His First

His First: Chapter 2: Lessons about chopsticks and life

‘What the hell am I doing?’ Colin pondered as he waited for Brendan. He held on to the remnants of sweet headiness that had swirled inside him as he touched Brendan. He reminded himself that this wasn’t just some guy he’d hooked up with at a bar. This was Brendan, his brother’s best friend, someone he wasn’t going to leave at the end of the night never to see again. Anything that might happen tonight he would have to face tomorrow and the next day. Colin snapped out of his thoughts as Brendan returned.

Instead of settling next to Colin on the couch Brendan kneeled by the end of the coffee table and started to sort out the little parcels of food. He felt his hands shaking as he opened the paper boxes and dumped their contents onto plates. “Fork or sticks?” he asked Colin without looking up. He wasn’t quite ready to be caught in the sultry gaze of those blue eyes again.

“Fork.”

Brendan handed Colin a fork while he himself broke apart the wooden chopsticks and proceeded to scoop food into his mouth. God, he was hungry! The first swallow of hot food was so good it swept him away. He threw his head back and moaned as it went down.

Colin watched attentively. Brendan knelt comfortably by the table his legs and feet folded neatly beneath him. The column of vulnerable flesh from his chin to his collar appeared to stretch for miles as he tossed back his food. Colin would have to agree with the moan Brendan let forth. Not for the feast of his mouth but rather for the feast of his eyes.

Brendan came back to reality and caught Colin’s gawking stare. “Whah?” he asked around another mouthful of food.

‘Shit! ’ “Oh nothing,” Colin blushed. ‘think of something quick!’ He watched Brendan balance another mouthful on his chopsticks before his sensuous mouth wrapped around the slender poles and slid them out free of food. “You’re good with those. I don’t have the talent to eat with them.”

Brendan looked down at the wood in his hand. He couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t know how to eat with chopsticks. “It’s easy. It just takes practice. Here.” Brendan grabbed another pair and broke them apart. He handed them to Colin.

Colin looked apprehensively at the younger boy and the two tiny sticks. He rluctanly reached for them.

“Hold them like this.” Brendan held up his hand to show Colin. Colin studied Brendan’s gesture and tried to make his hand and chopsticks look like Brendan’s.

“Ok now the bottom stays still and you move the top with your finger.” Brendan snapped his chop sticks playfully. “See? Kinda like it’s own little mouth.” He smiled looking back to the other boy.

Brendan tried to do like Colin. “erm….mine’s not moving. I think they’re broke.” He looked at Brendan helplessly with his arm extended stiffly away from him holding the frozen sticks as if they might bite.

Brendan crawled around the table to kneel beside Colin. He took Colin’s hand and repositioned it. “You’re too stiff. Just hold the sticks, don’t break them in two.” Brendan wrapped his hand around Colin’s to help him adjust his grip. “There. Ok, now try.”

Brendan let go and Colin slowly reached for his sesame chicken. He grabbed one successfully but before he could get it to his mouth it shot across the room from between the two pieces of wood.

Brendan got up from the floor. “Gently. It’s not about pressure,” he lectured as he sat down on the couch, “it’s more about balance.” He sat very close to the other boy placing one arm behind Colin and leaning against him so he could more easily form his hand around Colin’s. He softly held the sticks in their fingers and extended them down to the plate. Together, they carefully grasped another piece of chicken. Brendan slowly guided Colin’s hand to his mouth.

Colin didn’t know which was more intoxicating having Brendan wrapped all around him or essentially being fed by him. As Brendan brought their hands with the sticks to his mouth Colin opened up and surrounded the food with his lips. Colin was right there so close he could feel the boy’s breath on his cheek as the utensils were pulled from his mouth. He turned his head to Brendan. There faces rested not even an inch away from each other. “Thanks,” he whispered.

Brendan gulped. The blues eyes had caught him again. He suddenly realized just how much of his body was pressed up against Colin’s. “Welcome,” he murmured. “Um…try it on your own this time.” Brendan encouraged. Other than removing his hand from Colin’s, Brendan did not move away.

Colin watched his hand cradle the small pieces of wood. He scooped another parcel and this time brought it successfully home all on his own. He smiled triumphantly at his young teacher who smiled back. The tension brought on by the fear of sitting closely to one another broke with this victory and both boys seamed to relax.

Brendan reached for his plate and sat back on the couch. On the TV the old farmer finished singing a soft listing song and was now involved with a rather strenuous looking jig but Brendan wasn’t watching that. He preferred to watch Colin and his newfound joy of eating.

***

They were just finishing the meal as the movie ended. Colin still had a few issues with his rice and eventually switched back to a spoon but he had been mostly successful with his chopstick experience. Brendan cleared the coffee table and set the dishes in the sink.

“Another one?” Collin called, as he looked down at their movie choices.

Brendan merely shrugged. Falling back onto the couch.

“How about just some music…” Colin offered as he replaced the movie with a CD. In moments the air settled with a pleasing thrum of a single acoustic guitar and a solo male voice. Colin adjusted the music a little quiter before going back to Brendan.

The lights were already low from the movie and Brendan found himself pleasantly content for the first time that day. The sound of the falling rain mixed with the music and soft light to create a serene mood. He pressed himself into the corner of the couch turning with his knee up on the seat so he could look at Colin.

Instead of taking the other corner and sitting like Brendan, Colin sat right next to him. He too, twisted towards the other boy placing his arm on the back of the couch to prop up his head. “So, you look like you feel better.” He smiled at Brendan.

Brendan couldn’t help but smile back. “Ya. Thanks for staying. This is way better than being here alone.” Brendan brought up his other leg and curled himself against the back to the couch. “It’s nice. Just being here with you… like this.”

The soft adoration in Brendan’s hazel eyes made Colin’s body swell with tenderness. If he stretched out his arm he could touch Brendan but if he touched him he might…. Brendan’s eyes fell closed and Colin remembered the young man’s earlier distress. “What really happened today that made you so upset?”

Brendan drank deep the comforting atmosphere as he considered Colin’s question. He remembered the bus, his Mom, the canceled plans, his birthday and then school. He felt himself letting go of all those things that he had wound around him so tightly so that he could avoid the real issue. “What was it like…when you were in high school?”

“What do you mean?”

“Were you…* out * in high school?”

A twinge of empathy hit Colin’s heart and he did extend his hand to graze Brendan’s hair. “Ya. It was pretty tough.”

Brendan opened his eyes and looked up at Colin. He was relieved to see the concern and understanding there. He spoke quietly, “It’s not like anyone’s beating me or spray painting ‘faggot’ across my locker. Little things happen. Whispers behind my back or sudden silence as I walk up to a group of people.” He stopped for a moment just to feel the light stoke of Colin’s fingers on his head. “People watching me to see if I’m watching them.”

Colin slid forward and gathered Brendan in his arms. Brendan seamed to just melt into him. He held onto the sinewy body gently caressing the long back. Brendan’s head nestled into the crook of Colin’s neck washing him in the boy’s hot breath. “I wish I could tell you that being gay doesn’t make a difference, because, really, everyone feels the way you do at some point in their life but…I know,” Colin sighed. He squeezed Brendan tightly against his body and pressed his lips to Brendan’s ear. “I know how weird it feels, how bad it hurts when people who were your friends one minute become strangers. Everything that was innocent is suddenly suspect. And you walk around with this knot in your stomach wondering if…today is the day. The day it’s all gonna go to hell…”

Brendan’s arms snuck around Colin and gripped hard. He felt tiny inside the strong embrace of Colin’s arms. He’d never been able to talk to anyone like this. His mom and Michael listened patiently and supported him unconditionally but they would never truly understand the separation and the loneliness that being gay had caused him. He wondered if he would feel different if he could find someone to kiss him and hold him, like Colin was holding him now. Would that make the other things not so terrible?

Colin lifted his head and looked down into Brendan’s pained face. He lovingly caressed the soft cheek as he searched sad eyes for a hint of what to say next. He didn’t have all the answers. He wasn’t that much older than the boy in his arms. He wanted Brendan to feel ok. Being gay wasn’t a curse or a burden; it was just a part of life. Colin’s thumb absently brushed Brendan’s full bottom lip and the hazel eyes smoldered.

‘Please,’ Brendan silently pleaded as he looked up at Colin. Other than one awkward kiss with Michael he’d never known the heat of another man’s lips on his. His heart ached for that knowledge now. It ached for Colin to show him how to take a man’s tongue and welcome it into his own moist cavern.

Every muscle in Colin’s body curled with anticipation as his head journeyed the last tiny gap between them. Brendan’s mouth opened slightly. They exchanged warm moist breaths as Colin hovered just above the apex of Brendan’s lips.


Colin heard the faintest whisper of his name as he joined his mouth to Brendan’s.


TBC

A/N: Hee hee! …Thanks for the lovely reviews! The third chapter is mostly written but I don’t know if it will be up today.

Kisses!