What We Didn't Do

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She was shouting at me again. I can’t say I blame her, I leave my pills anywhere and everywhere but it wasn’t like I didn’t have several boxes of the damned things. So what if a small bag was left behind at the apartment of a guy I wanted to/didn’t fuck?

Eight pills, water, pick at some bread rolls (should have taken pills earlier).
Lecture on sex I didn’t have.
Laugh about what Andy did.
Snack on chocolate, yeah I know it’s bad for me.
Knock on door.

“Alex…hi,”

“Hi, sorry, you left something at mine.”

“Yeah I know, sorry bout that. How did you find me?”

“You label your pills…”

“Duh, sorry, not myself.”

Loud “ahem” from Jeannie.

“Come on in, I can introduce you to my bitch,”

“You wish I was your bitch,” she snorted, jumping down from my kitchen counter.

Alex looked different in daylight. Lighter, softer. Not necessarily older but certainly more mature. He had sheepish smile on his face, like I was introducing him to my mother. Bless.

“Alex, Jeannie, Jeannie, Alex,” I lit up a cigarette and pushed my glasses over my hat and onto my head. He was polite, shook hands, turned to me, looked dazed, handed over my micro bag, all neatly labelled.

“Thanks, so much.”

“He’s always leaving them behind places. Found a whole fucking pack of them down the sofa once.”

Jeannie - my mother’s greatest ally and a pain in my fucking ass…and not a good pain either. I think she picked it up from Andy. Or my mother. Or both. I hope they don’t fuck her up too much. I’d hate picking up the mess.

“So, you want some lunch?” I asked, flicking my ash, “She makes more than is remotely necessary so you’re welcome,”

“Thanks, that is, if I’m not imposing - ”

“Don’t be stupid,” Jeannie grinned and began plating up sandwiches “You like pickle?”

“Sure.”

We sat down, he and I, on my dark blue sofa, one of the few things in my new apartment that wasn’t covered in film or a box. My feet went up, knees tucked under my chin.

“Well,” he said with a little smile “I know a couple more things bout you now.”

I was grateful for the hushed voices. You must be confused, thinking I hate my brother’s girlfriend, but I do love her. The fact that she’s a nosy embarrassing little brat is neither here nor there.

“Like what?” I took a drag.

“You smoke, you wear glasses and you’re apartment is bigger than mine,”

“Really? it looks smaller.”

“If I didn’t know you’d already seen his dick I’d tell you he’s compromising for something with the amount of rooms he’s got. However you of course have figured that out,” Jeannie grinned broadly, dropping plates of cheese and pickle sandwiches on my coffee table (also not covered in film or a box).

“Why do you hate me?” I asked, flicking more ash.

“You hated me first,”

“Fair.”

Alex was looking mildly confused. Can’t say I blame him. If Jeannie was a guy, I’d fuck her, as it was she had breasts and a grating giggle so that, as they say, is that.

“Can I ask, are you related?” Alex looked to both of us as he nibbled on the corner of his sandwich. So fucking cute.

“Fuck no, couldn’t get rid of her then…actually I can’t get rid of her now,”

“Actually if we were related you could disown me,”

“I like your planning,” I took a drag “She’s my brother’s girlfriend.”

Alex frowned, “Brother?”

“Ah,” Jeannie grinned, “he doesn’t know bout the stupidly large family you have,”

“There are five of us…well there were five of us. Andy, Jeannie’s partner is the eldest, Frank who does nothing but study all the time, that’s his actual profession. Then Katrina my perfect sister and finally Pip and me. We don’t all get along much.”

“Understatement of the fucking century,” She paused and looked up “I swear like a soldier, I hope you don’t mind.”

“Fuck no.”

We laughed a little.

"Aw, shit," Jeannie stared at her watch. "I gotta go back, help Andy with his speech...you are coming, right?"

Looking at me expectantly doesn't mean I know what you're saying so as she looked at me with her big brown eyes, the brows above them raised I didn't have a fucking clue.

"I don't know - "

"His benefit, Rafe! Shit I told you ages ago, you said you were coming!"

"Why did I say that?"

Andy's benefits. An excuse for the overly sympathetic and self-righteous to splash the hundred dollar bills for a cause they don't care about. Just so long as you're seen to be caring...

"Fuck off, Rafe!" She was squealing again. "Look, it's important, especially for you guys! Just because you've got HIV doesn't mean you're immune to other shit."

"Really? That wasn't on my memo," I snapped, lighting another cigarette.

Poor Alex. Should have stayed home.

"Testicular cancer is something to be aware of," she was quiet again. "Now, are you going out and buying yourself a tux or not?"

"Fine, but I feel like a dick when I go. I'm one of those guys that hangs around while everyone laughs over a cheap glass of champagne. I loiter."

"I'll go with you."

I stared at the dude next to me.

Cute...but crazy.

Bless.

"You...seriously?"

"Sure, I mean, y'know. I know I don't know you or anything but if you want me to, I mean I can keep you company or something. Or y'know, not its fine, I don't mind, I just - "

"Sweetheart, you're mumbling," Jeannie said, grinning. "Wear a tux and make sure this sonofabitch gets there on time, I left the details on the fridge."

She left.

I now had a date for my brother's shitty benefit.

Would I get laid?

Would he be ready by then?

I might be able to sneak a blow job off him, right?

"You really want to come?" I asked, turning to him.

"Well, only if you want me," He went all sheepish on me, his cheeks turning red.

"Of course," I was feeling all smushy. Enough with the smushy! He's just a guy.

"Ok."

I mentally prepared one condition...I wanted sex. But was I that shit? Course not. I just smiled and said Gee, thanks, you're swell.

Well, maybe not those exact words.