Love, Lose, Live
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
20
Views:
2,852
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
20
Views:
2,852
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
If this resembles anyone, dead, alive or otherwise, it is purely coincidental.This is a work of fiction. I, the author, hold exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited
Chapter Fifteen
Sorry for the delay! Exams got in the way and then another story decided to steal my time but Lucas is back!
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“Lucas, you’ve been coming here for two weeks and we still haven’t talked about what you come here for. We need to talk about the bad things. You can’t keep hedging around them. I have determine if you need more help than I can give, and if we don’t talk about the suicide attempts in your life, then I will have to send you to a mental health facility. You can’t keep putting this off.”
I keep my head down using my hair to keep me separated from him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You have to talk about it.” I keep my silence and Dr. Williams sighs. “Answer me this then. You two weren’t even married. How come you’ve been grieving for so long?”
My anger is immediate and ferocious. “What? Are you serious? Find me somebody else to talk to you. I’m not fucking talking to you anymore.”
“You have to talk to me.”
“The fuck I do.” I stand and begin to yell. “Find me somebody else to talk to because I’m not talking to you anymore you insensitive prick. Find me somebody else to talk to.”
“You either talk to me or you got to a facility.”
“Fuck that shit. I am not going to a God damn facility and I’m sure as hell not talking to you anymore.”
“Why are you so angry Lucas? You’re red in the face.”
“I’m fucking pissed because you believe I shouldn’t be upset anymore just because I wasn’t married. I couldn’t get married. The government doesn’t fucking allow it. Brian and I were married in every other way. The only thing we were missing was a fucking piece of paper. We had a ceremony and we loved each other. We were together for almost a decade. Most couples can’t say that and married couples can’t say they were happy for that long. We can. We were happy and we were together. Fuck your marriage bullshit. I have every reason to be just as upset as any man who lost a wife.” I am furious and get even angrier at the calm look on the bastard’s face.
“Thank you Lucas. You finally told me something important. I know it was underhanded, but I decided to provoke you to get you to say something. And I do believe you have every right to still be grieving. You were friends with the man for most of your life and in a relationship with him for almost a decade as you put it. Do you know why you were sent to me Lucas?”
“No fucking clue.” My anger is starting to ebb but I’m still decently pissed.
“Because I’m gay. My partner and I have been together for seven years now. They sent you to me because I have a better grasp on your situation than most.”
“You may be gay but you don’t have a ‘grasp on my situation’ as you put it.”
“You’re right about that but I can imagine what it would be like to lose Sam. I almost did once. It would be like somebody pulled my heart out of my chest but forced me to live without it.”
“Ok so you do have some idea” I admit sheepishly.
“Please talk to me Lucas. I just want to help you. I don’t want to send you to that facility but I need you to talk to me. Tell me something. You don’t have to talk about Brian. Talk to me about what happened when you were 15. Something.”
I chew on my lip for a second then look up to see if Dr. Williams is sincere. By God he is. Damn. I take a deep breath and decide to tell him about the first time I attempted suicide. “The first time I attempted suicide was, well it was after, ummm…” another deep breath “the first time my Father raped me.” I see the shock on Dr. William’s face.
“Your father raped you?”
“Yeah. He beat me a lot when I was little but the first time he raped me I was 15. He had caught Brain and I kissing. He assumed that we had done it and he got really mad at me. He didn’t know I was gay and then he said something about all faggots enjoyed fucking and then he pinned me to my bed a raped me. I cried the entire time and screamed for my Mother. She never came to help me. She never had before and she never did afterwards. She was probably glad he wasn’t coming after her.” It felt like a weight had lifted from my heart. I could suddenly breathe easier. I hadn’t really told anyone about this kind of thing since I told Brian.
“You said that it was the first time he raped you. There were other times?”
“Yes. By the time I was 16, he raped me almost nightly. He still beat me mind you but now he would be beat me then rape me. The second time I tried to kill myself was the first time he ever tied me to my bed. I couldn’t even fight back like I had been doing. I had to lay there and take it. That got pretty common after a while too. The third time I tried to kill myself, he had brought a friend home from work and he joined in. The fourth time was the last time he or anyone else ever raped me. It was really bad. I had told him I was leaving and not coming back. I was 18 then and I was going to college and moving out. He beat me worse than ever. He used his belt to whip me after he tied my hands above my head in the garage. He dropped me to the ground and then kicked me hard enough to break my ribs and my right leg. He then raped me. He left me there for hours because I couldn’t get up to leave. When he came back, I had managed to get out the door so he took me back in and raped me all over again. This time when he left, he tied me up so I couldn’t leave. Brian came looking for me because I was supposed to meet him that night with my things. He found me and took me to the hospital and that was the last time my father touched me.”
“Did you report your father?”
“No. I was too afraid of what he would do. Some of his work friends knew about me and I was afraid that if my father didn’t do something, then they would. I was too scared to do anything.”
“I looked through your medical records, all the times you were in the hospital, did he put you there?”
“Yes. Every single time was him.” Dr. Williams looked surprised and suddenly worn out. “More than you were expecting huh? You were thinking it was just going to be about me getting teased.”
“That’s exactly right actually. You know, I think we’re done for today. You’ve revealed a lot and I don’t want to push you any further.”
“Ok. Thank you Dr. Williams.” I move to leave.
“Kevin by the way and you’re welcome. And Lucas, I want you to know something.”
“What is that?” I say looking back at him.
“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
“I don’t know about that doctor. I did try to kill myself remember? I just failed every time.” I walk out the door ignoring him calling my name.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Lucas, you’ve been coming here for two weeks and we still haven’t talked about what you come here for. We need to talk about the bad things. You can’t keep hedging around them. I have determine if you need more help than I can give, and if we don’t talk about the suicide attempts in your life, then I will have to send you to a mental health facility. You can’t keep putting this off.”
I keep my head down using my hair to keep me separated from him. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You have to talk about it.” I keep my silence and Dr. Williams sighs. “Answer me this then. You two weren’t even married. How come you’ve been grieving for so long?”
My anger is immediate and ferocious. “What? Are you serious? Find me somebody else to talk to you. I’m not fucking talking to you anymore.”
“You have to talk to me.”
“The fuck I do.” I stand and begin to yell. “Find me somebody else to talk to because I’m not talking to you anymore you insensitive prick. Find me somebody else to talk to.”
“You either talk to me or you got to a facility.”
“Fuck that shit. I am not going to a God damn facility and I’m sure as hell not talking to you anymore.”
“Why are you so angry Lucas? You’re red in the face.”
“I’m fucking pissed because you believe I shouldn’t be upset anymore just because I wasn’t married. I couldn’t get married. The government doesn’t fucking allow it. Brian and I were married in every other way. The only thing we were missing was a fucking piece of paper. We had a ceremony and we loved each other. We were together for almost a decade. Most couples can’t say that and married couples can’t say they were happy for that long. We can. We were happy and we were together. Fuck your marriage bullshit. I have every reason to be just as upset as any man who lost a wife.” I am furious and get even angrier at the calm look on the bastard’s face.
“Thank you Lucas. You finally told me something important. I know it was underhanded, but I decided to provoke you to get you to say something. And I do believe you have every right to still be grieving. You were friends with the man for most of your life and in a relationship with him for almost a decade as you put it. Do you know why you were sent to me Lucas?”
“No fucking clue.” My anger is starting to ebb but I’m still decently pissed.
“Because I’m gay. My partner and I have been together for seven years now. They sent you to me because I have a better grasp on your situation than most.”
“You may be gay but you don’t have a ‘grasp on my situation’ as you put it.”
“You’re right about that but I can imagine what it would be like to lose Sam. I almost did once. It would be like somebody pulled my heart out of my chest but forced me to live without it.”
“Ok so you do have some idea” I admit sheepishly.
“Please talk to me Lucas. I just want to help you. I don’t want to send you to that facility but I need you to talk to me. Tell me something. You don’t have to talk about Brian. Talk to me about what happened when you were 15. Something.”
I chew on my lip for a second then look up to see if Dr. Williams is sincere. By God he is. Damn. I take a deep breath and decide to tell him about the first time I attempted suicide. “The first time I attempted suicide was, well it was after, ummm…” another deep breath “the first time my Father raped me.” I see the shock on Dr. William’s face.
“Your father raped you?”
“Yeah. He beat me a lot when I was little but the first time he raped me I was 15. He had caught Brain and I kissing. He assumed that we had done it and he got really mad at me. He didn’t know I was gay and then he said something about all faggots enjoyed fucking and then he pinned me to my bed a raped me. I cried the entire time and screamed for my Mother. She never came to help me. She never had before and she never did afterwards. She was probably glad he wasn’t coming after her.” It felt like a weight had lifted from my heart. I could suddenly breathe easier. I hadn’t really told anyone about this kind of thing since I told Brian.
“You said that it was the first time he raped you. There were other times?”
“Yes. By the time I was 16, he raped me almost nightly. He still beat me mind you but now he would be beat me then rape me. The second time I tried to kill myself was the first time he ever tied me to my bed. I couldn’t even fight back like I had been doing. I had to lay there and take it. That got pretty common after a while too. The third time I tried to kill myself, he had brought a friend home from work and he joined in. The fourth time was the last time he or anyone else ever raped me. It was really bad. I had told him I was leaving and not coming back. I was 18 then and I was going to college and moving out. He beat me worse than ever. He used his belt to whip me after he tied my hands above my head in the garage. He dropped me to the ground and then kicked me hard enough to break my ribs and my right leg. He then raped me. He left me there for hours because I couldn’t get up to leave. When he came back, I had managed to get out the door so he took me back in and raped me all over again. This time when he left, he tied me up so I couldn’t leave. Brian came looking for me because I was supposed to meet him that night with my things. He found me and took me to the hospital and that was the last time my father touched me.”
“Did you report your father?”
“No. I was too afraid of what he would do. Some of his work friends knew about me and I was afraid that if my father didn’t do something, then they would. I was too scared to do anything.”
“I looked through your medical records, all the times you were in the hospital, did he put you there?”
“Yes. Every single time was him.” Dr. Williams looked surprised and suddenly worn out. “More than you were expecting huh? You were thinking it was just going to be about me getting teased.”
“That’s exactly right actually. You know, I think we’re done for today. You’ve revealed a lot and I don’t want to push you any further.”
“Ok. Thank you Dr. Williams.” I move to leave.
“Kevin by the way and you’re welcome. And Lucas, I want you to know something.”
“What is that?” I say looking back at him.
“You’re one of the strongest people I’ve ever met.”
“I don’t know about that doctor. I did try to kill myself remember? I just failed every time.” I walk out the door ignoring him calling my name.