Abyss

~Chapter 15 continued~



It took Pheus a while to get a hold of himself. He needed to be even more careful, now. He did not want to scare Ayve off, now that he had suddenly opened up a little. Eventually, his butt threatened to receive permanent damage from the frozen floor, and he stood up, donned his trousers and went back to the camp.



The nymphs had all withdrawn to their tents in the meantime, so he could wash his hands using the remaining tea water before he crawled back into his own tent where comfortable warmth engulfed him. He shivered and hurried to silently slip beneath his covers. Since they were cold as well, that did not help much. He groped for the pack of stones in the dark, but instead of finding them, he felt a warm hand grasp his. Surprised because he had assumed that Ayve was already fast asleep, Pheus looked up and – with the help of his night sight – peered into Ayve’s light grey eyes that almost seemed to gleam in the dark. The man had waited for his return.



The warm hand that held his pulled him closer until their bodies melted against each other. For a few moments, Ayve’s gaze rested yearningly on Pheus’ lips, but eventually, with a pained frown upon his face, he discarded that idea, it seemed, and resorted to rubbing his face over and over against Pheus’, seeking as much physical contact with him as possible without it growing too intimate. Eventually, he stilled himself and sagged against his stronger companion.



Hope grew in said man. This time, his mind had been alert and he had observed what was going on in Ayve while he acted so strangely. There had hardly been any clearly outlined thought. Ayve’s newly found need for limited sharing of intimacies was not an act of rationality, something the nymph had explicitly decided to do. Pheus had come to realise in all the years they had spent after he had rescued Ayve that the delicate nymph had a strange way of perception; that his mind worked differently than it used to do. Ayve had always been a very sensitive person, someone who noticed things about the people around him that went unnoticed with most others and empathised with them. Someone who was overly careful not to hurt anyone to a degree that made him a little too self conscious. That had changed. Not in a way that made it immediately obvious. In his core, Ayve remained the same. Yet the dark haired man seemed numbed. His feelings and emotions had lost import, so it seemed. He relied more on his rationale. Pheus had the impression that his companion was suppressing his emotional side on purpose to be able to fulfil his task of leading his people. A part of him dreaded to learn what was hidden behind Ayve’s mask of determination. And yet – Ayve’s recent behaviour was a positive sign, was it not? Did it not mean that Ayve still had feelings for him, that Ayve still wanted him as a lover?



Pheus smirked ironically. It was insane how much he wanted to be wanted by Ayve. Yet he could not change it – and would not of he could.







The following weeks carried a sweet innocence in them that reminded Pheus strongly and – above else – very pleasantly of his first journey with Ayve. He had feared that the incidents that winter night were going to remain an exclusive event and that Ayve would turn down his next attempt at repeating it, but that was not the case. During the day, Ayve was keeping his trademark polite distance, not a single glance giving away any feelings for Pheus. In fact, Pheus was sure that Ayve did not spend a thought on him. When they finally were alone, though, Ayve never turned Pheus away. He was not equally open every night, but usually, the delicate body responded with need to Pheus’ tender touch, indulging him in seemingly endless periods of time with those chaste kisses, letting him even roam over Ayve’s slender arms, chest and outer legs. Pheus could feel Ayve’s shudders when he caressed his back through the thin fabric of some garment that Ayve always insisted on wearing. It was too good to be true, too precious.



They never talked in those moments. It seemed that Ayve was not entirely willing to acknowledge what they were doing there. Especially not to himself. Pheus could not really say that he minded. The thought that Ayve was so overpowered by his feelings for Pheus was exactly what his companion’s ego needed.







The winter slowly melted away. Ayve busied himself with hacking the thick branches of a tree that had been uprooted during a storm the previous night into fire wood. The work was challenging for his weakened body, but he refused to accept the limits that seemed to be set for him. He needed to contribute to the welfare of the tribe like any other member. After he had produced a small heap of fuel, he took a break, straightened his back, and drew in some deep, shaky breaths.



“You are a remarkable person,” a female voice said.



Ayve turned his head and saw the leader of their host tribe stand at the roots of the tree.



“Your people are lucky to be gifted with you,” she went on, smiling at him benignly.



Ayve gazed at her listlessly. He was only doing what had to be done; that had little to do with his person. However, it had not escaped his attention that she still spoke of his people, not only on this occasion. The newcomers and their hosts had quickly come to like each other and had relied on each other’s help in the harsh winter, yet they still were two separate groups. Ayve would have expected that the two tribes assimilated and chose one leader, yet that topic had never been brought up.



The lady took a few steps towards him. “It is admirable how far you have led them already. They hold you in high esteem.” She halted in the middle of the tree trunk. “I need to thank you in the name of my tribe as well. Without your assistance, many of us would not have made it through this winter.”



Ayve answered in a curt, polite gesture of gratitude for the praise, even if he could not relate to it.



“I am glad to know that you will be there for your people. I hope you realise that this place is not made to accommodate this number of inhabitants indefinitely?”



Ayve took in a sharp breath to soothe the pain that shot into his stomach, yet did not let his surprise show otherwise. Was their search for a new home never going to end?



“My tribe has grown too big itself already. I hardly know how to feed my people.” The lady seemed to seek absolution with her words, knowing what her conclusion meant for her guests.



Ayve seized his stone axe again. Let us discuss this in the evening, when everyone is present. He did not want to be the bearer of bad tidings for his people. They needed to hear that out of her mouth.



The lady lowered her head. “Very well.”







It was a long night. Many figures were still hunched around the fire when the moon stood already high in the sky. From the brim of the woods, soft sobs drifted over to their ears. Uncomfortable silence filled the chilly night otherwise.



Eventually, Ayve filled a bowl with warm tea and walked over to the young lady who had withdrawn so that her grief was not inconvenient to the others. He knelt down beside her hunched form and held the drink out to her. Some time passed before she grew aware of his presence and looked up at him in surprise. Incredulously, she gazed from his face to the tea. Another moment passed before she hesitantly took it, apparently uncertain how to react to his behaviour.



Every obstacle can be overcome as long as we have each other. Ayve smiled at her kindly and returned to the circle of nymphs around the fire who all had watched him intently.



When the moon had crossed the zenith and slowly made its way back towards the horizon, Pheus placed a comforting hand on Ayve’s shoulder. “Let us go to sleep.”



Ayve sighed wearily and rose to follow him into the tent. There, he buried his face in Pheus’ chest, giving himself completely up to the strong arms of his companion. No, he did not think of Pheus as a lover, that would have implied an acceptance of the importance of his own person, of his own needs, yet it was an immeasurable comfort to at least have a warm body to lean against when there was no home to return to.







He woke up to the feeling of soft, wet lips and hot breath eagerly caressing his neck. A moment later he grew aware of the heavy body resting on his own, pinning him down. Pheus moved on top of him. Ayve could not feel his hard member, but the way he breathed and ground himself against the nymph was obvious. It took a moment for Ayve to get rid of the sleepiness and grow fully aware of the actions he was involved in, but then the unease grew. He felt trapped beneath the muscled, aroused man. His mouth on Ayve’s neck was more intimate than he could bear without any forewarning. Granted, it was not one of those rash acts that he could distantly remember from years long past. Had it been, Ayve would have panicked. Instead, Pheus was considerate, moving gently as if not to scare Ayve. Still, Ayve grew more and more alarmed. If Pheus started doing this, he would soon want him to participate. He would want to undress, want Ayve’s body to respond, would want to…



Ayve’s arms moved up against Pheus’ chest to push him off. Don’t, Ayve managed to communicate.



Pheus moved away immediately, and Ayve scrambled out of the tent to gasp for air. The fresh morning breeze was cool on his skin and calmed him quickly.



Pheus followed him. Ayve sat on the half rotten trunk of a fallen tree, his elbows resting on his knees, his hands nervously feeling his face for irregularities of the skin that he could scratch away. The other man crouched down in front of him, avoiding any touch.



“I did not mean to harass you, Ayve.” He frowned upon the sight of his lover’s posture. “I merely wanted to wake you with some tender caresses…”



It’s okay, Ayve tried to appease him.



“It does not look like that,” Pheus countered and reached for Ayve’s hand to pull it away from his face.



Ayve quickly sprung up and put some distance between them.



“What is it?” Pheus burst out in irritation. “You enjoy my kisses, don’t you?” He erased the gap between them again and seized Ayve at the arm before he had the chance to turn away. Since Ayve did not seem inclined or able to give an answer, Pheus pulled him closer and pressed his lips on his lover’s mouth. Even though Ayve struggled feebly against him, Pheus felt him respond. For a moment, he could keep up the kiss, before Ayve managed to break loose and stumble away. He had deliberately not used full force to give the shy being the chance to do that.



“If you want this, why not more? Ayve…” Pheus’ voice sounded pleading by now and had discarded the anger it had held at first. “Ayve, I want to share my life with you, not with a whole nymph tribe that watches my every step. If I am forced to live like this, I at least need one good thing to concentrate on.” He faltered, thoughts racing through his mind.



Then he spoke again, striking a different note this time. “I can hardly bear watching how you deny yourself. You cannot go on like this. It does not make sense that you burden yourself with such a responsibility in your condition. You have brought your people thus far; you have found your sister. Pass the leadership on to her and come with me. Be my lover again, not their slave.”



Pheus came to stand mere inches away from Ayve and cupped Ayve’s face with both of his hands. It was a picture of misery. He wanted to softly kiss all of Ayve’s troubles away, wanted the fragile man to sink against his chest and yield to him. “You don’t need to prove yourself, Ayve; I can be strong for you.” He bent forward for another kiss.



Something cold settled in Ayve’s stomach and ran down his back. He should find Pheus’ words tantalising, but somehow they evoked exactly the opposite reaction in him. Nothing felt like it used to. He could not understand what was going on with him, but all of his instincts warned him against yielding. Ayve tore himself free once more.



It took him several moments to come up with any reply, and the one he uttered then held nothing of the panic in him. She is still half a child. She is not fit to lead anyone, especially not through unknown territory. She has none of the knowledge that is required of a leader whatsoever. This is not the time to grow selfish! Even though this had not been Ayve’s reason for tearing away from Pheus, he knew it was true. He must not let his people down in this time when their need for a determined leader was greatest.



Pheus looked lost. “I don’t understand what’s going on in your head, Ayve. I can read your mind and still I understand nothing.” He faltered. They had made progress lately. Yet he could not help thinking that this had only happened because Ayve had relaxed somewhat assuming that they had finally reached their destination and his people could settle down, now. The prospect of having to move on heralded another time of rejection for Pheus. The resolve that formed in him almost choked him. He knew that Ayve needed him, but he also dreaded that his patience would snap eventually. Pheus was not usually a kind man. Somehow, he had developed an obsession with Ayve that had brought out gentleness in him that he had not been aware of before. Yet, the same obsession also caused the opposite in Pheus. It planted greed in him, possessiveness, a will to control Ayve, to make him his. He was used to taking what he wanted. And he was afraid to eventually resort to any whatsoever desperate means to obtain exactly that.



He looked at the delicate, beloved man once more. “You will not be able to be with me the way I need you, will you?”



Ayve almost looked as if he felt guilty. Minutely he shook his head in negation.



Pheus took a deep, calming breath to collect the courage for the step he was going to take. “Then I am afraid I am not able to stay with you.”