against the worn stone path as my chest heaved tightly to gain enough air.

I pushed my way past the gate and fell to my knees, pain lacing each breath I took. I lied on my back, a hand resting on my stomach, my other arm thrown over my eyes. I lied there for I don't know how long, trying to start breath normally again. My heart and lungs just weren't cooperateting with each other. And once again, my eyes started watering.

“Kassy?” the voice was surprised and worried at the same time, the two emotions mixing heavily. I hiccuped softly and took my arm away from my eyes.

“Yes?” my voice was hoarse. Cian knelt by my side and helped me sit up, he wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me up.

“What're you doing outside when it's cold and foggy like this?” I leaned against him heavily as he helped me into the house, my legs not feeling like they wanted to support me right now.

“I... I...” I struggled to find the words to explain to him what I had felt and what I had done. He shushed me quietly and pushed me onto the couch in the living room. I looked around. Everything was back in its place. I looked up at Cian as he stood over me.

“You...” he nodded.

“I woke up and couldn't find you, so I decided to move things back, so then it would just be done.” I nodded and hiccuped slightly, shivering as I wrapped my arms around myself.

“I'll be right back.” he jogged from the room, leaving me alone in the living room. He returned with a huge, black fleece blanket and wrapped it around my shoulders. I smiled softly and pulled my legs up onto the couch, wrapping myself up in the blanket.

“Thank you, Cian.” he nodded and kissed my cheek.

“Do you want some tea or hot chocolate, Kassy?” I shook my head softly and he nodded, sitting on the couch next to me and pulling me close to him. I snuggled into his side, my head on his shoulder as my hand lightly traced invisible lines on his chest. It was only then I noticed that he wasn't wearing a shirt, but I didn't pay much attention to the fact.

“Now, are you going to tell or at least try to explain to me what you were doing outside and how you came to be on the ground like you were?” his tone was slightly commanding, but underneath that was pure concern, over flowing everything else. I sniffled slightly.

“I... don't know why.” he twined his arm around my waist, stroking my hip through the thick blanket.

“Know why, what?” I sniffled and tried to press closer to him.

“I don't know why I ran away.” he kissed the top of my head gently.

“When did you run away, Kassy?” I turned my head into his neck, wanting to try and hide.

“This morning. I didn't sleep last night. I stayed awake the whole night.”

“Why didn't you sleep, Kassy?” his voice was soft and concerned.

“I couldn't stop thinking of things.” I let out a soft breath and closed my eyes.

“What things, hm?” his hand had wormed itself underneath the blanket and stroked the skin of my hip gently. I took a quiet breath.

“Everything, really.” he nodded.

“I can understand that... what were you thinking about everything?”

“I kept thinking that... that you deserved better. That I didn't deserve you. That you should be with someone who wasn't... wasn't touched as a child.” my eyes were downcast, even though he wouldn't have been able to tell. Cian sighed softly and kissed the top of my head.

“Kassandra, I love you. What happened to you in your past, no matter how vulgar or wrong, wasn't your fault. I would have to be stupid to hold that against you. Truth be told, I think you deserve better, and that you could do better than me. But I'm honored that you chose me to stay with and I'm happy that you did. I'm ecstatic over the fact that you're mine and that I'm going to do my best to keep you as such. Kassy, I love being with you, talking with you and I love you, period. There's no reason for you to think I could do any better, because you are the best there's ever going to be.”

I pushed against his chest, scooting back to look into his eyes. My eyes misted over as I stared into his eyes.

“Really?” my voice cracked and I sniffled. He smiled and stroked my cheek gently.

“Really, Kassy. I love you and there is no one else I'd rather be with.” the mist won, and a few tears fell from my eyes as I crushed my lips against his desperately. His hand pulled against my hip, maneuvering me so that I was straddling his lap with the blanket pooled around our hips. His hands moved underneath my tank top, his hands burning hot compared to my skin. I pulled back, chest heaving. I cupped his face and pressed myself against him as much as I could.

“Cian...” I breathed as his hands tightened on my sides, pulling me impossibly closer.

“Yes, Kassy?” I rested my forehead against his, my eyes locked on his.

“Cian...” he kissed me, our mouths meshing together as one.

“Kassy...” my hands moved to the back of his head, my fingers running through his hair.

“Cian... I love you.” he took a sharp breath, his eyes burning hotter, smoldering mine with it's intensity.

“I love you too, Kassy.” our mouths crushed together again, hungrily and greedily so. I ground down against him, my hips moving from side to side as his hands pressed me down harder against his growing hardness. I gasped softly, my mouth breaking contact with his and he trailed kisses down my jaw line and to my neck. He bit at my neck as I continued to press down against him, my hands holding me in place and rubbing my skin deliciously.

“Kassy... I love you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you.” I mewled softly as he bit down harder on my neck, just below my ear.

“Me neither, Cian. I'd be lost without you.” my voice ended with a breathy moan as he bit my skin again. He slid his hand up my stomach, cupping my breasts in his hands, massaging them and rubbing his thumbs over my nipples. I mewled again and ground down against him more.

“I... I... Cian...” I sucked in a deep breath, forcing his mouth back against mine. He moaned into the kiss, his teeth scraping against my bottom lip.

“Cian, I need...” I managed to gasp softly between kisses.

“What do you need, Kassy? Tell me. What do you need?” I closed my eyes and leaned back slightly.

“Cian... I need you.” I took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly, opening my eyes to stare into his. “I need you... to be in me.” his hands moved back down to my waist as his eyes burned into mine.

“Are you sure, Kassy?” I nodded.

“Yes, Cian. I am. I'm...” I took a deep breath, “I'm ready.” my whispered consent was lost between us as he pressed his lips against mine gently. I relaxed against him, the fire that had been burning savagely between us slowed, but continued to burn hotly. He gently pushed me from his lap, standing up with me, his hands never leaving my skin. I wrapped my arms around his neck and his lifted me up, his arms supporting me as my legs wrapped around his waist.

He walked down the hallway, his eyes never leaving mine. When my back bumped against the bedroom door, I wound an arm behind me and turned the knob, the door swinging open. Cian walked through the threshold, the room seeming to smell faintly of burning maple. He walked forward, stopping in front of my bed. My legs let go of his waist and I fell back onto the bed, my legs hanging over the edge of the bed, my arms thrown above my head and my hair splayed everywhere. He let out a soft breath and looked at me.

“You're simply beautiful, Kassy...” I smiled shyly and pulled my legs up onto the bed, spreading them slightly. He smiled and hooked his thumbs underneath the waistband of the cotton bottoms he was wearing and looked at me questioningly. I bit my lip and nodded.

“Please...” he smiled softly and pulled his pajama bottoms down, over his hips and his hardness. He wasn't wearing and underwear or boxers and I stared at him, my breath coming in small pants. He tossed the bottoms to the side and stood at the end of the bed, looking at me. I lifted my leg, my foot sliding against his side as I lifted my leg for him. He smiled and grasped the bottom of my pajama pants and pulled, watching as they slid over my hips. He tossed them off to the side near his discarded bottoms and rubbed my thigh gently.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, my hands moving of their own will to remove my tank top. My hair was flicked to one side as the shirt went over my head and sailing to the floor, my arms going back to rest above my head. I looked up at Cian shyly. He smiled and knelt on the floor in front of the bed, his hands coming to stroke the insides of my thighs. I took a shaky breath, my lower regions seeming to turn into hot liquid at his touch.

“You can always change your mind, Kassy.” his breath ghosted over my skin and I shivered, my stomach clenching slightly. I shook my head.

“No... I want this. I do. I'm not turning back.” I whispered. He nodded, his fingers slipping underneath the waistband of my underwear. I took a deep breath, lifting my hips minutely. He pulled the fabric down slowly, his thumbs caressing the swell of my hips as he removed my underwear. I closed my eyes, exhaling softly. He slipped the underwear off of my feet, tossing it to the side. He slid up my body in one movement, his knee resting on the edge of the bed.

I opened my eyes to stare into his, my arms wrapping around his neck as he twined an arm underneath my waist, moving us further up the bed. I smiled at him softly, one of my legs coming up to hook over his hip.

“Kassy...” I stroked his cheek gently.

“Yes, Cian?” our voices were soft and meshed together within the air between us. He leaned down, giving me a soft kiss.

“Before we do anything more, I want you to fully understand, Kassy, that I love you. I will respect any boundary you set and I will not go past it. I will do anything for you. I can't live without you. I love you with all my heart, Kassy. And I always will.” I smiled, tears glittering in my eyes as I stroked his cheek softly.

“I love you too, Cian, more than I can ever describe. I'd be lost without you. You mean so much to me...” he brought his mouth back down to mine, silencing my thoughts. I sniffled lightly and kissed him back, my tongue playing along with his. He pulled back and stroked my cheek.

“What's with the sniffling, hm?” his voice was soft and loving, I couldn't help but laugh softly at myself.

“I'm just being emotional, that's all.” he smiled.

“Well, hopefully, I can make you something more than a little emotional now...” he crushed his lips against mine, the slowly burning fire that had settled into the background during our talk, busted through to the center of our attention. I gasped softly, arching my back up against him, both of my legs winding around his waist, pulling him down against me. His hardness pressed against my wetness and he moaned softly into the kiss. I pulled back and ran my fingers through his hair.

“Cian, please...” he grinned and leaned down, kissing my neck.

“Please, what, Kassy?” I groaned softly in frustration.

“Please, Cian... get in me. I need you inside of me.” my cheeks flushed at my words, flushing darker when I felt his fingers push into me.

“All you have to do is just ask nicely, Kassy.” his breath ghosted over my neck as his fingers moved inside of me, stretching me.