Silent Suffering

Sorry I've been so long gone guys. I've been really, really, really busy with school, family and a couple health issues. That and Michael apparently decided to go on vacation which in a way made real life easier. Enjoy. I'm working on this again.

EDIT: Found some grammar issues and some wording I wasn't fond of so I fixed it.

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A few hours later and I find myself lying in bed staring at the painting of Liam desperately wishing I could go back to before he died, before I was raped, before I was turned into this terrified thing who can’t stand human touch. Wanting so badly to erase the night but knowing that the taint won’t go away. Someone knocks on the door but I don’t respond. They open the door anyways so I shut my eyes, feigning sleep.

“I know you’re not asleep Michael. That didn’t work when you were little and it’s not gonna work now.” I open my eyes because I know she’s right.

Hi Mom.

“I brought you some cheese and crackers. I knew you wouldn’t want to talk so I decided the offering food part of parenting was the way to go.” The commentary manages to get a small smile out of me. “And it seems to have worked. Now eat kid. You didn’t eat enough at dinner for my liking.”

I didn’t want to eat so I give Mom my most pitiful look possible and all I got was “the eye.” I promptly sat up and started stuffing my face.

“So you know that food is just a ploy to get you to start talking right?”

While I know that, do you know that you are not supposed to tell me?

“Whatever. Tell me Michael. What happened with Jake?”

Mom. I do not want to talk about it right now. I also know that you won’t leave me alone without finding out something. Just know that he was trying to make-out with me but I freaked out. It was an accident.

“Okay baby. Is there anything you want to talk about? Like maybe a boy who is pacing around downstairs worried and who may like you and whose name is Charlie?”

Wow Mom. You are subtle. What about him? Do I like him? I pause to think. I do not know. In a way, yes but it is just too early to tell. I will keep you as updated as possible.

“Okay. Although between you and me, I think he's falling for you.” She kisses me on the forehead before standing. I get up behind her and shuffle out of my room. Once I get downstairs, I whistle to get her attention.

Without turning around, she says, “hot chocolate coming right up.” I open my mouth to whistle again. She cuts me off with a “I won’t forget the marshmallows.” 

She nailed that one, I think. I close my mouth as she walks to the kitchen and I stand at the bottom of the stairs, unsure of where to go. I divert to the living room where Dad, Charlie and Zach are sitting. Charlie and Dad are supposedly reading while Zach turns out the worst C.O.D. score I’ve ever seen from him. I decide that the best way to rid myself of the evening’s sadness is to be with friends and family.

I walk in and sit on the floor in front of Charlie. He moves his legs so that I can tuck in between them. I smack Zach on the leg and he pauses the game to sheepishly look at me.

One: I tell you to stop doing something on behalf, chivalry be damned, stop. Okay asshole? He nods. Thank you for the gesture but don't pull that crap again.

“I’m sorry, Michael but…” I interrupt him by raising my hand.

Do not apologize. Two: you suck at this game. Give me a controller so I can kick your ass.

“Like that’ll ever happen. You can try, but you’ll never kick my ass at Call of Duty.” He hands me a controller as Mom brings in a mug of hot chocolate for everyone. I smile up her as everyone else says thanks.

I can’t kick Zach’s ass at this game because he suddenly has his mojo back but I have fun playing anyways. Charlie eventually abandons his book and leans forward to rest his head on top of mine. His arms come around me so he can steal my controller. His arms stay around me so I let him keep the controller and I start sipping my hot chocolate, enjoying his warmth. What a strange day… night… thing. It started out with the mistake that nearly ruined the night but ends with this comforting warmth and laughter.

Thank you Liam for fixing it I think with a smile.