Even Angels Fall

Her eyelids were so heavy. As hard as she tried, they fought back with twice the strength. Biting on her lip hard, hoping the pain might be enough to get her out of her daze, she still couldn’t make out the objects in the room. Suddenly, though, things slowly started to come into focus.

First, she saw a television screen. She couldn’t quite make out the image, but it was definitely a TV. Letting her eyes drift down a little, as they wanted to, she saw her own arms. If she had had the force, she would have gasped. The way needles and wires hung from her… she didn’t know what to think. But then suddenly, her eyes fell upon a familiar figure, and she sighed, knowing she was safe.

Curled up in a chair just inches from her grasp, Joseph was sleeping obviously uncomfortably. “Hey,” Lianna tried to gasp out, but her throat was tight and dry. “Joseph?” she tried once more, not expecting much.

Still, the sound of Lianna’s voice was enough. Joseph immediately stirred. “Hey,” he repeated back to her, his eyes blinking at the intrusive light but his body immediately sitting up. “You’re awake.”

“What’s going on?” Lianna quickly asked, and then started coughing.

Before answering, Joseph jumped up and grabbed a pitcher from the side table. Pouring a small cup of ice water into a paper cup, he handed it to Lianna and helped her drink it. He watched as her throat took down liquid, sighing as she finished the whole cup. “Better?” he asked nervously.

Nodding as much as she could, Lianna wasn’t sure what was going on. She tried to remember the last things she could… She and Joseph were in the condo. She had been feeling woozy all day, but she didn’t want to bother him with every ache and pain… but then – suddenly – her water had broken. Joseph began running around, gathering their things for the hospital… and then, nothing. Her memory stopped there.

Joseph watched, completely awake although he had slept only an hour or two in the last twenty-four hours, as Lianna reached for her stomach. He met her gaze as the realization hit her, and his eyes filled with tears as quickly as hers did.

“I’m not…” Lianna began quietly, not sure what to say. She paused for a few seconds before continuing. “Is Aiden okay?”

A small smile on his face, Joseph reached over and took Lianna’s hand in his own. “Aiden’s fine,” he told her. “He’s in neonatal care right now, but just because the delivery was a little rough. But you fought so hard… The doctor’s say he’s going to be just fine. And he’s so beautiful, Lee. He looks just like you.”

“Lucky for him,” Lianna tried to joke, but started coughing again. She looked up at Joseph after he helped her with more water, and her eyes blurred with tears. “He’s all that matters,” she whispered to Joseph. “I know, if things go wrong with me…”

Lianna, in her drugged-up and ill state, couldn’t possibly comprehend the seriousness of the issue, Joseph told himself. “Aiden’s fine,” he repeated. “And you’re going to be fine. You just have a little infection. Nothing they haven’t seen before. It’s all going to be fine… They’ll give you some medicine, they’ll make sure that Aiden’s healthy, and then… we’ll all go home together. The way we’re meant to.”

Even though she couldn’t even figure out how she had managed to gather the strength to turn her eyes to look at Joseph, Lianna suddenly had the power to squeeze his hand. “I should have said yes right away,” she told him, her voice sad. “I’m sorry I didn’t, Joseph…”

Tears filling his own eyes, Joseph didn’t know how to respond at first, so he just squeezed Lianna’s hand back. “There’s plenty of time for that,” he told her as confidently as he could. “You had your reasons. It’s okay. One day, we’ll get married. I know that. Lianna, I’ve always known that you love me, and I hope you know I love you…”

“I do know that. And I know we both love Aiden,” Lianna’s eyes started to flutter closed as the medicine began increasing its drip into her bloodstream once more. “We made Aiden, Joseph. No matter what happens, he’s the product of everything good we’ve ever shared, which is so much…”

Tears falling down over his cheeks, Joseph couldn’t help but be glad that Lianna had fallen back asleep. He knew, if he had the choice, he would give his life up for hers right then. But that wasn’t a choice he had, so he could only do what he could. At the moment, that meant holding Lianna’s hand through this whole ordeal. Whether she was awake or asleep. Whether she was in pain or at rest. Whether she lived or…

------

The waiting room of the hospital was eerily quiet. Tavian was in a corner, talking in hushed tones to a nurse about Lianna’s condition. Not far from them, Eddie stood by, one hand squeezing Sin’s hand, and his other arm around Sarah’s shoulder. No one was saying anything, though; they were just trying to gain some support from each other’s presence.

On the other side of the room, Zip sat in a chair beside Madison. She was chewing through her perfectly manicured fingernails as if they were candy. They had all been told, half an hour earlier, that the baby was in good condition, which of course was great news. Still, the fact that the nurse wouldn’t talk to them openly about Lianna, and the idea that Joseph still hadn’t come out, made Zip’s blood run cold.

“I’m so scared.”

Zip wasn’t sure if the words had come from his own mind or from the outside world until he looked over and saw Madison’s face. Her normally flawless expression was covered with blotches, and her green eyes shined with fear. “Nothing can happen to Lianna,” she continued, not needing a response at the moment, barely even aware of whom she was talking to. She just needed to say the words going through her head out loud. “She’s so much better than the whole of us put together.”

Not knowing if he was even expected to respond, Zip looked over towards Sarah and could see that she was safe. Her brother still had his arm protectively around her, and now Tavian was standing there with Sin, as well. From the expressions on their faces, not much had changed with Lianna’s condition since Aiden’s birth an hour earlier.

“Is there someone named ‘Taye’ here?” a resident suddenly emerged from the illusive swinging door that was keeping everyone from the truth. “The baby’s father would like to see someone named ‘Taye’…”

Looking over at Madison, Tavian swallowed hard. He saw her nod encouragingly at him, and he whispered the words ‘I love you’ to her before he descended behind the doors with the intern. Madison watched as the doors swung shut behind them, and jumped when she suddenly felt a friendly hand on her shoulder.

“Hey,” Madison looked over at Zip. “I’m sorry I was just babbling like that to you. I know we don’t know each other very well…”

Shaking his head, Zip squeezed Madison’s shoulder a little tighter. “Both Lianna and Joseph mean the world to everyone in this room,” he told her softly. “And therefore, we are all connected. We’re all here for each other.”

Biting her lip, Madison reached over and embraced Zip. “I always thought you were a jerk,” she admitted openly. “But when it matters…”

“People like Joseph and Lianna,” Zip whispered to a whimpering Madison as he pulled her into a pain-filled embrace. “They bring out the best in people. They make all the things that are wrong with you seem okay, just because they care about you. That’s why they are so special.”

Madison didn’t respond; she just cried harder into Zip’s shoulder. All the while, he glanced around the room, seeing how everyone else was. Every once in a while, he would meet Sarah’s grief-filled gaze, and wish he could hold her. When Madison finally pulled back from his embrace, he felt like he had a shot.

“Does anyone need coffee?” Zip asked the collective. After getting several nods, he glanced at Sarah meaningfully, and then looked away. “Could anyone help me carry them?” he asked, unsure if his voice sounded true.

“I can,” Sarah said softly. With all that was going on around them in the waiting room, nobody seemed to notice anything amiss as she went to join Zip. “I’ll help you,” she repeated.

The walk down the hallway towards the vending machines was silent. Zip tried to think of something to say to Sarah, something that would make that look of fear lessen in her big brown eyes, but he just couldn’t. “Are you okay?” he ventured to ask once they had finally turned a corner.

Stopping in the middle of the hallway, Sarah’s eyes were filled with tears. “Do you ever just not get it?” she asked Zip seriously, although she was looking down at the floor. “Do you ever feel like, shit, I’ve done so much more wrong than this person, and yet they are the one in pain…?”

All Zip wanted to do at that moment was console Sarah, but he didn’t know why he couldn’t figure out any words at first. “Come here,” he beckoned, not knowing what else to do. Taking her in his arms, he held her as she began weeping openly. “This isn’t your fault, or mine,” he told her gently. “Lianna and Joseph… they’re not paying for our sins. Or even their own sins. This is just… life.”

“Well,” Sarah sobbed openly into Zip’s chest. “Then life sucks.”

Sarah cried for several more minutes, and all the while, Zip held her, stroking her hair and brushing his lips against her forehead comfortingly. As she finally calmed down some, she looked up at Zip. “We should probably get the coffees,” she said in a small voice.

Zip responded with a nod. “Four coffees,” he told her as they walked the final fifteen feet to the vending machines. Digging through his pockets, Zip pulled out a few dollar bills and began feeding the machine, watching the steam as it rose from the paper cups and wondering how the things that were going on right now were even real.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Sarah took the first two cups that filled from Zip without a word. “You go,” he motioned to her, giving her a small but sad smile. “I’ll be there in one minute.”

Nodding, Sarah looked up into Zip’s eyes. He leaned over and gave her a soft, chaste kiss. With that, she turned around and walked down the hallway, back towards the waiting room. At the same moment, both people got lost in thought, images of Lianna and Joseph going through their minds. As self-absorbed as the two of them were, both Sarah and Zip knew tonight wasn’t about them. If anything bad were to happen, it would happen to someone both of them cared about.

------

“We can all go in now to see him,” Tavian explained to the group when he returned to the waiting room. He had already filled them in on everything he knew about Lianna: that they hadn’t been able to give her treatment for the infection until after she delivered Aiden, how her fever was still very high, how the doctors weren’t sure that her body was going to be able to bounce back from the trauma of childbirth with enough strength to fight…

“Joseph wants us all to see Aiden,” Tavian said again, putting his arm around his fiancé’s shoulder when her eyes filled with tears again. “And everyone has to be strong. Seriously, I’ve never seen Joseph like this. He needs his friends.”

In all the time she had been in New York, Sarah had never seen Tavian so serious and so together. Despite his normal, jokey demeanor, when things really mattered, he was able to show a strength of character that made everyone in the room feel just a little better. ‘I guess there’s a lot about life you don’t really understand until you live it,’ Sarah thought to herself. ‘It’s like what Lianna told me that one night… I’m lucky to have these people in my life.’

Aiden had been moved into the regular maternal wing, and was now behind a glass window, one bassinet amongst a dozen others. Standing outside the window, Joseph was just staring lovingly at his son, his eyes glassy with tears. It wasn’t until Tavian actually approached and put his hand on Joseph’s shoulder that he realized that everyone was there.

“Hey guys,” Joseph looked around at the faces of his closest friends gratefully. Taking a deep breath, he tried to pull himself together as best as he could. “Thank you, everyone, for coming. I wish Lianna could be here for your first meeting…” Pausing, Joseph was obviously having a hard time not breaking down. “But Lianna needs her rest right now, and I know she would all want you to be introduced.”

Watching Joseph struggling with his emotions so hard, Zip could feel a lump forming in his throat. In his whole life, Zip had never had a better friend than Joseph. Of course, he knew Joseph was close with a few people – Tavian, Sin, and of course Lianna – but for Zip, Joseph was it; he was his best friend. And seeing him so upset…

“He’s beautiful,” Sarah leaned against the glass and stared in awe at the tiny bundle wrapped in blue, with the name ‘Hart’ hanging over him. And it wasn’t that Sarah was one of those people that automatically thought all newborns were beautiful; she usually thought they were sweet looking, but wrinkled and kind of strange looking for the first few months. Aiden, however, was a different story.

“I know,” Joseph sighed as everyone crowded around to look at the infant. “He looks just like Lianna.”

“He looks like both of you,” Madison said in an honest, soft voice. Everyone could see it, too. The baby’s eyes had blinked open curiously, big and round and blue like Lianna’s. His skin was a shade darker than the other babies’ though, showing that he would most likely end up with Joseph’s olive complexion. He also had Joseph’s straight nose, and Lianna’s full lips. He was, without question, the most beautiful baby anyone in the room had ever laid eyes on.

Zip could only stare at Aiden, taken aback by how special that little creature was. It had never occurred to him just what a child was – it was the strongest, greatest, most beautiful parts of two people, joined together in one. Never in his life had Zip ever considered wanting to have children until that moment, but right then he understood how special and amazing a venture that was.

Everyone stood in silence for several minutes, just taking in Aiden. They all would have probably stayed, staring longer, if a soft sound of pain hadn’t come from Joseph’s throat. Nervously, they all turned to see him, tears staining his cheeks. No one was sure what they should do, and when the least openly affectionate of the group – Sin – stepped forward and pulled Joseph close, they all felt their eyes filling with tears.

“Come on,” Sin coaxed Joseph gently, wiping her own tears away with the back of her hand while still holding onto her friend closely. “The nurse said the cafeteria opens at five, and it’s close to that now. You should have something to eat, and we can all get more coffee.”

Looking over towards Aiden again, Joseph smiled a little when he saw that his son had dozed back off. “Okay,” his eyes turned towards Sin. “That sounds good. Thanks.” Putting his arms around Sin, he pulled her into a tight hug.

-----

The only other people in the hospital cafeteria at that time in the morning were hospital workers. Conglomerating around one table, everyone tried to think of little things to say to one another to break the awkwardness and discomfort of the moment, but it was hard. After fifteen minutes, Joseph started getting jumpy, wanting to check on Lianna, so everyone started taking turns checking with the nurses.

After an hour of receiving reports that Lianna’s condition had not changed, Joseph stood up from the table. “Guys, it means so much that you all came down here,” his voice was choked and his words heartfelt. “But the truth is, all I want right now is to be in the room with Lianna. I hope no one is offended…”

A chorus of ‘of course not’ and ‘we understand’ immediately broke out, and everyone headed out of the cafeteria and towards the waiting area.

Joseph turned towards everyone once they were at the exit doors. Turning to Tavian and Madison, he hugged them tightly and promised to call. He then hugged Sarah, thanking her for coming and saying how much it would mean to Lianna. He shook hands with Eddie, his appreciation evident, and then took Sin into his arms for a meaningful hug.

Turning towards Zip, Joseph gave him a smile. “Dude, thank you so much for coming,” he pulled his band mate into a hug. “I can’t believe I didn’t even think to call you. I was just so fucked up in the head. So what, did Sin call you?”

Suddenly, Zip felt his heart beating in his throat as he looked over. He could see Sarah’s eyes, wide with fear, and Eddie’s look of curiosity. More than that, though, he saw Sin. For just a moment, a complete expression of confusion passed over her face as her eyes met Zip’s. Then she looked over at Joseph. “Yeah,” she said, her voice tight. “I called him. I thought he should be here.”

Staring at the ground, Sarah had never felt as selfish or bratty in her whole life. In the middle of this terrible ordeal, Sin had been forced to lie to Joseph on the fly, to cover Sarah and Zip’s tracks in front of Eddie. “Well,” Joseph was far too concerned about Lianna to notice any strangeness. “Thanks again, everyone, for coming. I’ll call if there’s any change.”

Trudging outside, everyone was quiet. Without thinking, Zip pulled out a cigarette and stared at the ground as he lit it. He so hadn’t wanted tonight to become about him and Sarah, and yet somehow – at least with Sin – it had. “The sun’s starting to rise,” Madison informed everybody.

All at once, everyone looked up into the New York City skyline, seeing the sun peeking out between buildings. Without realizing it, Zip’s eyes dropped and met Sin’s. She was looking at him coldly – and in a way that sent a shiver down his spine. It wasn’t even like she was mad at him; she was looking at him like she barely knew him.

“Hey babe,” Eddie put his arm around Sin’s waist, too worried about Lianna to notice the tension between Sin, Sarah and Zip. “Are you ready to head home?”

Finally breaking her stare with Zip, Sin looked over towards Sarah, who was still looking at the ground in humiliation and guilt. “Yeah,” she turned her eyes on Eddie and gave him a small smile in return for his loving but sad look. “Let’s go.”

Sarah was forced to look up when Eddie approached her. “Are you going to be okay?” he asked, seeing his sister looking forlorn, her eyes glassy.

Nodding, Sarah still couldn’t meet Eddie’s eyes. “Yeah,” she whispered. “I’ll call you a little later, okay?”

“Okay,” Eddie, still oblivious, gave Sarah a hug.

Everyone else said their goodbyes, the others too caught up in their concern to notice Sin openly ignoring Sarah and Zip as they did so. Sin was sure to grab the first cab that pulled up, dragging Eddie in. Zip insisted Tavian and Madison take the next one, saying he’d make sure Sarah got into a cab safely. Once that taxi had driven off, he turned towards Sarah, knowing just how she felt at the moment.

“Are you okay?” Zip ventured to ask Sarah, knowing the answer to his question before the words left his mouth. Shaking her head, Sarah wouldn’t meet his gaze. He reached for her shoulders, but stopped when she automatically pulled back. “Hey,” his voice was soft and pleading. “We didn’t mean for that to happen – not tonight. We didn’t expect that. We weren’t being selfish…”

Looking up, Sarah’s eyes were filled with tears and her brow crinkled. “We weren’t selfish?” she asked. As Zip tried to explain that they weren’t being selfish intentionally just then, Sarah cut him off. “We’ve been nothing but selfish, Zip. Well, selfish and deceptive and horrible…”

“Sarah,” Zip reached for her, and even though she tried to pull away again, he wouldn’t let her this time. Pulling her to him, he kissed the top of her head. “I didn’t want Sin to find out like that either, Sarah. And tonight was a terrible night for this to come out, but I’m not going to apologize for how I feel about you.”

Four hours earlier, Zip’s words would have melted Sarah. But just then… she felt too guilty. Wrenching herself from his grip, Sarah shook her head. “You were right,” she said, her voice sounding much more secure than she felt. “We never should have…”

“Don’t say that,” Zip cut Sarah off, his voice filled with hurt. Reaching over, he took Sarah’s face in his hands. “What’s going on with Lianna fucking sucks, I know that. And she and Joseph don’t deserve this. And Sin shouldn’t have found out like this. And Eddie needs to know-”

“And, and, and,” Sarah looked up into Zip’s eyes. “There are just too many issues, Zip. I just… I can’t do this. Not now.”

Zip paused for a moment, and then released Sarah’s face from his hands. “Okay,” he said softly. If Sarah was surprised by his reaction, she didn’t show it. They stood silently for another minute, and then Zip took a step towards the curb and put out his hand. A cab almost immediately pulled up, and he opened the door. “Here, you take this one,” he said to Sarah.

Nodding, Sarah didn’t look at Zip, because she knew that if she did, she wouldn’t get in the cab. She wanted to say something, but… there was nothing to say. Climbing in the cab, she saw the door close behind her. Taking a deep breath, she told the driver where she lived, and then leaned back in the seat, closing her eyes so she wouldn’t look back at Zip standing on the sidewalk.

Pulling out another cigarette, Zip lit it and inhaled deeply. He looked over towards a skyscraper and saw the early morning sun reflecting in the windows as he exhaled. Once again in his life, like so many other times before, he was left feeling alone and helpless to change the things that were going just so wrong.

----

THANKS TO EVERYONE FOR CONTINUING TO READ AND REVIEW. WHAT IS GOING ON RIGHT NOW IN THE STORY WITH LIANNA IS SOMETHING THAT HAPPENED TO SOMEONE I KNOW, SO I’M ACTUALLY VERY FAMILIAR WITH THE MEDICAL ISSUES. HOWEVER, AN (AWESOME) ANONYMOUS POSTER DID A VERY GOOD JOB OF BASICALLY SUMMING UP THE HEALTH ISSUES, SO RATHER THAN BORE YOU WITH THEM IN THE STORY, I AM JUST GOING TO SUGGEST THAT ANYONE INTERESTED SEE REVIEW ID # 2035491290. NOW, A FEW REPLIES:

TEMPLETON21 – I’M SORRY TO UPSET YOU, ESPECIALLY WITH YOU BEING PREGNANT NOW! BY THE WAY, YOU TOTALLY GUESSED HOW I WAS GOING TO DEAL WITH ZIP BEING THERE. AM I GETTING PREDICTIBLE, OR ARE WE ON THE SAME WAVE LENGTH?

ADAEE – SERIOULY, I ADORE WHAT A STRAIGHT SHOOTER YOU ARE!

KIRSCHE – I LOVE THAT MY REVIEWERS ARE INTELLIGENT, AND YOU DEFINITELY ARE ONE OF MY FAVORITES!

ANONYMOUS – I HATE TO SOUND BITCHY, BUT THERE ARE LIKE TEN BABY-NAME WEBSITES I CHECKED THAT SAY ‘HASSAN’ MEANS ‘GOOD LOOKING’ AND ‘HANDSOME’. (FOR EXAMPLE, WWW.THINKBABYNAMES.COM SAYS THIS: Gender: Boy, Pronunciation: hah-SAHN, Origin: Arabic, Meaning: \"Good-looking, handsome,\" Notes: Popular in the Arabic world. Hasani (ha-SAHN-ee) is a Swahili variant. Variants: Hasan, Hasani, Hassain)

MIZTIKAL_DRAGON – THE DIRECTOR’S CUT OF THAT FILM WAS THE ONLY CUT THAT MADE ANY SENSE!

LADY RAIN – EAT, THEN READ. I DON’T WANT YOU PASSING OUT!

THANKS ALSO CD, SHANNA, ROSEMARY, KELLY, ARAINAINA, CECILLE, GIRLFIXER, FIRE_EYEZ, ASH, NITEANGLE, ANGEL, IOTC247, AND MEMORY CHASE FOR TAKING THE TIME TO REVIEW. AND TO EVERYONE WHO KEEPS READING!!!