Of Truth and Trust

Just a quick couple of notes. This fic was written as a one-on-one RP (role-play), so the focus of the POV changes for the characters being played. My cowriter and I based this off of the famous manga \"Kaze to Ki no Uta,\" though you don\'t need to know the story to follow this one.

// =thoughts
* =emphasis

Thanks for reading--I hope you enjoy.


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Of Truth and Trust
Chapter 14

//Fuck.// Sebastian climbed out of bed, crouching down so that he could look Collin squarely in the face. //Come on, kid, don’t do this. I…I did everything I….// Fighting to maintain his calm demeanor he rubbed Collin’s back, trying to coax him into some awareness. “Hey, Collin, you okay? It’s just me—Sebastian. Can you…hear me?”

When Collin still didn’t reply he uttered a quiet curse. //Fuck, and I knew from the start--I knew better.// A thin tremor spread through him as he pushed to his feet, trying to decide what course of action to take. For starters, he slipped back into his pants. //I…can’t go to Charlie. He’ll just kill me.// For once the thought didn’t amuse him. “Collin?” he tried again, seating himself on the bed beside him. “Come on, Collin, you’re okay. It’s just me, right?” //Nathan…maybe Nathan…?// But he shook his head stubbornly. //No, I can’t. Just…think, damnit.//

Charles nearly ran down the hall, shaking with repressed emotions. Collin was with Sebastian--or so everyone was saying. And he knew…he just knew….

Luckily, the door had been carelessly left unlocked, and he had no qualms about throwing the barrier open to reveal the scene before him: Collin, sprawled and unmoving on the bed, with Sebastian hovering over him. He was out of breath, panting, and as his eyes met the redhead’s he felt his chest tighten painfully. “What the hell did you do?”

Sebastian’s head snapped up when the door thudded open, and for a moment--a brief, instinctual moment--a look that might have been fear flashed across his features. It melted slowly into a calm, accepting smile. “So, it’s you.” He pushed deliberately to his feet. “I suppose you’re gonna kill me, huh?”

His eyes fell on Collin, lying naked, damp…unmoving…his eyes blank and staring…and all at once he felt something crack within him. He was across the room before he even knew he had moved, landing his fist firmly across Sebastian’s smug jaw. He seized the boy by the throat before he could fall, dragging him close. “You selfish son of a bitch! You fucking little bastard, how dare you touch him! You—you--” Turning, Charles flung the boy with all his might out of the room before giving chase again.

Sebastian bit down on his tongue to keep from crying out as his shoulder struck the doorway; he tottered on his feet and at last fell, face down, on the cold hardwood floor. His head was spinning; for all he prided his body, he wasn’t used to this. He...hadn’t taken a blow like that since before coming to this place, and it took him a long time to get his feet beneath him once more. By then Charles was already looming over him. And he didn’t care. Let it hurt--let him bleed. Everything had suddenly stopped feeling real. “He…wanted it,” he hissed, swiping the blood from his cut lip. A wicked smile twisted his face. “He begged me for it.”

Charles drove his fist into Sebastian’s stomaeforefore throwing him into the far wall, pinning him with one hand on his throat and the other gripping his arm. “Of course he did!” he snapped, eyes nearly bulging with anger. “He can’t fight anyone! That bastard--” He choked briefly. “That fucking bastard made sure he wouldn’t! He can’t even say stop.” Charles dragged Sebastian back and threw him to the ground once more, this time following and pinning him. One hand held him, and his other struck the boy in the head with the backs of his knuckles.

Sebastian didn’t try to fight back; Charles was taller and stronger than him, and interfering would only get him more injured. He would just have to wait until the boy was satisfied…or he passed out. As his head turned he caught a glimpse of blurred faces above him--other students, he assumed. They were watching him with mixed trepidation and awe. //That’s…that’s right. I bet you’re all loving this.// He gasped as another blow to his head made his entire body ache, momentarily blinding him. //Watch me bleed.// A sharp bark of laughter escaped him as he managed to reach up, curling a hand in Charles’s shirt. “Fucki…fucking coward,” he hissed around a shaking grin. “You’re just jealous…that I tasted him….”

Nearly roaring with anger, Charles partially lifted him by the throat before slamming his head back into the floor. “I’d do anything for him!” he nearly shrieked. “You don’t know anything, you worthless shit! Fuck you! *Fuck you!*”

He’d heard the commotion out in the hall, and Nathan frowned as he left his chess game with Christopher to find out what had happened. Snatching a passing student, he felt his heart sink to hear that Charles and Sebastian were fighting. Without pausing he sprinted down the hall towards his room, something like panic gnawing at his lungs.

//Oh Sebastian…what have you done now?//

He found Charles sitting on top of his roommate, his expression wild and lost as he continued to beat down the smaller boy. Nathanial knew he was no match for Charles, and he turned as Christopher came up. “Help me--we have to stop them.”

Christopher gulped, but when he saw Sebastian’s face--bloodied and without protest--his insides tightened painfully. With Nathanial beside him he pushed through the growing circle of dumbstruck students and set upon the one-sided fight. Being older than Charles he managed to grab hiistsists, and with Nathanial’s help and that of a few hesitant others they managed to peel the rampaging teen away from his victim. “Charles,” he said firmly in the boy’s ear, trying to pin his arms down as they dragged him back. “Charles, calm down. It’s over now.”

Sebastian blinked--one eye, at least, as the other was by now almost swollen shut. //He’s…gone?// A weak, broken smile parted his lips. //Ahh, Christopher. I could always count on you, couldn’t I? God…damn it all.// His head was pounding, and he rolled slowly onto his side, curling in on himself as he coughed hoarsely.

Once he was sure the other students had Charles under control--or at least would keep him from attacking again--Nathanial approached the broken form of his roommate. He knelt down and lightly touched a space of shoulder that wasn’t bruised. “Sebastian,” he called softly, shifting closer. “Sebastian, can you get up? Let’s get you inside.”

Sebastian coughed again, wincing at how loud Nathanial’s voice was in his ear. //So, it’s you. Are you going to kill me, too?// His hand snapped out around Nathanial’s shirtfront and tugged him closer. “Get Collin out of there,” he uttered, and he was startled by how hoarse his voice sounded, even to him. It hurt to breathe. “Don’t…don’t let everyone see. //Get rid of them.// And…take Collin away somewhere.” He had to pause a moment and catch his breath once more. “Please, Nate, make sure Charlie calms down enough to take care of him.”

//Oh Sebastian….// He nodded, but didn’t make a move to leave. “Let me get you inside first,” he insisted quietly. His eyes darted briefly into the room. “Come on--you can rest in my bed for now. We need to get you out of the hall.”

“*No.*” Sebastian gave him a shove, though in his current state it was barely enough to sway Nathanial let alone put any distance between them. “Not until he’s out.” //I can’t look at him.// Fueled purely by his own stubborn pride he began to push painfully to his knees, and then his feet. He was still shaking, and he kept one arm tight about his midsection, but he managed to stay standing. All around he could feel the eyes of the students on him; he couldn’t falter. Not like this. “Take care of it; I’m all right.”

Frowning, Nathanial decided not to argue. He could see Christopher and Martin speaking with Charles--he was beginning to look a bit calmer. //Damnit….// Slipping inside, he grabbed an extra blanket and brought it out to his roommate, quickly draping it over his head and shoulders before Sebastian could protest. “Just keep that for now.”

Nathanial slipped back into his room, watching Collin anxiously. The boy was blinking slowly, like he was coming out of a deep sleep. Slipping close, Nathanial gently wrapped another blanket around the thin boy, and he looked up with surprise.

“Nathanial…?” He weakly pushed himself into a sitting position, and when the taller boy began to urge him to stand, he did so.

//Poor thing…what in the world happened?// Knowing it wasn’t the time to ask, Nathanial led him to the door. Charles greeted them with concern, immediately taking the thin, pale boy by the shoulders and speaking to him as Nathanial returned to his roommate’s side.

Sebastian watched Charlie silently as he welcomed the smaller boy, as they conversed in soft tones with Christopher and Martin hovering protectively nearby. He didn’t like the way the other students were watching them, the way their eyes gleamed with curiosity and disdain. Already aching and drawn tight with frustration Sebastian turned on them. “What the hell are you all still doing here?” he snapped at the closest group of bystanders, all of whom jumped at the sound of his voice. “Get out of here--now, before I write you all up.”

The boys paled a little and retreated, taking Sebastian’s threat seriously. One by one they slipped away from the calming scene. Sebastian didn’t wait to see them--he brushed past Nathanial and into their room, letting the blanket slip from his shoulders and to the floor. //Damn them all.// Though his hands were shaking from pain and fatigue he moved purposefully to his desk drawer, unearthing the small, leather-bound accounts book he always kept. It only took a small movement of his hand to trace two checks beside the appropriate name.

//Damnit.// He gasped weakly when he couldn’t force his lungs to take a deep enough breath. //It hurts….//

Nathanial watched the movements of his roommate with concern. Charles was leading Collin back towards their room, and after a moment Martin followed them. //I can’t leave Sebastian like this,// he decided silently. //I don’t need to know what happened--I know he wouldn’t hurt Collin on purpose.// He set a hand briefly on Christopher’s shoulder in assurance before entering his room, quietly shutting and locking the door behind.

He glanced at his roommatmomemoment as he retrieved the dropped blanket. Moving closer, his first instinct was to wrap the fabric around the trembling boy, but he held back. “Sebastian.” His eyes darted to the book and then away, choosing to ignore it for a moment. “Come on--you can rest on my bed for now.” //While I…clean things up.//

//What…is all this?// Sebastian barely heard his roommate, his eyes still drifting over the names and letters printed in his book. For a brief moment he couldn’t remember who all the people were, or what the checks meant, let alone the secrets they represented. //What am I even doing anymore? After that….// He shuddered. //Even watching that, and none of them….//

With a disgusted snarl Sebastian flung the book away, uncaring of where it might land. His eyese bue burning in what might have been shame; combined with his throbbing skull, jaw, chest, shoulders, and stomach, he thought he might be ill. And though he braced both palms against his desk his legs were slowly giving out beneath him, spilling him onto his knees. Everything hurt…he could barely breathe, let alone face the boy behind him. And before he could stop himself a few bitter tears escaped the corners of his eyes.

Sighing, Nathanial lowered himself to the other’s side. He draped the blanket over his roommate’s bare shoulders and pressed a gentle, firm hand into his back. //What can I possibly say? Should I even say anything? He’s always rejected me when I….// He shook his head. //He needs me. I’m the only one who…knows as much as I do about him.// His hand remained as a steady comfort as he stayed quiet. //Please, Sebastian. Just…accept help for once. Let me help you.//

Sebastian cringed away from him, shivering at the dull pressure against his back. //Don’t. You don’t understand.// He wrapped an arm around his middle, covered his mouth with his hand as he tried to calm himself. But everything just hurt too much, with every breath and movement and thought, until he surrendered with a broken whimper against his roommate. “I…just need to lie down,” he croaked. “I need some water….” But though he managed to give some strength to his voice he barely felt it; he couldn’t stop shaking, and it was making him sick.

“Hush--it’s all right,” Nathanial murmured. He slid his arm down around Sebastian’s waist to help hold him up. “Can you stand if I help? We’ll get you into bed, and I shall get you some water.” //Oh Sebastian….//

Sebastian would have nodded, but he knew better than to try and move his head at the moment. With his eyes held closed he leaned slightly against Nathanial’s shoulder, allowing the boy to help him to his feet. Somehow he managed to stay upright long enough to make it to his roommate’s bed. Still shivering he lowered himself to the mattress; though with his head as battered as it was he found it difficult to find a position he was comfortable in. When there was a knock at the door, he uttered a curse. “Get rid of him.”

Nathanial glanced at the door with a frown. “Stay here,” he murmured, tugging the blankets up over the boy. //Who could be…?// He hurried to answer the knock, peering around the frame before daring to open it all the way. //Thank God.// “Christopher.” He glanced back at Sebastian before facing his friend with relief. “How are…the others?” he asked softly.

“Back in their rooms,” he replied just as quietly, hefting the supplies he’d gathered. “They’re all right now, but Martin’s with them, just in case. He’ll look after them.” He tried to glance past Nathanial to see his charge. “I…brought ice, and some clean linen, and some water. Is he all right?” He frowned at what seemed to be an obvious question. “I mean, will he let us…?”

Nathanial cast a brief look over his shoulder, then stepped back to allow the other in. “He shall have to,” he answered. //Thank God for you, Christopher.// He reached out to take the glass of water from the taller boy and shut the door behind him. “There should be a handkerchief in my desk drawer,” he said with a nod. “You can wrap some of the ice in that.” Nathanial set a brief hand on Christopher’s shoulder, trying to convey all his gratefulness in his gaze before returning to his roommate. “Sebastian.” He sat down and touched the boy’s shoulder. “Here--Christopher’s brought some water for you.”

Sebastian lifted an eyelid, glaring at the new arrival as he stepped further into the room. But he didn’t have the strength left to deny anything. Carefully he propped himself up on one elbow so he could take a few sips of the water. It hurt his throat to swallow, but he managed half the glass before nudging it back into Nathanial’s hands. He wouldn’t thank him for it.

Christopher approached slowly, his eyes wide and almost frightened to see Sebastian reduced to such a state. It was as if the light had been taken out from behind his eyes. “Here,” he said quietly, offering one of two cloth-wrapped bundles to Nathanial. He had a feeling Sebastian would accept his roommate’s help more easily than his. He gave an extra cloth to Sebastian. “For your face,” he explained, and with a quiet snort the redhead wiped the blood from his nose and lip.

Nathanial waited until Sebastian had finished before reaching for his head. “I’m going to put this on your eye,” he explained, gently turning the boy’s face towards him and very carefully setting the small cloth bundle over the injury. “This will help bring the swelling down, and it shall help your headache as well.”

“Good.” He sighed quietly as he lowered himself back to the bed. “Fuck, it hurts. That Charlie…was pretty strong after all.” But it hurt to speak, so he fell silent for a moment, forcing the nausea back out of his throat. “Do you…have another one?”

“Right here,” Christopher assured, anticipating the boy’s request and placing the second bundle at the back of his head. “Just try to rest. I’ll get you some medicine.” He left a moment to retrieve the bottle of pain medication he knew Sebastian kept with him, in his desk drawer.

//Christopher…it’s a good thing you’re here. I didn’t remember he had those….// He brought the water back so his roommate could swallow the pills more easily, then set the glass on the side table. His other hand was still occupied holding the ice over Sebastian’s eye. //I wish…there was something more I could do. I wish I knew what to say.//

Sebastian was still for several long minutes, until he could breathe without gaggand and his face was peacefully numb. The medicine was true to its function—he no longer felt as if his skull would crack open, but he was still shaking a little, and nothing could erase the ache completely. “You two don’t have to stay,” he muttered at long last. “I’m…all right, for now.”

“I’m staying,” Nathanial replied without hesitation, shig thg the ice faintly over his brow. //I won’t leave you alone like this.// He cocked his head slightly. “Just in case you need something.” Nathanial glanced up at Christopher, hoping to reassure his worried look. //We’ll be fine—thank you, for everything.// He offered his free hand and took his friend’s, giving it a brief squeeze.

Christopher nodded. \"I\'m going to check up on things and then go back to my room, if you need me for something.\" He squeezed Nathanial\'s hand as well, hoping to convey strength. It almost seemed unfair that Sebastian was using him again, however unintentionally.... But he didn\'t dwell on it, and with a brief glance at Sebastian he departed.

As soon as Christopher had left Sebastian sagged a little in bed, a shaky sigh rushing out of him. He was exhausted, for no real reason. It wasn\'t the sex, or even the beating--though the throbbing of his skull was making everything swirl dizzily. He couldn\'t place it, not yet, but it was biting at the back of his brain. \"Nathan....\" He sighed, holding the ice against his scalp. \"Thanks. For this.\"

Nathanial gently pushed thick bangs away from the boy\'s forehead. \"It\'s all right,\" he answered. He adjusted the ice, just to be sure it would stay put, before letting go and leaning back. \"Will you be okay for a moment? I\'m going to lock the door and clean up a bit.\" There was a strange scent in the room, and Nathanial wanted to get the dirtied sheet at least off the other\'s bed.

\"Yeah.\" Sebastian kept his eyes closed, turning his head slightly so that he could keep the ice against the back of his skull and hold the second bundle against his face. He stayed quiet as Nathanial went about his work. \"Hey....\" He licked his lips, which suddenly felt dry and cracked. \"Is…my book there? Could you put it away for me?\" He didn\'t want to wake up later and find it lying out; just thinking about it right now made him ill.

\"Of course,\" he replied. He found the book on the floor near the door, and he set it back in its drawer. He...wanted to look, wanted to know if anything had been added to his name lately, but decided better of it. Instead he moved to Sebastian\'s bed and pulled off the blankets to pile in the corner near the clock. It didn\'t take him long to make it back up with fresh linens, and soon he was returning to his roommate\'s side. Nathanial decided not to sit--he wanted to disturb the other as little as possible, so he knelt at the edge of the bed. \"Do you need anything?\"

Sebastian peeled one eye open, staring at his roommate across the sheets with a dull, heavy gaze. \"You....\" Bile burned at the back of his throat, and he swallowed it down. No amount of effort, however, could quell the sudden tears that replaced it, and he pressed his face determinedly into Nathanial\'s pillow to keep them hidde"No."No. It just...really hurts.\"

Sighing, Nathanial rose to sit beside him. He reached out, hesitated, then set his hand against the other\'s chest. He was afraid to touch his face or head, but...he couldn\'t just sit there and do nothing while his friend was in pain. Very slowly, he massaged the tense muscles of Sebastian\'s collar and neck through the blanket, careful to keep away from his bruised stomach. \"Just relax as much as you can,\" he murmured. \"Being tense will...only make it worse.\"

But Sebastian could already feel his shoulders creeping up on him, making him shake, and a tiny, choked sob tore from his throat. His hand snapped abruptly around Nathanial\'s collar, twisting stiffly in the fabric. \"I...was wrong,\" he croaked as the tears finally began to fall in earnest. \"Do...do you know why?\"

//Sebastian….// Nathanial bit his lip as he watched the horrible expression on his roommate’s face; Sebastian…should never look that way. He continued to move his hand encouragingly, shifting closer. “No…not really,” he murmured. “Tell me.”

Sebastian’s hand tightened, giving him a sharp tug closer. “Because…we’re the same,” he whispered, a broken smile twisting his haggard features. “Couldn’t you see? Of course I couldn’t fix him.” A shudder ran all through him as he tilted his head back, like surrender. “All along.”

Nathanial slowly slid back to the floor, leaning over the edge so their faces were close together. He moved his hand to Sebastian’s forehead to gently brush back thick bangs. Slowly, avoiding the budding bruises, his soft fingers slipped over Sebastian’s cheeks to steal away his tears. “You don’t need to fix everyone,” he whispered. “Sebastian….” He sighed, just continuing his careful attentions in hopes of comforting his friend.

Sebastian stared back at him, his expression slowly melting into one of confusion. //It’s…not like that. I just….// He licked his lips and tasted salt. //I don’t know. When you look at me like that…I don’t know what to think anymore.// “I wasn’t wrong about you, was I?” he asked quietly, scraping his trembling fingers over Nathanial’s face. “I was wrong about him, but not you. So precious….”

He took Sebastian’s hand in his free one, holding it firmly. “I’m fine,” he said steadily. //I wish…I knew what I could say to you.// Nathanial stroked his face tenderly and kept his gaze. “You do not need to worry about me. Let’s…just concentrate on you. For once,” he added with a faint, if uncertain, smile.

//No, I don’t want to.// “I’m tired,” he murmured, turning his head away. “I’m sorry, Nate, I…I can’t.” He tried to pull away, but his movements were weak, and his head had resumed its awful pounding. “I need to try and sleep. I just…please, stay with me, okay? I don’t want to be alone.” A few more tears slipped down his cheeks that he couldn’t explain.

//Damnit…I just….// Nathanial closed his eyes a moment, then rose to lay alongside the other. “Sebastian….” What can I possibly say? He carefully readjusted the ice on his roommate’s head. //I have to comfort him somehow.//

Looking at Sebastian’s pained face, pale but streaked with tears, he felt himself crack a bit. //I’m not like you. I…can’t just fix people.// Nathanial bent close, touching his lips to the boy’s forehead in a light, sincere kiss. “I’m sorry, Sebastian. I wish…I could reassure you better.” He gently turned the other so their eyes could meet. “You know me…probably better than anyone. If only I knew you as well.” He slid his fingers through thick red hair. “I wish…I understood.”

Sebastian slid gradually onto his back, even if it hurt. His lips worked as if about to speak, but for a while he couldn’t make the sound heard. “I was trying to help him,” he whispered, lifting a hand to paw lightly at Nathanial’s chest. “I would have taken care of him. But…he was so much like me that I couldn’t see it.” His fingers curled. “Fuck Charlie. He’ll never come any closer, the stupid shit.” //What the hell is wrong with me? What am I even saying…?//

Nathanial’s eyes opened a little wider—he…hadn’t been expecting Sebastian to speak more. //Maybe….// He shifted closer, taking the other’s hand in his own and holding it still against his chest. //Maybe if I just stay close, like this….// He hummed a soft negative to his roommate’s statement. “Charles…really cares about him,” he pointed out, still watching him. “More than that…I think he loves him. Maybe that’s what Collin needs, more than a lover.” His fingers tightened. “If he really was hurt before, maybe he needs that trust more.”

“Then he shouldn’t paw at me, the little whore.” But Sebastian’s words were hollow, and he regretted them the moment they left his lips. He cringed slightly and turned his head to the side, away from his roommate. “I’m…I’m tired, Nate,” he whispered. “Of all of it. Damn him, for coming here.” He was having trouble keeping his thoughts in order, and he turned back to try focusing on Nathanial’s face to give him some sense of clarity. “I’m sick of it. I think…I really am.”

“Then stop,” he whispered, holding that gaze. //Sebastian, you’re more alike than even you realize. If he did want you…to hide….// “If you’re tired, then rest. If you want to stop, then do.” Nathanial laid his free hand on Sebastian’s chest. “I’ll stay with you.” He reached up suddenly, pulling off his glasses and setting them behind him on the table and met Sebastian’s eyes without the layer of glass.

Sebastian’s eyes opened a little wider—as much as they could, with the swelling around his face. “There,” he murmured vaguely. “You…look better, like that.” He stretched his hand up to ruffle Nathanial’s hair, then let it fall abruptly. “I’m going to sleep this time. Could you…sleep next to me? I just don’t want to be alone right now.”

Nathanial smiled lightly. “I just said I’d stay, did I not?” Reaching across the other, he picked up the forgotten ice and gently replaced it. “Go to sleep,” he instructed softly. “I’m going to hold this on a bit longer then take it away--you’ll get soaked otherwise.” He touched another kiss to Sebastian’s forehead before settling back on his side. “Get some rest.”

Sebastian sighed, relieved, as he let his eyes slip shut once more. “Thank you….” He shifted, just a bit, because he knew he wouldn’t be able to find a comfortable position anyway. //I’ll just nap for a while. And…I’ll feel better. It will have gone away by then.// Though he was still in pain his exhaustion won him over, and soon enough he was deeply asleep.

Sighing quietly to himself, Nathanial fell still, just watching his roommate with a heavy heart. //I wish I could do more.// He waited until he was sure Sebastian was sleeping, and afterwards carefully pulled the icey. y. “Sleep well,” he murmured, settling easily on his side. After a moment he noticed he was still holding Sebastian’s hand. A faint, tired smile touched his lips. //But…I’ll do all I can. You did help me, Sebastian. I’ll do all I can to help you.// Closing his eyes, Nathanial fell into a light sleep himself.

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