Grazing the crescent with outstretched fingertips.

Grazing the crescent of glory, of the moon with outstretched fingertips. That's how it felt as I walked back to work. Though of course I wasn't, I was actually plucking the daisies at my feet and forming a crown. I had done something magical today, I'd decided. The stuff of movies. Elation filled me. Why had I been so cold, though? Self defence, embarrasment. Why was he interested in somebody who spent hours of their day staring at them in strange ways? Who cares, I decided. Work flew by. He busked outside the store. I could hear him singing through the glass just about. His voice sounded like an angels and made me smile instead of frown. My customer service was great, my manager commented, she seemed please. She didn't bother to ask why I was so pleased with myself. I decided my new favourite colour was Gray. I rubbed my fingertips against one another to try and remember how his felt. I listened to Stellastarr and sang along whilst I tagged prices on the books behind the counter. When my manager offered me a raspberry jam filled donut, I took it, but I put it in a bag. A weird present, but he said he loved sweets. I stopped tagging as cold realisation set in. I might have given the impression that I was cool, but I was fluttering, flying high. My heart was like butter that had spent a good half a minute in the microwave. Completely melted. I needed to get cool, or he was going to crush my heart like everyone before him, I'd jump in headfirst and get swallowed alive by something unpleasant. I practiced my neutral face. The smile faded. A tiny voice tried to argue but I refused to listen. No way was I gonna be let down again. I'd be prepared.

5:30pm rolled around and my mouth was dry. I considered walking out the back entrance, sure it was longer to get home, but was this really worth it? What was I even going to say? I steeled myself and stepped out of the door. His face seemed to light up, it looked apprehensive, his toes kicking in the snow, but as soon as our eyes met, he smiled and his foot stilled. He stood, shy. I think he was embarrased about his earlier outburst.
'How was work?' he asked quietly.
'It was alright...' I felt uncomfortable. I thought for a moment. Should I ask him if he wanted more coffee? No. That was silly. Dinner? That was even fucking stupider. I looked up the fairly quiet street. There would be fairy lights hanging between the lamp posts soon, and a large tree would be erected in the book shop. Gray was still silly and still had no real job and still bothered me. He didn't seem as airy fairy as I'd imagined. 'Do you take drugs?' it spewed out of my mouth. I couldn't seem to stop it. He looked confused.
'No... Not really, why?' he asked. I looked away and shrugged. 'Why? Do you?' I turned back to him sharply, a frown piqued my brow.
'Of course not!' he laughed, my voice broke a little with the explanation. I frowned deeper and stuffed my hands in my pockets. Gray stepped close and his hands gently rested in the crook of my elbow. I looked down at them. 'I want to come,' he said flatly. My mind ran. I wondered what he meant. Did he mean sex? Surely not. 'I mean... I want to come with you, where ever you're going. I don't mind where, I mean, so long as you don't...' I don't, I decided.
'Well I'm going home.' I didn't dislodge my arm from his hands. I was a little embarrased, walking with another guy like this, I hadn't really tried the whole gay thing before. But no one was around, and pushing him away if someone was around, I'd decided, was the kind of cruel and soul crushing thing I despised. I looked down at the top of his head, which only came to my shoulder. I'm a fairly tall guy, so his smallness seemed even smaller to me. He looked up at me and smiled. I didn't smile back. He must have thought I was the weirdest guy I'd ever met. Slowly, he slipped a hand down the inside of my arm, where his touch went was tingly. He slid that hand into my oversized pocket, interlocked his fingers inbetween mine. I squeezed gently. He squeezed back. When we came to the steps of my apartment, I led him up them, the metal clanging beneath my feet. He was much quieter behind me. We came to my door, I opened it and invited him to go first. He wiped his feet on the doormat, stepped inside, slipped off his shoes. They were soaked through. I followed suit, but I picked up his sneakers and placed them on the radiator. He smiled up at me gratefully. I shed myself of my coat.
'I'm gonna go get changed.' working at the bookshop wasn't exactly exertion, I didn't need a shower, but I didn't like to spend more time than I had to in my uniform. I don't know if I felt him looking, and it made me look at the mirror, but I saw him peeping round the door. I frowned. I was topless, I turned to look at him, my hands automatically moved to my hips. I was wearing a pair of fairly low slung black pants, they weren't supposed to be that low really, but I'd lost a fair amount of weight recently. He didn't stop staring, he blushed. 'This isn't a spectator sport, go sit down, I'll be with you in a second,' my tone was commanding. I noticed he responded to that. He laughed a little and nodded, apologising. I tugged on a black Joy Division T-shirt. It had Rock N' Roll emblazoned across the chest. Gray was seated, looking around my home skeptically. 'Something wrong?' I asked. I mulled around in the kitchen for a moment, he shook his head. 'Do you like wine?' I asked finally. He nodded.

A bottle of red wine later I was sufficiently loosened up. I popped another one open, I had boiled the kettle and made us both a pot noodle. I couldn't cook to save my life. Gray ate it voraciously and it disturbed me. It confirmed my suspicions that he didn't get to eat very often, but damn, wasn't that his fault? His fault for spending his time doing stupid things like playing a guitar in the street? I didn't comment on his rate of eating. I picked at my pot noodle and left half of it. I offered it to him, he accepted gratefully.
'You sure don't eat much, huh.' he remarked through mouthfuls. It reminded me of the donut. I ignored his question and jumped up, walking into the other room and fetching the small paper bag out of my pocket. I bought it back in and gave it to him. He stared at it. 'For me?' I nodded awkwardly, rigidly. I felt dumb. But as I assumed, it made him smile. He placed it down on the table and reached out to hold my hands. My heart was beating fast in my chest. 'That's the sweetest thing anyone's ever done,' he said. His voice was soft, a little wavery. I smiled. 'I... I'm going to try hard to be everything you're dreaming of,' Gray whispered. I scooted closer. I reached out and grabbed my glass of wine, drank quickly. Dutch courage for the weak. I placed it back down and stared anywhere but him for a brief moment. I felt his breath on my cheek, his silky lips brushing over my skin. I shivered and turned my head so our lips met together. The feeling was too intense and I quickly pulled away. This was moving way too fast.Gray looked pleased and disappointed all at once. It was a strange feeling. A bittersweet taste, I imaging it to be like sweet and sour sauce, or the sweetness of mangos mixed with the bitterness of lime. His hands stayed on mine, I didn't push them away. 'Give me a chance, Caleb,' his words were a soulful request. A plea. It had been so long since I'd felt like that, warm and anxious, wanted and yet paranoid. I leant close and kissed him again, cupped the back of his head in my palm and slipped my tongue inbetween his soft, rose petal lips. His tongue came to meet mine eagerly, though didn't fight, rather touched gently, caressed and grazed, he tasted of everything sweet as I should have expected and close like this, he smelt like bubblegum and candyfloss. I never wanted the kiss to end, I clung on until my lungs were aching for breath. When I pulled away I was gasping, so was he.
'You're the...' I trailed off. How to compliment? 'You're precious,' I decided on finally. A truthful compliment. I did not want to feed him empty words. I pulled him up and lead him to my bedroom by his hand. I felt suddenly confident. This was something I knew I could do. I closed the door behind us out of strange habit. I went to switch the light off. He begged me to keep it on and I agreed. I stripped him down excrutiatingly slowly, gradually revealing and orally harassing every little piece of his soft, smooth skin. He whimpered and squirmed, so I pinned him down, held him still so I could suck on his bubblegum pink nipples. I worked down his trousers and his briefs, kissed the tip of his erection softly, I wasn't too sure what to do. Of course, I had masturbated, I tried to imagine what felt good to me and implemented it on him, though I was slow, experimental. Gray was responsive, he squirmed and moaned my name, curled his fingers tight in my hair, even prayed to God. His head hit the back of my throat and slowly, carefully I tried to ease it further, a little gag escaped me but I persisted. I wanted this to be perfect. When I held him in my mouth to the hilt, I felt a sense of pride, and my next goal was to make him come for me. I could hear him asking me to stop, but I knew why he wanted me to, and I wasn't ready for that yet. I shook my head. I carried on sucking him harder, licking him, my fingers toyed with his sack gently, becoming slowly more insistant, I felt them tightening in my hand and pulled back sucking at just the very head of him. I accepted his seed into my mouth, his body arced beautifully and the sound of his scream was more angelic than even his singing voice. I swallowed, I wasn't sure what I thought of the taste. I curled up against him and held him close.
He plucked a picture of the wall.
'Who's she?' my ex, beautiful and smiling. I tossed it aside.
'Nobody.'