Heaven's Secret Sin

Disclaimer:
actually, this story belongs solely to me! please dont steal my charas or plot :(
well, unless you're doing fanart XD, in which case you should totally send it to me!

Chapter one


Ever since I can remember, I’ve known that I’m different.
I’ve known that I am not Evan Jacobs, and that I am not the same kind of creature as the
people who call themselves my parents.
In my dreams, my name is Phoenix Amadeo, and though, on the outside, I may look like every other fifteen-year-old kid,
on the inside I am made of moonlight and vines.

August 27th, 1998

9:55 am
The first thing I noticed about the stark corridors of Fairview Academy was the cold. Not cold as in temperature, it’s August, and still warm, but cold as in unfriendly. Cold as in unwelcoming.

Not that anyone would’ve welcomed me. With dark baggy clothes that do nothing to hide how small I am and long black hair that seems iridescent in the sunlight, like raven feathers. My skin is almost white, and my features are too androgynous to be recognized as male. I am frequently mistaken for a girl. But I think it’s my eyes that disconcert all the people I meet. My strange, violet eyes. Apparently they’re quite disturbing. Father once tried to get me to wear colored contacts, but when he put them in, I lost my sight for a week.

First thoughts: Fairview Academy is certainly not somewhere I’ll fit in.


11:23 pm
The first day of school was . . . strange, and I’m not sure if it’s in a good way or not. Here’s basically a summary of my day, for whoever is ever going to read this diary, I mean really, it’s not like I’m ever gonna show this to anyone so why even write it? Oh well, beats homework.

“Class, this is our new student, Evan Jacobs. He just moved here from...Where was it?”

“New York City,” I replied quietly. The faces of the students staring at me did not look happy. No one comes to Fairview in tenth grade. No one looks different either. I wished I could tell them that this wasn’t my fault, but, in truth, it is.

“My, you’re moving from one big city to the next, aren’t you, Evan?”

“My foster parents don’t really like the countryside.”

“Well, class, do you have any questions for Evan?”

A dead silence filled the room. The teacher, in an attempt to make the class more responsive, continued.

“Why did you leave New York?”

“My foster father got a job here.” Not the truth, but good enough. If I told the actual reason I doubt even the teacher would want to talk to me.

“What happened to your real parents?” asked a girl, sneering. She could be a model if she didn’t look so mean.

“I don’t know. My foster parents found me sleeping on a bench in central park when I was about seven.”

“What were y-” Started a dark haired boy near the back, but the teacher cut him off.

“Well, I think it’s about time we get started” She said cheerfully, a big fake smile pasted on. Maybe she thought the questions were getting too personal?

“Why don’t you take the seat by the window in the back there, next to Darrin.” She pointed to the boy she had cut off. He wasn’t paying attention by then, engrossed with something inside his backpack. I slipped slowly into the seat at the desk next to him, slouching against the hard plastic, wishing it were a wooden chair instead.


By lunchtime I was alone. I could already see the rejection in their eyes, the distrust. In that community, being different is punishable by isolation. There are no empty lunch tables in the cafeteria. I decided to eat in the library.

And guess how many tables there are in the library? One. And it was already occupied. By a group of kids who look like they’d as soon pull a gun on you as give you the time of day. I started to turn around when:

“Hey, don’t leave! Come sit with us!” The dark female voice seemed not to hold any malice in it, but I’ve learned not to trust first impressions.

I turned around slowly and located the speaker. She was sitting at the head of the wooden table, with big combat boots propped up on it and a spiky leather jacket. Her hair was dark and messy, and she could easily fit into a rock band.

The people sitting around her weren’t much different. One more girl, also dressed in black, sat at her left, reading a thick book. On the other side of the table were two boys, one had a blue mohawk, and the other, black hair like my own, but I could see the light roots peeking out.

The speaker grinned in a rather feral way, and motioned for me to sit down between her and the other girl. I did, tentatively, still trying to decide whether these strange people actually wanted to talk to me, or if they just wanted to tease. She followed me with her eyes as I slid into the chair.

“You’re new, right?” She asked, searching my face as if for some truth hidden there.

“Yes” I answered quietly. “I just moved from New York.”

“The other kids don’t like you?” I nod.

“Well, fellow reject, let me introduce you to the gang,” she said, giggling a little.

“I’m Juliette, and am the leader at the moment, ‘cause Mikael isn’t here.”

She points to the first boy on her right, the one with the mohawk.

“This is Chris. His parents don’t give a shit what he does, so he’s pretty much the coolest out of all of us.” Chris grins.

“Hello, ...nameless one. I like your contacts, by the way.”

“Um... hi. I’m ...Evan. They’re not contacts, it’s just the way my eyes are...” I trail off, probably sounding pretty stupid.

“That’s awesome!” Juliette exclaimed. “Evan, huh? Hah, I’m sorry, I thought you were a girl at first”

“Don’t worry about, it happens a lot,” I said softly.

“You should be glad you’re not a girl!” The other guy says loudly, “Otherwise she might jump you!”

Juliette gave him the finger. “Anyways, continuing with the introductions,” She pointed at the black haired boy who had just spoken, “this is Jason, and the quiet one next to you is Sasha”

I smiled weakly at the table in general. “Nice to meet you.”

Well, those are the most interesting parts at least. See what I mean when I say it was weird? Almost no one has ever tried to make friends with me, especially not on the first day! Well, sleep calls, maybe I’ll write the rest later.
If I feel like it.

~*~*~*~

“Now,” started the cheerful English teacher, “Today is the second day of school and I want to try something fun! When I take roll I want everyone to tell me one thing about him or herself when I call them!

“Jake Ashton?”

“Here...um… I like to skateboard.”

“Wonderful! Anne Birch?”

“Here, I like shopping!”

“Good, good, next is...”

The overly chipper teacher went on calling names, unnoticed by the slight boy sitting in the far corner of the back row. He sat hunched over in the hard plastic chair, hair falling in a dark curtain separating him and his tattered notebook from the rest of the world. The girl sitting next to him elbowed him in the ribs sharply.

“Evan, she’s been calling your name for, like, five minutes!”

The boys’ head jerked up sharply and stared at the teacher.

“Evan Jacobs?”

“Yes. I-I mean, here…” There was a little ripple of laughs.

“And?”

Evan stared at her blankly.

“You’re supposed to tell the class one thing about yourself.”

“Uh...I...I’m fifteen.”

The teacher stared at him for a while, then, realizing she wouldn’t get a better answer, turned to the next student on her list.

Juliette snickered and leaned backwards so she could pass a note to Evan, who was sitting in the row behind her.

‘Five minutes into the second day and you’re not paying any attention? That’s gotta be, like, a record or something! (hahaha)’

Evan smiled at the dark-haired girl in front of him and tucked the note into his pocket.

Lunchtime found Evan sitting at the table in the library again, eating quietly while Jason entertained the group with stories of his antics over the summer.

“-So me and him meet her at the movies and he leans over to whisper something stupid to me about the guy behind the counter and she freaks out and is all ‘What the hell is your problem?! I thought I was your girlfriend, and now you have the nerve to invite me out and bring some other chick?!!’. Me and Mikael pretty much fell over laughing, I mean, he’s not that feminine, especially compared to Evan here...”

Jason went rambling on. Chris was laughing so hard he had stopped eating halfway through Jason’s story.

“You’ll understand better when you meet Mikael” Sasha whispered to Evan with a smile. He giggled and went back to his sandwich, not participating in his new friends conversations, but sitting there and taking it all in happily.

~*~*~*~

September 6th, 1998
Well, I’ve been at Fairview High for a week now, and it’s not as bad as I expected. I mean, the teachers suck, but I’ve actually got some friends. They’re all pretty different than the kind of kids I’m used to, but at least they’re nice. Apparently the four of them are in a band called ‘’ with the missing member of their group, a senior named Mikael… They said he’s coming back from Europe on the 17th. I wonder what he’s like.


~*~*~*~*~


“So, why did you leave New York?” Juliette asked at lunch the next day.

Evan glanced around, pretending to make sure the only ones there were the ‘Antisocialites’ as they jokingly called themselves. Sasha giggled.

“Do you want the real version or the version that makes sense? ” He asked in his usual quiet tone.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? Tell us the real version idiot!” Jason said, hitting Evan lightly and laughing.
Chris snickered.

“Okay... ...um...wait, never mind it won’t make sense unless I tell you this whole long story and by the end of that you guys will think I’m crazy.”

“Aw, come on Evan, you’re like, the least insane out of all of us!” Juliette said.

“... Are you sure you wanna hear it?”

Juliette, Chris, Jason, and Sasha all nodded.

“Okay.... I guess it starts when I was really little, living in central park by myself. I don’t remember getting there or who took care of me for the first few years of my life but I do remember sleeping under the trees, going through trashcans to find leftover food, and being really, really cold in the winter. I wasn’t unhappy though. See, when I was little I had this weird belief that I could talk to the trees, and that I was a tree that had somehow become human. Yeah, weird right?

“Anyways, I lived like that till I was about seven, which is when my foster parents found me. One day I was waiting by the trashcans outside of the amusement park and this couple came out and saw me before I could run away. They caught me and were crying and kept saying how horrible it was that I was living there, and that they had wanted to adopt a kid and now their prayers were answered. All sorts of bullshit right? When they tried to take me out of the park with them I wouldn’t go and they had to literally drag me to the police station, so they could make sure that I wasn’t just some runaway or something.

“Too make a long story a little shorter, I wound up living with them. At first they thought I was a normal, cute little kid, but when I started talking about what the trees were saying to me and having conversations with birds and stuff they freaked out. So we moved to a less green area, and I convinced myself that I wasn’t actually hearing the trees, and that I just had a very overactive imagination.

“From like then until I was like fourteen I was a completely fine normal kid but then I started having these weirdass dreams with these voices in them who would tell me to do things. Not horrible things like in the movies or anything, but they would say things like ‘We’re waiting for you. Come to the woods where you can be with us again’. I know, creepy right? Well, when I had dreams like that I would try to do whatever they told me to do, once I got as far as the train station before a cop found me, and my parents freaked out again and put me on a lot of meds and brought me here, which is way far away from any forests or anything like that.”

There was a long pause while the four listeners digested this information, and Evan fidgeted uncomfortably.

“See, I told you I was fucked up.”

~*~*~*~

September 7th, 1998
Wow.

I’m like totally in shock right now.

Astonishing as it is, they all still want to be friends with me.

Jason laughed, saying that he would be screwed up too if he lived in a park for the first seven years of his life, and Chris agreed, saying “In this crowd, being a little crazy isn’t a bad thing.”
Juliette said something along the lines of “Hell, everyone’s got problems, yours are just more interesting than most,” and Sasha smiled shyly and nodded.


Now the only problem lies in my dreams.

Lately they have been getting much more vivid, despite all the meds that are supposed to make me forget them. And ever since we moved here there has been someone else in my dreams. Someone who stands out clearly from the shadowy figures that are the trees, another who looks human but is unmistakably not. He is not my kind, I can tell that much, but he seems different in each dream.

In some he has a the great feathery wingspan of an angel,

in others, ears like a fox, or a lizard-like tail,

but in every dream there is a consistency that haunts me in my waking hours.

In every dream he has glowing red eyes.

~*~*~*~

“So guess what’s happening tomorrow?!” Juliette asked the group on the sixteenth day of what was proving itself to be a very cold September.

“You’re shaving your head!” Jason yelled, garnering a very displeased look from the librarian. Juliette gave him an exasperated look.

“No, you idiot, Mikael is coming back! He phoned me from London last night and told me he was about to get on a plane back to America!”

“That’s awesome!” Chris said emphatically, “Now we can finally start band practices again.”

“Yeah,” Sasha agreed, “I’ve finally learned my part for ‘Kuroi’ and now you guys can see it”

“What’s he like?” Evan asked timidly.

“Oh wow, I keep forgetting you haven’t met him,” Juliette said, “he’s pretty mysterious, like, none of us know where he lives or anything and he just sorta showed up at Fairview one day and we don’t know where he came from. He’s really nice though, and a helluva singer too. Don’t worry about it Evan, he’ll take to you same as the rest of us.” Evan smiled and packed up his lunch as the bell rang.

“Hey Evan,” Jason called as they left the library, “What did the trees tell you this time?”

“They told me to tell you that you’re an idiot” He retorted, laughing. Jason’s questioning had become an almost daily routine, friendly banter that Evan delighted in- he had never had anyone to joke around with before.

~*~*~*~

September 16th, 1998

So Mikael is coming tomorrow. I don’t know why, but I’m feeling very on edge. My dreams have been getting more intense and bizarre too. Here, I’ll give you (wonderful blank diary page that you are) a description of the one I just woke up from. (Yeah, it’s 2:37am right now and I can’t get back to sleep.) Anyways . . ..

When it started I was in the middle of the forest (like always), but this time the trees were much higher than ever before- I couldn’t see the tops of them when I looked up. I knew that I had to get to the top however, so I went to the nearest tree- a huge oak, and started walking up it. Like steps. (dreams never really follow the same rules reality does…) After walking a long way I felt this sense of dread and looked down. Right underneath me were hundreds of these horrible creatures climbing up the staircase-tree, clambering over each other and tearing at the ends of my jeans. I tried to scream, but had no voice, so I started running. But then the staircase became vertical and it really was like a tree, and I started falling towards the sea of hellish apparitions below me.

As I was plummeting I turned back up towards the roof of the never-ending forest, and He was there. In this dream he had huge bat-like wings and he took my hand, pulling me up away from the demons. We sailed upwards and cleared the tops of the trees, where, instead of a sun lighting up the sky, there were so many stars that it gave the illusion of that time right before dawn when everything is illuminated by a calming light. The forest was a sea of undulating green underneath us, and I think I fell asleep for a while.

How long I flew with him I can’t say, but it felt like days and days. When we finally alighted we were again in a forest. I was set lightly on my feet, with him touching down gently behind me. I turned around, and was at once spellbound by his burning red eyes.

“Remember me, Amadeo, and I will remember you.” He said in a darkly beautiful voice, and then he was gone. I stood in the forest alone for a few minutes, hearing the hushed whispers of the trees but for once not taking in any of it.

That’s when I woke up. I guess part of why I’m writing this is because of what he said to me, and because I thought maybe if I wrote it down it wouldn’t be spinning around inside of me and not letting me fall back to sleep.

Fuck.

It’s 3:30 am. I have to get up to go to school in like four hours.

~*~*~*~

The next day at school Evan was so tired he could barely stay awake through all his classes. He had not fallen back to sleep until well after five, and had been awakened at seven by the harsh metallic screams of his alarm clock. By lunchtime his only thoughts were along the lines of ‘Only three hours left until I can go home…’.

He walked sluggishly into the library and, not paying attention to where he was going, bumped into the back someone who was standing in front of the table he and his friends shared. He looked up at the tall boy as he turned around, long silvery hair flying in a halo around his stunning face. Before Evan could utter his apologies, he was trapped by the piercing gaze of two blood-red eyes.

“So we meet at last, Amadeo. Do you remember me?”

~*~*~*~







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