Falling Down

Co-written with Aya


A/N: So some nice slow chapters to let poor Suke and Ruka have a few moments peace

Ruka smiled. He was extremely happy, everyone was here and enjoying themselves. This is what he had always longed for. People. Contact. Happiness. Family. It was the things that he was denied for so long and to have it made him burst with joy.

Seeing Suke moving about he got up moving to help him, "Hush. I am going to help. Suke- No- I swear to God Suke!" He glared as Suke took the tray from his hands. Leaning close he smirking into his ear, "I'm going to fuck you against this counter later, so you better play nice right now or else I might start touching early. . ."

Reiko blinked over seeing Ruka and Daisuike and rolled her eyes, "Quit acting like a freakin married couple! Geez!"

Daisuike was already blushing and hearing Reiko's comment blushed harder the looks his brothers giving him not helping at all. Though, the thought of them being a married couple sent a tingle of warmth through him. He wasn't going to give in to Ruka though, even if his words made him want to groan. He narrowed his eyes slightly, a little tremor of excitement at not letting Ruka have his way, just yet.

"Go sit and enjoy your company. I've got this. Don't argue with me mister! Go help Masa and Fuji, they look a little uncomfortable."

"But-" Ruka whined softly then pouted, "Fine. . ." Leaning close he let his fingers trail down the fronts of Suke's pants before moving back to Fuji and Masa glaring at them.

"I think he's gunna bite our heads off."

"I think he just wants a piece of-"

"Say it Fuji and I'll throw you out of my house and not through the front door." Ruka glared kicking the man from under the table earning himself a grunt and a glare right back.

Reiko laughed softly rolling her eyes looking around. The place was pretty full and it was nice kind of. Usually it was just a full house with the band and Akira's family, but adding three more made it even fuller.

"This is nice. I like it!"

"Me too. Always wanted something like this." Ruka sounded happy yet the words were bittersweet to him. He just wondered how long he could cling to all this before, for some reason, it was ripped away from him just like everything else.

Daisuike looked around the kitchen kind of surprised at just how much food there was. He didn't remember cooking half of it and hoped it tasted alright. After making sure everyone had their drinks he set the food on the table before taking his seat next to Ruka. He looked around the table at everyone.

"Ano, thank you for coming everyone. It means a lot to Ruka and I." He let his gaze linger just a moment on Masa and Fuji. "Please help yourselves, there is plenty more food."

"Too much food Ouji-sama."

"Eh!? There's never enough food!!"

"Shut up Masa."

"What? Why! It's true. Daisuike should become my personal chef!"

"Shut up Masa!" Both Ruka and Fuji snapped at him making the other flinch and whine softly trying to discreetly get as much food as possible onto his place shrinking in on himself.

"I swear I'm going to go mad. Why the hell did I ever wish for this?" Ruka looked at Suke smiling softly.

"I don't think we'll be able to ever finish all this. . ." Reiko blinked staring around then instantly grabbed for the dorayaki happily. That along with the anmitsu and maki rolls. Taking half her portion she shoved it onto Akira's plate grinning happily at him.

***

Daisuike was clearing the table of the dishes while everyone lounged in the livingroom chatting. There wasn't as much food left as he'd feared though Masa and Hasu were so full they could barely move and even Akira had eaten more than one plate. There was a glow of happiness about Ruka and Daisuike found he couldn't stop watching him as he cleaned. Ruka’s beautiful smile seemed to get to him every time he saw it. He hurried to finish putting the food away and load the dishes so he could go join everyone. They were talking about the band at the moment. Ryuu typically taking most of the attention, though he seemed to be behaving himself quite well tonight. Soon the conversation turned to the races and he heard Jiro mention what he'd talked to him about and tensed. He wondered how Ruka and the other two would react.

"Suke tells me that you guys would like to hold some races in our territory." Jiro looked from Ruka to Masa and Fuji.

"Well you got some of the most wicked streets there are."

"Masa!" Ruka was horrified and he hadn't heard anything about this before.

"Ano- Excuse him he gets excited easily." Rubbing his neck Fuji looked at Jiro, "But he's right. There are some very good streets in Kobe for drifting and for casual races. We tend to use the Shuto Highway for the bigger ones since it's so long and perfect, but. . ."

"But what he's trying to say if for fun races and drifting Kobe has some of the best streets." Ruka finished softly not sure where this conversation was going.

"Jiro . . ."

"Finish the kitchen Suke."

"Hai." Daisuike frowned trying not to pout, he did not pout.

Jiro turned back to them, "Reason I was asking is I was thinking of opening up the area for your races. I think it would bring some good revenue to our shops and you guys would get to hold some good races. Of course we will have to work out the particulars."

Ruka stared at Jiro for a moment blinking. Was he serious? He looked like it but that would mean. . .

He stared at Fuji and Masa who stared back at him motioning for him to go on.

"Ano. . . Well a lot of the races my circuit does we don't have too many fees or anything. Larger races we do, but we mostly do it for fun. If. . . If you wanted we could give you guys a percent of the pool we make for the winner." Rubbing his neck he was nervous about this. Sure they were organized but to associate with the Yakuza might steer some guys away from the races.

"I- I'm really not sure if we can do that though. Even if I personally have no qualms about working with you, other guys will. We Hashiriyas don't. . .really follow anyone or deal with anyone. The thought behind it would be 'Why would we work or deal with the Yakuza when we don't follow even the cops.' Or something to that extent. . ."

Jiro nodded sitting back. "I understand that. I actually wasn't going to ask for a cut. I was going to do it as a favor. Races bring crowds and crowds like to eat and drink which would be good for the area. Just think it over. I might be yakuza but not every deal I make is as one. Hell, I'd even have the boys here play a concert before the races, draw a larger crowd that way. The local cops won't do a thing and we can close down whole roads if we want."

Ruka tilted his head and his smile grew getting an idea, "That would actually be pretty amazing Jiro. We would love it. The circuit usually have a small TV in one of the guy's trunk where we watch the car cams, but if we were able to actually race and not have to get up and go we could set up stationary cameras around the racing area and send it to a large screen."

Masa bounced exited, "We can have Toshi bring his large projector too!"

"This isn't that bad of an idea, but would you be willing to do this Jiro?" Fuji rubbed his jaw with the back of his hand slightly. It would be amazing for them and would make their circuit that just much stronger.

Jiro looked over at Daisuike who was surreptitiously watching them from the kitchen. He chuckled. "If I was not serious I would not mention it. Ask anyone here."

"Ano, yeah Jiro's not exactly the type to joke around." Haru stretched and looked over at Ruka. "You've been to my bar. We could set up a place in there for people to watch who don't want to stand outside. Plus you know my bartenders are the best in the area. Besides, that way you'd have time to stop in for a quickie with Suke anytime you wanted too."

There was a choking sound from the kitchen and Haru grinned.

"That would be after I won the race but it wouldn't be quick." And then Ruka's face went completely red having just realized he had said that to Daisuike's brother.

Reiko started to literally choke on her dorayaki and after she coughed it up, stared in horror at Ruka. He stared back for a moment while Fuji and Masa started laughing hysterically.

"E-Eto . . . I- . . Ano. . . I- . . ." He sighed hanging his head, "Fuck."

Haru reached over and clapped him on the shoulder. "At least I know you make good for him, ne?"

"Haru!!!" Sora was covering Hasu's ears even though the drummer was already sound asleep. Ryuu raised an eye brow not sure why Ruka seemed so embarrassed though it seemed Daisuike had disappeared from the kitchen.

Jiro just shook his head glancing over at Akira who was pretending not to listen. He looked back at Masa and Fuji. "Just let me know what you guys decide and I'll get things set up on my end. Daisuike, you might as well quit hiding. I'd like a beer anyway."

Ruka shifted uncomfortably and frowned a bit. Deciding to ignore the subject at hand he looked towards Jiro, "We'll get back to you on that. Give us a week and we'll spread the word and see if anyone wants to do it. Some get the thrill of the possibility of the cops showin up."

Stretching Fuji stood, "Thank you for the meal Daisuike but I should get going. My girl is probably worried about me."

"Worry what girl? Your hand is right there Fuji." Masa snickered ducking to avoid being hit.

"Guys, calm down. You might break something." Rubbing his temple he sighed. Sometimes he wished he didn't have friends, they gave him the biggest headache ever.

Rolling her eyes Reiko yawned resting her head against Akira. She was tired and sore still and felt entirely way too full.

"I think I'm gunna burst. . ."

Jiro nodded watching as Akira shifted to allow Reiko to get more comfortable. He glanced up as Daisuike appeared with his beer.

"Thanks, sit down Suke you look exhausted. As far as the cops, a lot of them will probably want to place their own bets. Just call me and let me know, or you can tell Suke. He can work on getting things set up."

"Alright we will." Bowing his his Ruka smiled softly, "Thank you Jiro." Lifting it he reached over tugging Suke down and onto his lap. "Breakfast, lunch and dinner was wonderful Ouji-sama." Letting him down to sit on his own he leaned over kissing his cheek gently.

Masa grinned while Fuji just rolled his eyes. The guy went from being embarrassed that he admitted that he would take Suke after a race, to kissing him in front of everyone. Fuji was never going to understand Ruka.

Daisuike settled into the warm spot where Ruka had been hearing Akira mutter something about not wanting to carry her down to the car. He laughed softly resting his head against the back of the couch. It really was a very comfortable couch. He was glad he'd picked it out.

Akira looked over going to ask Daisuike a question only to see him apparently asleep. He shook his head and looked back at Ruka.

"I know you wrecked your car, but do you think I could ride with you sometime?"

Ruka blinked staring in shock at Akira. Even knowing that he had crashed he still wanted to drive with him?

"Really? I would enjoy it if you came along with me sometime. I got a new car plus a new sports car. My racer is nice, but I haven't gotten to test my new sports car yet." He pouted, "It's suppose to be able to go 248 mph too. I'm excited to see how fast I can go."

Jiro choked on his beer startling Daisuike awake with his exclamation.

"Sorry." Jiro wiped at his chin. "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with that Akira, even though I am sure that Ruka is an excellent driver."

"But Reiko got to."

"I'm not Reiko's guardian, I am yours. I'll talk with you about it later."

"Oh, if you guys are gonna race in our area let me know ahead of time so I can make sure the bar is fully stocked."

"I want to come watch too. Maybe we could do a photoshoot with some of the cars or something. Oh . . . I just got an idea!"

"Oh no." Sora groaned.

Reiko groaned, "Ryuu you and ideas do not mix." Whatever it was it probably would involve them getting into loads of trouble then possibly getting into even more.

Ruka frowned a bit, he really wanted to take Akira out driving. He really wanted Akira's approval, having seemingly gotten Jiro and Haru's but Akira's. . . He had it but he wanted to impress Akira.

"Jiro, what if I use my racer instead? It only goes 190, plus what if I only go 120 max? Suke's been in it while I went that fast, so. . . And it's the safest car out there. I can give you my specs for the safety features if that would help."

"Seriously Jiro, Ruka is the best driver out there plus Hoshi, who is quite legendary, made his car. Even if they crash going 190, they'd live." Fuji leaned back some, Masa having found some cookies to munch on.

Jiro took a sip of his beer looking at Ruka. "I'll think about it."

"Ooh oh my idea! We need to do a calendar! Bloody Agony plus hot rides! What could be better ne? We could hold auditions to see who has the prettiest car at the next race. The winner gets to be in the calendar." Ryuu grinned at everyone almost bouncing in his chair.

Akira went to say something then frowned. It wasn't a half bad idea, he just wasn't sure how it would work.

"Wait, don't they normally take pictures of hot chicks with cars?" Haru raised an eye brow. "Who's gonna buy a calendar with a bunch of guys in it?"

Reiko raised an eyebrow, "Usually, but I guess it would work since you're a band, the girls might buy it to see just you, though I doubt they'd care about the cars." Reiko tapped her chin, "Might work.

Ruka frowned looking at Ryuu, "Eto, I guess you could call them pretty. Might be hard to decide. We do tend to make our cars look wicked looking. We'd have to do the contest before hand though." He shook his head. Ryuu was definitely a strange one.

Laughing Fuji looked at Ryuu, "I bet all of Ruka's cars would win. He has like what? 15 cars? And you do make them pretty."

"Oi! I just happen to have good taste!"

"Like a girl."

"Oi!! I'm going to kill you Masa!"

Haru snorted. "If anyone looks like a girl it's Suke in that apron."

"Shut it baka." Daisuike yawned as he stood irritated and slightly embarrassed as he went into the kitchen.

Sora chuckled. "I would say that it suits you, kind of always thought of you as the mothering type."

He laughed harder at the stricken look Daisuike gave him as the removed the apron.

"Oi Oi! Quit teasing him or I'm kicking you all out and kidnapping him permanently and you'll all have to fend for yourself!" Ruka got up and moved up behind Daisuike wrapping his arms around him pulling him back against him. Though he probably shouldn't do that, the way he felt against him was entirely too nice and he wanted to bend him over and-

"Hey! Don't you dare! Well. . . Actually as long as I can come over and get dorayaki I'm fine! By the way Suke, you might wanna teach Akira how to do laundry. He was complaining he was running out of clothes." Rolling her eyes she shoved at Akira a bit, "Even I know how to do it."

Leaning back against Ruka, Daisuike yawned again. "He knows how to do laundry, he just doesn't like doing it and that was probably his way of trying to get you to do it for him."

"I was not . . . really I wasn't . . . you know how few clothes I have and after I accidentally turned that one load pink-I don't want to, why can't you just come home and do it Suke."

"Jeeze Akira, even I do my own laundry." Ryuu laughed at him.

"Me too." Ruka, Fuji and Masa all piped in at the same time, then burst out laughing.

Reiko turned her head glaring at Akira, "You know how?" Reiko growled at him shoving him harder, knocking him off the love seat. "Grow up and do it yourself. Suke isn't your maid." Though that reminded her, "We probably should learn to cook. I'm getting tired of ordering Chinese every time I go over."

Nuzzling Daisuike’s neck Ruka smiled gently, "Getting tired? Should I ask them all to get the hell out of my house so I can tie you to my bed?" Ruka's voice was a hushed whisper enjoying the way Suke felt in his arms, tensing slightly.

Daisuike shivered despite himself and turned to look at Ruka. "Maybe in just a bit. They are having fun right now."

Akira was trying to convince Reiko that her wanting to cook was different from her actually trying to cook.

"Uh oh . . . I think Akira's gonna get smacked if he keeps that up. Sometimes he just doesn't know when to shut up, but then again Reiko is the only person outside our family that he really opens up to either." Daisuike kept his voice quiet just enjoying the feel of Ruka's arms around him as he watched his brothers and their friends. He was glad everyone was here. It helped to ease the cold ache in his chest from earlier when he'd been so terrified.

Ruka laughed softly, "Alright, but let's sit down. You're exhausted still." Kissing his neck, nipping behind his ear he led him to the couch to sit down. Wrapping an arm around him he snuggled against him closing his eyes for a moment before opening them. He wrapped an arm around Reiko pulling her close since it looked like she was going to hit Akira.

"Don't worry Reiko-chan, Akira will do his own laundry or go naked." Daisuike chuckled as he ruffled her hair

"Ehh?!"

Reiko's face went completely red at that thought, having a few thoughts she shouldn't be having, burying her face against Ruka's side. Ruka's arm was tight around her and he refused to let her go. Though Suke's hand in her hair was nice.

“Ne, Suke. Can I keep her. She’d make a cute pet.”

“Eh? Pet? I don’t know about that.”

"If I'm your pet does that mean Suke will cook for me?"

"Sure."

"Then I agree to your terms."

Fuji and Masa started to laugh, "Not sure that's a good idea Reiko. Ruka is pretty inten-" Then Masa blinked unsure if he should continue, "You don't mean that kind, right Ruka?"

"Eh!? Hell no!"

"Oh thank god."

"Masa! I can't believe you asked that!" Fuji hissed softly smacking him hard.

Reiko blinked feeling like she was suddenly out of the loop.

Sora looked between the two of them and burst out laughing. As if Daisuike would share Ruka with anyone, though it looked like he was the only one who got the joke, even Daisuike looked confused. He looked at Ruka a smirk on his face but didn't say anything watching as Daisuike sat back giving him a puzzled look. Might be best to steer the conversation elsewhere.

"So what new cars did you get Ruka?"

"Ah- Eto. . ." Ruka was thankful for Sora changing the conversation. He really didn't want to explain to anyone what Masa had meant. That just kind of disturbed him a bit. To think of Hime-chan in that way would be completely. . . awkward. Sure she was pretty but he wouldn't want to share Daisuike. He was greedy. Happily so though.

"I got a custom Nissan GTR Skyline. I think Ryuu would like that one to be in the calendar you'd want to do. It's a beauty!"

Reiko finally tugged free of Ruka moving back to Akira smoothing her hair down. Suke had messed it up.

Sora nodded his head impressed. "The new GT-R is an excellent car. Perfect for street racing. Gramps has that new Audi Abt R8 that I sometimes drive, but usually I just take the BMW. You've seen Suke's LandRover? That's a pretty nice ride too, even if it isn't for racing."

"I thought you liked to drive the Ferrari?" Ryuu looked over at red head.

"Nah, it doesn't really have enough head room for me." He shifted around to get more comfortable since Hasu was mostly laying on him now.

"Hmm yeah, I was really torn between the Saleen and SSC Ultimate Aero. Even if the Aero has more speed I liked the Saleen's looks more." Ruka nodded. It was cool to talk to Akira's friends about cars. He hadn't known they could afford such cars so it was nice. "I have seen Suke's Landrover. It's nice, but yeah, I prefer my cars able to race. Though it would be interesting to see if I could drift in it." Smirking he glanced at Suke, "Ne!!" He grinned wider at Suke nudging him softly.

"Oh no, absolutely not. You are not touching my truck!"

Jiro chuckled. "He hasn't let anyone drive it since he bought it. So don't be surprised Ruka."

Haru just shook his head and rolled his eyes. Ryuu looked up from playing a game on his phone, bored with the conversation.

"I don't see what the big deal is. I don't even have my license."

"That's cause you don't have any will to get it you lazy ass. You always got your drivers!" Reiko rolled her eyes, "I want my license so bad. I know how to drive but. . .I just can't drive legally yet. Akira's gunna be able to get his before me! That's not fair!" She pouted at him shifting to use him as a pillow, "Why do you gotta be older?"

"Well it's because his-"

"Masa shut your mouth now before I toss you out my window."

"Hai. . ."

Jiro chuckled. "Don't be so sure Reiko. He might be old enough but that doesn't mean he's going to get it."

"Wait . . . what? Why?" Daisuike laughed at Akira's expression.

Jiro's expression sobered slightly. "You know why."

"Wha-oh," Akira slumped back against the cushions pouting.

"Don't worry about it Akira, it's only till the end of the year and then it's over."

"So."

Reiko cringed realizing her mistake. Akira wouldn't be able to get his license until his probation was over. She honestly had forgotten about it and she felt bad. Shifting she turned and reached up tugging his hair smiling at him.

"Who need a license anyways? We'll just make Ruka drive us around!"

"Wait- what? Say what now?" Ruka blinked confused, "What did I just get roped into doing?" He hadn't been paying attention thinking of a few things that were making his pants slightly uncomfortable as he stroked Suke's side gently through his shirt.

Akira looked over at him and shrugged. Everyone else knew already.

"Ano, my probation isn't over until next February. I can't get my license or a job until then. But you wouldn't mind that much driving us around would you? I get tired of the limo sometimes and Suke isn't always around and well, I have issues with the bus."

"Oi! I love the limo! We can fit everyone and Sora can even play his video games!"

Ruka blinked then slowly nodded. Fujimaru had mentioned Akira stabbing his mother so he assumed it was because of that. "I don't mind. As long as I'm not on a job I'll drive you two brats around."

"Oi we aren't brats! And seriously Ryuu, you are never, ever dropping us off at school again in the limo. Do you realize how hard I had to hit Riku to get him to shut his fat trap?" That had caused a small riot at their school and she never wanted to deal with that again.

Haru stood, "It's been fun guys but I've got to get to work and Jiro is my ride."

"Yeah it is getting late isnt it. Akira, Reiko you riding with us or Ryuu?" Jiro stood up downing the rest of his beer. Setting the empty bottle on the coffee table he looked at Daisuike.

"You going to stop by sometime soon."

"Hai I will. If anything to make sure you guys aren't starving or without clothes."

"We'll go with Ryuu." Reiko yawned a bit nuzzling against Akira's lap not even thinking about what she was doing. She was getting tired, having stayed up most the night and the sleep she did get was filled the nightmares.

"We're gunna head out too."

"We are?"

"Yes Masa, we are. Remember I was suppose to leave an hour ago but you made me forget and I'm your ride."

"Oh. So that's not just an excuse to give Ruka and Suke-"

"MASA!" Ruka was horrified. He was never letting Masa over again while Suke's brothers were over.

"Sorry, we'll be going now." Masa quickly moved to put his shoes on.

Daisuike saw his brothers and Reiko out, helping Sora to rouse Hasu. He stopped Fuji as they were leaving.

"Ano, when you get a chance I was wanting to talk with you."

Fuji smiled a bit at Daisuike, "Call me any time Daisuike." He smiled pulling out a business card, "Just call the cell number." Handing it to him he reached out patting his shoulder.

"Just be good to him Daisuike. He deserves it." Turning he led gripped Masa's shoulder, "Unless you were wishing to speak now?" He looked back at Daisuike. What was he wanting to talk about though?

"Ano, no not now. It-it can wait for now." He bowed. "Thank you so much, for everything. I am deeply in your debt. If there is ever anything I can do for you, please tell me. Anything. You have my number."

Fuji smiled looking at Daisuike, "Alright. I'll be waiting for your call Daisuike." Nodding to him he bowed back a bit before leading Masa out who was whining about getting some dessert later.

Ruka sighed looking around, "Daisuike! You cleaned up too much! What am I suppose to clean?!" He sighed softly picking up the empty beer bottle tossing it in the recycling bin. He looked over but Daisuike was staring out the window at the bay. The lights from the city and ships reflecting in the water. He called his name but Daisuike didn’t move or even acknowledge him.

"Daisuike?" His voice shook a bit wishing that it didn't but unable to help it. “What’s wrong?”

Daisuike blinked hearing the slight tremor in Ruka's voice. "Nothing. I'm just . . . Lets get ready for bed. It's late and we are both tired. At least we won't have to worry about cooking for the next couple of days. I can't believe I did that again."

Ruka wasn't entirely convinced that everything was okay but didn't argue. At least he wouldn't argue yet. If Daisuike continued to act strange he'd demand answers. He hated being out of the loop. Shaking his head he quickly stripped tossing the clothes into a hamper before curling up in the bed waiting for his Ouji-sama. Yawning he stretched and moved to touch the side of his head. The prod had really hurt and the doctor said he had a small concussion but not to worry. A small rush of fear still went through him everytime he remembered seeing Daisuike fall. Shaking his head he forced those thoughts away. Daisuike was alive and with him and that was more than he’d hoped for. He propped his head up on a pillow wondering if he'd get to play a bit before bed.

After sweeping the kitchen and putting the broom away, Daisuike wandered around the now empty and dark apartment. He straightened the pillows on the couch and love seat and made sure the front door was locked. He was going to have a talk with the building security chief in the morning. He wanted to make sure that Ruka felt safe. He turned away from the door to look around. It might not be his apartment, but it felt like home to him. More like home than any place he'd been outside of his brother's apartment. With a soft sigh he headed for the bedroom. He quickly stripped in the dark not bothering to turn on the light and crawled into bed. The sheets were cold but Ruka was wonderfully warm and he snuggled up to him.

"It was a nice evening, wasn't it?"

"It was. . . I've always wanted that yet had never been able to have it. Sure I've had friends over and we ate and stuff but. . . This was different. This was what I call a family." Wrapping his arms around Daisuike, Ruka pulled him close. "I've always wanted that. . . Not only are you the person I love most in the world and make me the happiest, you've given me the chance to have something I've always craved in life." Lowering his head to bury it against Daisuike's hair he whispered softly. "Thank you. . ."

Daisuike smiled softly, "You are welcome, but don't get too comfortable. Family can be a major pain in the ass too, but I guess that is what makes it so special. You love each other and put up with each other even though you might fight and argue. It's not like just having friends, it goes much deeper. Family . . . doesn't have to be related by blood. Family can be anyone. Anyone who truly cares for you can wants to see you do your best." He shifted slightly so he could look at Ruka. "We are family, Ruka. Nothing can change that."

Slowly Ruka nodded staring at Daisuike for a long moment, feeling his chest start to get tighter. Removing his arm from around him he reached over, his hand shaking, to touch his cheek. Feeling his eyes start to burn with tears, he tried to keep his tears back but felt the slide down his cheeks. It hurt so bad. His friends were like his family, Sono was family, Daisuike- Daisuike was his family and to know that he had what he'd always wanted in life made him break apart. He come entirely too close to losing him forever. Unable to find the words he wanted to speak, he did what he did best and showed it through actions, clutching Suke and kissing him, feeling his entire body shaking.

Daisuike gripped Ruka, the kiss at once heated and more than a little desperate, it was the trembling and the feel of tears that got to him. He gently held Ruka away wiping at the tears his eyes troubled.

"Ruka . . . Ruka did-did I say something wrong? Are you alright?"

Ruka shook his head, trying to stop the tears. He felt stupid. He shouldn't be crying, "No- You didn't. I-. . . I just. . ." Carefully he sat up running a hand through his hair trying to collect himself.

"My entire life I wanted someone. . . anyone to truly love me." His voice was soft, a bit lost sounding, "I-. . . I wanted a family. I had friends but they. . . that was all they were. When I met Sono I had thought I had met that person who I could truly love and be family with and- . . . It just didn't work out. He's still my family but. . ." Shaking his head he clenched a hand into his hair.

"After that I tried to find someone, anyone who could fill this painful void inside me, but I never did. So I gave up." Hanging his head he let out a shuddering breath, "For a long time I just gave up, but then I found you and- . . . and you've filled all the voids inside me. I need for love, my need to love someone, my need for a family. . ."

Looking back down at him he smiled some, "You honestly completely me Daisuike and you have no idea how happy I am because of it. You risked your life for me and there is no way I could ever repay you or thank you enough. I love you so much."

Daisuike felt like his heart might burst listening to Ruka. How could someone live with so much pain? He knew, understood what it was like. Even if he'd had his brothers it was Akira that had truly brought them together and made them a real family. Made them care about something besides themselves or nothing at all in his case. They'd only had Akira back for a couple of years now.

He reached up and pulled Ruka down to him just holding him. "You have no idea how happy it makes me to hear that Ruka. Even though I have my brothers, I'd given up on ever being loved, ever deserving to be loved. I would have done anything to get you back. Fujimaru will never be able to hurt either one of us again. "

Ruka shuddered against Daisuike wrapping his arms around him pulling him close. It hurt to know that they were both broken. He had thought for the longest time that he was beyond repair and Daisuike probably thought along the same lines. But- He smiled softly leaning close to kiss Daisuike.

"We can show each other that we really are loved. . . Ne?"

Daisuike thought about what he was planning and smiled. He knew what Ruka was talking about. Leaning forward he kissed him lightly his fingers straying up into Ruka's hair. "Hai, that we can and in so very many ways."

Ruka smiled shifting to lay beside Daisuike enjoying the fingers in his hair. It made him so happy to be with Daisuike. Just to be with him, not even just the sex. Leaning forward he kissed him settling closer taking his arm around Suke's waist to draw him close.

"Should we get some sleep or. . .?" He smiled softly at him. Either way he would be happy.

"Maybe just sleep for tonight. It's been a very long day and I think we could both use a bit more rest." He nuzzled into Ruka. "Sorry, I'm just not up to anything right now even with taking a nap earlier. I really did cook entirely too much food. I'm going to have to go shopping again."

He would have to remember to call Fuji in the morning. He might do that while he was out shopping.

Ruka nodded some. He was tired himself but was always up to touching Suke. Sighing softly he nestled against Daisuike closing his eyes.

"Mmm we'll just eat the leftovers for a few days. ." Kissing his neck he yawned a little snuggling deeper. He was even more tired after cuddling with Daisuike and smiled softly.

"Can you buy more whip cream and chocolate syrup?"

Daisuike blinked at the question, "An-ano yes. I didn't realize we were out."

He was going to need to start a list, but Ruka was right. They had more then enough left overs and he didn't want that much food going to waste. Even if he didn't remember cooking most of it. Though why did he have the feeling that Masa would be knocking on their door first thing in the morning asking for breakfast?