Demon Beside Me

Chapter 11

Hate can sometimes be mistaken

My mind can’t remember what happened those next days after I was on the phone with Bill. All I know now is that he is dead and so is that wife of his as well as their unborn child.

It had all happened so fast. That I must have black out for those days or something. I didn’t even remember much of waking up this morning and getting dressed to go to this wake for the both of them.

Looking at my mom I see that she looks different. Not different as her skin looking paler then what it was, but different as in out of place.

She made all of us come to this small wake for Bill and he wife. My mom had said that I needed to go, but she didn’t know what he had said to me, what he was going to do to me and my brother.

I wasn’t too sure if I was sad that he was dead or not.

I tried to shake the thought away but I couldn’t. I knew that thought was bad, but it was the way I felt. I wasn’t sad that he was gone, how can you miss what you never had. I was more sad when Kate dead.

At least she had been in my life and she never done the things that my father had done to me.

I looked up at the doors that where in front of me. I had forgotten that he knew a lot of people here; from what my mom had told me when we had first moved to this place he was loved by all.

But who cared. All of these people don’t know the real man I am force to call my father.

I didn’t know how I was going to walk through these doors. Here I was all dressed up and people were waiting for me I knew. I was going to see people faces that I hadn’t seen in a long time and some who would only look filmier like a past dream.

What was I going to say to all of these people who were crying? What could I say to all of these people who I didn’t even really know?

I looked over at my brother. His eyes are distance. He doesn’t really look like he is here. I wonder what dream he is in. It must be better than the reality that I have to face right now.

I wish Krad was here. I hadn’t seen him since that night when he had left me when we both fell asleep. I soon noticed. I wonder where he is and why he hasn’t come to see me.

“Are you two ready to go in?” I heard my mom ask as she squeezed my hand. I looked at her green eyes and saw that they had a few tears in them.

I wonder why?

He was never good to her; so why cry now that he is gone?

“I’m ready to get this over with.”

I, my mother, and my little brother walk through the doors my step father was following behind us with Amanda in his arms. I turn and see all the people in the room talking to each other. Shaking hands and smiling. They were all saying how good he was.

But it was her name that stood out the most. Leanne.

Why where people talking about her to? Yes I know that they both dead in the same car and all but this was a wake for my father not her. So why were people talking about her?

“It’s a wake for the both of them.” I heard my mother say and I turned to her. My eyes were casting an angry glare I knew. “If I told you that you wouldn’t have come and I knew you would one day regret that.”

How would she know if I would regret it or not, she always had both of her parents? She never had to go through this. Neither did my dad.

I frowned at her and looked ahead. I walked to go sit down and felt my mother soft hand on my shoulder.

“Don’t be mean ok. This is sad for everyone.” She said and I watched as her eyes looked over at my brother. He didn’t really seem to be sad I thought and I think she knew what I was thinking. “Everyone deals with things differently and when you’re ready I’ll be here ok.”

“I’m fine mom. I just want to be by myself ok.” I told her making her let me go so I could walk off.

I didn’t like being here. I wanted to go home.

As soon as I found a wall away from everyone I went to go lean on the wall I sighed to myself and closed my eyes. This wasn’t what I wanted to do. I didn’t want to be here. I felt like I couldn’t breathe or something. Like the walls was closing in or something.

Man I couldn’t even know what I was feeling right now. I thought with a laugh.

Someone called my name and I opened my eyes looking up. He looked filmier, but I couldn’t quiet place him.

I continued to stare at him and he smiled.

“It’s me your older brother Kevin.” His voice seemed to hold a hint of amusement. “I haven’t seen you in like what ten years.”

“Pretty much.” I said knowing it had to have been a long time if he was still calling me by my real name.

Kevin-my oldest brother-when had I thought about him last, when had I even spoke his name, or wonder what he was doing?

He looked different, yet the same way. Had it been really ten years since the last time I saw him or even spoke to him. I was like what six maybe going on seven the last time I saw him. He still had dark blond hair and even darker blue eyes.

Had he always looked like that or had he looked different at one time?

He was tall; do to dad or maybe his mother. Man I can’t even remember if dad had been so tall. I looked at him and smiled.

“How have you been?” I asked. It was such a common question. A question a brother and a sister should never have to ask one another.

“I’ve been good. I just talked to Brain. He’s here with his wife. You never got a chance to meet my wife have you?”

Brain my second oldest brother.

Man I hadn’t seen him in six years, but I remembered him more clearly. He looked just like Allen. That was the only way I had remembered him so much.

“No I don’t think so.” I said looking away from him. I didn’t feel right for some reason. It felt weird talking to him. Like he was nothing more than a stranger, yet he wasn’t supposed to be.

“She’s around here somewhere.” He said then asked. “How old are you now?”

“I’ll be seventeen in a few months.” I told him and looked up to see him shaking his head.

“Man, the years are going by so fast, you where just a little girl the last time I saw you.”

Because the last time you saw me I was a little girl.

“Yeah I know.”

“You miss him?”

I looked at him hardly and frowned. “What?”

“You miss him?”

The question took me for a loop. I had never thought he would ask it. Wasn’t he supposed to be like the others and just assume. I thought about it and honestly didn’t know.

I didn’t think I did miss him.

“I don’t think so. I think I am just going to miss the thought of him changing one day is all.” I told him being honest. He may have thought I was rude for saying it, but had to be honest. “But then I got that call from him.”

“I have been given up hope about him changing and when he called me with that bull I wanted to-well let’s just say it’s nothing nice.” He smiled and I stared at him fully understanding what he meant. “I’m almost twenty eight years old. I have a wife and son. I am too old to hope for something like that man changing and it looks like he never will get the chance if he ever did want to.” He said and put his hands in his pockets. “I understand that may sound mean and all but I don’t really care. I only came because I just wanted to see you, Brian, and Allen. I was never able to keep in touch with you and I really wanted to.”

I smiled at him and shook my head. “It’s weird that I don’t know you or Brian. It’s like you two are just names with fuzzy faces.”

“I know but we are going to have to make sure are faces become clearer right.”

“Hey you.” My mother said as she walked up to me with Amanda holding her hand. Amanda big blue eyes looked at me as she ribbed her eyes with her left hand.

“Min-ie.” She said as she pulled out of our mother hand and reached for me. “Sleepy.”

I picked her up and my mother shook her head.

“Hi Kevin.” My mother smiled and hugged him. “I haven’t seen you since you in a while. How have you been?”

“Fine. I have a great career, beautiful wife, and great son. So life is great….perfect really.” He laughed and looked at Amanda. “Is she your daughter?” He asked looking at my mom.

“Yes, she’s mine, but she acts more like Minnie is her mom. She loves Minnie so much.” My mom said touching my head making me roll my eyes.

“She’s very beautiful.” Kevin said making Amanda look up at him and smile.

“You?” She asked with a smile on her face. The kind of smile no one could say no to.

“I am….” He paused as if he was trying to rethink his words. “I am Kevin.”

“You un-call.” She stated and I kissed her head trying to get her to stop with her innocence’s.

“No he is Minnie brother.” My mother said shakily like she had been caught in a lie.

“Bro-bro.” Amanda said not understanding but her eyes looked as if she was fighting sleep.

“I should get back to my wife. I see that our son she acting up.”

He walked away and I looked back at Amanda who eyes seemed to now realize again that she was truly sleepy.

“I was afraid of this.” My mother said as Amanda fall asleep.

I knew what she was saying. She was afraid of Amanda finding out that her and Amanda world wasn’t as perfect as she thought. That me and Allen where not her Henry kids.

While we weren’t but it seemed in my mother mind we were. Even in Allen mind Henry was his father so why not in mine.

I sighed when I saw she was shaking her head.

“Mom Amanda thinks he is her brother to. Besides you were going to have to tell her sooner or later.”

“No I wasn’t.” She replied. “If she ever asked I would have, but she would never asked since you and Allen call Henry dad…..”

She continued to talk but I didn’t hear a word of it.

Had she not noticed that I had never called him dad before? Had she already forgotten that I was not his child? That I was some other guy child…..that no matter who she marries I will always be that other person’s child.

Did she hate Bill that much that she didn’t even want to acknowledge that she had kids with him, that she wanted everyone including herself to think that I and Allen were not Bill kids but Henry’s.

“I mean Henry is your father not Bill anyway.”

My eyes just stared into her as I heard her last statement, but didn’t say anything about it.

“Can we go now?” I asked as she frowned but shook her head yes which surprised me.

She, Amanda, my brother and step father where all in the car. They were as quite as I was. I wonder why no one wants to talk. I know that Amanda is not talking because she is sleep, but that doesn’t explain why everyone else isn’t.

I look at my brother and saw that he was just looking out of the window, and I then looked over to my mom who was just looking forward, next my eyes went to Henry and I saw that he was just paying attention to the road.

I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Minnie, were home.” My step father said and lightly tried to wake me up.

“Oh.” I whispered and got out of the car. “I’m going to my room.” I told him and saw that my brother was already by the door trying to open it and my mom was picking Amanda up.

“I’ll come to talk to you later ok.” My mom voice called after me as I walked to the door following my little brother.

“Mom I’m fine.” I yell to her as I walked into the house. I didn’t hear her replay, but I hoped it was ok.

I walk up the steps and into my room. I make sure to close the door behind me before I jump on my bed and as soon as my body hits my bed I feel like crying for some reason.

My pillow was right under me as I cry not understanding why.

Maybe it’s because I was the one that wanted this. I wanted this and I got it. I asked for this.

Wished this.

I didn’t even know why I had been so mean to wish those things. How could I have been so evil?

Yeah I hated him and wanted nothing more than for them to feel the same way I felt my whole life, when he turned his back on me. How many times had I wished for him to die? How many times had I been so greedy when I thought about how I could use whatever money he may have left me to buy a car?

Then there was her…..I still hated her, but I never wanted her to die. I never wanted them to have to pay the price for my selfness. I had been so prideful never to admitted how much she had hurt me, how much she had made me sad by taking my father from me.

I could still feel the tears falling. They were coming fast now. I didn’t know what I was going to do. I need to do something. I needed to get out of here. I could do this. I just couldn’t.

“Are you ok?”

I turned and I saw him. Krad. He was standing right by my balcony door. I stared into his stormy blue eyes and I could feel more tears about to fall.

Where have you been? I wanted to ask, but all I could do was run to him and put my arms around him crying out. I felt him hesitant before he put his arms around me. I could feel his lips go onto my head.

He pulled me back some and looked into my eyes. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t read. I don’t know why, but it made me want to shiver.

“It’ll be ok.” He whispered to me.

“But their dead and I couldn’t help but think it’s my all because of me.” I told him, shaking my head. “I did this to them. I wanted stuff like this to happen and it did. It’s just like with Kate.”

He didn’t say anything for a moment then he turned his head to the side and frowned.

“Don’t let their misfortune hurt you.” He said as he grabbed my hand pulling me to my bed. “They are still the same people who did those mean things to you, so don’t forget that.”

“But now they are dead.”

“And so what?” He said and this made me look at him angrily.

Does he have a heart?

“Diamond.” He whispered lowering his eyes from me for just a moment then looking back up at me. He looked almost as angry as I was now starting to feel. “If they were alive they still would be ignoring you. It would still be like they were dead. Don’t forget all the times he never called or all the times that woman made sure he never called. At least now he has a reason for it.”

He was right, even though I hated to admit it. But yet in still I didn’t want them to be died. That just wasn’t right.

“And as far as Kate goes I believe we already went over that.”

“Wishing someone was dead is wrong Krad.” I tell him shaking my head.

He said something under his breath, but I didn’t catch it.

“What?”

“Nothing, you are just pissing me off with these tears. They were evil to you, Diamond and in all honestly I say they should burn in hell for what they made you feel.”

I stared at him and part of me wanted to smile, because I knew he was only saying these things to make me feel better. To make me not feel like it was not my fought and I love him for it.

I can’t believe I thought about myself loving him. What was I going to do about this fact? I just know I love and like him way more than he does me.

Maybe it was because he has always been there for me the way no else has. He has made me feel the way no one as has as well.

“I know you are trying to make me feel better.” I said looking in his eyes and saw that they looked darker. “But I just don’t know what to do.”

“How about what?” He laughed. “You don’t know rather to keep crying or to just feel sorry for yourself. Honestly what was the last thing he said to you Diamond?”

I closed my eyes.

“He pretty much told me he didn’t want me in his life.” I frowned not wanting to remember that.

“Right and you feel sorry for a fucker like that.” He asked and he gave me a shy smile that made me want to laugh.

“Your right.” I said as his fingers ribbed away my tears. “Krad why did this have to happen? I know that I wanted it and all, but doesn’t this make me as bad as him or as Kate?”

He looked as if he wanted to say something but chose against it. I opened my mouth to tell him just to say it but his lips came crashing down on mine in such a passion that I groaned on his lips.

Was it possible for someone kisses to get even better than before? I felt him pick me up so that now my back was on my bed and he was on top of me.

I wanted so much more of him, but knew I couldn’t allow myself to get too carried away. I wouldn’t want to end up like my mother.

His hands began to pull at my shirt and as mine pulled at his.

I wasn’t sure how far I wanted this to go. I knew I couldn’t let it go too far. I had made a promise to myself. I wouldn’t do any like have sex until I was in love and he was in love with me. I didn’t have any idea how Krad felt about me, so for all I knew I was just another one of his plays things, but I hope I wasn’t.

I felt him groan and he stopped kissing me. He looked at me and I wondered what was wrong.

“What’s wrong?”

He just stared at me as if he didn’t want to be here anymore and this made my heart break. “I need to leave.”

Krad got off of me quickly and then he seemed angrier, but why I didn’t know.

“What’s wrong?” I asked again.

“I just need to go, it’s late.” I knew he was lying and I wanted to yell at him for it.

“Just tell me.”

He stared at me as if he was shrugging with himself. “I just have to go. I will be seeing you tomorrow, Diamond.”

“Will you be back because you want to or because you feel like you owe it to me?” I asked fearing the answer. I closed my eyes and waited.

“Because I want to and because I need to.” He said just above a whisper.

I smiled happy with the answer. He made me feel so good at that moment. I wanted nothing more than to tell him I was in love with him, but as soon as I opened my eyes he was gone.

A/N: So sorry for the late update. But thanks for the reviews. When it’s all done I will go over it myself and my beta will to, so then I will put up the edited one.

Thanks!