Nymphaea

Chapter 2: Decision time

Stephen spent five to six hours training each day at the least. At the snooker table, he calmed down. The only thing that counted, was getting these balls into the pockets as skilfully as possible. To keep concentrated. To keep as cool-minded as Ayve had always been, back then. He aimed high. 147s were his goal: reaching the maximum of points that could be gained without interruption. He wanted to be the best. He had gone through to the finals of seven major tournaments the past year and had won five of them. That was his source of confidence. He intended to go on like this. His career was the one thing that had worked out in his life.

Well, his baby-daughter was sweet as candy. He was proud to be a father. But his relationship with Julie was a mess.

No, there had been no problem with his staying away that night five months ago. She had accepted the excuse. She knew him, or so she thought: he had much more a mind for fast cars and drinking beer in pubs than for one-night stands with a German woman when his girlfriend was in the sixth month of pregnancy with his child. He was a good guy. Unfortunately, her belief in him ended in talks about marriage. Stephen had rejected that, arguing they had considered ending their relationship only a few months ago and that he didn’t want to marry just because of a baby. She deserved more than that, right?

Reasonable person that she was, Julie had accepted this. Admittedly, it only delayed the whole matter. He would have to make a decision one day. Quite soon.

The question was, did he really have a choice? After all – no matter what was going to happen between him and Ayve (Were they likely to meet ever again?) – Stephen did not love Julie. Yes, they had done it once or twice since that October night, but he couldn’t say he had enjoyed it much. What was more: Julie surely hadn’t enjoyed it either. She had probably explained his lack of passion with her pregnancy. She must have thought he preferred slim bodies or was restraining himself because of the baby inside. Something of that sort. But, such excuses were not going to work much longer (now that the baby had seen the light of day and Julie was regaining her former looks).

He was caught in a predicament. Whatever he did, nothing would seem right. Merely thinking about leaving a woman who had just given birth to his child, made him feel like an absolute selfish arsehole. However, staying with Julie because of the child might make both of them dissatisfied with their lives in the long run. Could he force himself to develop a new interest in her, to forget Ayve? That seemed unthinkable. Not after that night. To hell with Ayve! Why did he have to inflame him like that if he didn’t want him anyway?

Stephen actually felt hurt in his pride. He was a man - a determined and successful man even. He knew what he wanted and had always achieved his goals. He was heading straight to becoming the most successful snooker player ever and had already earned several million pounds at an age when other people had hardly finished their professional training. He had many friends, was highly regarded by other snooker pros… why did he loose his mind every time Ayve entered it? He felt like a boy in primary school trying to gain the attention of a girl for the first time in his life. This was ridiculous.


He leaned against the snooker table, queue in his left hand put on the ground, his right hand moving through his hair, trying to relax his brain. Paul, a friend of his came in from the main room of the snooker club. Stephen had been granted an extra room where he had set up a special tournament table to be able to practice on tournament standards.

Stephen had befriended Paul during the last years as they had regularly met in matches. Paul was Irish, but he often came to Stephen’s snooker club during the season. He was rather small, had flaming red hair and an amazingly big grin above his face, especially after a few drinks, despite the big scar he wore on his upper lip from a dog’s bite. He was a great guy with a gorgeous humour. An entertainer when it came to exhibitions, a talent Stephen didn’t share. They planed on doing some together next summer (which was only a few months away).

But the great thing about Paul was that his humour was combined with intelligence and a good sense for friendship.

“Hey! What’s up with you?” he asked, seeing the look on Stephen’s face. “Come on daddy, I’ve found a new pub. Let’s see if it’s any good and then you can tell me what’s bothering you.”

Stephen smiled faintly. Maybe Paul was right. His thoughts had spun in circles for ages now. Maybe he should hint what was up and ask Paul for his opinion.

Having sat down in a corner with a pint of ale, Stephen threw the truth onto the table. “I’m not sure whether I can bear playing the happy family father for Julie much longer.”

Paul sighed. “Oh dear, I feared it was something like that.” He smiled uneasily. “You know, Julie complains about you to Anne all the time.”

Anne was Paul’s wife and a friend of Julie’s. She and Paul were awaiting twin-boys. Stephen supposed, he felt so close to Paul because of that: they were in similar situations in their lives.

“You two have never really worked up what went wrong in your relationship before Melissa dropped in and said ‘Here I am’, right?” Melissa was the name Julie had picked for their daughter.

Stephen shook his head. “No, we haven’t. And what’s more: I have somebody else haunting my mind. I don’t believe that will ever end in something serious, that person is definitely not interested, but still…” He glanced at Paul as if asking ‘Do you understand?’

Paul raised his eyebrow in surprise. “Do I know that someone?”

Stephen shook his head.

“What’s she like that you risk your whole life for her?”

Stephen waved that question away. “Let’s not talk about that. I have no idea what that is about either. All I know is that Julie is not the person that I wanna be with.” Stephen leaned back in exasperation and took a deep draught of his ale. “I hardly manage to get a stiff cock in her presence,” her murmured.

Paul laughed out loud. “Well that’s no good – and that at the age of twenty-four!”

Stephen smiled. It had been a good idea to get things out.

“You know the press will have its way with you if you leave a woman with a newborn child?” Paul put his finger right on the spot where it hurt most.

“Yeah, I know,” Stephen sighed. That would not only bother him, it would stress Julie, too.

“If you move skilfully you might persuade Julie to end the relationship but still act as family. That would be the best for Melissa and would also steal the press’ thunder. I mean, if you don’t plan on immediately hurling yourself into a new relationship anyway…”

Stephen nodded slightly. “But how…?”

Paul shrugged. “It’s Julie. Okay, she’s got a good portion of temperament. But in the end, she’s not stupid. She’ll be hurt, but she’ll know what’s best. I wouldn’t tell her that you fancy somebody else or that you find her unattractive…”

Stephen smiled. That went without saying. Even he was not that stupid.

“Just tell her in a deferent attitude that you don’t feel as much as you used to for her, but that you want to be there for her and the child and all that stuff. I mean, you’re the sensitive guy, that’s why women like you. Give her the feeling of being treated fairly.”

That was easier said than done, but Paul was right. That was the only alternative left. Stephen had to go for it.

*

He returned in time for dinner. They had bought an apartment two years ago that had seemed just a little oversized to him then but was perfect now with the baby. Little Melissa – around two months old now – was lying on a blanket on the floor, dressed only in a shirt. Julie had been told, it wasn’t good for the baby’s skin to be in diapers all the time, so she let Melissa lie around like this while she did the housework. They had floor heating, so Melissa usually seemed to be comfortable.

Stephen took the little girl up. She stared at him curiously. He smiled. Yes. This had to work. He didn’t want to lose this treasure. He had become a father!

He took her into his arms, put her head carefully on his shoulder and turned around as he heard Julie approach in the corridor. He would have trembled if it had not been for Melissa. No more delaying or he would not find the courage. Julie stopped in the door, smiling. She did not look bad with that new haircut she had gotten last week and the golden dangling earrings, did she? But, this was nonsense. Don’t falter now. Do something before she goes and kisses you to welcome you home!

Stephen’s heart raced. His throat was dry. He was sure she could read him just by looking into his pitiable face. “Can we talk?” he asked in a croaky voice. Julie’s face darkened.

“I see.” She took a step backwards. “Sure. Come into the kitchen.”

***