Original Sin

“Why the hell are you doing this?”

“So I take it they were delivered,” Zip responded calmly to Sin’s irate question. “Do you like them? You don’t really seem like a rose or daisy kind of girl, so I had them just send a mixture.”

Looking around her living room as she cradled her phone against her shoulder, Sin was livid. “A mixture? A MIXTURE? It looks like a fucking flower shop threw up in my apartment.”

“Vivid,” Zip chuckled. “But a simple ‘thank you’ would have sufficed.”

“I could kill him,” Sin seethed silently to herself. “Zip, what the fuck? Why are you doing this?”

“Well, it got you to call me, didn’t it?” Zip replied. “You wouldn’t answer any of my messages, so I had to find some way to get your attention. Come on, admit it. Deep down, you’re incredibly impressed with my thoughtfulness.”

“I hate you,” Sin told him coldly. “And this was not a thoughtful action. You did this… shit, I don’t even know why you did this. Is your ego so fucking big that the idea that I don’t want to sleep with you is bothering you this much?”

“You do want to sleep with me,” Zip corrected her. “You just won’t. And no, this isn’t just about sex. I’ve told you that a bunch of times. Why won’t you believe that? Why don’t you think that I might want to be with you?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” Sin retorted angrily. “Let’s see. ‘Sin you’re an awesome girl, and I really like being with you, but I’m just not a relationship kind of guy.’” Her imitation of Zip’s voice was dead-on. “Does that ring any bells?”

“Come on, Sin,” Zip replied. “That was four years ago. I was a kid – we both were. Haven’t you changed since then?”

Sin hated the power that Zip had over her. She hated that she found him so attractive, so sexy. And she refused to let him know any of that, if she could help it. “I have changed,” Sin finally said. “Back then, I was willing to be treated like shit and dumb enough to fuck a guy that I liked who just looked at me as another notch in the bedpost.”

Sighing, Zip didn’t know how to respond. “Listen,” he said finally. “I was a dick to you back then; I know that. And I’m sorry. But seeing you again, Sin… it just reminded me that you are the one person I could consider being with for the long run. We’re good together, Sin. The way we think, the way we argue, the way we touch each other – there’s no one else that makes me feel so alive.”

Sitting down on the couch, Sin was glad that Zip couldn’t see her shaking right then. What he was saying was something she would have killed to hear a few years ago, but now… Now Sin was a different person. She had pushed thoughts of Zip out of her mind pretty well when she was in Australia, and she was better for it. “It’s too late,” Sin forced herself to say.

“I don’t believe you,” Zip immediately responded. “You know you want to try this. You know you want to see if this can work. Don’t get in one of your vindictive moods, Sin, because you’ll be punishing yourself, too.”

“God, you’re such an arrogant asshole,” Sin told him. “You think you’re such a fucking prize? You think that not being with you is some sort of punishment for me? Zip, get over yourself already. Jesus. No, you know what? Thank you. Thank you for saying that. That just reminded me exactly why we’ll never be together.”

“I wasn’t being arrogant,” Zip’s voice was so calm, it just served to make Sin’s blood boil more. “I was being honest. Think about it, Sin. Think about how things were back then, how much fun we had together, how good we were.”

“I am,” Sin replied. “But somehow those memories can’t be untangled from memories of me crying in my fucking bed at night, wondering why I was acting like a groupie whore, wondering why I let you treat me like shit, wondering why I wasn’t good enough for you to want to be with for more than a couple sweaty hours at a time.”

There was silence on the other end of the phone for a moment. “I’m so sorry I made you feel that way,” Zip’s voice was so sincere, it made Sin’s stomach tumble. “I had no idea that you… I’m so sorry, Sin. Please, let me try to make up for some of that. Just… just have dinner with me. One meal, and then I promise I’ll leave you alone. If you still want me to.”

“No, no, no,” Sin’s mind was screaming at her. She thought about what Eddie had told her the other night, about how she deserved to be treated well, about how one day she would find a guy that treated her like most special creature on earth. “One meal?” Sin was already silently cursing herself. “And you promise to leave me alone?”

“Absolutely,” Zip sounded happy that Sin seemed to be agreeing. “Are you free tonight?”

Chewing on her lip, Sin debated with herself. “I’m free,” she finally admitted.

“Okay, then how about seven? You remember where I live right?”

“Wait,” Sin tried to interject. “I don’t want-“

“See you at seven, then” Zip interrupted, effectively cutting off Sin’s protest. “I’ll order some Italian food, and don’t bother bringing anything. Bye.”

“-to go to your place,” Sin finished lamely into the phone, although Zip had already hung up. “Fuck!” she yelled out loud. “How the hell did I end up agreeing to this?” Resting her elbows on her knees, Sin held her head in her hands. “Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck.”

-----

“Hey Sin,” Joseph opened the door for his friend. He looked surprised, but not displeased, to see her. “What are you doing here?”

“Am I interrupting anything?” Sin peered cautiously behind Joseph. “You’re not… busy… or anything?”

Letting out a chuckle, Joseph stood to the side to give Sin entrance into his condo and motioned for her to come in. “No, it’s the middle of the afternoon,” he replied as Sin entered. “Lianna’s at work for a few more hours. Don’t tell anyone this and mess up my image, but I was just sitting on the couch watching Oprah. But if anyone asks, say I was lifting weights or watching porn or something.”

Sin was too wound up to even laugh. After getting off the phone with Zip, she had been filled with nervous energy, so she had decided to go for a walk. After making it halfway through the city, she decided she needed to talk to someone – someone that knew her well, and who also knew Zip. Joseph was the obvious choice. “I’m sorry for just dropping in like this,” she finally said.

Taking a seat on the couch, Joseph motioned for Sin to sit beside him. “You’re always welcome here,” he told her. “You know that. So what’s up? Something’s bothering you; I can tell.”

“I’m going to have sex with Zip tonight.”

“Okay,” Joseph’s forehead crinkled in confusion. “I’m not usually one to plan ahead like that, but to each his own. And you came over here to tell me this because…?”

Letting out a sigh, Sin threw herself back against the couch. “I’m going to Zip’s tonight for dinner,” she grumbled. “But I know what’s going to happen – what always happened when Zip and I got alone together for five minutes. We’re going to sleep together, and then I’m going to spend the next three months – while you guys are out on tour and he’s fucking every groupie that makes it past security – I’ll spend the next three months trying to pick up the fragments of my pride.”

Giving his friend a sympathetic look, Joseph patted Sin’s arm. “Maybe you guys won’t sleep together,” he said unconvincingly, receiving an eye-roll in response. “Or maybe you guys will actually try a relationship…” Eye-roll. “Or maybe you should cancel dinner…”

Giving Joseph a small grin, Sin shrugged. “I’m not a kid anymore,” she said. “I shouldn’t let him have this kind of control over me. I should be able to go to dinner with him, tell him I’m not interested in him in any way, and leave. I should. I know I should…”

“But…?”

“Shit, I don’t know,” Sin hated feeling out of control, and she really hated that she was letting someone else see her getting emotional, especially over Zip. Even though Joseph was one of her closest friends, Sin still felt stupid talking about this with him. “Listen, I should go. I’m sorry I bothered you.”

As Sin went to rise, Joseph grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down to the couch. “Don’t do that,” he said. “You’re not bothering me. This is what friends do. Shit, if Tavian hadn’t talked to me and told me what an asshole I was being, I might have never gotten back together with Lianna, you know? So quit being so damn stubborn and tell me what you’re thinking.”

A smile was tugging at the corners of Sin’s mouth. “Yeah, well you and Tavian are more like a couple of girls than I’ve ever been,” she joked.

Letting out a laugh, Joseph smiled encouragingly. “Okay, you’re just mean sometimes,” he told her. “But anyway… tell me what’s running through your mind. Do you really want to go to this dinner tonight? What is it about Zip that gets you so riled up? Do you – and don’t hit me for asking this – care about him?”

Grumbling a little, Sin didn’t know where to start. “I was crazy about Zip back in the day,” she told Joseph. “I mean, stupid-mindless-immature-hormonal-twenty-year-old crazy about him. And when he just treated me like any of the other girls that were backstage at your shows… it killed me, not that I ever let him know that. It broke my fucking heart, and it took me a long time to get over it. But eventually I did. Now, seeing him, it’s bringing back all those old feelings. But I don’t want to be a schmuck again. I don’t want to get used and thrown out by anyone ever again, especially him. And I know that he claims that he wants to start something… something more than just random hookups. But that wouldn’t last more than a few weeks with him before he starts getting blowjobs from groupies again.”

Trying to hide his shock at Sin’s unexpected honesty, Joseph processed what Sin had said. “You know, none of us ever knew that you cared about Zip that much,” he told her. “You made it seem like it was all just some fun.”

Shrugging, Sin felt stupid again. “I’ve never really been a heart-on-your-sleeve kind of girl,” she said. “I guess it was a self-preservation thing. And in the end, I got over it. But now…” Her words trailed off.

“Don’t hate me for saying this,” Joseph looked at Sin cautiously. “But I don’t really think you got over it if you’re feeling like this now. I think you just shoved it away for a while.”

“Whatever,” Sin replied. “In any case, I’m supposed to go to dinner at his place tonight, and I’m just afraid of what’s going to happen.

Joseph knew it took a lot for Sin to admit that she was afraid, and he was touched that she trusted him enough to share like this. “From what Zip’s been saying,” Joseph proceeded carefully. “He does want to start something with you again. I don’t know what exactly – he’s always so jokey about stuff – but what do you want? I mean, ideally, what would you want? Would you want to be with Zip if he was serious about a relationship?”

Running her hands through her dark violet hair, Sin’s head was pounding. “I don’t know,” she admitted. “I mean, of course I wish I had someone. I wish I had a guy that wanted to treat me right, who I could talk to and share stuff with, who made me feel safe and wanted. But I don’t think that’s in the cards for me. I guess I’m not lucky, like you and Tavian were.”

With sympathetic eyes, Joseph looked at Sin. “We were lucky,” he admitted. “But you will be, too. God, Sin, you’re one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known. Some guy is going to be so lucky to have you one day.”

“Thanks,” Sin smiled a bit shyly. “It’s funny. That’s what Eddie said the other night.”

“Lianna’s friend Eddie?” Joseph looked confused. “When were you talking to him?”

“Oh, we just ran into each other,” Sin felt a sudden unexplainable need to point out the innocence of the evening. “We went for a few drinks and bitched about our love lives. Nothing serious. Anyway, I hope you’re right about me finding someone someday. But in the meantime, I guess I know deep down that Zip’s just not the long-haul kind of guy. Which is kind of a shame, because he’s great in bed.”

“I so don’t need to hear that,” Joseph smirked. “Not that I haven’t seen him naked during touring more times than I care to remember, but I really don’t need a visual of you and he… oh, ew.”

Laughing, Sin was feeling a little better. “Listen, I should really get going,” she stood up. “But thanks, Joseph. Thanks for listening to me.”

“Anytime,” Joseph rose as well from the couch and reached over to hug Sin. “And just remember to have Zip where a raincoat if you two… oh, gross again. I really don’t need to picture that.”

“Yeah, I try my best not to imagine my friends going at it, either,” Sin grinned. “Tell Lianna I said hello, by the way. And I guess I’ll see you both next week for the going-away party.”

“Yeah,” Joseph looked a little sad, and Sin couldn’t help but smile a bit. It was amazing how in love her formerly relationship-phobic friend was, and she knew he wasn’t looking forward to being away from Lianna for three months. “If you need to talk before then, feel free to call or come by.”

“Thanks, Joseph,” Sin smiled as she headed out the door. “And don’t be too upset about going on tour. Three months is nothing. You and Lianna have the rest of your lives together.”

Joseph looked with surprise at the back of Sin’s head as she walked to the elevator. It wasn’t often that Sin said such sweet and thoughtful things. “I guess Zip really does affect her,” Joseph thought to himself. He debated for a moment with himself whether he should call Zip and say something, but decided against it in the end. First of all, Sin would be completely pissed off is she thought people were interfering in her life. And second of all, they were both adults. Sighing, Joseph closed the door and went back into the living room to finish watching Oprah’s special on “When Your Mother Drives You Crazy”.

-----

“Hello?” Eddie paused to catch his breath as he answered the phone. He had been running in Central Park when his cell went off.

“Hey Eddie,” Lianna’s friendly voice came over the line. “Doing more Olympic training?”

“If you can call avoiding getting mugged in this park Olympic training,” Eddie joked. “So what can I do for you? You’re still at work, aren’t you?”

“I am,” Lianna told him. “I’m just taking a break, and I realized I haven’t talked to you in a while, so I decided to call.”

Eddie was glad that he was already flushed from running in the cold air, since his cheeks had to be turning scarlet from embarrassment – even if there weren’t very many people around to see it. He knew he had been indirectly avoiding Lianna for a while. It was just his way of dealing with her being back with Joseph. It was a self-defense mechanism. “Yeah, sorry about that,” he told Lianna. “School’s been crazy.” He cringed at his last words, hating to lie to people.

“Oh, that’s okay,” Lianna seemed a bit confused, as if she realized he was lying. “Because I’ve really only seen you a few times since Joseph and I…” She paused, as if uncomfortable by what she had just said, and changed her tactic. “But I understand that you’re busy. Have you gotten out at all, or is it all work?”

Thinking back a few nights, Eddie grinned to himself as he remembered spending the evening talking to Sin. “Not too much,” he replied, unsure why he was keeping his interaction with Sin to himself. For some reason, he just wanted it to be personal, private. “You know, dinner here, drinks there.”

“Well, good,” Lianna was perking up a little, hearing that Eddie’s voice had grown a bit more jovial. “Anyway, the real reason I was calling was I wanted to see if you would be up for coming by my place tomorrow night for dinner. Tavian and Madison will be there, and Joseph of course.”

“And I’ll be the fifth wheel,” Eddie joked, although deep down he was being serious. “Lovely.”

“Oh, don’t be like that,” Lianna begged. “Look, I’ll invite someone – Sin maybe? You guys got along all right, right? I’m not trying to set you up or anything; you guys probably don’t have too much in common. But at least you won’t feel like the odd man out.”

At the mention of Sin, Eddie brightened up a little. He really did have fun with her the other night. He wished that he were a bit more like her – wild, impetuous, uncaring of other people’s opinions – instead of boring old by-the-book Eddie. Maybe spending more time with her would rub off on him. “That sounds good,” he told Lianna. “And thanks for inviting me. I’ve missed hanging out.”

“Me too,” Lianna’s voice was warm. “So I’ll see you tomorrow at, let’s say, six?”

“Sounds good,” Eddie replied honestly. “Bye, Lianna.”

Hanging up the phone, Eddie put the cell in the pocket of his sweatshirt and started running again. At first, he’d had reservations about dinner tomorrow night, but if Sin were going to be there… one thing would be sure: he wouldn’t be bored.

-----

“This is so fucking stupid,” Sin mumbled to her reflection in the mirror. “I never care what I look like. Why am I starting now?”

While it was true that Sin liked the way tattoos looked and the way the purple rinse she used in her hair sparkled in the light, she never thought much more about her appearance than that. Never one for makeup of any kind, Sin also dressed for comfort above style – loose jeans, soft band t-shirts, comfy sneakers. Being forced to dress up for work events was always a hassle to her, and she didn’t even like the way she looked in dressier clothes. But now, knowing she was going over to Zip’s apartment, Sin had suddenly turned into a fashion critic of her own wardrobe, changing her shirt twice.

“This is fine,” Sin told her reflection angrily, glaring at her Social Distortion shirt. It was actually one of her more form-fitting tops, complementing her shape, and it left about an inch of skin showing between the top of her jeans and the hem of her shirt. “It’s not like you’re trying to impress him,” she reminded herself. “Besides, you know what the girls backstage wear; they’re practically naked. It’s not like an inch of your stomach is going to drive him into a wild frenzy.”

At that moment, Sin’s cell phone began ringing. “Please let it be Zip calling to cancel,” she prayed silently before looking at the caller ID. “Hey, Lianna. What’s up?” she answered the phone.

“Hi Sin,” Lianna replied. “I was just calling about dinner-”

“Joseph told you about my dinner?” Sin interrupted. That didn’t sound like Joseph; he usually respected people’s privacy more than that.

“I’m not sure what you’re talking about,” Lianna sounded confused. “I’m making dinner at my place tomorrow night – with a lot of help from Joseph, since I cannot cook worth a damn – and I wanted to see if you’d come. Tavian and Madison will be there-”

“I don’t want to be a fifth wheel,” Sin interrupted again.

Laughing, Lianna tried to explain. “It’s funny you say that,” she told Sin. “Because that is exactly what Eddie said. But I told him I’d invite you, too, just so no one is left feeling strange.”

“I always feel strange,” Sin joked. “But yeah, that sounds fun. Eddie seems nice.” For some reason, even though she had mentioned it to Joseph, Sin didn’t really want to talk about her evening with Eddie to Lianna. She wanted to keep it to herself, private.

“Okay, well, come by around six then,” Lianna told her. “Oh, and what dinner were you talking about? Sin, do you have a date?”

“I’m hanging up now,” Sin announced. “I will see you tomorrow.” Turning off the phone, she looked in the mirror once more. “So tonight I’ll go and throw away any remaining shred I have of dignity and self-respect, and then I’ll spend tomorrow night with two of the most sickeningly sweet couples I’ve ever seen, bitching with the only person I’ve met in a while with as bad a love life as me.” Still, the idea of spending an evening hanging out with Eddie again did seem fun, fun enough to make Sin smile a little at her reflection and head out of the apartment feeling a little better than she had a just a few minutes earlier.

-----

“Hey,” Zip answered the door with a grin. Sin tried to ignore how good he looked standing there. From the first day she had laid eyes on him, Zip had aroused something in Sin that she couldn’t explain. From his arrogant smile, to his pitch-black eyes, to his caramel-colored skin, the result of his father’s Jordanian blood – everything about him was attractive. Except for the way he treated you, Sin quickly reminded herself.

“Hey,” Sin stood stiff at the door. “So, can we get this over with?”

“Well, it’s good to know that you’re as excited about this as I am,” Zip teased, moving aside to usher Sin in. “Why don’t you go in the living room? I’ll bring you something to drink.”

Eyeing him warily, Sin wanted to tell Zip to get her something non-alcoholic, to help her remain resolute throughout the evening, but she really felt like she would need a drink just to keep her head from exploding. Walking into the living room, she looked around and couldn’t help but smile. It looked mostly as she remembered – like a little boy had been given a ton of money and sent out shopping for décor.

“Here you go,” Zip entered the room behind Sin. “One good old-fashioned American beer.” Handing over the bottle, Sin took a seat on the couch and looked at Sin. “Listen,” he told her. “I just wanted to thank you for coming over tonight. I know I kind of sprung this on you, having dinner here, but I knew that if we went to a restaurant, we were likely to be disturbed by fans or something.”

“It’s funny,” Sin tilted her head. “Joseph doesn’t have that problem much. No, he just throws on a long-sleeve shirt and a hat, and wham! He and Lianna can wander Manhattan in relative anonymity. Ever think that walking around in broad daylight with your hair done, stage-wear on, all your tats showing, that cocky grin on your face… maybe that has something to do with why people recognize you so much?”

“I see you came here with a battle strategy,” Zip replied calmly to Sin. “Insult me from the moment you arrive, so that I get turned off and you don’t have to worry about me anymore. Well, I’m sorry babe, but that’s not going to work.”

“Oh. My. God.” Sin didn’t know what to say in response. “You have got to be the most stuck-up person I’ve ever met. You really thought I planned what I was going to say before I came here? God, this is just a waste of time. I should leave.”

As Sin reached for her bag, Zip stood up. “Do you remember the night you got that shirt?” he pointed at her t-shirt. “I do. Joey and I got backstage passes, and we snuck you in. I remember Mike Ness commenting that you were cute to Joey, and I was really jealous of that.”

“I remember,” Sin looked at Zip. “I bought this afterwards, and then we went out drinking. We got hammered. And that was the first night that you and I…” Sin couldn’t believe she hadn’t thought of that when she was choosing what to wear. Or maybe, subconsciously, she had.

“Yep,” Zip gave Sin a small smile. “I remember all of that. Every last detail. I especially remember that you looked so beautiful that night, and I wanted to be with you so badly.”

Looking at Zip, Sin didn’t know if she should hit him or kiss him, so she just stood still. Fuck, why did he have to say something like that? she thought to herself as she watched him silently. Why did he have to say something so sweet at the exact moment Sin would have preferred that he act like the asshole she used to know?

“So,” Zip finally broke the quiet. “The food is already here. I got you lasagna. You still like that, right?” Nodding, Sin bit her lip but said nothing still. “Okay, well, we might as well start eating.” Walking by Sin, who was still standing motionless, Zip paused by her side and leaned over to brush his lips softly against her forehead before heading towards the kitchen.

What the fuck was that? Sin asked herself, watching Zip walking away from her. And why did that one second feel more tender and intimate than the many times that she and Zip had slept together? None of this made any sense.

-----

THANKS TO ALL WHO HAVE REVIEWED THIS STORY SO FAR. I’M HOPING IT’S COMING ACROSS AS A LITTLE MORE COMPLEX THAN MY OTHER STORIES, MORE OF A “WHOM SHOULD SHE BE WITH?” FEELING. A FEW WORDS TO REVIEWERS:

BLUE: THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT. I KNOW THAT’S WHAT IT FELT LIKE FOR ME WHEN I FIRST FELL IN LOVE!

MISSHOLLIEMAE: YOUR REVIEW MADE ME FEEL SO GOOD! THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO COMMENT AND SHARE YOUR IDEAS. I MAY JUST HAVE TO WORK ONE OR TWO OF THEM INTO THE STORY…

IOTC247 AND GIRLFIXER: THANKS TO BOTH OF YOU FOR PLOT IDEAS. I DEFINITELY TAKE THEM INTO ACCOUNT.

AND THANKS ALSO TO REDSNAKE, FLOWER, CU-KID, MIZTIKAL_DRAGON, SAMO_00, MEMORY CHASE, CARIAD, ANGEL, WOLF AND WILLOW DEAN FOR TAKING THE TIME TO REVIEW. YOU GUYS ROCK.