Take Me Away

Chapter summary: Shandaar is starting to be conscious of the consequences of his runaway…

Author’s Notes: After a nasty author’s blocked, I finally finished this chapter. I get stuck on sex scenes rather often as I don’t always want to repeat the same things over and over again, but I’m happy how this one turned. A bit of a role reversal there. And on a quick note, there’s about 10 or 12 chapters remaining for this fic.

Take Me Away
Chapter 15 – Another Kind Of Trip


Calm. Peace.

Shandaar was sitting on a large rock, hugging his knees, his head hung down and a sad look on his face. Sometimes he gently cradled himself, but most of the time, he had been immobile. The area was beautiful; a bright blue sky, just like his eyes, and the sea was slightly darker. If there hadn’t been any waves, he could have seen what was on the bottom of the water. A few seagulls were staring at him as they landed on another boulder close to him. One even went as far as trying to peck the silver-haired youth since he was on its territory, but due to the size of the man compared to it, it had flown away.

From his spot, he could hear the waves crashing on the shore… such a soothing song to his ears. However, they didn’t soothe his mind. The prince was thinking too much.

But so many events had happened. First of all, he had abandoned his kingdom a bit more than two months ago, and hadn’t had given any single news since. His mother was probably worried sick about him; he just hoped she wasn’t going mad right now. He’d feel guilty forever if something happened to her, or to the whole country. Would they ever take him back at the castle? Was he still a prince in their eyes? What would happen if he was cast out of his own home? Would he find another place to stay? Well there was Kieran, but he didn’t want to put him through all of this. He already had to let him tag along, and he thought it was enough like this. Maybe he was a burden to them… maybe they weren’t being completely honest. He’d have to ask.

The second thing on his mind concerned the guys they had a fight with. They were apparently against him… so what were they? A resistance faction? Thieves? Simple troublemakers? It’s not like Shandaar and his team hadn’t made any effort to hide the heir’s identity. He still used the same name, never disclosing his last name since it would probably be automatically linked to the Kadessan royalty. Anyways they were after them since Kadessa City… For a moment, he started to fear them. Probabilities they had gotten into this town as well were quite high.

What were they up to? If they were thieves, they’d want the gold, the weapons so they could use or sell them, their food, and maybe their caravan as well. But none had made a move toward it. They were after him. He excluded the possibility of thieving and went back on the faction idea. He wasn’t even aware there were factions like that in his country. He had thought it was rather peaceful for such a country. Then again, he had been shielded from a part of the history. Even the queen wasn’t sure of everything that was going around. It made sense, and that’s what he didn’t like it.

Something fell down beside him with a quiet “thud” and Shandaar spun his head around, thinking it could have been someone coming to get him. But no… it was simply a small part of the rock that a seagull had pushed down while it landed. With a sigh of relief he turned back to the sea. Paranoia was catching up to him, and he didn’t like the feeling. As if he was trapped already, as if he was constantly followed… he didn’t feel safe anymore. He simply wanted to get back at the inn and into Kieran’s arms. Upon realizing how childishly he had reacted to a simple rock, he shook his head. Paranoia indeed. There was nothing wrong with a rock…! Plus if it had been someone, he would have realized it before… no? Being scared was new to him, yet not totally.

There had been the rape as well. It affected him on so many levels. At first, he had been too tired and felt it was unreal, like nothing had ever happened. But during the night, he had woken up by nightmares, but he hadn’t wanted to bother anyone with it. He wanted to deal with it by himself, without anyone’s help. Depending on people was tiring on a long-term basis and he was sick of it, sick of the people thinking he was a pretty boy who couldn’t do anything but whine on his state. No. He was a man. He was able to fight, he had been injured many times, and he thought he even conduct troops if he ever had to. So why was he so affected by it? It was only sex…

Well no. It wasn’t only sex. The moment Radwan had laid his hands on his body, even though it had been a rough encounter, he had gotten hard. As much as he blamed his physical reactions for having a hard-on, he couldn’t stop thinking how he had liked it. And there was the source of his guilt.

He loved Kieran. They had been together for close to four years… three years and 10 months to be exact. Never in their life they had a fight, aside the usual sword sparring. Their relationship was stable, and Shandaar couldn’t have wanted it another way. It had been perfect before this. Whenever they were together, they had been at it, sometimes for hours… and now he doubted he could ever go back with him.

All of this because he was convinced he had cheated on Kieran.

He had to close his eyes in order to fight a wave of nausea. He felt so guilty, so dirty. No matter how many times he’d wash himself it wouldn’t do the trick. It was inside he felt like this. It tore him apart and made him cringe, his fingers clinging to the fabric of his pants, tears forming in his eyes. Things between him and his lover wouldn’t be the same. As if everything else was barely important beside this; the fact he ran away and left the kingdom… the faction… only Kieran mattered. He didn’t care about the rest as long as he had someone by his side. On this point, he knew he was totally dependant of the other man. If Kieran went away, everything would crumble, taking him along. He wouldn’t survive. And knowing the fact that he would hurt the man’s feelings really wasn’t helping. He didn’t like hurting other people, and especially his lover. The effects would be disastrous… it would break Kieran’s heart for sure.

Shandaar found himself shaking and sobbing loudly, tears rolling on his cheeks onto his pants. Never in his life had he felt that bad. It was overwhelming him. He couldn’t live a lie anymore and had to tell Kieran how he felt about everything. Even if it would break their relationship, he hated lying. There was nothing better than honesty.

He staggered as he got up, having being in that sitting position for gods knew how long. It took him a short time to find his balance but now that he had it, nothing would stop him. He’d talk to his lover and would tell him everything. How he was guilty about the rape and how he was a burden to the team. Maybe they’d be better off him…

The inn seemed so far. It wasn’t that far, but then again, he had no idea how long he walked to get there. He wasn’t thinking about this when he did so; it felt natural to him to just go there, as if the sea had called to him, directly into his mind.

Once he reached it, he took a deep breath. What he had felt earlier, the dizziness as he got up, the nausea, the muscles hurting, everything was coming back to him as he made his way to the bedroom he was sharing with the raven-haired youth. More tears were forming in eyes, but he quickly dried them with the back of his hand. He couldn’t even open the door nor knock because of the stress, of everything that talk would mean to Kieran, him and their couple. He forced himself to open the door and have a peek inside.

He didn’t say anything right away and simply looked at his lover, his head tilted. He felt bad already, and he hadn’t even said a word to him yet. The man looked so good, sitting by the window. He didn’t want to disturb him, but if he wasn’t able to say it right now, he’d never be able to do so.

“Kieran… can I talk to you for a moment?”

The adventurer turned his head and smiled at first, happy to see the other male entering the room. He had been wondering where had been, but Shandaar was like that. A moment he was in his room, the moment he was gone and a second after he was back. There would normally be no need to worry, but the sad face he made gave him a weird impression. “Alright, in here or somewhere else?”

“Outside.”

Yes, there was definitively something wrong with the prince. Something about the fact he hung his head down and looked away from him, as if he had something to hide. He wrapped his arm around the smaller frame and let him decide where to go.

There was little conversation going when they left. Shandaar hung his head and looked away as he walked, leaning on his boyfriend. He felt ashamed and could barely look in the other man’s brown eyes, which was quite unusual. Normally he was more playful. He smiled, laughed, talked, would try to kiss Kieran... yet he was quiet. It was hard for him, but he knew it would probably be harder for him, still he knew he had to be honest with his lover. The silver-haired youth stopped, his eyes locked on the horizon. The clouds that came in their direction were dark; it would rain soon. “I have a confession to make” is what he stated, his eyes not leaving the scenery in front of him. Perhaps it was a sign of what would come for him?

The adventurer tilted his head at the sight of his lover, pondering what had happened to put him in such a state. He stood a few feet behind the other male and his arms crossed over his chest. What was this all about? They had barely left their eyes off each other, so what had he done wrong? “Shan…. What are you talking about?”

“You know… what happened in Gurrensha…”

Kieran nodded, knowing what that meant; it had something to do about the rape. That and a confession about it? This was getting quite weird… “I know. What happened?”

It took Shandaar a few moments to find his words for a potent answer and deciding if it really was a good thing to tell his lover about it. Beyond the “good” or “bad” thing, there was the honesty principle he usually respected, considering his very position. “… I partly liked it…”

The black-haired man frowned, then quirked a brow. Where the hell was he getting at? So far it made little sense. He knew rapes weren’t normally enjoyable and had to admit it was a bit creepy seeing his lover saying he had “partly liked” it. It wasn’t wrong so to speak, but indeed slightly disturbing. He saw the other man spin around on his feet, tears flowing down his cheek. His features softened as he walked toward the younger male and wrapped his arms around him. There was no way he’d stop loving Shandaar because of this.

“But… it means I’ve cheated on you…!”

So that was it. There was the problem with the young prince. He had thought that because he had been aroused by sexual contact with someone else than his lover, he had cheated on him? It bothered Kieran a little bit, he had to agree. But his boyfriend had just gone by a very traumatic event, so he figured it was normal that he reacted this way. He also knew the other man liked it rough, so he also supposed it was part due to it… and not the rapist himself. This was enough to calm his mind before he got closer to the silver-haired man and hugging him right. “Shandaar… don’t worry about this. I don’t think you’ve think you’ve cheated on me, not at all. A lot of rape victims feel guilty about similar things, that they asked for it, or that part of them liked it… it’s normal.” He hoped he sounded reassuring. He didn’t want to get him falling into depression because of this, although he would have the right to do so. “I could never be mad at you… is that what you were afraid of? That I would leave you?”

The youth nodded sadly. Of course he had been scared. He already had the bad habit of thinking too much and in his current situation, it really wasn’t helping.

In answer he got another hug and then was brought into a deep kiss. He had to say that he had expected Kieran to blow up right there, break down and curse him until he’d have killed himself. But that had been the opposite. He seemed to almost understanding it, although Shandaar suspected he had never been in the same situation. As he returns the kiss, pressure starts to drop off. There was always this feeling that the raven-haired man would take his life at any moment, but it soon started to fade as well.

“You’re an angel or a saint…if I were you, I’d have killed me before. Although, if you were the one who had been raped and felt this way about it, I think I’d have reacted the way you’re doing right now.” The prince lifted his head and locked his eyes with his lover’s, feeling them getting wet again. “Still, I couldn’t help but worry…”

“Shandaar... remember when I promised I wouldn’t leave you alone anymore?” He waited until the silver-haired man nodded before continuing. “I’m doing this because I love you, because I know we’re made to last. If I didn’t have this feeling, I wouldn’t have bothered getting you out of the castle, and everything we did together since we’re here. I want you to be happy… even though these days have been very hard for you. But don’t worry. I’ll always be there for you.” He took his boyfriend’s hand into his and squeezed it gently, joining his fingers with the other man’s.

“I wish I could forget about it all, and I won’t, I know it. It’s like I was numb before and this morning, everything just came back to me. But not just about the rape… why I’m here, and what I should be doing. Maybe I should go back home… I’ve gotten you guys into too much trouble.”

Kieran shook his head. He had thought about a lot of other things, but he had been ready for all that “trouble” in order to spend some time with his beloved prince. If he could have done it, he would have given him a tour of the whole world and not just of the continent they were on… but that wouldn’t have been enough. He wanted to be with Shandaar forever, and now that the man somewhat wanted to go back home; that would mean he’d get married. “Don’t worry about all of this, Shan.” He almost added “consider this as my wedding gift” but that would have been really out of place and would have only aggravated Shandaar’s guilt trip. “I almost wish I had kidnapped you. Sure I’d be put to death if we were ever found, but that would be the only way we could spend our life together.”

“We’ll do it… just… not the way I expected it.” The heir looked down again, wondering how the hell he’d go through his wedding ceremony, what he’d do at the honeymoon but most importantly: what was he going to do without Kieran as his one and only lover?

The black-haired adventurer cupped his chin and smiled sweetly, staring at the sky blue eyes before him. “You know what? Let’s forget about it right now. I want you to be happy. Let’s go back at the inn and eat until we’re sick, or let’s go for a swim. We’ll have time to worry later.”

“I guess you’re right… but I can’t help it. I still feel bad about everything. Plus I miss being intimate with you. Sometimes I wonder if everything will go back to normal.” That was another one of his fears. If he couldn’t have sex with Kieran, the man would get tired of him and wouldn’t want to be with him anymore. It was a scary thought, but the worse is that it was present in his mind.

“It will with time. You’ve always been a fighter and even though it’s a bit… slow – well I can’t call it slow, it’s been what, a week? – I know you’ll overcome that. You have the ability to. And I’ve got an idea regarding sex… I’ll let you be on top next time” he added with a wink, grinning slightly. He was even surprised of seeing the same look on Shandaar’s face. “This way it’s going to be less traumatic for you, and we’re both going to enjoy it.”

The smaller man nodded, looking away shyly, a blush coming to his face. “Alright. I’m up for that. Going to be a bit of a change though.”

“Not for the worse, I’m sure. Now let’s go back. I’m getting hungry.”

Shandaar let a chuckle out as he was dragged by Kieran, who had begun to walk toward the inn while tugging on his boyfriend’s arm. “Hey…! I can walk too… … … fine, drag me around.”

“Yeah sure.” His answer was to let go of the hand to let the other man come closer to him. The attitude change had been rather fast, but he wasn’t shocked about it. The silver-haired swordsman was like that in general and at the moment he felt safe again, as if nothing could penetrate him anymore, he’d go back to his old happy self; the one he appreciated the most. “I’m glad you talked to me about this. I couldn’t stand you looking sad anymore.”

-

The city was livelier than it had been when the couple had left the inn. They had stopped at a fruit merchant to buy healthy treats; Shandaar sank his teeth in a mango while Kieran had chosen a quarter of a pineapple. Many times the younger male had leaned on his other half as they walked down the streets, then Kieran would move away and he’d almost fall down in a fit of laughter. The fact he’d stick by his side no matter what had been enough for him to stop worrying about everything else. As long as the prince would have his trustworthy sidekick, he would be a happy man.

And this time, the silver-haired man had to try and drag his lover into the inn, receiving weird looks from the innkeeper at the counter and a few occupants, Raya and Dagmar amongst others. The latter’s didn’t receive much more than a simple glance before they saw the two men running to their room.

Kieran was literally thrown on the bed by Shandaar, who ordered him to get undressed as soon as he had hit the mattress. The little devil the prince was… when it came to everyday manners, he was a sweet boy. Whenever he was horny, he would always smirk, grin and be rougher than he was normally. There was little resistance met with the order, and the adventurer undressed completely before laying on his back, smiling happily. Good old Shan. How he had missed that.

At the end of the bed, the other swordsman smirked as his childhood friend invited him over with a motion of his right hand, taking his clothes off in the process. He found himself naked before he hovered over the man’s body, eyeing it with hungry eyes. His head slowly lowered on the lips into a deep kiss, entering his tongue inside to deepen it as one of his hands move on the side of the body. He then withdrew from the kiss, smiling at the older man. “I think this is going to be easier than I thought…”

“You know, you really don’t have to do this…” Kieran was silenced with another kiss, feeling Shandaar’s hand going toward his cock. Apparently, there was going to be some action tonight, but if the other didn’t want this to happen for himself and did this only to make him happy, it wasn’t going to work.

The silver-haired man withdrew and smiled for a second time, trailing a finger on his mate’s chest. His voice was soft and full of passion, yet determined as he spoke. “If I don’t try once more, I’ll never be able to do it again. We’re fighters in the family; we refuse to give up that easily. And you know it.” He received a nod as an answer and bent once more to kiss him, wrapping his right hand around the aroused shaft below him. There was a shiver and a moan coming from the other man, which was getting him hard as well…

Seeing that the younger man was getting an erection as well, Kieran decided not to waste too much time and took the man’s hand away from his dick and into his mouth, sucking the fingers. It wasn’t something he had done a lot of times to his lover, since he usually was on top. He still found the position weird though, but didn’t complain. He wanted Shandaar to be happy again, and if this could help, he’d gladly go through it. And it wasn’t like he was getting rape, quite the opposite; consent had been there for a long time. He twirled his tongue around the digits, forcing them to go a bit deeper than he’d have imagined, not enough to cause him to hurl his food back on the prince.

Once they were wet enough, the price withdrew them and lowered them until they touched his opening, running his fingers around. Such a weird feeling. It had been more than a year he hadn’t been in this position, but he wasn’t regretting anything. A digit had been pushed inside the warm entreance, making the raven-haired man shuddering slightly and frowning, not in disgust, he was the one doing that to the other actually. Of course he was tight, and it was even worse since he wasn’t a “bottom”, but he could bear it. He’d have to. He’d have gotten raped instead of the man if he had been able to… To the question “Is that okay?” he could only moan, which reassured the other swordsman into what he was doing.

Another finger, another muscle clench. He soon released it though, as it was starting to hurt quite a lot, and Shadaar had noticed it in his face. He lowered the rhythm to give his friend a little while to get used to it, and then resumed it to a normal pace before pushing the third finger in. Were three enough? Probably, yes. The male anatomy was such a weird and interesting thing. He continued the movements, gazing at the man’s expression every now and then. Now he was the one who didn’t want to end up hurting Kieran.

He waited a bit before stopping completely, looking up once again at the black-haired adventurer. “Think you’re ready?” The other nodded, but he still asked a second time to make sure everything would go well. Being pretty sure that the worse part of it was over, he nodded once again, adding a smile to it.

“Go ahead, Shan. I’ve been waiting for this.” Without further ado, the heir withdrew his fingers from the warm entrance and replaced it with his own cock, previously having put some saliva on it. He cringed it was being introduced inside of him, breathing through his teeth. He wasn’t used to that, since he had been on top for such a long time, but he knew he was going to get out of this alive. It was just a pain in the ass, literally.

Slowly, as the prince came back and forth inside of him, he adjusted and came to find it pleasing. He liked how the smaller guy hovered over him, swinging his hips in order to get to reach the right spot. And all that moaning coming from this man was surely a major turn-on, as well as the flustered face. The look on his face when they were having sex was priceless to him. Not only because it looked totally adorable, innocent yet perverted at the same time, but also because it was an expression he only saw when he was alone with Shandaar, the sign they were in love with each other.

He could feel everything; the prince’s hands sometimes leaving the mattress to move around the soft flesh, be it Kieran’s cheeks or erected penis. Such dexterity in those large hands! Even if they could wield a sword, they could be very delicate. Versatility and adaptation seemed to be one of the silver haired man’s best qualities. Whether he was a top or a bottom didn’t matter; it was the fact he was an awesome sexual partner. When they’d be separated he would so miss that… but now wasn’t the right time to think about this. He wanted to enjoy every second he had with him.

The pace got quicker, just as if one of the two men on the bed had asked for it, but there was no sound made at all. Since they had been together for 3 years, they had picked up habits together and often, without thinking, they’d do what the other would like to be done; in this case, stronger and faster thrusts inside Kieran. Knowing that he could be in charge, for once, made the younger man realize that even though he had gone through a traumatic event, is sexuality didn’t exactly have to stop. That he didn’t have to be scared. He was in control and that would help him rebuild his confidence. Kieran’s theory had been proved right.

If he could have stopped time right there, the raven-haired adventurer would have done it so there. His boyfriend’s head was thrown back, making his shoulder-length hair fly around his handsome, somewhat childish face. The picture looked like it was created to belong in a dictionary, next to “innocence”… or better. Paradox. It was as if the time had simply slowed down, showing every frame of Shandaar’s erotic movements fading into the next. The image created was burnt on his memory forever. Nothing would be able to erase it… except maybe the youth himself.

Moments after, he quickly came to realize that he had gotten to release, and that the prince had fell on his behind, a hand on his erection. His blue eyes were closed as if he imagined his lover in the same position over and over again. It took him some more energy in order to get to his knees and moving over to Shandaar to lend a hand… literally. Fingers wrapped around slightly smaller and thinner ones, moving up and down, down and up, until the heir to the throne ejaculated. Breathing heavily, his gaze met up with Kieran’s eyes as he formed a smile with his lips. “Thank you…. Thank you for being there when I need it.”

And until both woke up, a few hours later, they stood in each other’s arms, Shandaar’s head resting on Kieran’s chest, his head rising up and down as the older man breathed. Everything had gone back to peace…

~ TBC ~