Sometimes, I might cry...

Yeah, another thing that wasn’t real about the dream? If she’d asked me if I was okay with her kissing me… well, I’ve never kissed anyone, so I would have mentioned something along those lines.
After grabbing a quick breakfast of cereal and strawberries, we headed out for a walk. I’d wanted to show her a lake because it was so beautiful, and she’d readily agreed. We both love nature, especially water.
“Well, I just hope I can find the lake! I haven’t been there in over a year now. Not since my family moved.” I said.
“You’ll do fine, and besides, sometimes it’s fun to get lost!” She grinned.
We kept chatting about everything and nothing as we walked, and soon I found the road that led to the lake.
“Told ya!” I laughed at her comment, then pointed to a small pathway that would take us directly to the lake. She nodded, and soon enough, we were just at the end of the walkway, and could see the sparkling water in front of us.
I led her over to a quiet, secluded spot that I’d found, and we sat down on the grass. There were bushes and bull rushes around the area, and when we’d sat down, we had a good view of the lake but could barely be seen by anyone approaching the lake.
For several minutes, we chatted about random topics while I tried to gather my courage to tell her that I loved her.
‘God. I just can’t do it. I’m too scared. But she really should know. Mmm. Maybe if I just tell her that I’m bi?’ I thought to myself, earning a nervous twist of my stomach at that last thought. ‘I’m just too scared. But I really should tell her. Now what?’
“Angel? You’re not very with-it right now.” Her voice broke through my tumultuous thoughts.
“Hm…?”
“Exactly.”
“I’m sorry. What… were you saying?” I asked her
“Its not as important as what’s got you worried. What’s the matter?”
“Well, um…” God, how do I say it? “There’s… something I figure I should… probably tell you.”
“What is it, Angel?”
“God. Please don’t hate me for this… but I’m starting to think that I’m bi.”
For a second there was pure silence as the information settled in. My heart beat within my chest so hard that it hurt, and I felt like I was going to be sick if she didn’t say something soon. She looked at me and smiled.
“Of course I won’t hate you for it. You’ve accepted me as I am. All of me. So why should I not do the same for you? You’ll always be the same angel to me.”
I felt like I could’ve fainted with relief.
“When did you first suspect that you were bi?” She asked suddenly.
Great. So much for relief. I can’t tell her that I love her, I just can’t… but maybe if I hint at it?
“Um… really only for a few weeks. My brother confronted me, saying that you’d asked Michelle if she’d be your girlfriend. He wanted to warn me, but I think he also might’ve wanted me to stop being such a close friend of yours. Not like that’s ever going to happen, though. And I started really thinking about where I sat on people’s orientations. And I slowly began to think of small things. Like the fact that I’ve caught myself looking at some girls and appreciating the curves of their waist, and then hating myself for it because I’m supposed to be straight. And… well, y’know. I just… figured you should know since you’re my best friend and everything…”
An odd look was on her face. Great. Now what had I done? She’d accepted me being bi, so what was the issue now?
“I never asked Michelle to be my girlfriend. Your brother said that? I never asked her. She’s a nice girl, but I’m straight. I can’t believe someone would lie like that.”
Well that had been an unintentional punch to the gut from her… without even knowing it she turned me down. I guess that answers that question…. But… I can always love her, if simply without her knowing.
“Could you ask your brother for me? About what really went on there? I can’t believe he or Michelle would lie about something like that. I’m straight! Open-minded, but straight. Sure, I’ve been harbouring the rumour that I am bi to get some guys to give up on me, but I’m straight!”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have mentioned it…” I felt bad, and I knew my voice was quieter and lower than normal, but I couldn’t help it. I couldn’t believe that I had thought she was anything but straight. She had said that she was straight… I’d just been hoping so badly that she had been anything but straight.
“Angel, don’t feel bad. I’m just mad at Michelle and your brother.”
I nodded in response to her comment but had a hard time acting perfectly normal again. I felt so stupid. How could I have ever expected her to love me back? I’ve never had any luck with love… the only people I’m interested in don’t like me back that way, and the people that do like me, I can’t be interested in. Why? Why did I have to hope?
“Angel, are you okay? You don’t look too well.”
Well, I’ll admit I’d been feeling rather sick about being turned down like that… but I hadn’t thought it was showing quite that badly.
“I’m all right. Just a bit tired, I guess. My Dad’ll be picking me up in an hour so we should probably head back to your house now.”
“All right. Are you sure you’re okay, though?” She asked again.
“Yeah. I’m fine.” I replied, albeit sounding a bit weak.
We got back to her house with me appearing mostly fine. I’ve always been good at hiding when I’m upset, so I think she’d just thought I’d been feeling a bit sick and was now fine again. Though she normally can see though me. Maybe she had just dropped the subject because she’d realized I hadn’t wanted to discuss it.
We went back to watching anime again, trying to get as much watched in the half hour left. Meaning we could only watch one episode, but we were content with that. But I caught her glancing my way occasionally, like she was trying to figure something out.
“Angel, have I done something to upset you or anything? You look kind of sad.” She asked, trying to approach it from a different angle.
“No, you haven’t done anything. I’m probably just tired from not enough sleep or something. And I think I ate a bit too much popcorn last night, my stomach’s not feeling too well.”
“All right. Just… if I have done something, or if I ever do something to hurt you, please let me know, all right? I know you don’t normally want to say anything about it.”
I nodded, but knew I couldn’t mention this to her.
‘Well, why not?’ A voice challenged me from inside my head.
‘She’s straight!’ I shot back at myself. ‘If she learns that I love her, she might want to stop being my friend.’
‘No she won’t. You’re too good of friends for something like that to affect your relationship.’
‘I’d rather not push it, okay?’
I heard the door bell ring upstairs, and got up to quickly gather up my stuff, but stopped when I felt a hand lightly tap my shoulder.
“Angel…” She said when I turned around to see what she wanted.
“Mmm…?” I replied, but was cut off when she pulled me into a hug. My throat felt so dry, but I knew it wasn’t a hug from love. She hugged me frequently, and I knew it was just from friendship. But that didn’t mean I couldn’t enjoy it.
She let me go again after a second, and smiled at me, then helped me to gather my stuff up again.