Of Truth and Trust

Just a quick couple of notes. This fic was written as a one-on-one RP (role-play), so the focus of the POV changes for the characters being played. My cowriter and I based this off of the famous manga \"Kaze to Ki no Uta,\" though you don\'t need to know the story to follow this one.

// =thoughts
* =emphasis

WARNINGS this chapter for major angst and lemons.

Thanks for reading--I hope you enjoy.


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Chapter 13

Collin crept down the hall the next Friday, nodding silently at the few students about as he made his way to the room shared by Nathanial and Sebastian. His eyes were wide as he knocked lightly on the door, waiting to be told he could enter before slipping inside. He peered shyly at Sebastian when he came in. “Hello…Sebastian,” he murmured. “Is, um…is Nathanial here?”

Sebastian glanced up from his desk where he had been studying. //Nathan, huh?// His mood was soured a moment until he really realized who it was at his door, and he turned deliberately around in his chair. “Oh, Collin,” he greeted warmly. “I’m sorry, but Nathan’s not here right now, and I really don’t know when he’ll be back. Is there something…*I* can help you with?” //Maybe a little distraction will make me feel better….//

Collin ducked between his shoulders, shifting faintly. “Well….” //It’s…okay.// He played with his fingers a bit before glancing up through his bangs. “Actually…Charlie went to…a club meeting, and I didn’t….” He flushed a bit. “It was reaquiequiet….”

//That’s just perfect.// Sebastian pushed gracefully to his feet and crossed the room in nearly one smooth motion, watching Collin all the while. “You’re welcomed to stay for a while, then,” he offered graciously. “I might not be the best company, but I know what it’s like being in a quiet room for too long.” //Which I’ve been coming to know evene, oe, of late.//

His eyes widened a bit with every step the other took forward, until he was gazing up at Sebastian. “I would appreciate it…” he murmured. His nervous fingers tugged at his shirt. “I…won’t get in your way….”

Sebastian’s enthusiasm dimmed slightly; Collin was just so small, so delicate looking, that he was almost beyond his tastes. //And again I have to wonder…how much of that is really him?// He reached out slowly to place his hand on Collin’s shoulder, as a test. “You are very welcome,” he said, a bit more quietly than normal.

He straightened a bit beneath the touch—it reminded him of how Charlie would reach for him, and it calmed him enough meet Sebastian’s eyes with more ease. “Thank you.” There…was a certain look in the other’s expression, and Collin responded without thinking, setting his hands gently around the taller boy’s wrist in acceptance.

Sebastian wasn’t sure how to read that sign, but it didn’t seem like a bad reaction. “May I ask you something, Collin?” he said carefully, though his face was still pleasant. He gave the boy’s shoulder a little squeeze and went on without waiting for an answer. “Are you doing all right here? No one’s…given you a hard time?”

Collin shook his head slowly. “No…not at all. Everyone…has been really nice….” He tilted his head to the side curiously, watching the other. “Though….” //I can tell him.// “It gets…a bit lonely,” he admitted quietly. “They’re all nice…but they…tend to stay away….”

“They’re afraid of breaking you,” Sebastian said with a quiet smile. He tugged Collin a little further into the room and pulled the door closed behind him. “But I can guarantee they’re all in awe of you—you are just as beautiful now as you were when you first arrived. I’m sure if you started talking to more people, they would open up to you.”

Collin’s gaze didn’t waver from the other’s. “Beautiful?” He allowed the other to lead him without protest. //He…thinks I’m beautiful….// Turning, he faced the taller boy. “If…I talked…they would talk to me…?” His head tilted the other way. “You’re talking to me,” he pointed out suddenly.

//He really is adorable. Not so good for the bedroom, but still….// “Maybe because I like you already,” Sebastian offered, touching the boy’s cheek affectionately. “Because I know what it’s like to be lonely in a new school.”

Eyelids sliding half closed, Collin turned towards the light touch. It…had been a while, since anyone had laid a hand on him like that. //And he’s warm…. And Charlie said he already…likes boys, so…something like this is okay.// “Are you…lonely?” he asked softly, wanting to keep that gentle heat on his cheek a bit longer.

For a moment Sebastian’s pleasant demeanor almost faltered with that simple question, and it rung within him before he could respond. “Maybe,” he answered softly. “A little.” He tilted his head slightly to the side as he regained his composure. “Would you take care of me?” He moved his thumb against Collin’s cheek affectionately.

Collin flushed slightly, eyes slowly opening again. “I’ve never…taken care of someone…” he replied in a murmur. //It’s always beeneoneeone else…taking care of me….// One of his hands reached up to lightly cover the one on his cheek. “I…don’t know how, but…I’d try….”

Sebastian wasn’t sure he liked that. “I’ve never had someone take care of me,” he confessed, against his better judgment. But if it helped Collin, who so needed tenderness and…maybe control…. He took the boy’s hands and raised them to his face. “I’m not really sure how it works, either. But maybe we can help each other, then, hmm?” He smiled. “Do you like me?”

He nodded slowly. “Yes. You…are very nice….” Collin’s gaze didn’t waver as he held the other tenderly. There was still something in the other’s eyes, and he took a tentative step closer. “You are…gentle….” //I like gentle. I like that….//

Again Sebastian almost faltered. “Truthfully, I’ve never thought of myself that way,” he murmured. He closed his eyes, just to feel the gentle hands against hi//Co//Collin…how dare someone like you try to comfort me. That’s not why I’m here.// Carefully he set his hands against Collin’s shoulders, holding him close.

“You are,” Collin whispered, almost as though he were trying to convince the other boy. //He’s gentle, like Charlie. He likes me. He thinks I’m beautiful.// His shoulders shrugged lightly, just to better feel the weight on them. “Show me?” he suddenly requested quietly. //I want to see how gentle he really is.//

Sebastian forced his eyes open once more, watching the boy with quiet attention. “All right,” he murmured. //I’ll…do whatever I can for you.// Carefully he tugged Collin closer, tilting his head down so that their noses touched. “I’m going to kiss you, okay?” He wanted all of this to be simple and easy, just as Collin needed it. Just like the soft brushing of lips he offered.

Collin nodded just before he was kissed, and a tiny shiver went through him at the soft touch. //Gentle….// He let his head fall back just slightly in acceptance. His fingers, still against Sebas’s c’s cheek, curled slowly.

//He…seems all right.// Somewhat assured, Sebastian felt confident enough to deepen the kiss. //I want to take care of him. I want him to be all right.// He took a step back, toward the bed, and eased Collin after him. //I want him to take care of me, the way he needs to take care of someone.// “It’s okay to kiss me back,” he told Collin gently, nibbling lightly at his lips. “You want to take care of me, too, right?”

He blinked owlishly. //I am taking care of him.// When the taller boy leaned in again, Collin stretched his neck a bit to softly, slowly return the kiss. Sebastian was…warm, and thick. It made Collin’s fingers slide down the other’s shirt and curl.

//Good. Good….// Sebastian lowered himself slowly to the bed, which meant Collin had to stoop to reach him. After mentment he broke the kiss and rubbed the boy’s arms gently. “Collin. Do you…want to stay with me?” he asked, hoping his quiet seriousness would be conveyed. “Take care of me? I want to show you…how gentle I can be, if you’ll let me.”

Collin watched his companion with equal seriousness, eyes widening. Without a word he crawled onto the bed and lay down on his back. “Show me,” he repeated, voice barely above a whisper. His fingers brushed Sebastian’s hip faintly.

//No—no, I don’t like that.// Sebastian kept himself from frowning as he followed Collin onto the bed. “Not quite like this,” he said with a bit of a forced chuckle. He rolled onto his side next to Collin and urged him to turn. //I don’t want to take advantage of you. You’ve had enough of that, haven’t you? Come on, Collin.// With them both on their sides he kissed him, trying to get the boy used to the idea of an equal partner. “You’re taking care of me, too, remember?”

Collin pouted a bit. “I don’t…know how…” he reminded softly. He tugged faintly at Sebastian’s shirt and peered at him through his bangs. “Show me…. Show me…Sebastian….” //You’re…not supposed to be down there.//

This time Sebastian’s chuckle came more naturally. “That’s why I’m helping you,” he said, kissing him again. He didn’t care if they were caught—Nathanial could burst in right now, or Charlie for that matter, and it wouldn’t stop him. He wanted this more than anything in a long while, with a pain deeper than any he’d known in just as long. “Not for too long—I just want you to know what it’s like. Okay?” He twisted, gradually rolling onto his back with Collin over him. “This is just as weird for me, after all.”

Collin frowned and wiggled. This…wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He tugged at Sebastian again as if the hint would get him to move. When his silent wish wasn’t answered he tilted his chin, hoping to at least convince the boy to kiss him.

Sebastian smiled; so far, things were going well. “Just for a while,” he reminded the younger boy, tugging him down into a firmer kiss. He was still very much in control, from the gentle force behind his lips to the careful paths traced by his fingertips over Collin’s ribs and back. After a few brief moments he was reaching for the buttons on Collin’s shirt. “Is this all right?”

He nodded. Though the position was still strange, he’d adapted quickly. When he was kissed he obediently parted his lips; as thin fingers moved over his back, Collin arched gently against the slim body beneath him. His legs fell almost limply to either side of Sebastian’s thighs. And when the other’s fingers plucked at his shirt, Collin propped himself up to make it easier for him.

//This…isn’t right. He shouldn’t be letting me do this so easily.// Sebastian tried not to frown as he slipped Collin’s shirt off, letting it fall aside. He wanted to ask, but…if he was right and he dug too deeply, he might ruin everything. Or maybe…he’d just been wrong to begin with, and Collin was simply…lonely. “Hey,” he murmured, dragging his fingertips over Collin’s chest. “You’re a lot better at this than you were letting on.”

Collin’s eyes widened as he watched the other. “I’m…not doing anything…” he pointed out. He took a deep breath, just to feel Sebastian’s fingers move against his ribs. //Which is how…it’s supposed to be….// Collin relaxed a bit, letting his weight settle a bit more heavily over the other’s hips.

Sebastian’s eyes slipped shut. //He’s so accepting…I can see how he might have been…but…damnit, can I not even trust my own instinct anymore?// He sighed, tugging Collin’s hands down to his chest. “Here’s your chance,” he said, guiding the boy’s fingers to his shirt buttons. “Help me out?”

Collin blinked, but his fingers didn’t take long to slowly begin undoing the other’s shirt. A tiny, faint murmur whispered passed his lips as the action forced him to balance even more of his weight on their hips. He spread the thin fabric and watched Sebastian, waiting expectantly for his next instruction.

//I don’t like this.// For a moment Sebastian was at a loss. //Is he even…thinking about it anymore? He seems like he’s enjoying himself, at least, but….// He wasn’t sure what to trust anymore, so he could only follow his instincts as best he could, trying to prod the boy into action without giving too many instructions as the rest of their clothing was removed. //He’s the perfect bottom, he really is. So why am I not enjoying this as much as I should be?// Not that he wasn’t turned on by all the delicate attention, being so different from what he was used to, but….

//Nathan. I wonder…what you would say, if you saw me now…?//

He rolled Collin carefully onto his back; the only way to go about this was to show the boy tenderness and care, to give him something close to affection. Something true and sincere. //I want to be right.// He prepared himself thoroughly before turning his eyes back on Collin’s face. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, kissing him. “Are you ready?”

Nodding, Collin tilted his head faintly. “Yes, though….” He flushed, fingers playing shyly around Sebastian’s smooth stomach. “Can I…turn over?” he requested faintly. “I…prefer that…. It feels…better….”

Sebastian wasn’t sure he liked that, either—he would have like Collin to be watching him, just…to make sure he wasn’t thinking of anyone else. But it was the first request Collin had made for himself, and he couldn’t deny him that. “All right,” he relented, smiling as he gave the boy a brief kiss. He waited for Collin to do so before settling once more, and he pressed a few more kisses to his back and shoulders. //Just…gentle.// “Okay….” He eased gently into his partner, all his experience reciting to him patience and care. He couldn’t hurt this one—not for a moment.

Collin sighed deeply as his back curled, pressing up against the other and easily accepting him. His eyelids fluttered as his sight began to blur, but he didn’t pay it any mind. //He’s…so slow…so gentle….// “Nice…” he murmured, almost purred, as his head bent against his shoulder. When Sebastian began to slowly pull back, Collin felt his body easily react, tightening faintly around him.

Sebastian couldn’t help a thin moan; it surprised him, even, that someone like Collin could coax such a reaction from him. //He really…has done this before—a lot.// He bit his lip as he slid forward once more with greater confidence, though the same care. //He’s…pretty good.// He was tempted to offer greater strength as well, but he was still a little cautious, and still in just enough control to bring them into a slow pace. “You’re…beautiful,” he murmured against Collin’s shoulder. “Wonderful….”

His only response a wordless murmur, Collin continued to move with almost expert precision with his new lover, rocking back to meet him and drawing himself tight when Sebastian pulled away. And…it felt almost good, was at least tender and…gentle, as promised. Collin stared down at the sheets, though gradually he barely saw them anymore. And when he turned enough to see across the room, the images still didn’t make sense. He had the vague idea that he was sinking, slowly and silently, though his body continued to move as if nothing had changed. Eventually hen’t n’t see anything, and even the sounds of his partner weren’t enough to penetrate the fog that had risen around his mind.

Sebastian realized, dimly and at the back of his mind, that it shouldn’t have been this easy. He should have known better, should have paid attention. But Collin was better than he had expected, and it stole his usually precise senses away. When he came it was unexpected, and he pressed down on the boy, murmuring softly until he’d finished.

Collin’s body gave in a moment later, releasing without a sound. Once both were finished, he slowly sank down onto the bed, head turned into the room with dim, unseeing eyes. Vaguely, he knew it was over, but his sight didn’t clear, and no words came to his numb lips.

It wasn’t until Sebastian’s breath had returned that he realized something was wrong. “Collin?” He crawled a little higher up Collin’s body so he could see his face, and was startled by the vacant expression he wore. //Shit. Just shit.// “Hey.” He nuzzled the boy tenderly and offered a kiss to his cheek. “Collin? You okay?”

He didn’t respond, save to blink as he continued to stare across the room. His breathing was deep and even as his body recovered.

//Fuck.// Sebastian climbed out of bed, crouching down so that he could look Collin squarely in the face. //Come on, kid, don’t do this. I…I did everything I….// Fighting to maintain his calm demeanor he rubbed Collin’s back, trying to coax him into some awareness. “Hey, Collin, you okay? It’s just me—Sebastian. Can you…hear me?”

When Collin still didn’t reply he uttered a quiet curse. //Fuck, and I knew from the start—I knew better.// A thin tremor spread through him as he pushed to his feet, trying to decide what course of action to take. For starters, he slipped back into his pants. //I…can’t go to Charlie. He’ll just kill me.// For once the thought didn’t amuse him. “Collin?” he tried again, seating himself on the bed beside him. “Come on, Collin, you’re okay. It’s just me, right?” //Nathan…maybe Nathan…?// But he shook his head stubbornly. //No, I can’t. Just…think, damnit.//

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