forgive my failure

A/N: Sorry if you are a little bit confused about the title. I’ve changed it from ‘Leave it all behind’ too ‘Forgive my failure’.
So here we have the second chapter of my little story. Hope you’ll have fun or be sad… whatever you wish;) PLEASE REVIEW or else you will never know what happened to little Jared…


bambi4real: Thanks for your comment! Sorry for the mistake with the name. This story was meant to be a ‘real person story’ so I needed to change some of the names to post it here. Wherever you read the name Shannon it means Charlie and Tomo means Jake. Sorry I hope I did it better this time!!





One week later


“She didn’t answer again!” Charlie smashed his phone into the corner of the small living room. He had tried to call his grandmother for days now, because he wanted so damn much to talk to Jared and tell him that he was missing him, but after the first call five days ago Ruby ignored it completely.

Charlie was so unbelievable angry. He would have never thought that she could do this to him. He hadn’t slept in days because he was thinking about his baby brother and Ruby all the time.

But the worst time of the day was when he heard Jake talk with his own family. He could hear him laughing and tell them one by one that he loved them. It wasn’t only hard for Charlie because he was jealous. But because he missed his own family and even when Jake was with him he felt some kind of lonely.

There were just three persons in this damn world he loved more than life itself and two of them ignored him now that he needed them most.

‘Okay,’ he corrected himself ‘one person. Jared is too small he probably doesn’t even know what had happened’ this thought made him even more angry. He wanted to talk to Jared and tell him that he loved him and that he would soon come back and visit him, but Ruby didn’t let him.

Jake sat on the floor and watched his angry lover with concern. Charlie had tried to call her again and again, but it seemed that Ruby had meant what she had said and really didn’t want him back in their life.

They had moved into their new apartment. They had both new jobs and everything could be perfect but it wasn’t. Charlie missed his brother and couldn’t believe that Ruby did this to him. They couldn’t go back. It was too late. College would start in two weeks and they needed money for the rent and other things like a bed or food.

Charlie sat down next to his lover his head in his hands. “It is hopeless, she will never answer the fucking phone” he mumbled more to himself then to Jake. Tears of pure frustration were running down his face. He was so tired of all this shit. Why couldn’t it be more easy. It had been hard enough to leave them after all what had happened the last months.

Jake had been right when he had told him that it wasn’t him who was the selfish bustard. It was Ruby. Charlie shook his head. He couldn’t think clearly anymore. “I would hate her if I wouldn’t miss her so damn much!” he whispered and pressed himself against his lover.

Jake didn’t say a word he just held him tight against his chest and rubbed his back to comfort him. After some minutes he guide the exhausted young man to the bed. “It just needs some time and everything is gonna be ok. I promise. She misses you, too.”

Charlie’s eyes were already closed when Jake gave him a soft kiss on his cheek.

*************

Ruby looked out of the window. Jared was sitting on the steps and stared to the little garden gate. He did it every day since Charlie had left. He didn’t let Ruby bring him to the kindergarten, because he was scared to miss Charlie when he would come home. The former little troublemaker didn’t even want to play with his friends. He was just sitting there, waiting for the one thing that would probably never happen.

It broke her heart to see him suffer, but it was necessary. Better sooner than later. She could not live with the knowledge of supporting Charlie in his decision to kill himself.

Last night she woke up when she heard Jared crying in his room. The doors of their chambers were standing always open so she could hear if something was wrong. Immediately she stood up to see what had happened and found the little boy curled up into a ball with his teddy tightly pressed against his small body.

She had bowed down and laid a gentle hand on the small figure when Jared looked up at her with big watery eyes and asked for Charlie. He had dreamed of his mother, he always dreamed of her just to wake up every time to know that she wasn’t there anymore. Normally Charlie was there to comfort him but not last night.

Ruby had taken him on her lap and had rocked him back and forth, telling him, that Charlie wasn’t there anymore. That had made Jared cry even harder. Ruby had buried her hand in Jared's dark curls, cupping his small head and crooned comforting words in her grandson’s ear.

Some moments later Jared had stopped crying and Ruby could lay him back under his blanket. Jared’s eyes were already closed again when she gave him a kiss on his forehead and walked back too her own room.

Again the ring of the telephone interrupted her thoughts. The third time this day, it was Charlie, she could feel it. But she wouldn’t give in. If he really wanted them back he would have to quit the academy and come back home. Her soul ached for this opportunity.

Turning her head away from the small table the phone was put on, she waited until the ringing stopped. Her neck was tense again, like the night before and she rubbed it, to ease the tension.
Suddenly a pain rushed through her spine, that made her vision go black for a second.

She stopped moving her arm and bowed her head from one side to the other, that was alright. But when she let her arm fall to her side again, another rush of searing pain flooded through it and she went pale.

The pain was creeping up to her chest. Her breath quickened and she tumbled to a chair which seemed too far away to sit down. Ruby tried her best to calm herself down, but all she could think about was this unbelievable pain. It felt like one hundred knifes were rammed into her chest.

Ruby could feel her heart beating way too fast and every time it beat, it was like it would want to jump right out of her body. She started to tremble and her knuckles were white from holding the hurting arm.

Sweat was breaking out on her forehead, but the left arm was ice cold and began to get numb. Everything appeared to be spinning around so she held her eyes tight shut but nevertheless she could see the lights flicker in front of her.

‘I have a heart attack!’ she thought in panic. It had happened before that she had felt a bit weak or a light pain but never that much.

’Oh my god! I can’t die, not now! Oh my little boys’ Ruby thought one last time before everything went black.

*************

Outside Jared was still sitting on one of the steps. His head rested on his hands and he could feel that it was getting cold but Jared still didn’t want to give up. Charlie had promised that he would come back home as soon as possible and Charlie would never lie to him.

The last week had been a horrible one. The morning after Charlie had left his grandma had cried for it had seemed hours. Jared had tried hard to comfort her but it hadn’t worked.

He still couldn’t understand her scary reaction when he had told her about his last conversation between him and his brother.

It would be just some days Jared had thought but he too had missed him badly right from the first day. He didn’t know anymore if it was really so cool if Charlie would become a policeman. Especially if it meant, that he wouldn’t be home anymore.

Jared was angry at his big brother and he would tell him, that he didn’t want Charlie to go away again.

Charlie had always been around as long as Jared could remember. When his mother had been at work he had stayed at home with Charlie and they had been playing the whole day.

And every night Charlie had been there to bring him to bed with his mother and sometimes they had sung a song or had told him stories about princes who fought against evil witches or dragons. Than they had told him how much they love him and had kissed him for goodnight. Jared had always loved this evenings.

After the day his mother had died and they had come to live with their grandmother Shannon was still with him. At the funeral he had promised Jared that he would never leave him and that he could always count on his big brother but now it seemed as if he had broken his promise.

Suddenly Jared heard a numb sound from the kitchen. He jumped on his feet and ran into the house to find out what had happened. “Granma?” he called for her, but there came no response. When he reached the kitchen he couldn’t see what was wrong at the first moment but then Jared found his grandmother lying on the floor.

He ran to her side and started to shake her shoulder. “Granma? Wake up! Why are you sleeping on the floor, “Granma?” he asked her lifeless form but again there came no reaction.

Jared started to cry. There was something wrong with his Grandmother and he didn’t know what to do.

He jumped up again and heated out of the house. Janna a friend of him lived just next to them. He remembered, that she had told him some days ago that her daddy was a doctor. He could surly help his grandma.

Jared ran as fast as his little feet could carry him. And when he reached the house he could see Mrs. Graham working in her garden.

************

Linda Graham turned around in shock when she heard the screaming voice of a child behind her. With a puzzled expression she saw a little boy running right in her direction. He was a friend of her youngest daughter and had been living here with his older brother for some month now.
“What had happened little one?” she asked the breathless child.

“Ma granma is sick! Come help!” Jared stammered still crying. With desperate eyes he looked up to the so much bigger woman and tried to drag her to his grandmother but Mrs. Graham didn’t move.
At first she didn’t realise what was going on, but when she saw the scared expression in the child’s face she knew there was something really wrong.

“First tell me what happened,” she leaned down to look him directly in the eyes.

„Ma granma is lying on the floor in the kitchen. She doesn’t wake up!” Jared cried even harder. Why couldn’t she just come with him and help his grandmother?


Now she looked at him with much more concern. “Wait a moment. I’ll get my husband,” she ran to her house and disappeared through the front door.
Jared just stood there and waited for something to happened. He was so scared and he didn’t want to let Ruby alone for too long. After some more moments Mrs. Graham came back followed by her husband.

“Show us where she is!” they told him. Jared immediately turned around and ran back to his sick grandmother.

************

After the moment they had arrived in Ruby’s kitchen everything seemed to happened so fast. Dr. Graham was immediately by her side. He put some fingers to her carotid and a moment later he looked up at his wife with sad eyes.

“Will my granma be, ok?” Jared asked them with pleading eyes. He couldn’t understand why they didn’t do anything. He had brought them here to make his grandma healthy again. But both didn’t seem to know what they should do.

Suddenly Mrs. Graham bent down and lifted the small boy into her arms to carry him out of the kitchen. While her husband walked to the telephone to call the emergency.

“No... want to stay with granma! Why do you take me away? I promised Farlie to take care of her!” he screamed and struggled wildly to free himself from the tight embrace but it was useless. She didn’t let go of him, but carried him further away from Ruby.

Mrs. Graham told the crying child again and again to calm down and that everything was going to be fine. But how could he calm down when she didn’t tell him what had happened to his grandmother?
Never before in his life had Jared been so scared. Where was Charlie?

Why couldn’t he be here and help him and his grandmother? He screamed so hard that after a while he was too exhausted to do more than whimper.

Mrs. Graham brought Jared back to her house. When he had finally calmed down she sat him down on the couch and stroke his head. “Jared can you tell me where I can find your big brother?” she asked in a soft voice. The sobbing boy shook his head.

“He left us to become a police officer. Granma was so sad and now granma is sick. Can I go to her now, please? She will worry where I am,” he pleaded within sobs.

Mrs Graham stayed silent for a brief moment and just patted his shoulder. “No, little man. You can’t be with her right now. What do you think about playing with Janna? She is upstairs in her chamber,” she asked with a brief smile.

“No want to go to granma!” once again Jared tried to struggle himself free. “Farlie! Help!”

**************

four weeks later

“After all this weeks she really dares to not even open the door!” Charlie screamed against the lifeless wood. But nothing happened.

Jake was standing two meters next to him and tried to see something trough the window. They had arrived five minutes ago and Charlie was now screaming and knocking against the door.
“Maybe she’s not at home?” Jake asked thoughtfully.

“What are you doing over there? Go away or else I will call the police!”
Jake and Charlie both turned around in a start. There was an older woman standing on the sidewalk with a broom in her right hand.

Charlie recognised her as Mrs. Williams. She was a widow and lived three houses down the street.
“It’s me Mrs. Williams… Charlie. I’m just here to visit my grandma and brother, but they don’t open the door,” Charlie tried to explain what they were doing. Mrs. William came some steps closer with a curios expression on her face.

“Oh my poor boy! What are you talking about?” she was now standing right in front of him so Charlie could see her sad eyes.

“What do you mean what am I talking about? I want to visit my family.” Charlie asked completely confused. Suddenly she hugged him tightly. Jake and Charlie were looking at each other. Neither of them understood what this old lady was talking about.

“My poor, poor boy! I know it is hard too lose a beloved person. And I know that the pain will never fade but it will become better. Believe me,” she squeezed him even tighter against her chest. Charlie couldn’t react for a brief moment. With Jake still standing next to him he pushed the old lady away gently so he could see her in the eyes.

“What do you mean, lose a beloved person? Why are you telling me that right now. My mother died almost one year ago,” She stepped back and looked from Jake to Charlie with a puzzled expression. “Oh my god! You don’t know, yet,” she said completely shocked.

Suddenly it hit Charlie like a thunder. “You didn’t mean my mother did you?” Charlie went pale when he saw her nodding her head. „Is it Jared? Oh god what had happened to him! Oh my god!“

“No, my dear. I thought you knew it. One month ago Ruby had a heart attack she is dead. They took your little brother away. Oh almighty I’m so unbelievable sorry!” she said with tears in her eyes.

Charlie could just stand there. He couldn’t feel Jake hugging him. He couldn’t hear Jake subbing or feeling his own tears running down his cheeks. Everything he could feel was this pain in his chest and suddenly everything went black.

*************

Three days had passed since the afternoon on Ruby’s terrace. For Charlie it had been just a time of pain, anger and sorrow.

He still couldn’t believe, that Ruby was really gone. After all the terrible things they had said too each other. He hadn’t had the chance to tell her that he loved her and that he was sorry.

He and Jake had visited her grave. One of the neighbours had told him, that it had been a nice funeral. Ruby had had many friends and they all had wanted to say goodbye. They had told him that they hadn’t been able to find out where to find him and so they had thought that he had quit with his family, because even Jared couldn’t tell where to find his brother.

Jared. None of them could tell him what exactly had happened to his little brother.
Now they were sitting in the waiting room of a man who had told them, that Jared was away forever as well.

The youth welfare department had made a mistake. They had thought that there was no family left because no one had known where to find Charlie. Than this man had told them how happy Jared could have been because they had found a new family for him so soon. He just had needed to stay in the orphanage for some days.

And than this damn guy had dared to say that he couldn’t give Charlie any information about where to find his little brother. That it was too late and that he could just apologies for their mistakes. Jake had argued with the man for an eternity but their was no chance to get Jared back. Everything he had told them was that Jared now lived in a nice family and that would surely be okay.

Charlie was in total shock. He couldn’t even cry or scream like Jake. ‘It’s all my fault!’ he thought., ‘Where are you little brother?’

tbc