Sugar Hearts

Sugar Hearts

Chapter Fourteen

And You Said You Would Find Me Here
And You Said You Would Find Me
Even In Death
--Tori Amos

Pepper drifted through strange dreams. At first, she felt herself rising upward, like a feather being carried toward the sun. All around her, the air glowed with a dazzling whiteness. And if she tried, Pepper could glimpse shapes within the light – the tip of a feather, a strand of impossibly silver hair, or eyes more beautiful than opal. Somehow, Pepper got the feeling that the creatures were lifting her. And singing. They didn’t use words, but Pepper understood that they were telling her that she’d done well, that she’d been good and gentle and kind, and that now she would have her reward. A deep sense of peace filled Pepper. Everything she had ever needed to do, and everything she had ever worried about, was taken care of. Finally, she could just rest. Forever.

Then, Pepper felt something tugging on her. Some part of her was stuck, tangled up in the world below her like an unruly kite string, and she could rise no further. The singing of the creatures around her turned to confused babble. In vain, they tried to continue carrying her upward. But she was already slipping through their fingers, tumbling downward, falling as swiftly as Icarus after his wings brushed too close to the sun.

And yet, she never hit the ground. Instead, Pepper suddenly found herself standing in a vast room, surrounded by steamy air, flashing lights and writhing shadows. Hell? No, not hell. A club. And somewhere within the twisting crowd, she sensed Marzi – sensed something pulling her to him, just as it had pulled her from the arms of angels. Afraid for her brother, Pepper began to run, heedless of the way that no one seemed to notice her. Heedless of the way that her lungs failed to strain for air and her skin failed to bead with sweat. Heedless of the way that her body passed through the door to the men’s room without opening it.

Marzi lay on the tile floor, panting for breath. As usual, his shirt was thrown open, exposing his chest, and Pepper could see the silhouette of his ribcage, backlit by the golden light which burned inside him. But none of the other people gathered around him appeared to be aware of the strange illumination.

Without warning, Marzi’s body convulsed, momentarily expelling the golden light, which flew upward like a fountain of sparks. For some reason, the shimmering energy seemed deeply familiar to Pepper. Whispering without sound, she shaped the syllables of its name, called it home to her. At first, the light responded. Unfortunately, before it could reach her, something yanked it away, and it was sucked back inside Marzi. At the same time, Pepper felt herself jerked toward her brother. And she understood. The ritual of transference. Kale had gone through with it, had bound her magic to Marzi. But she was so much a part of her magic, and it was so much a part of her, that Kale had also bound her.

Moving effortlessly through the crowd gathered around Marzi, Pepper knelt beside her brother. And when he saw her, his eyes spoke her name, even though his mouth couldn’t.

Pepper?

Hang on. It’s going to be alright.

Somehow, Pepper understood that there was something she could still do. Something that could save him. But she didn’t know what. Then, suddenly, Pepper felt hands grab her, pulling her away from Marzi. The angels. The angels had returned, and were attempting to carry her off. This time, however, Pepper fought against them, fierce and wild. Not yet! Not yet! Not until she helped her brother.

The angels tried to reassure her, in their lilting chorus of voices. It would be alright, they promised. There was a plan. Everything would happen just as it should. But Pepper didn’t care. God could take His plan and shove it into the orifice of His choice, because she wasn’t going anywhere until she made sure Marzi was okay. So she kicked, and bit, and clawed, until the air was filled with a flurry of white feathers. For an instant, the cloud of feathers blinded Pepper. Then, they seemed to shrink, until they were no bigger than flakes of shredded coconut. And Pepper found herself alone, standing in the falling snow.

No, not quite alone. Marzi was there, and the woman who had been Pepper’s guard crouched beside him, gripping his hand. Looking down at them, Pepper noticed that Marzi’s convulsions had torn a familiar pattern into the snow – the pattern of the wings he had taught her to shape so long ago. And so he lay on a bed of white, dying, surrounded by the outline of an angel. Filled with compassion, Pepper knelt beside her brother.

Marzi?

But he was too far gone to answer her. When Pepper touched Marzi’s face, his spirit felt so faint, like a whisper in an empty room. Bending over him, Pepper kissed the tears that had frozen on his cheeks. Kissed his chill lips. She would wait. And when he slipped free of his body, they would go together, far away from the suffering of this world.

Shadows darted through the falling snow. Straining to see them, Pepper glimpsed eyes like glowing embers, and wings the color of charred flesh. Instead of singing, she heard the gnashing of teeth. The shrill scrape of sharp claws. And Pepper realized that the things which had come to claim Marzi were not angels.

No! Pepper screamed at the darkness. No. She would not let demons have him. She would not spend eternity singing sweet hallelujahs while her brother burned in hell.

And, in that moment, Pepper understood what she needed to do.

The ritual which had bound Pepper to Marzi still tugged at her. Now, she surrendered to it, letting it pull her inside Marzi’s body. Immediately, waves of energy crashed against her. Pepper could feel her magic tearing through Marzi like a storm, and for an instant, she was afraid that even she could no longer control it. But again, she whispered the soundless sounds, and shaped the familiar syllables, until her magic recognized its mistress. Slowly, it grew calm. What had once been a storm subsided into a gentle rain, and then even that dissolved into a sparkling mist. The magic was hers again.

Having accomplished that, Pepper reached out to Marzi. Tried to catch hold of the faint whisper of life she had sensed earlier. Then, as her spirit touched his, a rush of sensations flooded Pepper. She felt the fierce, bright fire of lust. She felt the much quieter, gentler moment when lust turns to love. She felt pain, torture transformed into a sacred act of sacrifice by the strength of trust and devotion. And she felt the terrible, soul-destroying grief when trust and devotion were betrayed. In an instant, Pepper experienced the entire history of Marzi’s relationship with Kale, and reached a frightening realization. Marzi wanted to die. Wanted it so urgently that the difference between heaven and hell didn’t matter to him.

Marzi! No!

This time, he did answer her, although his words were feeble, like pale butterflies carried on sickly wings.

He left me. I loved him, and he left me to die. So death might as well have me.

But you can’t! If you die now, the demons will take you. You’ll go to hell.

Would hell be worse? Tell me that, little sister. If a thousand demons, with a thousand flaming whips, flayed every inch of skin off my body, would that hurt more than the way I feel right now?

Pepper knew the way he felt. And she couldn’t think of any physical pain that might match it. Couldn’t think of any argument to make as Marzi began to slip away from her, began to be pulled toward the shadows waiting in the night. Until, panicked, she blurted out the one thing that had always brought her brother running to her side.

Please, Marzi. I need you.

That did it. Casting off his despair, Marzi rallied. Again, their spirits touched, but this time, the emotions that flowed between them had nothing to do with Kale. Instead, Pepper experienced a flood of childhood memories – the scrapes he had bandaged for her, the sandwiches he had trimmed the crusts off of, the times she had sat in her wagon and he had pulled her along so fast that Pepper spread her arms and pretended she was flying. All of it illuminated by a love so bright that even the golden glare of her magic seemed dim by comparison. And Pepper responded with equal love, until Marzi was strong again.

I wouldn’t leave you, Pepper. Not if you need me.

Then I guess the world is stuck with us for a little while longer. Because I have no intention of leaving you, either.