The Shadow I'm In

The next day at school I couldn’t help but think about last night. He had been so close and had hugged me and kissed my head. I wasn’t paying attention today for a completely different reason than normal. Ken hadn’t even crossed my mind all night. I was so excited last night that he had paid attention to me, I couldn’t sleep. Crimson had said something about my good mood as soon as we met up. She kept asking me what it was. Asking me if it was this weekend or what. I couldn’t tell her though, wouldn’t tell her. She would think I was crazy or gross or something.

“Mr. Aden.” The teacher was calling me but I wasn’t paying attention. I was mentally thinking about his arms wrapped around me again. “Mr. Aden.” My face resting against his chest and taking in his smell. “BASIL!” I jumped slightly when the teacher yelled at me. She was right next to my desk. I looked up at her with a blush staining my cheeks. “Good to have you back. Now go to the board and do the math problem.” A muttered sorry before I got up and went up to the board.

It didn’t take long before I was finished with the problem and then back in my seat. Crimson tossed a note over my back so that it landed on the desk. I looked up at the teacher to see her going over the problems that myself and a few others had done on the board; it was safe to read and respond.

‘What’s got you so spacey? Really.
Was it this weekend?
Did Roden do something?
I’ll kick his ass if he did.’

I couldn’t help but smile. She really cared about me, though it could be she just wanted a reason to show Roden who was boss. I quickly wrote back and then tossed it back over my shoulder so that she got it on her desk.

‘Nothing.
And no it wasn’t Roden.
You don’t have to kick his butt.’

The note came back a few moments later.

‘Then what is it?
It’s something.
I know you too well to not know something is up.
So spill.’

‘Its nothing.
Really.
And you might not know me as much as you think you do.’

‘*snort*
Of course.
Since you’re such a closed book.
Come on! Please!
Is it another boy?
Do you have a crush on someone and they said something to you?’

And that’s when the teacher came over and snatched the paper from in front of me. Apparently she had seen our note passing. She sent a glare at both of us and a blush came to my face. I blush a lot, I’ve realized.

“Basil, Crimson. See me after class,” she stated before she went back to the front of the room . She placed the note on her desk before she went back to teaching. What was I going to do? That note said that I liked other boys. That note says that I’m gay. Well it doesn’t say it straight out but it still implies it! What if she told anyone? What was she going to say to us?

I was worried now and I think Crimson could feel it. Maybe she did know me better than I thought she did. The end of class couldn’t come soon enough. I was nervously shifting in my seat for the rest of the hour that we were in there.

Class was let out and Crimson and I stayed behind like we were asked. I was fidgeting nervously. What was she going to say? Were we going to get into trouble? Most likely. But was she going to talk to me about being gay? Would she say something to anyone?

Crimson stood from her seat and walked beside me to link our arms together. She gave me a smile that told me not to worry. Though I couldn’t help but worry. Someone else was going to know I like boys, not just Crimson and Roden. Not to mention that this would be the first time that I had gotten into trouble. Together we walked to the teacher’s desk and stood in front of it, while she sat back down in her seat behind the desk.

“This is not acceptable Passing notes in class? I would expect this from Crimson but Basil, not you. I’m very disappointed, plus I had to work to get your attention today. Is everything okay Basil?” The teacher asked with a worried look and I nodded my head quickly, not wanting to speak. Had I been acting different than normal today? Maybe a little spacey but I didn’t think it was that bad. She gave a sigh and handed the note back to us. “You both have been given your first warning. If it happens again, you’ll both get detention.” With that she dismissed us. The knots that were in my stomach were untwisting and I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding.

“See, nothing to worry about. We’ll just have to work harder to not get caught next time.” I looked quickly over at Crimson.

“Next time?” I asked, worry sounding in my voice.

“Yes, next time. Please, I’m so bored in class I need something to keep me awake.” Crimson explained with a smirk. I shook my head.

“I don’t want detention.” I softly protested, though it was weak.

“You’re not going to get deten-” A group of kids bumped into us then, knocking the two of us off our balance. “Watch where you’re going!” Crimson shouted after them when she was stable. “You okay?” She addressed to me and I gave a nod wondering what was so important that they had to rush through the halls. We still had plenty of time before our next class and the classrooms weren’t that far apart.

Crimson and I continued walking down the hall with idle small talk. We started to hear a commotion by the time we almost made it to the senior lockers. ‘Fight, fight, fight!’ Was being chanted in the hall. It would make more sense if they just stayed quiet if they wanted to watch. That would bring teachers, but when did high school kids make sense? I was wondering why they were fighting anyway. Our school wasn’t known for violence or anything like that. There was maybe one of two fights and it was over a girl or something stupid like that.

“Stay here.” Crimson stated as she walked up to the group and asked someone what was going on. Not that it really mattered, though it must have been someone that everyone knew or something because the crowd was pretty large; cheerleaders and jocks included. She spoke to one of the kids that had all but pushed us down in the hall. I watched as a deep frown came to her face. I was wondering what was wrong. Did she know the people that were fighting? “Basil, come over here.” She called to me and I followed the command. I reached her and tilted my head to the side. “It’s your brother.” The girl avoided my eyes as she said this.

I felt my eyes grow wide, not believing her for a moment. Why was he fighting? He never fought before. It wasn’t like him. I dropped my books and started pushing through the other students. Fighting? Was it true? Was he hurt? Please don’t let him be hurt. She must have got it wrong, I was thinking as I bumped and pushed through many bodies. Finally I was able to break through and there he was. His fist flying in the air and landing on the boy that he had pinned to the ground. It was him.

There was a look on his face that struck me. It was one that I never saw before, pure rage. He was beating the other boy without sympathy which was even more unlike him. His fist was already bloody; I saw the red that stained the tanned flesh. Why was he beating him up? What had happened to cause him to snap like this? I spared a glance from him to the boy that he had pinned and my breath grew short and almost stopped all together. It was Ken. It looked like his nose was already broken and there was blood flowing from it. Why was he beating up Ken? Did he know? But why would he fight him if he knew? He didn’t care that much for me did he?

I felt someone tug on my arm and I dragged my eyes away from the two boys to see Crimson at my side with a worried look in her gray eyes. She tried to pull me away from the scene saying that I didn’t need to be involved with something like this, but I wasn’t going anywhere. I shook my head at her not saying a word and turned back to watch was going on. The crowd around us was eating this up. I heard bets being placed and whispered gossip of why they were fighting. Everyone knew they were best friends. The most popular rumor was that Ken had dated and/or fucked a girl that he was interested in and/or dating.

Ken was trying to fight him off, landing a few punches to his face and upper body, but not really getting anywhere. There was a snarl on his lips and it made me shiver. I could hear teachers starting to shout at the students to make way and push to where the two boys were, but my attention was focused on the battle. Blood was starting to paint the floor around them and some even got onto some of the students that were standing too close.

Teachers finally made it through and it took two or three of them to pull him off of Ken. It looked like he was struggling against them the whole time, wanting to get one last punch in. Whatever the other boy had done had sparked something in him; I had never seen him like this before. Ken was pulled off the floor by another two teachers, he didn‘t need to be held back though. He was wobbling on his feet, one of hands going up to wipe at the blood that coated his face.

“Stay away from him! Don’t touch him again!” He shouted at his best friend. The other boy just snickered at him.

“I’d gladly do it again!” Ken shouted back. “His ass was so good Scott! Even if he was crying and begging me to stop!” My breath was coming in pants then, my eyes wide. He knew. He knew what Ken had done. That’s why they were fighting. I wasn’t sure it was me but I guessed. “Basil was such a good lay even if he didn’t want it and was forced into it!” He struggled against the three teachers that were holding him back from killing Ken, but I was no longer paying attention to them as he shouted out death threats.

I felt eyes on me, shocked ones and disgusted ones and pitied ones. Crimson was calling my name but I wasn’t listening. Everyone knew. He knew. The teachers, the students knew. I was closing in on myself. A teacher was rushing over to me. I collapsed to my knees. What was I going to do now? Everyone knew. The teacher was now saying my name, she was the one that had taken the note from Crimson and I. I looked blankly up at her face and it showed worry and fear. I was hyperventilating. Darkness was clouding my eyes as my eyes dropped and looked at the floor. People were shouting. And I just blacked out.


I was slowly coming to myself. My body felt heavy and I didn’t want to move. A soft groan came from my lips as I woke. I blinked my eyes open but then closed quickly again. White walls and bright lights. I was at the hospital or the nurse’s office. Which both were places that I had been visiting too much lately. I slowly cracked open my eyes again and looked around. The nurse’s office and I wasn’t alone. He sat in a chair a few feet from me. His hand was bandaged and he had a bruise forming under his eye, on his cheek. Crimson was sitting close to me too.

“Basil.” She said softly worry showing through her eyes. His head snapped up from where he had been looking at his hand. I slowly sat up on the makeshift bed in the room, a hand going up to touch my forehead. I had a horrible headache. “Oh my god!” Crimson called and rushed to wrap her arms around me and pull me close to her. “I am so sorry. I’ll never tease you again. If I would have known, I would have never made all those jokes or anything like that.” She promised me. I was shocked; she seemed so different. I thought that the girl that I knew wouldn’t show emotion like this. I felt wet droplets land on my head, leaving that tickling feeling on my scalp where they dripped. Was she crying? I pushed her back slightly and looked up at her face. She was, she was crying for me. I would have never have expected her to cry, not for me.

“Don’t cry.” I stated softly, I didn’t know what else to say. I wanted to curl back up on myself and disappear. Everyone knew now. Everyone knew what Ken had done to me. Well if they were there and put the pieces together but the whole school would know now from gossip and rumors being spread. Soon the whole town would know. I wondered what they would be thinking.

“Basil.” It was his voice this time. Crimson let go of me and went to sit back in the chair that she had been sitting in, though her eyes never left me for a minute. My eyes slowly looked over to him; he wasn’t sitting in the chair anymore. He stood next to the cot that I was on. I couldn’t bring my eyes up to meet his. “I’m sorry. I should have never let this happen. I should have paid more attention. I should have kicked him out of the house the first time he said how he wanted you. I should have-” He trailed off and sat down on the side of the makeshift bed. He bowed his head, his body was tense. “I’m so sorry. It’s my fault. I should have done something. I should have known. I- I. God!” He hissed out thumping his knees with his fist and wincing when the bandaged one made contact. “How could I have been so stupid? It was right there in front of me the whole time and I did nothing!” He was angry at himself. So all the time that I thought that he had known, that he had sent Ken in there to do that to me, I was wrong. Deep down I knew it was but it was so much easier to think that he had known about it, that he had given the go ahead.

“Sc-Scott.” I stuttered and sat up more. He turned his head to look at me, his eyes were glossy with unshed tears. He was blaming himself for what happened. He didn’t need to blame himself, it wasn’t his fault. “Sc-”

“Basil, Scott. You’re parents are here.” The nurse came in and told us. We both looked over at her and he nodded his head. “But before you leave Basil I wish to speak to you.” I felt myself nod my head. “Crimson, time to go back to class,” the nurse instructed my friend.

Crimson came back over and gave me another hug. “I love you Basil. And I’m sorry. Give me a call if you want, okay?” The girl stated before she left. Tears were still coming from her eyes, though she was trying to cover them up now.

He stood and looked at me one last time before he walked out of the room to greet our parents. I stood as well but only walked over to where the nurse was. She was an elderly woman, in her late 60s I would say. She had this grandmother appeal just like Mrs. David.

“I’m sorry that this has happened,” she stated. I couldn’t meet her eyes anymore. “We have a school counselor that we’re going to have you see. In addition, we recommended to your parents to send you to one outside of school.” She looked like she wanted to say something more. “Oh sweetie, I’m so sorry.” I gave her a soft smile; she knew it was fake though. Who could smile when the whole school and soon the whole town knew that you had gotten raped by one of your brother’s best friends? “Well I guess that’s all. If you need to take a few days off from school, no one will think twice about it. I’m sure the principal would recommend it.” She added with an after though and I nodded my head.

I didn’t want to make mom and dad wait anymore then they had to. They were probably disgusted with me. I walked out of the small office and mom and dad was waiting for me. He was standing in front of mom, it seemed like no one had said anything yet. Dad rushed over and hugged me. I was kind of shocked. Dad was hugging me; he never hugs me. Well, last week he had when he learned that I had made a friend and that I was going to spend the weekend with her. Mom reached out and touched his hand before shooting him a light glare.

“You’re suspended from the team for two weeks. And if Mr. and Mrs. Keefer press charges against you, you’ll lose your scholarship. How could you be so stupid?” Mom asked , and he looked hard at her for a moment as if asking her how she could be so insensitive. She was worried about him; she hadn’t even looked at me when I walked out.

“Honey, we should be more worried about Basil.” Dad stated looking over at his wife while he still had me in his arms.

“This just screwed up your future.” She hissed at him as a deep scowl took over his handsome features.

“Mom, let’s just go home.” He tried to keep his voice steady but didn’t manage it very well. He didn’t wait for an answer and started to walk to the front. Dad let go of me finally and took my hand. I looked up at him with bewilderment. He hadn’t held my hand for years.

“Scott’s right. We’ll figure everything out when we get home.” He stated ,as he too started to walk out, tugging me to follow him. I heard mom let out a growl and I felt an ache in my chest. She really doesn’t care about me does she? He might lose everything because he beat up the boy that raped me and she just cares that he beat someone up.


We arrived home in silence. As soon as he was inside he went to sit on the couch. I hung close to dad when we entered. I was afraid that mom would do something to me, because I was the one who caused him to beat someone up. Once mom had moved away, I started to turn to go to my room. But one of dad’s hands stopped me. I looked up at him.

“This is about you.” He stated and steered me over to sit on the couch next to him. mom took up one of the arm chairs and dad the other. I was nervous; I had never been to one these meetings. They were usually about him and something that he had done. What was going to happen? What would happen to me? What would happen to him? And it made me wonder what had happened to Ken. Where was he? He wasn’t in the nurse’s office.

“Scott I can’t believe you! What were you thinking? Ken is your best friend! And now you’re suspended from the baseball team and might not even get your scholarship!” Mom sounded angry and it made me flinch. I knew she didn’t care about me. Just him and his baseball.

“Ken raped my little brother! He did it in his room, in this house mom! What was I supposed to do? Leave it alone and not do anything?” He snapped back and Mom opened her mouth to say something. “No I wasn’t going to sit back and do nothing mom!”

“He’s right Ruth.” Dad stated, using Mom’s first name. “Frankly I’m surprised that you’re not more worried about Basil. Scott can go into the minor leagues or something if he can’t go to college. That’s not what I’m worried about.” Dad stated looking at mom. “What I’m worried about is Basil.” His eyes shifted to me and I squirmed in my seat. “Basil, how come you didn’t tell anyone?” He asked softly.

I couldn’t meet his eyes. Why didn’t I tell anyone? Would anyone have believed me? I wanted to ask. Would anyone have cared? You didn’t pay any attention to me before, why start now or then? I wanted to shout at them. I felt my eyes start to sting. I wasn’t going to cry. I was not going to cry. Not in front of them. Not in front of him.

“I-I don-don’t know.” I sniffled, holding back my tears and still not meeting any of their eyes. The couch shifted and an arm wrapped around my shoulders. I tensed. He pulled me against him so that I was lying against him. At any other time, this would have made me happy, blissful but at the moment it just made me feel worse.

Dad opened his mouth to say something but the phone rang. He answered it before it could get to the third ring, an annoyed look on his face.

“Hello? Yes, this is the Aden household. Yes, I’m Basil’s father. I’m not sure that this would be the best time for that. Alright, alright. I’ll see you when you get here.” Dad hung up the phone, a displeased look on his face.

“Who was that?” Mom asked.

“The police. The school called them. They’re going to come over and question Basil about-” He paused for a moment looking for the right word. He obviously didn’t want to use ‘rape.’ “Ken.” He finally finished. “I’m sorry but they wanted to do it as soon as possible.” He stated while looking at me. Talk to the police? I guess it was bound to happen right? I didn’t know how these things worked.

The police came soon after. He still had his arm around me. They asked me questions and I answered with hesitance while sitting on the couch. They had asked all of them to leave but he wanted to stay with me. Emotional support. It was strange talking about what had happened. It was like- I didn’t know how to explain it, not what had happened but the feeling of telling it to another person. It wasn’t a weight lifted from me that most people say it would be. It was more of a deep feeling of self loathing that settled over me by the end of it all. Especially since he was there and listening to the words that I repeated. Words that his best friend had said to me about him and about me.

The policemen left soon after. They said that Ken was in the hospital. He had broken his nose and one of his cheek bones. They said that the doctors were worried about floating shards in his face from the broken bone and nose. I looked over at him; he must have hit Ken pretty hard to break his cheek bone. He must have felt my eyes on him because he looked over and smiled at me. I felt my cheeks heat up and I turned away from him. The police also said they weren’t sure if the Reefers were going to press charges against him.

Dinner was quiet; we ordered pizza. It seemed that dad had talked to mom when the police were asking me questions. She had been silent. I wasn’t allowed to be by myself it seemed. Every time I moved to get up, him or dad would ask me where I was going. I said to my room a few times and they told me they wanted me out in the living room with them.

It was time for bed finally. I just took a shower and slipped into some pjs and was heading back to my room. My hair was still wet and dripping slightly, leaving damp spots on the gray t-shirt I was wearing. He was waiting inside of my room, sitting on my bed. I stopped in my door way. This was rare for him to wait for me. I looked at him with a questioning look on my face.

“I don’t want you sleeping in here anymore.” He stated looking at me and standing up. That didn’t make sense. Where was I supposed to sleep then? On the couch? Mom would kill me if I did that. She didn’t really like anyone sitting on it, let alone sleep on it. He must have seen my look. “Sleep in my room. I’ll sleep on the floor, it’s not a big deal. You can have my bed.” Alright, now that sent a happy vibe through my body. Sleep in the same room as him? He wanted me around? I got to sleep in his bed? I hadn’t done that since we were small kids, like when I was three or something like that.

“O-okay.” I managed to say which made a bright smile light up his face. It stopped me in my tracks as I went to put my dirty clothes in my hamper. He was smiling at me. At me! His kid brother that he never paid attention to before.

“Great. Um, come in there when you’re ready.” He stated when he got off of my bed and headed out of the room.

Excitement brought butterflies to my stomach, as a smile came to my face. I was really going to sleep in the same room as him and get to sleep in his bed. I quickly tossed my clothes somewhere and made sure I didn’t need anything from my room. Nope. I walked out and shut my door. I didn’t want to seem too eager but I couldn’t help it. He cared about me. He invited me to sleep in his room with him. It sucked that it was only because of what Ken did but still! It was something.


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A/N: Finally the chapter that everyone has been waiting for! Poor Basil. :(

I want to thank Lisa for helping me get this chapter out and hopefully future ones. :3 <333