Serenity

Disclaimer : Its still mine. All of it. Yep!

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That feeling of helplessness had never felt so strong in her before now. The same questions burned still. What could she do? When she tried to help, the girl would just shut her self in. Serenity’s mother paced over the living room floor. Over and over her steps would cross that carpet where she would talk to her self. “ Think, Think Sarai. What can you do?” No matter how many times she asked the questions they never got easier. “ You’re losing your daughter woman.” Sarai grunted frustrated and leaned against the wall.

The back of her head hit against the smooth, polished cherry wood lightly. “ Seventeen years. “ She sighed forlornly. “ How long must she suffer in this self-made loneliness? How long can I just let this go on? “ The answer was never easy. It always hung just outside the ability to grasp it. “ If she could only see how smart she was. If she could just see how beautiful she was. “ A tear streaked down over her cheek to the floor. “ How can I make her see? I don’t want to go to anyone. They would think her insane or retarded. “

She shook her head. Serenity’s mother was at a loss. “ I know I can’t go to anyone really. If I did, just imagine what that would do to her. She might feel betrayed by me. She would think that I am trying to take away the only friends she has. I don’t want to be her villain. “ Her bottom slid down against the wall to the gold, green and jade oriental rug beneath her. Sarai could only glance to the window where the night stars shined brightly in the heavens.

“Look at all of them. It’s so easy for them isn’t it. “ She pushed her self upwards to stand. Sarai’s hand trailing along the wall as she walked to the door and outside. “ It is just so easy to be you. All of you, you’re sitting there looking down over all of us and teasing us with your perfection. You don’t have these problems. “ She spoke to the very moon, stars and sky. “ What would you do?!” She clenched her fists a moment before taking a deep breath and looking down. Sarai’s frustrations were at a bubbling point right now. She felt that she could explode any moment inside.

“ Help me.” She whispered. Sarai’s entire body trembled. Her tears fell rapidly over her cheeks and to the grasses below. “Please . . . Help me. Help her!\" Her voice tear stained. Serenity’s mother was helpless in the night. “ She needs something. She needs someone. If I am not the one she wants to be there for her....give her something. Please...” She pleaded to the moon. She cried to the stars. Every night it was the same. She fell to her knees. Sarai leaned forward on her hands cried. Her forehead kissed the Earth’s snow-covered grasses. The gentle blades swept up with a gentle breeze to caress her features.

“ Please help me to know. Something, Anything!, I just want to be a good mother to her. “ She begged into the snow and grass now. “ Relieve me of these helpless feelings. Give me strength Lord. “ Finally it came out. She was praying to god above. Sarai knew he would not answer though. She had lost faith in the Christian ideals long ago when her husband left her for another. God was just a dream that people hoped was out there. “ What do I do?” Again that unanswered question came. She trembled with anxiety. Sarai shook with fear for her daughter.

Silence was the only answer. Her eyes were red with tears. Sarai shifted back to her knees to look up at the night sky once again. The stars still shone with their light. The moon was still bathing the lands in its light. “ You don’t know either do you.” The tenseness in her voice had seemed to relax slightly. She needed a good cry. It was a safe way to release her worries without hurting her self or hurting Serenity. “ Its okay. I know you try to be there. Sister moon, brother stars and father night. It’s.” She paused. “ No, its not okay. This is just something that I must deal with.“

Serenity was on her mind again. She was always there. “ I have to deal with it for her sake. I have to be strong for her. “ She shook her head. “ I just wish I could understand why she has to be punished like this for my mistakes. “ Her mother gently picked a small white flower that had not hidden yet from the snow. “ No one talks to her. When she does go to school I know they tease her. Kids can be so harsh to one another. “ Sighing, her conversation to her self continued. “ They do it because her father left when she was but a girl. These holier than now people. “ She grunted.

Sarai brought the flower to her nose and let its petals brush against her skin. “ She is not at fault. It’s not her fault that he left us alone. I was the one that should have kept him close. Maybe I should have loved him more. Maybe.” She paused again. She was searching for an explanation in her self now. “ I know I messed up. I forgot to be perfect and conform for him. These people all think I am the monster that drove him away. They teach their kids to taunt her. She is the trash of a single mother. I hear them. They know I hear them.“

She finally stood. Sarai took a deep breath and released slowly. The wind picked up only slightly. The breeze blew past her as if to kiss her cheeks gently. “ Well Serenity is not trash. She is my child and deserves some kind of happiness in her life, despite these people’s attempts to ignore her and hurt her. Humanity. I suppose part of me sees why she hides in that fantasy world of hers. There she can create friends that won’t judge her. Too bad they can’t be real for her. “ The Wind blew again. She felt it around her and circle up into the sky. It carried the little flower she had in her hand with it. She had made her wish to that same little flower.

“Oh,” The sound of Awe in her breath. It was beautiful. The flurries of snowflakes had surrounded her. They were blown up and into the night sky. The little flower danced inside the snowflakes as it was carried upwards. “ Thank you.” Sarai whispered it to the winds. She felt as if her heart’s wish was being carried off into the heavens. “ Maybe there is someone up there listening to me after all. Whoever you are, I hope that you can offer me help. Send me an answer..” Sarai smiled. Her feet traced over the white, glistening blades of grass back towards the house now.

Maybe she had found a peace inside her self. She didn’t really know. All Sarai really knew was that the answer was not with in her grasp. It was something that she had failed to find. How could something so simple as an answer make so much trouble for two undeserving souls.

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A/N: Aah! Momma loves her doesn’t she? My mom never did that for me. Guess what? Its Beta-d! Same ones from chapter 1 did it!

Starfyre