Vacation: All He Ever Wanted

A/N: An update at last! Sorry about the wait, there were some major plot choices I had to make for this chapter and it wasn\'t easy. Huge thanks to all my reviewers and a big welcome to the new people on the NotifyList!

~*~ Savannah\'s POV ~*~

It finally stopped snowing and the roads were cleared. Jason drove us back to the cabin. I was practically bouncing in my seat the entire time. I was just so glad to get away from there… away from Richard. I\'d been blindfolded for most of the night before but… I knew he was the one who hit me. Jack wouldn\'t do that, and Jason had saved me.

We pulled into the cabin\'s garage and I immediately rushed upstairs and took a shower. The water went cold for a few minutes when Jason started the laundry downstairs, but I didn\'t care. It felt so good to get clean, really clean. The bath at the Haisleys\' hadn\'t done it. This place made me feel safe. I didn\'t have to worry about anyone walking in on me while I soaped up my hair. Jason… was being careful not to make me angry. He\'d been walking on glass since we\'d gotten up and rejoined the land of the living.

Richard had not been tactful or … human, really. He\'d said some things that… honestly, inside, I wanted to cry. And I think Jason knew that. It was why he\'d agreed to come back here instead of staying at the Haisleys\' another night. There wasn\'t a generator here, but the heat wasn\'t electric, it was gas, so even if the power went out it wouldn\'t be that bad. And… I wouldn\'t have to worry about being ganged up on. That really hadn\'t been fair. I\'d said yes… because Jason… I didn\'t want to disappoint him.

But now I was just feeling stupid. I sighed, finished up in the shower, and trooped downstairs in my old comfy plaid pajama top. It was chilly but I left the pants off, as well as my underwear. I was beyond sore.

Jason\'s eyes drifted to my hair as soon as I walked into the kitchen, which made me smile. Of all places he looked at my hair first. I sat down at the table and rested my cheek against the wood, yawning. Jason walked over and rubbed my shoulder. \"You want something to eat?\" he asked, sliding his hand down my arm. I smiled at him. He\'d been really affectionate since the end of our little game. I liked it… mainly since I knew he was probably dying to make a comment about my clothes.

\"No thanks,\" I said, yawning again. I\'d just come down to be with him. \"I\'m not really hungry.\"

He sat down next to me and rested his elbows on the table. He\'d changed into a blue sweater and dark jeans. Richard, in lumberjack wear, had made some comment about him being soft… but I didn\'t want to think about that guy. He looked old enough to be my father. \"When was the last time you ate?\" Jason asked. He sounded genuinely worried about me, which was nice to hear. \"You haven\'t had anything since we got up… it\'s been almost a day now.\"

Stretching, I sat up and looked at the fridge. My stomach didn\'t send me any signs. \"Really,\" I said. \"I\'m fine.\"

He kissed my cheek. \"Baby, I\'m sorry about… what happened. Really, I am. But you really need to eat now,\" he said.

There was a knock on the wall. \"She fasting again?\"

I turned around and couldn\'t stop from grinning. \"Mike!\" I jumped out of my chair and ran over to the living room\'s doorway. He laughed and threw his arms around me, lifting me off the floor in a tight hug. \"You got your ears pierced!\" I gasped, cupping the side of his face in my hand. He smirked and looked to the side, letting me see the small gold stud in one of his ears. \"Ha! You look adorable!\" I said, giving his cheek a good hard pinch. He laughed again, ducked down and kissed my cheek.

The last time I\'d seen him, his natural black hair was coming in around the top of his head and he looked a lot like someone had spilled ink on him. But now he\'d gotten a haircut, evened everything out, and had some more white dye put into his hair. Why he died his hair white I didn\'t know, but it looked good on him. His blue eyes sparkled and he kissed my other cheek. \"How are you?\" I asked, giggling. His hugs always made me feel better.

\"Savannah, imagine how surprised I was to return home and discover that this ruffian,\" he looked up at Jason and mock-sneered, \"had kidnapped my precious girl and fled with her to the mountains.\"

Jason huffed. \"If anyone is a ruffian it\'s you. You look like a pirate,\" he announced, rolling his eyes.

Mike swept me off my feet and I yelped. \"You\'re just mad because I\'ve managed to rescue her,\" he said, sticking his tongue out at Jason. I snuggled up against him, smiling. If I had any bad feelings about myself left over from the foursome, they were gone now. Mike… just has a knack for making people feel clean and pure.

He was wearing a gray t-shirt and khakis and smelled like snow. I put my arms around his neck and closed my eyes while he walked me over to the table. \"Don\'t worry, Princess, I\'ll protect you,\" he said, laying me down on the tabletop. I stared at him, blushing. There was no way he could\'ve known about the role playing, but I still looked at Jason when I sat up. He\'d stuck his hands in his pockets and just seemed lazy now.

\"I\'m going to take a shower,\" he said, breezing past us. He knocked his shoulder against Mike\'s when he walked by and they smiled at each other. I rolled my eyes and crossed my legs, pulling the bottom of my shirt over my knees so Mike wouldn\'t see I didn\'t have any panties on. Men were so weird. They didn\'t even say hi!

\"So, really, how was family?\" I asked, rapidly patting my palms against the table to get Mike\'s attention.

He sat down on the edge of the table and groaned. \"Oh, God, Savannah, it was terrible. My sister\'s fiancé is allergic to alcohol, my mom put rum in the cake, my dad took it as a personal insult to his wife\'s cooking, and the only working vehicle to take the guy to the hospital was my motorcycle,\" he said, running his hand over his face. \"Which, by the way, only the fiancé approved of. I swear, my mom\'s eyeballs nearly exploded when she saw me pull up.\"

His eyes suddenly lit up and he started to pull his shirt off. \"You\'re gonna flip when you see this,\" he said. I narrowed my eyes at him and gasped when he turned around. I leaned forward and touched the small of his back, resisting the urge to squeal. \"It\'s great, isn\'t it? The fiancé did it for me.\"

\"When you told us he was an artist, I wasn\'t really thinking tattoo artist,\" I said, laughing. I bent down to inspect the design. It was an absolutely gorgeous green and red Chinese dragon. \"Hey, \'Dean\' is gone.\" Dean was his first boyfriend, and his most… how should I say this… evil. Date rape drug evil. Mike doesn\'t like to talk about it.

\"Yeah, I just asked the guy to cover it up and this came out,\" he said, grinning. \"The man is a genius.\"

I swung my legs over the side of the table and hugged him, feeling really short all of a sudden. He was wearing boots that made him tower over me more than usual. \"Well, I\'m glad for you,\" I said. I knew how much it must mean to him to not have \'Dean\' plastered over his back anymore. That was an error in judgment if there ever was one. And as most of these things were, it was greatly helped out by alcohol.

\"So, what\'ve you and Jason been up to?\"

Oh… crap. I froze up and stared at him, struggling to come up with an answer. I mean, he knew I had a huge thing for Jason. He was more like one of my girlfriends than anything else. We could talk about our love lives -- or lack thereof -- for hours. But I didn\'t know if Jason would like that. Now, that sounded really stupid to part of me. Jason hadn\'t had much trouble letting people know about us for the past few days. Lots of people. But… would he want to tell Mike about this himself? They were best friends, would he really want me to be the one telling Mike?

Mike raised his eyebrow at me when I didn\'t answer. \"I\'m going to fix myself something to eat while you try and remember,\" he said, walking over to the fridge. I scratched the back of my head. I wasn\'t sure what to tell him. I was still… embarrassed… about Cherry, Jack, Mrs. Haisley, and Richard.

I squeezed my eyes shut. I am not a slut, I told myself over and over. I am not a slut.

Mike coaxed me into eating and we talked about safe, normal things over dinner. What he\'d given his family for Christmas, the gifts he\'d got (his sister paid to get his ears pierced). And what we wanted to do for the next week or so. \"Let\'s get you some more earrings tomorrow,\" I said, fingering one of the gold studs. He gave me a questioning look. \"Oh, I know you can\'t take these out, but let\'s buy some anyway.\"

\"You should get your ears pierced,\" he said, sipping his soda.

I reached up and fingered one of my earlobes, trying to picture it for a minute. It might look good. All the women in my family had their ears pierced. \"You think?\" I asked. I didn\'t wear a lot of jewelry, but it might be nice to start now that I was older. It might make me feel more… mature… to go out and buy earrings once in a while. And it was probably easier than putting tons of makeup on everyday.

He put his drink down and leaned back in his chair, looking me up and down. \"Jason would like it,\" he said, smirking. I blushed and looked at my feet. It was sad to say, but that alone made me want to get my ears pierced. It might help him look at my face more, too, instead of… at the rest of me. \"You seem different,\" Mike said, grabbing my chin. We locked eyes and he stared hard at me. \"Did something happen while I was gone? You… seem more, I\'m not sure, confident or something,\" he said, frowning.

Oh, I really did want to talk to him about this. I bit my lip and decided to hell with it. I could tell Mike a little about what had happened, he was my friend too. \"Well, um, actually,\" I said, blushing. Mike leaned forward and I did too, after a second. \"Jason\'s acted really different towards me lately.\"

Mike froze up. \"How?\" he asked.

I brushed my hair behind my ears. \"I mean… he\'s… kissed me,\" I stuttered the last part as Mike rose from his chair.

He ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. \"I need to talk to him,\" he said, walking out of the room.

For a minute I sat in the kitchen, feeling confused. Mike had encouraged me to try and get closer to Jason. Why would this news make him upset? It didn\'t make sense.

I stood up and quietly walked up the stairs towards Jason\'s room. The air was chilly and I wanted to stop off in my bedroom to get my pants, but that was past Jason\'s room, and I wanted… well, I wanted to eavesdrop. If the guys had a fight they probably wouldn\'t tell me what was going on, and this was my chance to learn. The door was open, and I stood behind it, knowing the boys couldn\'t see me. If they walked towards the hallway I\'d hear them, back up, and act like I was just going to my room.

\"…her?\" Mike was saying. He sounded angry.

Jason sighed and for a minute no one talked. I shifted my weight a little, careful not to make the floor creak. \"Yes, okay, I picked that out on purpose. It just made things easier,\" he said, frustrated. I frowned. What the heck were they talking about? \"Don\'t look at me like that,\" Jason snapped. \"It wasn\'t like anything bad happened.\"

\"Oh, nothing bad happened,\" Mike said sarcastically. \"You don\'t honestly think that, do you?\"

\"Savvy\'s had fun these past few days,\" Jason said softly. I had to lean forward to hear him. I was a little afraid that he\'d look at the door and see me in the space created by the hinges, but they weren\'t sitting like that. Jason was at the head of his bed, dressed in boxer shorts and a sweatshirt, and Mike was at the foot of the bed. They were staring at each other and Mike did not look happy. \"You said it yourself,\" Jason said, waving his hand. \"She looks better. She\'s not so scared of meeting everyone\'s eyes anymore. You should ask her about our shopping trip,\" he said, resting his chin in his hands. I blushed, thinking he meant Cheryl. Would he already want Mike to know that? But that wasn\'t what he was talking about. \"Get her to try on some of those clothes. She really looks good when she shows off a little skin,\" Jason said, grinning. \"I think you\'ll approve of my choices.\"

\"Oh, so you picked the clothes out?\" Mike sneered.

Jason shrugged. \"She wouldn\'t buy anything decent on her own,\" he said. I bristled. My tastes were not that bad. I mean, it wasn\'t like I dressed like a nun or anything. I usually just picked out… conservative things. More conservative than Jason was used to in women, that didn\'t make it bad.

\"What else happened at the store?\" Mike demanded. \"I know Cheryl. She wouldn\'t have gone by without at least teasing Savannah a little,\" he said. Jason started grinning and laughed softly. I looked down at my feet, blushing. I almost wanted to burst into the room and make them stop talking about this. \"Shit, Jason, what did you let her do?\"

Jason crossed his arms over his chest and smirked. He looked so damned smug, it was quite a wonder Mike didn\'t haul off and slap him. \"For your information,\" he drawled, \"Savvy was the one who did the teasing. On my honor, she was the one leading Cherry on. Yeah, alright, Cherry got out of hand, but Savannah didn\'t scream or push her away or anything,\" he said. I blinked and sat down on the floor, not wanting to look at him through the crack in the door any longer. I\'d thought all that in my head, but hearing Jason say it was a lot worse.

Mike huffed. \"How out of hand?\" he demanded.

\"Cherry… used her tongue, alright? Savvy came. She was angry at me, but…\"

\"You know she only let Cheryl do that because you must\'ve made it seem like you wanted to see it,\" Mike hissed. There was a thudding noise and I glanced through the crack in the door. He\'d knocked one of Jason\'s books to the floor, but Jason didn\'t seem very upset about it. Mike got heated sometimes. \"You\'re taking advantage of her, Jason.\"

\"She is enjoying it,\" Jason said slowly. They were both quiet for a minute. I wasn\'t sure how I was supposed to feel about this. I didn\'t like hearing Mike\'s point of view on things. Not about this. \"I admit, fine, she thinks that it is way more serious than it is,\" he said. I froze. \"And yeah, I… I\'ve led her on. A little. But I am going to tell her that this is just casual, Mike. I\'m not going to hurt her.\"

\"You think telling her she\'s wrong about how you feel about her isn\'t going to hurt her?\" Mike demanded. Jason didn\'t answer and I looked at my hands. What… I had to be dreaming. I pinched my arm and winced at the pain, but when I opened my eyes I was still sitting in the hallway and Mike\'s next words didn\'t do anything to reassure me. \"You\'re taking advantage of her, Jason, and you know it. You drugged her your first night together.\" He let a beat of tense silence pass and then hissed, \"You raped her.\"

\"I did not,\" Jason snapped. \"Get the hell out of here, Mike, leave me alone for a while,\" he muttered.

I stood up and sped down the stairs. I made a little noise doing it but I didn\'t think the boys heard me, no one yelled as I walked into the living room and curled up on the couch. I flipped the television on to a sad movie to have an excuse for my tears. I didn\'t know what to think.

Jason had drugged me? Where did Mike get that impression? Okay, he\'d given me Nyquil. Yeah, that made me fall asleep. And yes… I… woke up in the tub… and I was so groggy Jason climbed in and I couldn\'t muster the strength or will to stop him… and… he\'d touched me…

I swallowed hard. My mind thought against my will: Technically, he didn\'t rape me, he molested me.

Mike walked in and sat next to me. He didn\'t say anything and pulled me into his lap, taking the opportunity to change the channel to something much more lighthearted. I rested my cheek on his chest, feeling a little better as he wrapped his arms around me. I didn\'t like what he had said. But I liked what Jason had said… much less. I didn\'t even want to think about that. I closed my eyes and didn\'t even pay attention to the voices coming from the screen.

Mike started stroking my back. \"Savannah, just drift off to sleep if you want,\" he murmured, kissing the top of my head. I closed my eyes to dam up the threat of tears. I felt sick. \"I\'ll carry you upstairs,\" Mike said. I snuggled down against him. There was a blanket hung over the back of the couch, he pulled it down and draped it across us. A second later he flipped the remote to turn the fireplace on. The warmth made me feel drowsy, and I wasn\'t tempted to leave the comfort of Mike\'s arms to perk up. He was my closest friend… and… I knew of all people I could trust Mike not to hurt me. He wouldn\'t hurt me, ever, and he wouldn\'t want to see me hurt.

I sighed and put my arms around his neck. He kissed the top of my head again. Oh, God, he felt so good and safe, I wanted to cry all over again. Why hadn\'t I fallen for the safe one?

I kept trying to push the thought out of my head, but I couldn\'t. Jason… didn\'t love me.

He didn\'t love me.

Again I wondered why I hadn\'t fallen for Mike. He was attractive, he was smart, he made me feel safe and good about myself. His teasing never bordered on painful like Jason\'s could. And we really understood each other. We could talk about anything. Jason, on the other hand… I\'d been terrified of telling him how I felt. And even after everything we did together, I had still been terrified to tell him that I loved him.

But Mike… I\'d told him a million times how much he meant to me. Being so far from home, having a friend like him, it was so important. Why hadn\'t I fallen in love with him?

I still wanted to make an excuse for Jason. He just had been embarrassed and didn\'t want to talk about how he felt with Mike. He… lied… and made himself look really, really bad? My heart wanted to think that but my mind refused to accept it. I scratched at my head and Mike started stroking my back again.

Jason loved me… he\'d said so. He\'d said he loved me, on his own the last time. And he\'d been so tender after the role playing… he\'d been so sweet waking me up like that… it was gentle, he knew I was sore and he was careful when he handled me, he let me know it was him to make me feel safe… he\'d picked out clothes for me, and I had to admit they didn\'t look bad, and he\'d paid for them…

He loved me not… he\'d… taken advantage of my groggy state the first night. He\'d let Cheryl do more than I wanted while we were shopping, he hadn\'t batted an eye when Jack and Mrs. Haisley pulled me into a threesome. He didn\'t stop Jack and Richard from invading that intensely private time between us.

But he loved me… he didn\'t want other guys to invade his \'territory,\' to quote him. Anal and oral, fine, but not there… but… he didn\'t love me if he didn\'t care about seeing other men do those things with me…

He loved me… he loved me… not?

I didn\'t know what to think and I cried myself to sleep. Mike kept his arms around me the whole time and didn\'t pry.

A/N: That was hard to do, sigh. Hope to have the next update out in a week... and since I have Labor Day off that might actually happen!