Silent Suffering
folder
Romance › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
19
Views:
6,949
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Romance › Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult ++
Chapters:
19
Views:
6,949
Reviews:
26
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
This original, fictional work is the private property of Michelle and cannot be reproduced without permission. Any resemblance to a person, real or fictional is purely coincidental.
Forgiveness
The car stops at home and we all get out. We all head into the house and I go right for the stairs.
“We love you baby.” I turn to see my Dad with his hand Mom’s shoulder, her eye brimming with tears. I walk over, give them a quick hug and run for my room. I shut the door behind me and slide down. My head rests against it and just cry. I cry the tears that I kept mostly in check at the cemetery. I would have started wailing if I could have. My heart is feeling his loss all over again. The pain in my heart was bringing back the most painful memories of my life: his loss and my rape. I force myself to stand. I try to find something to pull me out of my despair. I look over to my stereo and see a CD that Liam made me for my 18th birthday. I grab it and start playing it. As “Your Song” by Elton John comes from the speakers and tears still fall from my eyes, I find a canvas and my paints. I set the canvas up on an easel and start painting Liam as I saw the first time we spoke. He had an emo haircut before being emo had such a bad reputation. His glasses were eschew on his tan face and he had a really dorky smile on his face; both of which made him instantly attractive to me. He had on a brown, corduroy jacket with a plan green shirt underneath. His hands are stuffed into the pockets of his blue jeans while rocking back on his heels. Messenger bag slung over one shoulder, he looks like some mischievous kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and is now trying to weasel his way out trouble. In reality, he’d just told me he thinks I’m cute and he wants to be my friend. He got the goofy look on his face at the shocked look on mine because the rumor mill’s Best Looking Man in School just said he wanted to be my friend. After a little over an hour, the music finishes and so does my brush. The painting of my mischief maker is finished and he looks good. I smile at that silly look on his face and gather my brushes to wash them. Once this task is complete, I head downstairs to a rather good smelling kitchen. While walking through the dining room, I get pounced on from behind. I try not to fall and only succeed when my human backpack gets off and stabilizes me. I turn to see its Zach who took a flying leap at me.
“I wanted to go up after you but your Mom said not to.”
“I heard your music” my Mom says from the kitchen.
She’s right though. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be there. No offense to you but I needed to be alone I sign to Zach.
“I understand. I was just worried” Zach tells me.
“We all were” Charlie states coming in from the living room.
Sorry to make you all worry. I just needed to deal with my grief alone. I’m better now. I’ll show you guys what I accomplished after lunch. Is that cool?
“Sounds good” Charlie says and Zach nods.
“Hey! Can one of ya’ll come get some plates? Lunch is ready.” I go to the kitchen and help Mom get lunch on the table.
We all sit around telling funny stories and I feel even more of my sorrow ebb away. I find myself looking over more and more at Charlie. Maybe I can open my heart to this boy. Just maybe, he can help me find love again. He looks over at me and smiles. I smile back and him, glad that he found me that day.
--------------------------------------
“Wow” Zach says looking at my new painting of Liam. I smiling embarrassed as usual.
That’s what he looked like the first time he ever spoke to me. He randomly came up to me, told me he thought I was cute and wanted to be my friend. And we were friends ever since then.
“Well, I may be straight, but even I know you’re a hottie” Zach says with a smirk.
“He’s right about that” Charlie says smiling at me. I blush at the compliment. “You did a really great job. He looks so
silly in this picture.”
“You did amazing as usual” Zach says ruffling my hair.
I shove his hand off of me with a smile and a Thank you. We head back downstairs with Charlie and Zach trash talking about who will kick whose ass at Halo. As we head down the stairs, the doorbell rings. I wave them on to the living room and open the door. On the other side is Liam’s mother. I am thoroughly surprised to see her and afraid she’s going to yell at me for Liam’s death again.
“Hi Michael.” I wave at her and look down at my feet. “I came by because… well, because I read the letter you left at Liam’s grave.” I look at her in horror and shrink back when I see pity and knowledge written in her face. She knows about my rape. “I’m sorry Michael. It was personal but I’ve read your letters every year. The first year I read it because I was so angry at you but since then because I wanted to know how you were doing.” I force myself to hold back my tears. “I’m so sorry Michael. I can’t imagine it. Liam would have been there for you in a heartbeat. I have dishonored my son with the cold and mean way I have been treating you. Don’t shake your head at it. It’s true. The way I have treated you since his death is despicable. I ask for your forgiveness Michael.”
Thankfully, out of habit I’ve left a pad and pen in my pocket. On it I write, There is nothing to forgive. I ask for you forgiveness for taking your son. I turn the pad towards her so she can read it.
“You didn’t kill Liam and you’ve been suffering just as I have. It was not, has never been and never will be your fault. I have realized that and you need to too.”
I mouth, I miss him so much.
She pulls me into a hug and whispers, “Me too baby, me too” and we cry in each other’s arms for a moment. We pull away, wiping tears off our faces. “So, if it is ok with you and your parents, I would like to meet these Zach and Charlie people. They sound like good boys.”
I mouth No problem and take her to the living room where the boys are just now starting their game. Introductions are made and she spends about five minutes catching up with me before my Mom walks in. My Mom glowers at her and Liam’s mom asks for her forgiveness too and while I think it will take my Mom longer to forgive her, I find I truly have forgiven her. She spends only a few more minutes in the house, and I hug her as she leaves. I go back into the living room and listen to Charlie and Zach trash talking as they play their video games. Overall, today hasn’t been a bad day and I think Liam may have had his hand in the cookie jar that is my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apparently Michael wants his story heard because he has been throwing a lot of material at me in a very short amount of time. He seems to be mad about my hiatus. Sorry Michael!! Don't hurt me!
As a side note, reviews pwease?! I want to know what you think of the characters, the story, whatever. Tell me if it's good, bad or ugly. I don't mind honesty. Just review! Please?
“We love you baby.” I turn to see my Dad with his hand Mom’s shoulder, her eye brimming with tears. I walk over, give them a quick hug and run for my room. I shut the door behind me and slide down. My head rests against it and just cry. I cry the tears that I kept mostly in check at the cemetery. I would have started wailing if I could have. My heart is feeling his loss all over again. The pain in my heart was bringing back the most painful memories of my life: his loss and my rape. I force myself to stand. I try to find something to pull me out of my despair. I look over to my stereo and see a CD that Liam made me for my 18th birthday. I grab it and start playing it. As “Your Song” by Elton John comes from the speakers and tears still fall from my eyes, I find a canvas and my paints. I set the canvas up on an easel and start painting Liam as I saw the first time we spoke. He had an emo haircut before being emo had such a bad reputation. His glasses were eschew on his tan face and he had a really dorky smile on his face; both of which made him instantly attractive to me. He had on a brown, corduroy jacket with a plan green shirt underneath. His hands are stuffed into the pockets of his blue jeans while rocking back on his heels. Messenger bag slung over one shoulder, he looks like some mischievous kid who just got caught with his hand in the cookie jar and is now trying to weasel his way out trouble. In reality, he’d just told me he thinks I’m cute and he wants to be my friend. He got the goofy look on his face at the shocked look on mine because the rumor mill’s Best Looking Man in School just said he wanted to be my friend. After a little over an hour, the music finishes and so does my brush. The painting of my mischief maker is finished and he looks good. I smile at that silly look on his face and gather my brushes to wash them. Once this task is complete, I head downstairs to a rather good smelling kitchen. While walking through the dining room, I get pounced on from behind. I try not to fall and only succeed when my human backpack gets off and stabilizes me. I turn to see its Zach who took a flying leap at me.
“I wanted to go up after you but your Mom said not to.”
“I heard your music” my Mom says from the kitchen.
She’s right though. I wouldn’t have wanted you to be there. No offense to you but I needed to be alone I sign to Zach.
“I understand. I was just worried” Zach tells me.
“We all were” Charlie states coming in from the living room.
Sorry to make you all worry. I just needed to deal with my grief alone. I’m better now. I’ll show you guys what I accomplished after lunch. Is that cool?
“Sounds good” Charlie says and Zach nods.
“Hey! Can one of ya’ll come get some plates? Lunch is ready.” I go to the kitchen and help Mom get lunch on the table.
We all sit around telling funny stories and I feel even more of my sorrow ebb away. I find myself looking over more and more at Charlie. Maybe I can open my heart to this boy. Just maybe, he can help me find love again. He looks over at me and smiles. I smile back and him, glad that he found me that day.
--------------------------------------
“Wow” Zach says looking at my new painting of Liam. I smiling embarrassed as usual.
That’s what he looked like the first time he ever spoke to me. He randomly came up to me, told me he thought I was cute and wanted to be my friend. And we were friends ever since then.
“Well, I may be straight, but even I know you’re a hottie” Zach says with a smirk.
“He’s right about that” Charlie says smiling at me. I blush at the compliment. “You did a really great job. He looks so
silly in this picture.”
“You did amazing as usual” Zach says ruffling my hair.
I shove his hand off of me with a smile and a Thank you. We head back downstairs with Charlie and Zach trash talking about who will kick whose ass at Halo. As we head down the stairs, the doorbell rings. I wave them on to the living room and open the door. On the other side is Liam’s mother. I am thoroughly surprised to see her and afraid she’s going to yell at me for Liam’s death again.
“Hi Michael.” I wave at her and look down at my feet. “I came by because… well, because I read the letter you left at Liam’s grave.” I look at her in horror and shrink back when I see pity and knowledge written in her face. She knows about my rape. “I’m sorry Michael. It was personal but I’ve read your letters every year. The first year I read it because I was so angry at you but since then because I wanted to know how you were doing.” I force myself to hold back my tears. “I’m so sorry Michael. I can’t imagine it. Liam would have been there for you in a heartbeat. I have dishonored my son with the cold and mean way I have been treating you. Don’t shake your head at it. It’s true. The way I have treated you since his death is despicable. I ask for your forgiveness Michael.”
Thankfully, out of habit I’ve left a pad and pen in my pocket. On it I write, There is nothing to forgive. I ask for you forgiveness for taking your son. I turn the pad towards her so she can read it.
“You didn’t kill Liam and you’ve been suffering just as I have. It was not, has never been and never will be your fault. I have realized that and you need to too.”
I mouth, I miss him so much.
She pulls me into a hug and whispers, “Me too baby, me too” and we cry in each other’s arms for a moment. We pull away, wiping tears off our faces. “So, if it is ok with you and your parents, I would like to meet these Zach and Charlie people. They sound like good boys.”
I mouth No problem and take her to the living room where the boys are just now starting their game. Introductions are made and she spends about five minutes catching up with me before my Mom walks in. My Mom glowers at her and Liam’s mom asks for her forgiveness too and while I think it will take my Mom longer to forgive her, I find I truly have forgiven her. She spends only a few more minutes in the house, and I hug her as she leaves. I go back into the living room and listen to Charlie and Zach trash talking as they play their video games. Overall, today hasn’t been a bad day and I think Liam may have had his hand in the cookie jar that is my life.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Apparently Michael wants his story heard because he has been throwing a lot of material at me in a very short amount of time. He seems to be mad about my hiatus. Sorry Michael!! Don't hurt me!
As a side note, reviews pwease?! I want to know what you think of the characters, the story, whatever. Tell me if it's good, bad or ugly. I don't mind honesty. Just review! Please?