Memory of the Past

Warning: There is a rape scene in this chapter, so don’t read if you will be offended!!!

“There is no such thing as good influence, Mr. Gray. All influence is immoral-immoral from the scientific point of view.” “Why?” “Because to influence a person is to give him one’s own soul. He does not think his natural thoughts, or burn with his natural passions. His virtues are not real to him. His sins, if there are such things as sins, are borrowed. He becomes an echo of some one else’s music, an actor of a part that has not been written for him. The aim of life is self-development. To realize one’s nature perfectly – that is what each of us is here for. People are afraid of themselves nowadays. They have forgotten the highest of all duties, the duty that one owes to one’s self. Of course they are charitable. They feed the hungry and clothe the beggar. But their own souls starve, and are naked. Courage has gone out of our race. Perhaps we never really had it. The terror of society, which id the basis of morals; the terror of God, which is the secret of religion – these are the two things that govern us.” [1] A cold shiver ran up the man’s spines as he stopped reading. The similarity of the mentioned writing and his own life made the man feel paranoid, afraid. He has dissociated himself from outside human contacts since that time.
[Flashback Begins]

The work went over time again, it was already eleven at night, but he was relieved that that he finally finished his paper. The subject was rather blurry after ten hours spent in the library after his morning class. His paper was about nanotechnology, and his thesis was on establishing the practical use of nanotechnology. Now he is in the autumn streets of New York City, walking back to his dorm. The unforgiving wind blew in his face and forced him to bend down. Inside he was warm and happy, he knows his paper will earn him not only a good grade, but a research grant as well. He walked on without realizing two people trailed behind him. Just as the student smiled to himself once again, he was seized by his arms on both sides and raised off the ground. He struggled, but it was no use since the most muscle he has ever used was when he typed on the computer. He was then dragged to a dark alley like in a movie. Fear filled him as his hands are tied above him and held by rough, strong hands. Whimpers fled from his mouth and his body shook from the present situation. He wanted to scream but something was stuck into his mouth by another set of hands. Those same hands caressed his face as if they were his lover’s, but they weren’t. They slowly moved down, unzipping his jacket and moving inside his button-up shirt. Each button was torn with great force and with softness it felt him all over, each touch drawing tears and muffled sounds. The world crashed down when his pants were torn down to his knees.
The man behind him started to worm his hands around the innocent young body, searching and finally finding the opening between the cheeks of the boy’s behind. It brought out a mewl and a scream, both muffled by the cloth in the mouth. Then harshly three fingers were pushed in producing a louder scream that only filtered through a little bit by the fabric. “You are going to be a good fuck, boy.” Chuckled the man behind him, who whispered into his ears. The student dropped his head in anticipation and to try and clear his head of what to do. He was trapped. He raised up his head and stifled his own cry when he felt the three fingers pulled out of him all of a sudden, the pain was excruciating and unbearable. His legs and knees were giving up their function but he still stood because he was crushed between the man and the moist wall of the alley. Then he felt another thing nudging at his entrance and the tears came down like floods. He wondered what he did to bring this upon himself. Then the huge cock was shoved in, and the student arched his back in pain as his face winced. He kept silent as the man shoved in and out and in and out, as they became perpetual and common motions. The movement between his thighs and the panting slowly faded as the event dragged on. The only thought in the boy was ‘I will survive’. Finally then man started to shake and shiver behind him and it ended with a wet feeling on his insides and the man whispering harshly and out of breath, “You are hot, boy, thanks.” Silent tears kept flowing and a strange joy appeared as he thought that it was all over, but he was wrong. The man pulled out his cock, dripping with his own semen and the boy’s blood. The student was about to collapse when he was held up again.
Another hard cock was immediately at his entrance and the boy screamed and fainted just as the second length was pushed in deeply.

He woke up to the smell of antiseptics and the sound of the monitor beeping. His mouth was cotton dry and his eyelids felt heavy. There was pain all over his body but the most prominent was from his lower back. Then the sudden onslaught of memory overwhelmed the boy and made tears form at his tight shut eyes. Moans and groans came out muffled in the oxygen mask and he opened his eyes immediately because of the muffled sounds and tore away the mask. The sounds were so similar. Few moments passed and a nurse with a cop following walked in. The boy only stared and told himself to clam down. He slowly moved his gaze up to the two who entered and stared with cold eyes.
“I see you remember what happened.” The cop said with nonchalance in a low voice.
“…”
“Do you remember what they look like, any special characteristics they carried that may help us identify the rapists?”
“NO!” At the word of rapist, the boy rose up from his bed quickly and answered with rage. “Now leave me alone. I want to go home.”
“We still need your name to and address for the report.” Answered the cop.
“I am not going to press charges. I just want to be in my own bed. Please.” The student replied softly, especially the last the word, as a tear dropped down from his chin and bloomed in the white hospital sheets. “Please.”
“…” The cop stared with sympathy surfacing slowly and turned to the nurse. “There is no significant damage to the kid, he can go if he doesn’t want to report the rape.” The cop whispered as lowly as he could, but still the sounds traveled to the boy’s ears, which induced more tears.
“Let’s go kid.” The words softly traveled to the student and in the next five minutes, the IV was disconnected, the monitor lines were tore off, and the boy was in his own set of clothes. The pants were stained with drops of blood and white substance; the cop offered his jacket to the boy who appeared so pale and weak, almost like an invalid but far from one. They took small steps together down the hospital wings as the boy winced at every step because of the pain between his legs. The cop just held the boy by his shoulders on his right and left the building.
The world seemed gray and the people cold. It was a rainy afternoon and the usual surrounding of life and noise did not stimulate the boy one bit. Everything was dead to the young man. He just walked and the cop led him to his patrol car in the parking lot. The passenger door was open and held open for him as he bent down to get into the seat and made a painful moan as he sat, which made the cop wrinkle his eyebrows as if feeling the pain himself. He walked quickly to the other side and got in. The engine was not started immediately, but neither of them seemed to care. They sat in silence, a comforting one. The student felt alone and helpless as tears trailed down. The cop offered him a Kleenex and said in the most calming voice he could find at the moment. “I am here if you ever need to talk to anyone. Trust me when I say I know what you are going through. Being an orphan and no one to turn to when in pain. I know.” The cop turned toward the boy and held him in the strong and warm embrace. Now the tears only poured out and the blue uniform was stained with the briny water.
After five minutes of tears and cries and several Kleenex, the boy slowly withdrew himself from the cop and looked into his eyes. The dark blue eyes were swimming in water, but it was held back so that he can be strong for this boy who is all alone in this world right now. A reluctant and sad smile was squeezed onto the older man’s face and the engine started. The boy was driven to the front of his dorm and the cop got out quickly to run to the other side to receive the boy who is struggling to get out of the car. They walked up the front stairs while the boy is still held in his arms. The front door was open and they stood in front of the elevator. They got in several seconds later and went up to floor seven. Then they walked slowly toward the boy’s room. For a few times now, bystanders saw the cop and the boy and curiosity rose. They tried to ask questions but the cop shooed them away. Finally in the safe haven of his own dorm, they boy sat on the sofa and broke down to cry in the arms of the cop. He must not show any weakness toward his fellow students, but when he is alone, he allowed himself to cry with despair.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

The act of hiding the pain and weakness finally broke the boy after a year and by this time he was rather rich from his thesis paper. The student retired into an apartment in the city with his large sum of money and memory of the past.
[Flashback Ends]
Tears were streaming down his face as he remembered the past that made him decide to live a life alone until death. The world had been cruel to him, and he could find no solace. Friends did not help, and burying himself with works and books made him collapse from exhaustion in the end but the memory still came back. Nothing worked. He took vacations to exotic places, he even went out on dates, but he was still in pain. The memory wouldn’t go away.
Now he sits in his comfortable sofa in his own little apartment to sever all human contacts. He didn’t want to move to a rural area, because then he wouldn’t be able to see the amazing advances of the human race right through his window. He wanted to see the beautiful creations from the ugly race. The reason he is on the 32nd floor of an expensive apartment building in the middle of New York City is so that he can see the world deteriorate, or maybe there is a reason he has buried deeply inside him but has not been found yet.
He is now a billionaire and with nanotechnology, has cured many diseases, making millions each day, but he wonder about the reason to heal his fellow beings. Are they worth it? He used to hold such a naïve notion of mankind, that all of them are naturally good, but he saw the real side of things. He saw the ugly side of things, although he grew up in a shelter, he was shielded enough that he thought everything is good and beautiful, until that fateful night.
His thought then drifted onto the flower boy, the blue eyes that shone fiercely in such a dark environment. What made the boy courageous enough to walk through the night of NYC? He was a wimp himself, afraid to even leave his apartment, let alone open the door, but he did last night. The boy still lingers in his mind, he felt another person’s body heat for the first time in five years and it felt relieving, like the time the cop grasped him hardly into his chest and he clung to the man’s embrace for a few minutes and let out his emotion. He gulped as a wave of uneasiness washed over him and the image of the boy surfaced; he was innocent like he once was. Untainted by the world, he wanted his innocence back, because then maybe he would enjoy the world freely with happiness and joy. But from what he had gone through, he can only cower in his apartment.
The sudden desire of wanting to see the boy flashed across his mind and he shook the thought out of his head, but a little bit remained. He remembered the uniform of the boy, the name of the flower place the boy worked at, maybe he will buy some flowers to liven up the place. ‘NO, no, what am I thinking? Something bad will come out of this, I cannot allow myself to think this way.’

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Zach busied himself with the flowers in his hand and glanced at the address as he grabbed each one. He stopped in mid motion as he saw the same address as last night, the address that has been imprinted into his head since last night. He frowned at the address, wondering what is going on. ‘The man obviously was not expecting flowers and didn’t take too much liking to them either. Anyway, should I go to the address? The man is not going to like that, or maybe he got phone call to day saying that flowers are going to his places and he should accept them.’ The young man started his small car and wriggled through the crowded streets of New York, looking at the flashing lights and flamboyant people.

§§§§§§§§§§§§§§§

The man dropped his magazine when he heard the knocks, his breath quickened and groaned. ‘What is it now?’ Apparently annoyed, he glanced at his watch to find it’s nine o’clock, just like last night. The thought of the flower delivery boy right outside his door made his heart skip a beat. He wasn’t sure if it was good or bad, but he was a little less reluctant to open the door. ‘But what if it isn’t that boy? So what, you can face people, you did well yesterday, maybe it’s time you start going out again anyway.’ With that in mind, the tall man walked toward the door with stable but slow steps. He handled the locks with composure this time and turned the handle and there again is the boy. They stared at each other for at least five minutes in silence, or at least that’s what it seemed like. Their gazes strong and unrelenting, each seemed to want to fight for dominance in someway but both failed and began to speak at the same time
“You…”
“Here… Go ahead.” Says the younger man with low and soft voice that tickled the old man.
“You are here again, and with flowers to apologize.” ‘Oh shoot, that came out wrong!’ thought the older man.
“WHAT?! You are the most insane man I have ever met! Who do you think you are?!”
“Someone you will thank one day.” The older man cut him off before the delivery boy can say anything else.
“Well, well, an arrogant man we have here!”
“I am sorry about last night.” The older man said quickly under his breath with his lowest voice. Since he does want to apologize but didn’t really know how to because he hasn’t done it for so long.
“What did you say?” The boy said with a smaller voice, truly unsure of what the other man said.
“I am sorry about last night, I was very inconsiderate. I didn’t know what to do. You scared me; or rather I scared myself by imagining you as a bad person. I should stop now because I am mumbling.” The older man stopped and lowered his gaze on the younger boy.
“Apology accepted!” The boy replied with a bright and great smile on his face with his eyes shining with happiness, the eyes that seemed to penetrate the mind of the older man, who immediately raised his head to look at the boy with amazement. He smiled back shyly, the muscles that are usually unused finally exercised by the smile.
“I don’t know anyone who would send me flowers, I really have no one close to me.”
“It’s not like you have to pay, and there is a card. Here.” Handing the older man the flowers, a dozen of red roses, with a card stuck in the middle. Upon receiving the flowers and throwing quick glance at the boy, the older man set to work opening the card and immediately frowned with a displeased face. ‘I know you are there, love.’ The card read. Who is that bored with their life that they would send him roses as a type of joke? He looked up and almost melted when he saw the concerning eyes on the boy’s face.
“Are you alright man?” The boy asked with worry.
“Yeah, umh, thanks for the flowers.” He turned and closed the door in the boy’s face. He was too preoccupied to notice the surprise on the boy’s face as the door slammed in his face. Who would do such a thing? Who knows my address? His breath quickened for the second time today and his heart shuddered. ‘The sick people in this world disgusts me.’ Then he quickly realized he closed the door on the boy and looked up at the door. He set the flowers down to the stand next to the door and quickly opened the door but he found no one there. He sighed with regret because the boy seemed so happy and alive and innocent, but he met the wooden door with surprise and left with tears in his eyes probably. Oh well, it’s probably the last time we’ll see each other and it’s not like people hasn’t slammed doors in his face right? Who would slam doors in his face when he delivers flowers? I am the only idiot!

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‘What was on that card?! I’ve never had anyone slam the door to my face, man! He really needs to go to a psychiatrist to let out his anger instead of on some random guy like me. At least he didn’t faint this time and I won’t break my curfew.’ The elevator finally stopped at the ground level and he walked into the streets to his car to go home. The smile of the other man’s face carved a deep place in the boy’s heart without his realization. ‘The man appeared so radiant in that smile, and the apology! Where did that come from? He seemed to have mellowed out quite a bit in one night. Maybe more flowers will be delivered to him and I’ll get to see him smile again.’ With that thought the boy drove home with joy and a smile plastered on for that rest of the night.