Silent Suffering

I walk down the street watching my feet step in and out of pools of light. My skin is prickling in fear. I thought I could handle this. I may be in a different state but the feeling is the same as that night. I jump at the smallest of noises and I berate myself again for not allowing Zach and Charlie to come with me to the store. I thought this would help me get over my fear of being alone on the streets. It’s not working. I force myself to walk calmly down the road. My grocery bag swishes by my side and even that noise freaks me out. All I can think about are hands jumping out of the alleys and forcing me into the dank darkness. Unable to keep myself from doing so, I speed up. All of the sudden, a hand grabs my arm. I scream, drop my bags and jerk away. Why I turn to look instead of bolting, I don’t know.

“Hey Michael. Did I scare you? I didn’t mean to.” I look at this person and after a second I realize it’s a friend from high school, Jake. I give a little wave as I bend down to grab my bags. “Here, I’ll help.”

Thanks I mouth shakily. I get one bag and Jake grabs the other.

“Heading home?” I nod. “Are you doing ok?” I shrug. “Give me your other bag.” I look at him strangely. “Shrugs suck as an answer. Do you have a pad and pen on you?” I nod and hand the bag over. “Honestly, how are you doing?”

I’ve had better days. Life’s been pretty hard lately.

“Wanna talk about it?”

Not really.

“Is what ever happened why you jumped back there?”

Yeah.

“Well, I ain’t gonna push. We’re almost to your house right?”

Almost. It’s been a while since you’ve been over hasn’t it?

“Since high school.”

Wow. Well, I have two college friends with me but you can stick around. Mom will be happy to see you.

“You sure I won’t be intruding?”

Positive.

“Cool. Sounds fun.” He smiles. We’ve reached my house and I let him in the door.

“Michael, you’re home! Good, I can… Jake!” Her face lights up as she sees him “It’s so good to see you! Here I’ll take those bags from you.” She hugs him as she takes the bags and Dad shakes hands while exchanging greetings with Jake. I then lead him into the living room. Zach and Charlie are still playing one of the Halo games so I whistle to get their attention. Two heads turn towards me as the game pauses.

This is Jake. We were friends in high school I sign.

“Hey Jake. I’m Zach and he’s Charlie.” Charlie waves.

“Hey guys. Nice to meet you.”

Want to see my room? I write and show Jake.

“Sure.”

We’re going to my room I sign to Zach and Charlie.

“Ok” they chorus.

I take Jake upstairs and we go into my room. I flick the lights on and allow Jake to walk in. “Wow. This place has hardly changed.”

Yeah. I haven’t really been here much since high school.

“Even at the end of high school, you weren’t really here” Jake states looking back at me with sadness written deep in his features. I look away from him knowing he is referring to when I shut down after Liam died. Jake turns to stare at my painting of Liam. After a few moments, I see tears begin to fall down Jake’s face. I’m confused about what to do for a second because for so long, I’ve been the one crying. I decide to stand and wrap my arms around him from behind. His hands land on my own and we stand there for a few minutes looking at Liam. Of the sudden, Jake turns around, grabs my arms and kisses me. I try to pull away but he holds me against him. My panic starts to rise quickly and I begin to struggle against him as memories begin to mix with reality. His lips leave mine and he begins to bite my neck. I struggle even harder and he seems to let me go because I fall back against the bed. No sooner has my back hit the mattress and he is on top of me. “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time. Don’t freak. It’ll be wonderful. Promise.” He grabs my arms again and pins them over my head. I kick my feet our wildly trying my best to buck him off of me. I’m screaming for Charlie or Zach to find me but the silence is deafening. My shoe comes off my left foot and knocks over my easel. I continue to struggle as I feel one of Jake’s hands unbutton my shirt and slide towards my pants. Suddenly, my door slams open and Jake is hauled off of me. I scramble back on the bad as I watch a livid Zach punch Jake in the face. I jump off the bed and do my best to stop Zach. I end up having to stand between the two of them to accomplish the task.

Stop Zach. He did not hurt me. I am fine. Check if you need to but stop punching him. He does not know what happened.

“HE HAS NO RIGHT TO TOUCH YOU EITHER WAY!” Zach’s yell makes me flinch and I know he saw it because his voice is lower when he says, “just because he doesn’t know doesn’t mean he can jump on you.”

I know that but please Zach, let go of him. Zach releases Jake and I can see Charlie and my parents in the hall looking positively pissed.

“What the fuck was that all for? How dare you fucking hit me you jackass!” Jake exclaims wiping away blood from the cut on his cheek.

I scramble to find my pad of paper. Please Jake. You have to understand. He was defending me because he thought he needed to.

“From me? What the fuck for? It's like you said anything against my advances.”

“No shit Sherlock. He can’t talk.” Zach glares at Jake.

Zach, stop. Please I sign at Zach. Writing for Jake, I was raped Jake. Being close to anyone physically makes me nauseous sometimes much less being sexually close to someone. Zach was trying to protect me from it happening again.

“So that’s why you jumped when I ran into you on the street?” I nod. Jake’s face goes white. “I need to go.” Jake pushes his way out of the room and soon I hear the front door slam. With shaking fingers, I begin to button my shirt back up as tears threaten to fall.

I think to myself, What next? What the hell can go wrong next?

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Sorry for the delay guys. School has been INSANE. Reviews please! ^^

edit: I accidentaly added a new chapter to this one that was meant for another story so there is not a new chapter (Lisa). Sorry about the confusion! Nothing new yet! It is coming soon though. Promise.