Orange

“You seem to be in a much better mood lately,” Mark is cooking in the kitchen while I type away in the living room.
“I guess I have been,” I reply without even looking up. Ever since the first words started flowing three weeks ago, I haven’t been able to stop.
“Any reason in particular?” I make a non-committal noise in response. “So, the boy at the coffee shop doesn’t have anything to do with it then?”
My head snaps up and I look at him. “You know about him?”
“Yeah I know about him. I stopped in for coffee yesterday when I got off work early. I saw you and was going to say something but you were laughing and carrying on with him. I hadn’t seen you like that in so long that I couldn’t disturb it.” Mark smiles as he continues cooking. “Tell me about him. As your twin brother, I have to approve of anyone you date.”
“No you don’t. Plus, we’re not dating.”
“Like that isn’t going to happen. You haven’t looked that happy about somebody since you were in high school. Tell me about him anyways.”
“His name is Lakota but he goes by Kota.”
“Kota. Cute.”
“Yeah. He’s a psych major at University and he wants to be a therapist. He’s promised not to psychoanalyze me, though, which I appreciate. I can tell sometimes he wants to though. It’s kinda cute because his eyebrows knit together and his mouth kinda twitches around the corners. It makes me laugh seeing him like that.” My brother begins laughing. “What?”
“You are so in love with that boy. It’s just damn cute. You should take him on a date.” He’s puts the lasagna (he’s being fancy tonight) in the oven and walks over to me. “It makes me very happy to see you so happy.”
“I’m not in love with Kota,” I say.
“I’m your twin Cil. You don’t fool me.” Mark leans over the couch and puts his chin on the top of my head. “You’ve gotten a lot of work down. How much have you written?”
“About eighty pages.”
“In three weeks? That’s a lot.”
“Not really but it feels good to be able to write again. It’s like the dam broke and all the ideas and words just started working again.”
“That’s what love does to person. It opens you up to new possibilities.” Mark wraps his arms around my shoulders.
“I’m not in love.”
“Liar. I’m serious about that date thing. Go on one with Kota. You’ll see how in love you are.”
“I’m not going to go on a date. I wouldn’t even know where to go.”
“Take him to go see that band you like so much. They’re in town on Saturday I think. Three days is plenty of warning.”
“I don’t even have his number Mark,” trying to find reasons not to, even though I really want to (my therapist calls it self-sabotage, or some shrinky bullshit).
“Well, this is a great excuse to get it now, isn’t it?”
“You think of everything don’t you?”
“Yep. Now you have no excuses left and you must ask him.” Mark grins triumphantly, and walks away to check on the bread he has in the oven.
“Fine. You win. I’ll ask him.” I glare at Mark as he walks away, but when I turn back to my computer, I can’t help but smile.


“Hey Cil! How’re you today?” Kota gives me a big smile when I walk in the door of the coffee shop.
“Hey Kota. I’m okay. How’re you?” I give him a nervous smile. It’s the day after Mark suggested dating Kota and I’m so nervous my hands are shaking.
“Just okay? I’ll remedy that. Go sit down, I’ll get your drink ready, and then we can talk.”
Kota shoos me away. I go to what is now my normal seat in the corner. I get my computer out and plug it in, more out of habit than anything else. All I can think about is what if he says no? What if he says yes, then I have a flashback and freak out on him? What if he’s disgusted? Or leaves me? It’d be better to never ask him out than go through that. I should just not ask. But I like him. I want to go out with him. I need to ask. But what if he doesn’t like me? I can’t handle rejection right now. Get over yourself pansy and just ask him out. I’m so caught up in these thoughts that I don’t notice Kota until he is seated in front of me.
“You were really into whatever you were thinking about. What’s going on in that brain of yours?” He slides my drink to me but I don’t grab it like I normally do.
“I… uhhh… have something that I’d like to…ummm…. ask you,” I stutter out, mentally face-palming because I sound like a dumbass. My head is down because I don’t want to see his face when he rejects me.
“Ask away,” Kota encourages.
“Well, there’s this band playing on Saturday at the amphitheater.”
“I’d heard there was something going on there this weekend.”
“Yeah. They’re a really good band that I think you’ll like.”
“Sounds interesting.”
“Yeah. And, uh, I was hoping you would come with me. To see them. On Saturday.” Smooth question there, asshat.
“Like as a date? Or just as friends?” Kota’s voice has no emotion in it.
“As a date,” I whisper, as if saying it loudly will make him say no.
“Of course I want to go. Damn. I was wondering if you were ever going to ask me out.” I look up at him, shocked. “Yes Cil. I was waiting for you to ask me out.” His smile has grown even bigger and the mischievous glint is back in his eye.
“Oh. Okay. Do you want to meet here? I don’t have a car so we’ll have to take the subway. Sorry.” I’m blushing a little in embarrassment.
“Cil, it’s okay. I don’t have one either. It’s cheaper that way. Now, it’s not technically my break time so I’m going to go back to work. You sit here, write away, text your twin because I’m sure he’s dying trying to figure out if I agreed, and I’ll come talk to you later.” Kota got up but surprised me when he came over and kissed me on the forehead. He walked off giggling because of the fact my jaw is dropped and I am blushing. Kota gets behind the counter and I finally shake my embarrassment loose and grab my phone out of my pocket. Kota was right; my brother has sent me three text messages asking me if I’ve talked to Kota yet. I send him a quick text. All it says is, “He said yes.” I set my phone down, and before I could even log into my computer, I get text back that just says, “YES!” I laugh at my brother, and when I look up, I can see Kota laughing at me. I’m fine with that. Even though I am excited, I’m still nervous, still questioning, but I think it’ll go alright. It has to. Right?