A World Apart

Chapter 20



I clutched the plate of cookies to my chest as Logan and I left his grandmother\'s house and headed back towards the center of town.



"Where else do we have to go?" I asked softly.



He glanced in my direction, "To the store...you all right?"



I nodded quickly, "Fine."



We walked almost hurriedly to the downtown area and went into a little paper goods store. We both left our plates of cookies at the front of the store with the cashier as I followed Logan up and down the aisles as he began picking items off the shelf.



"Hmm," I heard him say as he picked up two pricing stickers," Which ones do you think will look better on our baked goods?"



I looked at them and pointed at one.



He held it up and nodded," All right."



We bought a plastic table runner, the pricing stickers, some tape, a big, blank piece of paper, and a few odds and ends and went up to pay. He had gone to the bank earlier and got a shit-load of money.



When we finished with our errands, we went back to his house with our items and dumped them all on the kitchen table. He turned to me suddenly.



"Rave...I just wanted to ask you something. Are we...are we okay? I mean...I just want to make sure everything\'s okay between us," He said almost nervously.



I stopped what I was doing," Logan. It\'s fine. We\'re fine, okay?"



"I just wanted to make sure. I didn\'t want you to be angry or anything."



"I\'m not."



"Okay. Good."



I gave him an odd look and went to sorting out our items on the table. I pulled out the big poster board and held it up," You wanted to make a flyer with this, right? I can\'t draw...hey maybe Robin could make one for us. He\'s a good artist, do you think-"



He was staring at me, just watching me talk.



"What?"



He leaned against the table suddenly, but never took his eyes off me, "Rave, I don\'t think I can do this. I don\'t think I can handle it."



"What are you talking about?"



"I think you know. I think that you already know I like you, but it\'s hard, because I...I-"



He stopped mid-sentence and shook his head. I was silent, not wanting to make it any harder than it is.



"I want to be more than friends. Why...why the hell does it have to be so damn hard? Why does it always so hard to find the right person?" He spat the last part off and bit his upper lip.



I stared at him, surprised at the honest outburst, "You think...you think I\'m the right person?"



He sighed, “It seems like we have so much in common and when I look at you I feel different. I feel-"



"Ugh...don\'t be gross!"



"That\'s not what I meant, Raven!" He said and shook his head," I meant to say I have feelings for you-- Feelings for you that I\'ve never had for anyone else. And when you kissed me-"



"You kissed me!"



"Fine! When I kissed you I thought there was something between us, you know? I thought it was something good, something that I could believe in. I don\'t think I can handle just being friends because I want to be with you!"



He had stood up now, staring at me with intensity. He paused and finally took a deep breath. I didn\'t dare say anything. I wanted to, but I didn\'t for some reason.



Silence lasted for far too long. I had to say something. He had turned around a while ago and I stared at his back. He was motionless and quiet. I took a step forward, around the chair on his side to reach him. I laid a hand on his shoulder.



"Logan? Why do you feel this way?" I asked quietly, "Why me?"



"I don\'t know," He said finally, turning around to face me. He placed his index finger near his lip as if he was concentrating, “I don\'t know what it is about you. Sure, you\'re handsome. You have that sandy blonde hair and the bluest blue eyes I\'ve ever seen, but it\'s something more. It’s your sarcastic humor, your proud, independent personality. It\'s the way that you protect those in your litter - no matter who they are. It\'s the way you looked at me after we kissed. You had been in such shock I think. But it was wondrous shock; there was need there, desire. I remember how I had held you when you were scared the other night. It felt so good to make you feel safe. And I see sadness in your eyes, Rave. I don\'t know what has happened to you in the past, but I want to make that sadness disappear. I want you to be happy. I love seeing your face light up. It\'s just beautiful."



I was speechless. I hadn\'t ever expected such a heartfelt explanation.



"Logan...Logan I-"



He took a step closer to me and my eyes followed his light brown ones. He placed his fingertip softly against my lip, "Shh...don\'t say anything."



He was so close to me now. I could feel his hot breath on my cheek and that familiar rainforest scent from his auburn hair. His hand gently tilted my chin up and I stared into his eyes. My lips wouldn\'t move, my chest wouldn\'t breathe. I stood motionless, lost in the depths of his beautiful eyes. His lips descended slowly upon mine, but I didn\'t fight it.



He tasted like chocolate chip cookies.



I began kissing back. I allowed my hands to move to his back as he pulled me closer to him, so we were pressed together. His hands moved into my hair and he briefly rubbed my furry ears, before the kiss intensified. Logan cupped my cheek and I felt him rub against me. I was purring now, a dull hum radiating from my chest. He had me backed up against the table now. I probably would have fallen, if not for his firm grip around my waist.



I felt the small of my back hit a sharp corner of the square table. I yelped and let my arms fall from him.



"What\'s wrong?" He asked.



"It\'s just...the table-" I mumbled.



Instead of moving away from the table or stopping all together, like I had expected, he pushed me farther back onto the table, slightly lifted me up, until I laid flat on the large piece of furniture. Logan was on top of me, cradling my face, staring down at me. All I could see was his face, his wonderful, amazing face, illuminated by the chandelier above us.



He kissed me again and I could feel his body heating up. He explored my mouth eagerly and I could hear a low rumbling sound coming from him. I had closed my eyes, leaning forward into the kiss. He paused to stare at me for a moment. He got up from me quickly, shaking his head and turning the other way.



I was stunned, shocked to say the least. I was still lying on the table, staring up at the bright ceiling, wondering what had just happened.



"What...was...that?" I asked in a raspy voice.



"This is what I want Rave, but don’t you get it? It’s just not the same for me unless you also have feelings for me too. Do you understand?" He asked softly, turning to face me.



I sat up on the table, leaning back on my arms. I\'m sure my eyes must have been huge and my mouth may have even been having open. I shook my head, just totally not understanding.



"You need to decide what you want! I can’t take this limbo with you anymore. So, figure out what you want!" He yelled at me.



He had been angry, not at all like his usual self.



"You react like you want it, but the second it\'s over, you back off like I\'m poisonous! Am I so horrible? Are my kisses so undesireable? This is not what I wanted from you! I want all of you, not just a once in a while fling! I want all of you or nothing at all!" He said in a low, firm voice, like he was trying to keep control, "Can you give me that?"



I sat there like a dumbass. Did I want this? Did I want his love...his affection?