Love, Lose, Live
folder
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
20
Views:
2,849
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Category:
Original - Misc › -Slash - Male/Male
Rating:
Adult +
Chapters:
20
Views:
2,849
Reviews:
16
Recommended:
0
Currently Reading:
0
Disclaimer:
If this resembles anyone, dead, alive or otherwise, it is purely coincidental.This is a work of fiction. I, the author, hold exclusive rights to this work. Unauthorized duplication is prohibited
Chapter Thirteen
This chapter may be my favorite ever. It ends quite cute and I love it. James shows some of his anger in here but I promise it will be ok by the end. Thank you for your comments my two readers. violentstorm: I am currently going through and editing. Thank you for mentioning!! Love! (Thanks Roseykins for letting me know it didn't load!)
This has to be the most awkward car ride of my recent life. James wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even look at me. I had my hands stuffed in my lap and the sweatshirt’s sleeves pulled all the way down so that the bandages didn’t show. When James came to get me at the hospital, he didn’t say anything more than he needed to and when I tried to strike up a conversation, he wouldn’t respond. We pull into my driveway but even when the car turns off, neither one of us move. “I’m sorry” I say to him in small voice, eyes trained to my lap.
“I don’t want your fucking sorry. It means nothing to me. You lied to me, to Brian and to the rest of us. Keep your God damn sorry” he says angrily to me.
“Please, James. I am sorry.” I put my hand on his arm but he throws it off.
“Get out of the damn car. I can’t talk to you right now.” I look at him for a second hoping for something else but when nothing comes, I open the door and slide out. I go sit on the porch swing. I pull my knees up and put my head down. Even more than before, I now regret my actions but part of me still wishes it had worked. I’m not sure how much later it is but I hear someone walking up the front steps. I look up to see James coming at me. His face is blank and all he says is “get up. You need to see something.” I follow him into the house and he leads me into the living room. He goes over and pulls out one of the kung-fu movies, opens it and puts the movie in. He turns on the television and after a few seconds of fuzz, a picture of my bedroom comes in. The camera shakes a little bit and then Brian sits down in front of the camera. He has a sad smile on his face.
“Hey baby. I have to say, I was hoping you would never see this because it means two things happened. One: I have passed away and two: you’ve attempted suicide. I can be thankful that you watching this means you’re still alive. That in a strange way makes me very happy. You probably think this is silly considering I made this video before anything happened but I had a feeling that something was going to, and apparently did, happen. We need to talk; or rather you need to listen. It is not your fault. It is not your fault. I’ll say it once more. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. I love you more than anything and I want you live on. You have such a future ahead of you that is full of promise you just have to live it. You have people who care for you. My parents love you like a son you know that. Erin adores you. James loves you although I’m quite sure that right now he won’t talk to you. James, stop being so hard. My baby needs you to give the comfort that I can’t anymore. Lucas, do what you need to do to get better. I don’t want to see you in Heaven for many, many years. When you get here, I want to hear the story of your life. I will be watching over you so I’ll know the whole thing but I’ll want to hear your voice again. Promise me that you will live as long as you can and you won’t take your own life. I want to hear it. James wants to hear it.” I nod. “Don’t just nod. Words baby. We need to hear it.”
“I promise.”
“What do you promise?” Brian says on the screen.
“I promise to never attempt to take my life again” I say, a smile on my face because of how well Brian knows me even while the tears fall down my face.
“That is good to hear. I'm watching over you baby. Remember me with the ring but you need to start getting rid of my things. Go on dates. Go out. I don’t want to see you hanging around this house all the time. I love you baby and I always will.” He kisses his finger and places it on the screen. I kiss mine and do the same. His hand pulls back so I drop mine. “If you ever, ever get upset again where you feel like the floor is breaking under you, watch this. See my face and hear my voice so that you know I am here with you. Your friends and family are here for you. You need to start to let me go so that you can move on. Say our little thing with me.”
We both say, “I love you forever, whenever and always.” We both have smiles on our faces and even Brian has a few tears running down his cheeks.
“Remember, this is a ‘see you later’ not a ‘goodbye.’” His hand reaches up and the camera goes dead. James turns off the television and the rest of the electronics.
“You’re forgiven” James tells me and I walk over and hug him.
“Thank you. Thank you for everything.”
This has to be the most awkward car ride of my recent life. James wouldn’t talk to me. He wouldn’t even look at me. I had my hands stuffed in my lap and the sweatshirt’s sleeves pulled all the way down so that the bandages didn’t show. When James came to get me at the hospital, he didn’t say anything more than he needed to and when I tried to strike up a conversation, he wouldn’t respond. We pull into my driveway but even when the car turns off, neither one of us move. “I’m sorry” I say to him in small voice, eyes trained to my lap.
“I don’t want your fucking sorry. It means nothing to me. You lied to me, to Brian and to the rest of us. Keep your God damn sorry” he says angrily to me.
“Please, James. I am sorry.” I put my hand on his arm but he throws it off.
“Get out of the damn car. I can’t talk to you right now.” I look at him for a second hoping for something else but when nothing comes, I open the door and slide out. I go sit on the porch swing. I pull my knees up and put my head down. Even more than before, I now regret my actions but part of me still wishes it had worked. I’m not sure how much later it is but I hear someone walking up the front steps. I look up to see James coming at me. His face is blank and all he says is “get up. You need to see something.” I follow him into the house and he leads me into the living room. He goes over and pulls out one of the kung-fu movies, opens it and puts the movie in. He turns on the television and after a few seconds of fuzz, a picture of my bedroom comes in. The camera shakes a little bit and then Brian sits down in front of the camera. He has a sad smile on his face.
“Hey baby. I have to say, I was hoping you would never see this because it means two things happened. One: I have passed away and two: you’ve attempted suicide. I can be thankful that you watching this means you’re still alive. That in a strange way makes me very happy. You probably think this is silly considering I made this video before anything happened but I had a feeling that something was going to, and apparently did, happen. We need to talk; or rather you need to listen. It is not your fault. It is not your fault. I’ll say it once more. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault. I love you more than anything and I want you live on. You have such a future ahead of you that is full of promise you just have to live it. You have people who care for you. My parents love you like a son you know that. Erin adores you. James loves you although I’m quite sure that right now he won’t talk to you. James, stop being so hard. My baby needs you to give the comfort that I can’t anymore. Lucas, do what you need to do to get better. I don’t want to see you in Heaven for many, many years. When you get here, I want to hear the story of your life. I will be watching over you so I’ll know the whole thing but I’ll want to hear your voice again. Promise me that you will live as long as you can and you won’t take your own life. I want to hear it. James wants to hear it.” I nod. “Don’t just nod. Words baby. We need to hear it.”
“I promise.”
“What do you promise?” Brian says on the screen.
“I promise to never attempt to take my life again” I say, a smile on my face because of how well Brian knows me even while the tears fall down my face.
“That is good to hear. I'm watching over you baby. Remember me with the ring but you need to start getting rid of my things. Go on dates. Go out. I don’t want to see you hanging around this house all the time. I love you baby and I always will.” He kisses his finger and places it on the screen. I kiss mine and do the same. His hand pulls back so I drop mine. “If you ever, ever get upset again where you feel like the floor is breaking under you, watch this. See my face and hear my voice so that you know I am here with you. Your friends and family are here for you. You need to start to let me go so that you can move on. Say our little thing with me.”
We both say, “I love you forever, whenever and always.” We both have smiles on our faces and even Brian has a few tears running down his cheeks.
“Remember, this is a ‘see you later’ not a ‘goodbye.’” His hand reaches up and the camera goes dead. James turns off the television and the rest of the electronics.
“You’re forgiven” James tells me and I walk over and hug him.
“Thank you. Thank you for everything.”