The Shadow I'm In

Roden’s voice echoed over the phone. I let out a soft breath that I had been holding. “Sorry to call you like this. Crimson was really worried and well I was too. So I wanted to talk to you and see how you were doing. I know you don‘t really know me that well, I mean we only met once. Even if we did kiss and that kind of thing during that one time.” He was just like Crimson when he was nervous. Rambling.

“It-its okay. I told her it was fine if she gave you my number. I-I wouldn’t have done that i-if I didn’t want you to call me.” I stated, a little bolder now for some reason. He looked over his shoulder at me for a moment, then he turned back to the video game.

“Great! I really wanted to talk to you but Crimson said she couldn’t give me your number till you said it was okay. I originally wanted to go over and see you, but Crimson said that was an even worse idea.” I could tell that he was smiling on the other side of our connection, there was just something in his voice that signaled it. “But anyway,” his voice changed then, the tone was different. He wasn’t smiling anymore. “Are you alright?” I knew that that question was coming but I still wasn’t ready for it.

“Y-yeah.”

“I don’t believe you, you know.” He stated matter of fact. Leave it to Crimson’s cousin to come out and say what everyone was thinking.

“Why?” My voice was hesitant in asking.

“Because, if something like that happened to me, I wouldn’t be fine. I’d probably lock myself up in my room and not speak to anyone for weeks. Or do something else. I couldn‘t even imagine what its like for you. I mean you were so worried just about when we kissed.” He paused for a moment. “Was that why you were so up tight about it? Did I scare you? Did you think I was-”

“No!” I was shaking my head from side to side. He once again looked back at me for a moment. His eyes studied me, I guess he was wondering why I shouted. It was uncharacteristic of me to yell. “No, I was-wasn’t thinking that at all.” I stated, my arm wrapping around my stomach.

“Are you sure? I didn’t mean to scare you if I did. Is that why you ran into the bathroom?” Roden’s voice sounded like it was on the edge of panicking. It almost made me crack a smile. Someone was this worried about having hurt me, when he hadn’t. “It was wasn’t? Oh man. You can totally kick me the next time we see each other, if you even want to be around me anymore. I probably wouldn’t want to be around me either if I did that to me.”

“Roden.” Having the name fall from my lips and the happy tone, caused his head to sing back quickly to look at me. He didn’t know about Roden. He didn’t know that I had kissed another boy. “That’s not what happened.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to know that I had kissed another boy. Our eyes locked for a moment and Roden was silent on the phone, probably waiting for me to explain. “I j-just kinda freaked out a bit. W-we already ta-talked about it.” Our eyes broke apart after he searched them to try to find out what happened. It almost made me feel like I was under a microscope for a moment.

“Are you sure?” The boy on the other end of the phone still seemed a bit hesitant to believe that he hadn’t made me remember what Ken had done to me with what our kiss was like. It was totally different and caused totally different feelings through my body.

“Yeah, I’m sure.” A knock sounded at his door then, making the two of us look to see who was opening it. It had to be either Dad or Mom. Dad was the one standing in the door though with the house phone in his hand. He smiled at the two of us and Roden was silent on the phone, probably sensing my attention was else where at the moment.

“Basil, your grandmother wants to speak with you.” Dad announced getting confused looks from both him and myself. Our only living grandmother never really wanted to talk to anyone. She lived in her old house in a small town and never really did anything. She had money to live off of because of her grandfather’s will that left it all to her.

“O-okay.” I stated, still completely confused. “R-Roden. I’ll have to call you back later. My gr-grandmother wants to talk to me.” It was Dad’s turn to give me a strange look, not to mention his eyes were back on me as well. They were no doubt wondering who in the world Roden was.

“Alright. Have fun talking to your grandma. Call me back later so we can continue our conversation and just talk some more. We didn’t really get a chance to after all.” The Native American boy stated, it almost sounded like there was a pout to the tone of his voice.

“Okay. Bye.” With that I flipped shut my phone and reached out to take the phone from Dad, not waiting for the other boy to say goodbye. I was in a rush to see what grandmother wanted. She probably knew what happened, and that made me nervous. She was never one to keep things to herself after all.

“We’ll have to talk about this Roden character later.” Dad stated as he handed over the phone, one of his eyebrows cocked upward. I could feel my cheeks flush under their two gazes and the mention of Roden.

“Alright Dad.” I stated, putting the phone up to my ear, happy to be away from that explanation. “Hello?”

“Basil darling.” My grandmother’s crackly voice sounded over the phone. She had smoked too much during her youth and now had that smokers’ kind of voice.

“Hello, grandmother.” I didn’t want to have this conversation in his room. It was just strange. Well talking on the phone at all was strange. Dad moved aside to let me out of the room, he stayed in there with him though. Probably going to grill him to see if he knew who Roden was.

“How are you doing love? Your father told me what happened.” This grandmother was dad’s mom. She was good lady, though hard to get along with most of the time. She’s the one who sent me all of my clothing that fit. She had been doing so since we went to visit her a few years ago and she saw how my clothing just kind of hung on my body.

“Al-alright.” Having a conversation with your grandmother about being raped was not one that I had envisioned happening.

“I know this is awkward dear. And I’m terribly sorry that this has happened to you.” My breath caught. That was the first time anyone has said that they were sorry to me about this. No one else had. There were the pitied looks but not a sorry. “If your mother would have paid more attention to you, and my ungrateful son as well, this probably wouldn’t have happened.” There was one thing that most found welcoming about my grandmother, she hated my mom. It was one of the reasons we didn’t get to see her often. “If I had been there, I would have noticed some strange boy in my house going after my youngest son. Really? What were they thinking?” I was beginning to like my grandmother.

“Thanks.” I stated softly, moving to sit on the couch. One of the only places in the house I was allowed to be by myself.

“The point of this conversation. You know I hate talking on these damned phones.” I had to agree with her. “Was I offered to your father to have you come stay with me for a while.” My heart stopped in my chest and I didn’t breath for a few minutes. Go live with my grandmother? Away from him? Away from Ken? Away from Dad? Away from Crimson? Away from Roden? “Since you haven’t said anything, I guess it came as a shock to you.” She could read me like a book. “You’re a lot like Jeremy was at that age, from what I heard. But anyway, off topic again. You don’t have to decide right now. I know it’s a big decision, leaving your family and all, dear. But I think about what’s best for you and get back with me.”

“Thank you, grandmother.” I managed to get out in a breathy voice.

“You’re welcome dear. Now hand the phone back to your father love. I have some more shouting to do in his ear, then its on to your mother. How she even calls herself a mother, I have no idea. I was a far better mother to my son. I would have known. I would have.” I listened to her rant some more about Mom before handing the phone back to Dad, who was still in his room. They must have seen I looked shell shocked. He moved to me quickly and Dad took up the phone to see what grandmother had done to me. I could hear him accusing her of something before the door shut.

“You okay, kid?” He asked me. I had sat down on his bed again and he joined me there. One of his hands went to rub over my back. It still made my cheeks flush, even if my mind was on other things.

“She wants me to go live with her.” I explained softly. I felt him tense next to me and his hand stop rubbing my back. What did he think of this? His hand wrapped around the shoulder that was opposite him and tugged me gently over to rest against him. It was silent for a while, only the sound of our breathing filling the room, with the soft digitalized music from the game in the background.

“Maybe you should.” That shocked me even more, as he broke the silence. I pushed away and looked up at him for a moment. His eyes weren’t looking at me, they were focused on the window in his room but his brow was frowned. It didn’t seem like he wanted me to go.

“But-” I tried to protest.

“It would be for the best. You’d get away from here. Be away from where-” He paused for a moment, his teeth going out to bite his lower lip for a moment. It seemed it was a habit we both had. “From where it happened. Get away from school. Away from Ken.” He spat out the name as he said it. It also didn’t sound like he was done speaking but he didn’t say anything else.

“I don’t want to go!” I protested, I could feel tears coming to my eyes. I wouldn’t let them fall though. Too many had already gotten lose since this all started. Why did he want me to go? We were just beginning to act like brothers. He just started to take notice of me. I was snuffling then. “I don’t want to go, Scott.” There were a few tears that got away from my control. I turned my head away from him though, so if he did look at me, he wouldn’t see them.

A sigh fell from his lips. “Go to your room. Talk with your friends.” His arm let go of me. It kind of made me feel rejected. It wasn’t a pleasant feeling at the moment. I did as he said though. I got up from his bed and exited his room. People were coming out of the wood work it seemed. I wondered who else was going to talk to me for as long as this went on. Maybe some long lost uncle or aunt or something. Maybe my schoolmates from elementary school would call next.

I was getting mad then. How could he just want me to leave?! My tears were turning to ones of anger when I shut my door. How could he? I wanted to scream. I wanted to scream and yell at him! At my grandmother for even putting the idea into their heads, into his head. How could he just want me to go away? Wasn’t that what he was doing to me when he went to college? Did he want to know what it would feel like? Would he even miss me? Was this whole thing all an act the passed week?

I throw myself onto my bed and cried into my pillow. How could he? So many things were happening so fast. Maybe I was getting a head of myself though. I was starting to calm down. I was acting like- Like we were together or something. Acting like he was sending me away for good and never wanted to see me again. Even if that wasn’t the case I still didn’t want to go. I had just been noticed by him, by Dad. I was being seen. Given it wasn’t under the best of cases why but still. I was part of the family that I had looked in on for all of these years. No longer did I feel like an outsider. If I were to leave, what would it be like when I returned? Would he still want me around? Would I still be part of the family? I took my cell phone out of my pocket and dialed Crimson’s number quickly. I had to talk to someone about this. Maybe she would understand.

“What’s up Basil?” Her cheery voice was on the other side of the line in a flash.

“Lots of things.” I stated. She must have sensed something was wrong because the phone was quiet for a moment. It wasn’t like her to be quiet after all.

“What’s wrong, honey bunches of oats?” A nickname she was fond of, it made me smile slightly.

“My grandmother called.” That didn’t explain much, as she was still silent on the other end of the phone. “She never calls. She never talks to any of us. But Dad told her what ha-happened.” It seemed it was just as hard for me to say it as it was for other people. Crimson was still listening intently. “She lives 400 miles away in a small town.” I kept pausing after almost every sentence, realizing how stupid I had been since I told him. “She wants me to go live with her for a while, to get away from here.” I finished, though Crimson was still silent. Still thinking or taking it all in. It made me wiggle on my bed, where I was laying on my stomach. It had been a while since I was allowed onto my own bed. It was strange to be here instead of in his room, on his bed.

“Is there anything else?”

“Sc-Scott thinks it’s a good idea.” I paused for a moment. “Apparently Dad does as well or he wouldn’t have let my grandmother talk to me about it.” Did my whole family want to send me away? There was no doubt that mom would agree to it. I would be out of her hair, she had been even more displeased with me since this all came out.

“That all really depends.” Crimson stated slowly. “I’m not going to tell you if it’s a good or a bad idea. That’s up to you, Basil. If you think you’d do better there, then go there. But if you think being here would be just as good, then stay here.” She was pausing again. It seemed like a lot of people were doing that while talking to me lately. “I would probably want to stay by my family and friends if that happened to me. I would need their support, but your family is different than mine.”

“I know.” I did know that Crimson’s family was a whole lot different than mine was. Hers cared about her. Had since she was born. Hadn’t pushed her aside and made her feel like she was intruding on something that wasn’t hers.

“Have you talked to Roden?”

“For a little bit. My grandmother called when I first started speaking with him.”

“Maybe talk to him a little bit about it. He’s had to deal with some stuff himself. With family and the like. He might be more knowledgeable than me.” Roden hadn’t had something like this happen to him, had he? Was the story about him finding out he was gay a lie? Did something else happen to him after he found out? “He’s adopted. There were some problems a few years back with his biological parents and legal stuff.” Crimson was quite the informant when it came to things, I suppose.

“Oh.” This was something to think about. What had Roden gone through? A knocked sounded on my door. He entered into my room, looking a little down over something. “I’ll call you back later Crim. Thanks for the advise.” Again, I didn’t wait for the reply answer before hanging up the phone. I turned my head away from him, sulking I guess. “Come to tell me to leave again?” Maybe I was acting like a brat now.

“Basil.” I still didn’t turn to look at him. He gave off a sigh and sat down heavily on my bed next to me. “I’m sorry. I just.” He was pausing again. “I don’t want to see you hurt again. I hate you living in this house where it happened.” There was something that he was leaving out. You could hear it in his voice. “Look at me. Please?” How could I refuse him? I turned my head, my eyes going to look at his. “There’s just so many things you don’t understand.”

“Like what?” I questioned after he didn’t continue. He shook his head though.

“Just things.” He finally uttered after I wouldn’t say anything else. He ran a hand through his feathery hair, tugging at a few strands that were tangled around his fingers.

“Enlighten me.” When had I become so bold around him? I wondered as I sat up from my place on the bed and faced him. He looked at me kind of pleading, asking me not to make him. But I wasn’t backing down. There was something he wasn’t telling me, something that made my breath come short as he looked at me. He reached out the hand that had ran through his hair and then he ran it through the strands of my hair as well. He rested it against the back of my neck.

My eyes grew wider as he leaned in toward me, our eyes locked. Was he really going to do what I thought he was? My breath came shorter, almost to the point of hyperventilating again. His lips were just an inch away from touching mine. Did he feel the same way I felt about him? Our breath mingled together as he drew just a bit closer. I could almost feel his lips against mine and my eyes started to shut.

“Scott.” His name seemed to jar him out of whatever had caught him because his eyes shot open wide, it would have been comical if he hadn’t jumped from my bed and made for my door in a flash.

“Sorry, Basil. I’m so sorry.” He stated as he rushed out of my room. I almost wanted to cry again, but then I was shocked as well. Did he like me more than I brother, like I liked him? Was he going to kiss me until I spoke? Everything was getting very confusing at the moment, there was no doubt about that.


----------------
A/N: Well this one came out sooner than the last one did. :3
Hope you liked it~ I had fun writing this one. Don't you just love his grandmother? Lol. She hates his mom too, though she does want him to move away. /sadface

Thanks for the reviews and good wishes for college. 8D
Don't forget to review this time. Lol. I'm sure you have lots to say about this one. >3